Authors: Connor Wright
“Hi, Kevin. Why are you leaving me notes?”
“Because it’s nice to leave friendly notes for people. Didn’t you tell me your mom used to put notes in your lunchbox when you were a kid?”
“Well, yeah, but she’s my
mom
and we’re not going out, Kevin. Could you, y’know, stop?” Jesse rubbed the side of his face with his free hand.
“I’m your boyfriend,” Kevin said. “I can leave you notes if I want to.”
“Um….” Jesse looked around the parking lot, but everything seemed normal. “I’m sorry, what?”
“I can leave notes for my boyfriend if I want to.”
“Except for the part where I broke up with you,” Jesse said.
“I never agreed to it,” Kevin said, sounding puzzled.
“Uh…. You know what? I have to go. Bye.” He hung up and got into his car, staring at a tree across the street for a few minutes. Jesse couldn’t decide how he felt, and in the end he gave up and headed home.
The seventh day:
“
G
OOD
morning, Christopher,” Leanna said, with a smile.
“Good morning,” he said, tilting his head. “Can you please show me another way to cook eggs?”
“Sure.” She moved toward the fridge. “How about scrambled? They’re pretty easy, and a lot faster than boiling.”
“Scrambled,” Chris said, opening the cabinet where the pans were kept. “All right. Which pan?”
“Grab the smaller skillet, okay? Good. Let’s see. Eggs, a little milk, the pepper’s over there. Okay.” Leanna carried the eggs and the milk over to the counter and retrieved a bowl. “Okay, so you start with some eggs. Are you going to share with Jesse?”
“Yes. It’s good to share,” he said, solemnly.
She raised her eyebrows and gave a little shrug. “Okay, so we’ll say four eggs to start with.”
The eighth day:
when ur ready 2 come back 2 me, ill be here
—
k
“Not gonna happen,” Jesse muttered, as he wadded up the note and tossed it into the back seat of his car.
The ninth day:
J
ESSE
shuffled into the kitchen, lured by the scent of coffee. Coffee duly obtained, he squinted at the table as he dropped into his usual chair. Eggs, toast, milk and cereal, and someone’s key. That was strange. “Hey, Chris?”
“Yes?”
“Did you lose a key?”
“No, I have all of my keys. That one is for you.”
“Okay.” Well, whatever. Maybe it was just because it was early.
The tenth day:
J
ESSE
missed looking forward to getting to his car after work. There was another note, under the wiper blade, and he groaned as he pulled the paper free.
every move u make
every step u take
im watching u—cuz i luv u!
—
k
“What the—” Jesse pulled his phone out and dialed, scowling at the fact that he still knew Kevin’s number.
“Hey, baby.”
“I’m not your baby. And this note? About you watching me? Is really fucking creepy. You’d better not be watching me.”
“You’re always in my heart, Jesse.”
From his grandmother, it would have been sweet; from Kevin, it made him want to take a shower. “I don’t care! I don’t want any more notes.”
“Why? I love you. Why don’t you want me to tell you that? It’s a little disappointing that you’re so upset by this.”
“Disappointing— You— Wow. Okay, just what do you want me to say? You want me to lie to you?”
“No. Never,
ever
lie to me, Jesse. I will find out, and you will be sorry.” Kevin’s voice was colder than the nasty little north wind that bit at the nape of Jesse’s neck.
“Well, then, you’d better get used to the truth, Kevin, and the truth is, I broke up with you. Stop leaving me notes.”
“Well, if it will make you happy, I’ll stop for a couple of days. You just need some space, right? Take a couple of days and see how right I am for you. How I’m your one and only. Take care, Jesse.”
He was still spluttering when Kevin ended the call.
The fifteenth day:
C
HRIS
picked through his little collection of interesting things he’d found on his travels through the city. This morning, it would be…. Ah. One of the discs that looked like a quarter but wasn’t. He put it in his pocket, then went downstairs to start breakfast.
