Authors: George McCartney
Chapter 58
As Annie helped Jack out of the back of a taxi and into the Royal Bar, for the first time since their close call with death at the Mossdyke campsite, they made an incongruous looking couple. Annie was wearing bright yellow ski mitts, which hid the bandages covering her hands and forearms, while Jack still had a pink crepe bandage wound around his head wound and his right arm was in a sling support. He walked slowly, shuffling slightly like a much older man, but his spirits were lifted by the unsympathetic greetings offered by the Royal’s regular lunchtime crowd of topers and reprobates, who were standing around the traditional horseshoe bar.
‘Hey Jack, did the Sheriff Officers catch up wae you at last?’
‘Who picked out your outfits to-day, guys? Stevie Wonder?’
‘Awright big man? So whit’s the story wae aw these bandages and the sling? Huv you been chasin’ cars up the ootside lane of the motorway again?’
Jack winced as he eased himself up onto his favourite stool and gave the standard Glasgow reply under these circumstances. ‘If you think
this
is bad, you want to see the other guy.’
One of his regular drinking companions sat next to him and asked, ‘But all kiddin aside, Jack, what the fuck happened to the pair of you?’
Reluctant to get into a full explanation, Jack said, ‘It’s a long story, Rab. We were attacked by a crazy guy, but we’re both on the mend now. It could have been a lot worse.’
‘Yeah, we were really lucky,’ said Annie with a straight face.
‘There are some right bammers knocking about these days, sure enough. So did the polis manage to get the guy that did it?’
‘Oh aye, they
got
him all right. Let’s just say we’re not worried about him being a repeat offender.’
Peggy, the landlady, appeared from the small pub office at that point, hurried over and said, ‘Oh my God, would you look at the state of my best customer. Jack, honestly, I’m really sorry that I didn’t come in to see you. But I’ve got a thing about going inside hospitals. I think it’s something to do with the smell.’
‘That was a really smart move, Auntie,’ said Annie, grinning. ‘Trust me on that one. I heard that the room he was in has been sealed off for fumigation.’
Ignoring the jibe, Jack said, ‘No worries, Peggy, your niece person here passed on your best wishes along with the big flask of homemade soup. It was much appreciated because all that steamed hospital grub was giving me terrible constipation.’
Smiling, Peggy then said, ‘So are you still on the Gwynnie Paltrow diet? If you are, then you’re out of luck, because the draught kale juice and the organic rice salads are completely sold out. What can I get you?’
‘After ten days in hospital, I could murder a couple of pints of Best. Believe me, the first one wouldn’t even touch the sides on the way down.’
‘No way,’ said Annie quickly. ‘You’re not allowed booze, until the doc gives you the all clear, remember? So please don’t give him any alcohol, Auntie, no matter how much he begs. But since I’m not driving, for once, I’ll have a bottle of Bud Light and a bag of plain crisps, thanks.’
Jack tried in vain for the sympathy vote. ‘Look, if every guy in Glasgow who’s just had a few stiches put in, or his head bandaged, went on the wagon … all the pubs would be half-empty.’
‘You heard what she said,’ replied Peggy, shaking her head.
‘Okay then, just a bloody diet coke and a tuna sandwich, please.’
As Peggy went to get their order, Jack leaned towards his colleague and enquired, ‘By the way, have you made your mind up yet? You know, about that thing we talked about yesterday.’
‘Oh
that
thing,’ said Annie with a broad grin. ‘Yes, I have. The answer’s yes.’
‘That’s terrific,’ said Jack, offering his hand for Annie to shake and seal the deal. But she flinched and said, ‘Please don’t squeeze my hand, okay.’
‘Of course, I’m sorry. I completely forgot about your burns.’
‘It’s okay. Would a team hug do, instead of a handshake?’
‘Absolutely, a team hug is legally binding just the same.’
‘Okay then, go for it. But no liberties, right?’
As they briefly embraced, Peggy returned with their order and almost dropped the drinks in surprise. ‘Bloody hell, we’re not having a wedding are we?’
‘Relax Auntie Peg,’ said Annie, grinning. It’s not pleasure … just business.’
