First Kiss (Heavy Influence) (17 page)

             
“Hey,” he said, smiling, not too surprised to see me. As I walked past him he leaned into me and sniffed my hair. “Strawberry girl.”

             
“Hey.” I giggled in return. “Where’s your mom?”

             
“She’s getting ready to go to Notting’s.”

“She’s seeing your manager?” I asked, curious.

“Um, well, not sure really,” he said laughing, “I personally think so, but they keep it on the down low, you know. They talk
band strategy
.” He sniffed, gesturing with finger quotations. “I know Notting’s in love with her, but she’s still stuck on who knows what. She has issues.”

             
“That must suck, for Notting I mean.”

             
“Yeah, I’m sure it does.” A hint of sadness emitted from him as he agreed with me. He turned staring at me for a moment. “Let’s go to my room. Unless you want to stay out here?” All I could do was shrug off the weirdness that filled me and follow him, wondering a bit more about his mom.

             
“Isn’t it weird for you, knowing that your manager is into your mom?”

             
“There’s so much to it, Aly,” he said, almost contrite. “Notting’s been around a long time. You don’t remember him?”
              “Not really.” I admitted.

             
“Notting’s been like a father to me, and not just managing the band. Him and my mom, they work together as a team.”

“Oh, wow. That’s awesome. ”

“Yeah, it’s been cool. I guess.” He shrugged. I felt as if he was trying to convince himself.

             
We settled into a conversation about his upcoming tour and the cities he was going to. This was a West Coast tour: California, Arizona, New Mexico, Oregon and Washington. Two dates were right here in the Hollywood and Orange County area. I was dying to be at each of them. I wondered if Rachel and Sienna normally traveled with them, and if they would this time, too.

             
“Jake,” I asked, hesitant. “I have a question.”

His eyes lit up cautiously. “Hmm?”

He cocked his head waiting for me to spit it out.

             
“Ok, well, I just want to know what you meant by
hooking up
with Rachel.”

I gave a little emphasis on the hooking up part. It was now out
there in the universe and I couldn’t take it back. Jake’s grin disappeared from his face and he squirmed, bending his neck from side to side.

“Aly, lo
ok…” he began to explain and I interrupted him.

“Did you sleep with her
?” I whispered firmly, looking him straight in the eyes.

Jake leaned way back and rubbed his hands over his face.

“Aly, it doesn’t matter what happened with Rachel.” He pleaded and his shoulders slumped. He looked ill as he continued. “Ok, look, I’m not gonna to lie to you. Yes. I did. But it was…it was something that shouldn’t have happened.”

He fessed up,
and it made my head spin. I just knew it, but I was praying the answer would be no. “So what you’re saying is…you hook up with girls that you don’t care about, and it means nothing for you to do so.”

I
knew that I was being unfair, but this is just what my sister warned me about. “
Guys like Jake
.” I thought my insides would turn into gravel.

“Look, Aly, I don’t want to make it more than it was, ‘caus
e it was nothing…and no, I didn’t make it a point to hook up with her. It’s just something that happened.”

I didn’t know what else to say. There was a sick and twisted part of me that wanted to know what it was like. I wanted him to give me a play by play. “Why did you do it then?”

Jake looked at me blankly for a long moment searching my eyes, and all the sound went from the room. All I could see was his beautiful face as I waited for him to give me details.

“Aly, what am I gonna do with yo
u? Seriously, you make me crazy.” He took a beat. “A good crazy.”

He laughed nervously and moved closer to me. My heart pounded so hard I could feel the blood rushing through my veins. I felt the vibration of my phone but I wouldn’t be distracted from this moment. Then Jake’s smooth voice broke in.

“I thought I explained this,” he said with a bit of edge. “We were all hanging out and one thing led to another. She came onto me and I just kinda went with it. Then it was over. Rachel obviously feels…”

             
“Feels what, Jake? If you were to sleep with me and blow me off, I would feel the same way,” I interrupted, slightly hostile. I was angry at hearing the truth and more so that I felt a tinge of pity for her.

             
“Aly, wait a second,” he said, beaten. He’d had enough of my verbal assault. “It’s not like that with you. It sounds so cliché, but one day you’ll understand.” He sniffed. “The thing is, I don’t really want you to understand.”

             
“What’s that suppose to mean?”

             
Jake cradled his head in his hands for a long moment. Finally, he turned to face me. “Aly, it’s a physical thing with Rachel. That’s what it was that night.”

             
Vomit
. Flashes of them together made my stomach lurch.

             
“And what does that have to do with you not wanting me to understand?”

             
He shook his head and closed his eyes, frustrated. When he returned my gaze, his eyes roamed my face. “I like you, Aly. I feel comfortable with you. I know you care about me for me for the right reasons, with us knowing each other forever, and all. That’s what’s so legit. And the fact that you feel free to question me without reservations…it’s strong.” He stood, looming over me. “Not to mention I’m attracted to you, more than conversationally.”

             
Every word echoed and etched itself into my brain.

             
“Who talks like this?” I marveled, blown away by his honesty.

Fidgety, I began to fluff the pillow next to me.

              “What? You asked. I’m attracted to you.” He pointed at his chest. “I felt it right away, but because you’ve been like family, it’s made me think twice about the way I’m feeling. I know how your dad feels about you dating, considering what your sister went through.” He took my hand into his and it sent chills up my arm. He noticed and rubbed my forearm softly. I couldn’t feel any other part of my body, only the caress of his hand. He let out a huge sigh. “And this, this is what makes me want more, because I know you’re for real.”