The twentieth day:
B
AGELS
, coffee, juice, eggs, and a Corona bottle cap. Jesse pushed it across the table as he sipped his coffee, trying to decide if he should say something about it. Then Chris sat down, humming over his own food, and the bottle cap was suddenly a lot less important.
“Hey, Chris?”
“Hm?”
“Seriously, thanks. You’re always making me breakfast, and it’s just…. Thanks. A lot.”
J
ESSE
grumbled as he caught sight of the piece of paper under his windshield wiper. No matter how many signs the management put up, people couldn’t be bothered with
reading
them, which meant one more tree had to die. He grabbed the sheet and yanked, glancing at it before he crumpled it into a ball. Jesse straightened it out again, scowling at the page.
jesse –
just a little note 2 remind u that im thinking of u :)
—
k
His free hand let go of his keys and wrapped around his cell instead. A few button-presses later and he was listening to the annoying strains of Reba McEntire’s “Fancy”; Kevin answered halfway through the first line of the chorus.
“Hi, Jesse.”
“You left another note on my car.”
“Aw, you found it!”
“It’s creepy. Could you stop?”
“Creepy? How can it be creepy? I just wanted you to know you’re on my mind.”
Jesse took a deep breath. “Kevin. It’s creepy because
we broke up
. No longer going out. Exes. Finished. Through. Done. Over.”
“I know we’re just taking a break, because that’s one of those things that happens,” Kevin said, his voice serious. “When you’re ready to come back to me, I’ll be right here.”
“Wait, what?” Jesse wadded the note up again, stuffing it into his pocket. “What did you say?”
“When you’re ready to come back to me, I’ll be right here. Just like I’ve always been. I’ve always been there for you, Jesse. You know I have.”
“Kevin, I’m not coming back. I’ve got to go, Mom wanted me to get some stuff for her and the place closes early on Tuesdays.” Jesse ended the call, then leaned against his car for a minute. His thumb tapped at his phone as he straightened up and he fished his keys out of his pocket with his free hand.
“Swanson residence,” Chris said.
“Hey. You wanna do something this evening? Maybe see if Edie and Lucas wanna catch a movie?”
“All right. Edie said last week that she wanted to see
The Boys Of The Maginot Line
, which I think is playing at the Big Timber.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right,” Jesse said, smiling a little as something eased inside him. “Awesome. I’ll give ’em a call when I get home. See you in a minute.”
“Yes. Drive carefully.”
“I will.”
Three minutes later, Jesse’s phone rang. “Hello?”
“Why did you lie to me, Jesse?”
“What? Why the fuck are you calling me?” The tight feeling was back, compounded by a sick twist in his stomach.
“You lied to me, Jesse. You’re going home, not anywhere else. Why? Don’t you know it hurts both of us when you lie?”
“Kevin, I—” Jesse glanced into the mirror. “Why are you following me? Why the
fuck
are you following me?”
“I’m just looking out for you, Jesse.”
“I don’t need that! I don’t need you!”
“Yes you do, Jesse. You need me like I need you. I’ll forgive you, this time, but never do it again.”
“Don’t fucking follow me!” Jesse ended the call and headed home. He pulled into the driveway and watched Kevin’s car pass by, then went inside.
The twenty-first day:
C
HRIS
set out breakfast. Today, it was cinnamon toast, coffee, cereal, no eggs (they were out), muffins from the Market’s bakery, and a scrap of a Mylar balloon. It was bright green on one side, silver on the other, and each surface was creased where it had gotten wadded up in the bottom of his pocket.
“
W
HAT
’
S
that?” Chris pointed at the fuzzy brown thing on the front porch.
“I don’t know,” Jesse said, putting his car in park and unbuckling his seatbelt. “I’ll go see.” It was a stuffed bear, about ten inches tall, holding a red satin heart with “I luv u” embroidered on it in white. There was a folded piece of paper tucked between the bear’s arms, behind the heart, and Jesse’s stomach went sour as he pulled it free.
i know ur sorry for lying to me
i 4give u
i know we’ll b 2gether again soon
“Jesus,” he said, grabbing the bear. He stalked down the path toward the driveway, pausing to shove the toy and the note into the garbage can that sat at the front corner of the garage before returning to his car.