Chapter 59
After lunch they both took a taxi back to the office, where Jack struggled with the stairs. Annie was concerned that it was too soon for him to be attempting the climb up to the fourth floor. But he had insisted that he wanted to see the results of the makeover and, after resting for a minute on the second landing, he eventually made it to the top floor. He noted approvingly that a new door had been fitted, incorporating an electronic entry system. Annie was excited and keen to show Jack the work that had taken place to transform the previously drab and dingy office. As she unlocked the door and held it wide open, she said, ‘Dah, dah … what do you think?’
Jack walked around slowly, taking in all of the changes that had taken place in his absence and said, ‘This is just amazing.’
‘Because of my hands, I couldn’t actually do very much myself. So I’ve been here for all of the deliveries, bossing the workies around and telling them where everything was to go, until I got the place looking just the way I wanted. It’s the most fun I’ve had in ages.’
‘You, bossing men around? I don’t believe it,’ said Jack, rolling his eyes.
The office had been completely re-decorated and a new carpet fitted. Smart new desks and chairs were now in place along with a new desktop computer, modem and printer. Four framed black and white prints of the Glasgow skyline were hanging on the office walls and several large house plants in floor tubs completed the dramatic makeover.
‘We’ve also now got broadband and all our files are being backed up every day to the cloud,’ said Annie proudly. ‘How about that? In just over a month you’ve come from the Stone Age right to the cutting edge of technology.’
Somewhat overwhelmed, Jack struggled to think of an intelligent comment. ‘I have heard of the cloud. Where is that?’
‘Good question, I don’t actually know.’
‘That doesn’t sound very secure, Annie, if you don’t even know where our files are stored.’
‘But that’s what makes it so safe, don’t you see? Nobody knows where the servers are. Anyway, don’t worry about it, okay. All our data’s secure, somewhere out there in cyberspace.’
‘Or it could all just be in cardboard boxes, lying in a shed in somebody’s back garden, somewhere like Cowdenbeath,’ said Jack, confirming that he was not fully up to speed on the intricacies of remote data storage.
His eye was then drawn to a gleaming new iPad Air, lying on his desk next to a more familiar A4 note pad.
‘What on earth’s this, Annie?’
‘Take a wild guess.’
Jack cautiously picked up the wafer thin tablet. ‘Go on, switch it on,’ said Annie, smiling in anticipation.
He then pressed the start button and the screen immediately sprang to life, displaying a vividly coloured ‘
Welcome back Boss’
message for Jack, complete with brightly coloured balloons, a fanfare of trumpets and fireworks going off in the background. Jack put the tablet down carefully and sank into his new chair, where he fumbled around for a handkerchief and then noisily blew his nose. ‘Sorry, this is really daft, but I’m feeling quite emotional. I don’t know what to say, Annie. What you’ve here done is just incredible.’
‘I thought the first thing you’d say is, how much?’
‘Okay then, how much?’
‘Well, I did go a fair bit over budget. Sorry.’
Looking round, he nodded approvingly and said, ‘I don’t care. It’s worth it, every penny …
whatever
it cost.’
Annie looked concerned at this totally out of character response and said, ‘I think you’ll definitely need more time at home, before you even think about trying to come back to work.’
‘I’ll be okay, honestly.’
‘Look, you’ve had a really nasty head wound and you need to gradually get your strength back. Like the surgeon at the hospital said, you have try to walk a little bit further every day and get lots of rest. And don’t get stressed out by trying too hard to remember things and thinking too much.’
‘I can do that,’ said Jack, smiling. ‘It’s my specialist subject.’
‘What you need to do is forget all about work for a week or two, give your reclining Lady Boy a good workout every day and catch up with all the football you’ve missed on the television. And after I’ve given you a quick lesson, you’ll be able to take the iPad home and play around with it. I’ve set up a 3G dongle, so you’ll have internet access, and I promise … you’ll love it. Okay, it can’t make a decent toasted sandwich, granted, like your old George Forman grill, but it can do just about anything else.’
‘Thanks Annie.’
‘But this won’t exactly be like being off sick, right? We can still keep in touch every day with iMessaging, and, if you want to, you can even see what’s happening right here in the office using Facetime on your iPad.’
‘More white man’s magic,’ said Jack, shaking his head in wonder.