             
“Do you just lay here at night thinking how to be clever with words?” I asked, enamored by his admission.

             
He laughed, embarrassed. “Sorry, I don’t mean to sound lame,” he said, putting his arm around my neck kissing my temple. I felt his chest rise. “I dig the way you smell.”

Y
eah, and I dig a million other things about you.

“J
ake.” My voice cracked. A big lump formed choking me. I gulped. Being so full of emotion, the tears came knocking without warning. I kept my head hung low. “Um, thank you.”

He pulled me to him and our skin touched. My forehead dissolved against his neck. The scent of him was so overpowering
that the lump in my throat liquefied like it’d never been there. Now I was fighting the urge to kiss him.

“Hey, you’ve been nothing but honest about your feelings
. You deserve the same.”

As much as I wanted to stay glued to him forever I was anxious to get going.

              “So what’s up with this party? I need to get over to Nicole’s if we’re going.” I said softly.

             
“You’re really coming?” he said surprised. “Aren’t you worried you’ll run into your sister?”

             
Jolt.

             
“Oh my God, don’t remind me. Do you think she’ll be there?”

Dread spread over me.

              “Not sure, I don’t see her around all that much anymore.”

             
“Will you text me when you get there, let me know if she’s there?”

             
“How you gettin’ there? I can drive you guys,” he offered, sweetly.

             
“That’d be cool, but I think because we have this thing going on with Nadine and Chris. He is supposedly driving us, so we’ll meet you there.”

             
“Chris who?”

             
“Chris Hamilton, Nicole’s older brother. He goes to Seaside and plays football.” I explained.

             
“Ah, yeah. I know who he is. Really? Those two?” he said in disbelief.

             
“Yeah. I guess I was worried about
us
for nothing. But how was I supposed to know she didn’t really have feelings for you? Apparently she’s been really crushing on him for forever and he’s finally paying attention to her. Who knows,” I said laughing. “It gets a little weird with girls, Jake. We have these unspoken rules, you know.”

             
“Ah. I see. Cool.”

             
I stood up to leave. I wanted to kiss him, like really kiss him – but I was too chicken to be that bold. I had no idea what I was doing and I didn’t want to embarrass myself.

“I’m gonna go
. I’ll see you later.”

He grabbed me by the hips and my knees buckled. “You’re awesome, you know that?” he paused, his impossibly perfect blue eyes
looking intensely into my own. “Please, don’t pay any attention to Rachel. This’ll blow over. She’ll get over it,” he said standing up and took my face into his hands. “I promise it’ll all work out.”

He gently kissed my lips and my eyes fell shut. I wanted to know what he really felt like. I didn’t want him to stop. I kept my eyes closed, waiting. To my disappointment he
only kissed my cheek. I opened my eyes and his face remained close to mine. I didn’t want the moment to end. His hands moved down my neck to my shoulders and he rested his forehead against mine.

“Aly, I care about what happens with you. I’m sorry if I’ve made some fucked up impression.”

Jake pulled me close and held me snug. I ran my hands up his back, and for the first time I really hugged him back. I pressed against him, wanting to smell like him when I left. I breathed him in so deeply. I felt him respond, holding me tighter.

             
“I’ve been hearing the vibration of your phone for the last half hour. I guess you’d better get goin’,” he said. “I’m sure your girls are gonna want the low down.”

“
I’m not sharing
everything
with them,” I said, curtly. “I don’t need my sibs finding out anything. I mean Kyle would be cool about it, but Allison is so lame. You have no idea. Not sure what her deal is. You should have seen her face when I told her I’d hung out with you.”

“Really?” his brows knitted together.

“Yeah…on the down low is all I gotta to say.”

“Yeah,
my
mom would probably shit a bowling ball.”

***

Taylor Swift’s upbeat melodic tune -
‘I knew you were trouble when you walked in…shame on you…
’ -
Trouble
, was the dominant sound coursing through Nicole’s house. I could also hear a TV battling for attention. It was loud and bright. I would have guessed every light was on in the house, another contrast to my darkened cave of a home. Nadine was already there. I could hear her singing along to the music, beyond badly.

Oh God.

I didn’t know how Nicole’s parents tuned it out. I hardly ever saw Nicole’s father, Jerry
. He owned some sort of building or Development Company, hence the robust lifestyle they were able to live. I envied Nicole and all of her stuff. She got everything she wanted and shopped at all the most exclusive boutiques. She was always loaning Nadine and I her clothes and shoes, which helped my pathetically unfortunate wardrobe. I barely had a sense for fashion.

I walked up the thickly padded stairs and Nadine’s voice grew louder. She
was so off-key that I wondered if she was tone deaf. How embarrassing, I laughed to myself looking around. Opening Nicole’s bedroom door, the music was so loud they didn’t hear me. They were standing in front of a wall of mirrors, putting on their make-up, already dressed the part for our first high school
party. I was giddy with excitement.

“Hello
!” I said loudly. There was no way my parents would ever allow this much madness swirling around. Nicole’s mom had to be either deaf or on meds to be so mellow. I walked over, turning down the music. “Hey, where are those black biker boots? I wanna borrow them.”

“In my closet.
” Nicole pointed. “Boots huh? That’s a bit different.”