“What was it?” Chris said as Jesse dropped into his seat.
“Kevin! He’s completely lost his mind. And why did I never notice that he doesn’t use real words when he writes?” Not that Jesse really knew why
that
of all things should bother him.
“Do you think we should help him look for his mind? How did he lose it?” The few things that went missing around the Swanson household tended to be keys, socks, and the remotes.
“No. No, he lost it when I told him that I didn’t want to see him anymore. Don’t worry about it, okay?” Jesse fastened his seatbelt and put his car into reverse again. “Let’s just go to work.”
The twenty-second day:
T
HERE
. Everything was perfectly arranged, just as the water gurgled through the pipes overhead. Breakfast was ready, Jesse was awake, and Chris had found the perfect shiny hex nut for him.
The twenty-third day:
J
ESSE
looked into his locker, pinched the bridge of his nose, then bent down and picked up the piece of pink construction paper that had been cut into the shape of a heart.
roses r red
violets r blu
ur my jesse
and i luv u
—
k
“A note from a secret admirer?” Betsy said, nodding at the heart.
“No. A note from a pest,” Jesse said, wadding it up. He pushed up on his toes and tossed the ball toward the trash can, raising his hands over his head as it went in. “Two points!”
Chapter Six
The twenty-fourth day:
J
ESSE
shook his head. Almost a full month of breakfasts accompanied by little bits of junk and he simply had to know.
“Hey, Chris?”
“Yes?”
“Sit down, okay?” He pointed at the chair next to his own. “I wanna talk to you.”
“Okay.” Chris, holding his favorite spoon, went over and sat.
“I don’t get this,” Jesse said, holding up the bottle cap that had been sitting by his favorite coffee cup. “I don’t collect bottle caps or keys or any of the other stuff. You fix me breakfast, so you have to know where these things are coming from. Can you, y’know, explain?”
Chris shrugged. “It is right.”
“Right?” That made no sense, even for this time of the morning.
“It is what I am supposed to do.” Chris frowned, looking up from his spoon. “Something tells me to give you things.”
“That’s not funny, Chris,” Jesse said, giving him a sharp look. “Are you hearing things?”
“Hearing what?”
“Voices? Demons?” Jesse got up, moving toward the phone. “’Cause if you are, then we gotta get you some help.”
Jesse was afraid of him?
The idea was painful to think about, and he shook his head. “No! I just know it. As I know…. As I know eggs are good. To tell you that you are important, that I
chose
you, I give you things. And I feed you.”
“You just
know?
” Jesse crossed his arms but stayed where he was. “How do you know about eggs? I mean, you didn’t even know about silverware or names or clothes when I met you.” He pushed the bits about being important and chosen aside, for the moment.
“Eggs…. It is something inside,” Chris said, trying to find the words for it. He touched his chest. “Here. Eggs are food, and eggs are… eggs are alive. Living. I remember, before, knowing that. As I know how to fly.”
That
was what dancing was like, his little voice said.
Oh, well, that was different. That was more like—“Instinct?” Jesse had known that Chris wasn’t quite right, but it was another thing altogether to have it made plain. On the other hand, the look on Chris’s face seemed to speak to feelings that ran deeper than merely confusing fantasy and reality. “Uh, fly?”
He hadn’t really thought about it until just that moment, had been too busy learning words and how to dress himself and about fruits and vegetables and how to tell if something was okay to eat to think about it. Now, though, it was as if something had fallen on him, heavy and inescapable. “I miss my wings,” Chris said, touching his face as his throat closed up and his eyes began to sting. “Hate listening to them, hate hearing them
laugh
about it. I want to fly again.”
“Listening to who?” Jesse stepped sideways, toward the phone.