‘So the plan is, I’ll hold the fort here until you gradually ease yourself back into the saddle. If any simple jobs come in, I can deal with them. But I won’t take anything on without discussing it with you first, okay?’
‘What’s in the box?’ said Jack, pointing to an unopened package sitting on top of a filing cabinet.
‘Oh, that’s just a new cordless phone system I picked up this morning, in the sale over at PC World. It’s got three handsets, so we can have one on each of the desks and leave the spare one through in the bog, so you’ll never miss a call again. I’ve not had a chance to set them up yet but, before I do, you could maybe check the old answering machine and see if there are any messages left on it. The memory was full and I started working my way back through them, but then I was interrupted and I don’t think I got right to the very end. It’s still plugged in, but the carpet fitter must have left it on the floor under your desk.’
‘I see it,’ said Jack, slowly bending down to retrieve the device. ‘It’s still showing three new messages. I suppose I should pretend that I’m interested and make an effort to listen to them.’
The first message was a cold caller from an office supplies company wittering on about special deals on laser copiers and the second was a wrong number. As the third message started playing, a familiar voice began to speak from beyond the grave. With his distinctive lisping Irish accent, Thomas Burke said, ‘Hello there Jack, I can see from a quick rummage through the contents of your rubbish bag that you’re a man who likes a crossword puzzle. Well good for you, that’s the sign of a decent education, right enough. So I’ve got a clue for you, an easy one. What’s the name of this liquid that I’m pouring through your letter box right now? It has six letters, beginning with p … Oh, and in case you’re struggling, it also burns like fuck, when I do
this
.’ The message then ended with the sound of a match flaring and the psychopath chuckling madly.
‘Oh my God, it’s him again,’ Annie gasped, as her face drained of colour and the box containing the new phones slipped from her grasp. ‘Are we never going to be rid of him?’
‘That’s a bloody good trick,’ said Jack grimly. ‘I thought the bastard was dead.’
‘He
is
dead. Half of his brain ended up splattered all over the caravan floor right in front of me. Bits of it were still twitching around, it was absolutely horrible.’
‘Yes, but what about the other half?’
‘It went with the rest of him, out to Daldowie crematorium. Andy Welch told me that they made extensive enquiries, both here and back in Ireland, but nobody came forward to claim him. So when Burke’s body was finally released, the cheapest option was obviously to send him off to the nearest council crem.’
‘He must have left that message on the answering machine at the exact moment he was trying to burn us out of the office. As an extra little wind-up, a bonus just in case we weren’t wound up enough. He really was a piece of work.’
Jack took a small bottle from his jacket pocket and quickly swallowed two powerful painkillers, washing them down with a long drink of water. Wiping his mouth he said, ‘I wish I could have made it out to Daldowie for the funeral service, just to see him disappear into the furnace, heading straight for hell. You know, to make sure that he didn’t have one last trick up his sleeve. But I think cremation’s definitely the way Burke would have wanted to go, Annie. You know, heading slowly down into the flames. The drama of it all as the curtains close behind the coffin, maybe with Johnny Cash belting out “Ring of Fire”
.
Granted, he wouldn’t have wanted to go so soon, and definitely not before me. But hey, you can’t have everything.’
Jack started searching through all of his desk drawers and then got up and went through to the toilet, returning a moment later triumphantly clutching a half-bottle of whisky.
‘Where did you have
that
stashed?’ asked Annie, not best pleased.
‘I keep it in the toilet cistern for emergencies,’ said Jack, smiling as he unscrewed the bottle cap.
‘Come on now, remember what the doctor said.’
‘Bugger the doctor, okay? Under the circumstances, I think we both need a drink. This can definitely be classified as medicinal.’
‘Okay, just the one then.’ Annie got a pair of cups from the kitchen and Jack poured out two generous measures.
They then touched cups and Jack said, ‘Cheers, kiddo … here’s to better things.’
‘Absolutely, cheers boss.’
The partners sipped their drinks and both of them sat staring in silence at the old answering machine, before Jack eventually said, ‘Are you thinking what I’m thinking?’
Annie shivered involuntarily before saying, ‘Yeah, we were
really
lucky. It could have been a
lot
worse.’