FLAME (Spark Series) (4 page)

“Please have me,” I begged. I didn’t care about the small talk or being romantic, I just wanted him inside me. It was a need I couldn’t explain at the time, but it changed me. Knowing what it gave me, how I felt each time—was what changed me from a scared little girl to a dominating, needy little sex addict.

Mr. Brox and I fucked on his desk that day. It was the most mind-blowing, earth shattering experience of my life. Well, technically, the only experience of my life. But luckily, I got to have him for the rest of the semester—only a few weeks, but it was enough to feed what I desired.

Sex.

Since then, it’s all I want. The adrenaline rush, the desperation, the feeling of someone inside me/wanting me—is what feeds my lifestyle. But don’t get me wrong—I don’t make any excuses for my choices.

Losing my virginity to my teacher changed me. I grew confidence and an
I don’t give a shit
attitude.

And ever since then, I’ve had my way with men—anything to have that feeling. In the three years since I lost my virginity, countless men have kept me company, giving me exactly what I need and leaving on cue.

*   *   *

I roll to my side, avoiding the bright sun that is glaring through my window. I don’t even remember coming home last night. Velaney and I worked at the bar, but my shift was over by nine. She had to stay until closing, so I remember staying and drinking while she finished out her shift.

But what the hell happened after that?

My body rolls into something hard. I flutter my eyes open, and I realize there’s a guy lying next to me.
Great.

I swing my legs off the side of the bed and rub my eyes open. The bed dips behind me as two large arms grab me from the back.

“Lay with me,” he whispers. My eyes shoot open in surprise.

“I think we did enough laying,” I mutter back, pushing against his grasp. I push off the bed without even a glance behind me
. I need out of here now.

I grab a t-shirt and panties on my way out and meet Laney in the kitchen. She’s sitting at the breakfast bar with a bowl of cereal and a full pot of coffee.

“You look like shit.”

I swallow before responding. “Thanks.” I reach for a mug and pour coffee into it. I taste it without even cooling it down.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, noticing my odd demeanor. This is the first morning I’ve ever woken up to someone in my bed who I don’t remember getting into bed with.

“Um, someone’s in my bed,” I mutter. I sit down next to her as I try to remember last night’s events.

“And?” she asks, chuckling.

“And I don’t know how he got there,” I fire back.

“You don’t know?” she turns and asks me.

“No. I’m drawing a blank. Who is he?”

She smiles as she rolls her eyes at me. “I believe his name is Shane. Or Sean, maybe. Something with an S.”

“Okay, well that helps,” I snort. “Did I meet him at the bar last night?”

“Yeah, you two were taking back shots all night. You don’t remember
anything
?”

“Not after my shift ended. I remember punching out,
I think.
” I stare at the wall across from us, trying to get any image of last night’s
festivities
.

“Yikes. I hope he didn’t drug you.”

“I think I had way too many shots.” I slam my head against the counter, dreading what’s to come.

“Here,” Laney says as she hands me a cup of orange juice and a pill. “For the hangover.”

“Thanks.”

“I’ll go take care of mystery man. Go use my shower,” she orders.

“You’re the best.” I grin. Velaney’s had to shoo out some of my conquests in the past, but this time it’s going to be much more awkward.

I feel much better after my shower. I scrub the smell of liquor and sex off myself.
Apparently, chugging back shots was a bad idea.

I tiptoe back into the kitchen, peeking around to make sure he’s gone. I hear Velaney making noise in the kitchen, so I make my way toward her.

“Coast is clear,” she announces before she even sees me.

“Oh, thank god.”

“His name is Sam, by the way.”

“Good to know.”

“He told me to relay a message to you—
call him,
” she muses. “I told him don’t count on it. I think he cried.” She laughs.

“What is it with guys and wanting to make sex emotional?”

“Gee,
tin man
, some guys
like
relationships,” she fires back. “Well, at least I’ve heard. None that I’ve met,
apparently
,” she snorts again. I can tell her mind is going back to Jake. Even after a year, she hasn’t been with anyone else or even attempted to date. She has guarded herself from feeling that kind of pain again, which is
exactly
why I don’t get attached. 

“Who needs men when I have you?” I smirk. “Plus, I’m too young to settle down. I’m in my prime years, ya know?”

“Sure.” She chuckles.

I watch as Laney cleans up the kitchen. I’d offer to help, but my head is still spinning. This is me vowing to never drink that much again.

It’s Sunday, so per our usual Sunday night routine, we cuddle up and watch movies. I let her pick out the movie, which she then of course picks a chick flick,
Dear John.

We get half way through before Velaney begins crying. Movies always make her emotional, whereas me, I’m practically dead inside—Velaney’s words, not mine.

I eye her suspiciously as I try to connect the dots as to why she’s in tears.

“Why are you crying already?”

“How are you
not
crying? They’re in love…like heart-breaking, soul-mate finding, hardcore love!” she gushes, all seriousness in her face.

I make a disgusted face. “Ew.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being in love, Riss,” she scowls at me.

“You know me better than anyone, Lane. You really believe I want to be in love? Like…
ever
?” I raise my eyebrows at her.

“Well…maybe some day, Riss.” She smirks. “You deserve to feel loved.” She smiles sincerely.

“I told you. I have you.”

“Well, I’m sorry, but no matter how drunk I am, I will never be loving
on
you.”

I throw my head back and laugh. “What? No girl on girl?”

“Not even in your dreams.” She wrinkles her nose.

Velaney is a prude. She doesn’t look like it, but the poor girl hasn’t even gotten to second base. She has walls up even
I
can’t tear down. She grew up in a very religious household with very awful parents and one older brother.
They
are the reason why Velaney doesn’t want to get close to anyone, and even if she wanted to, she can’t emotionally. The poor girl has been put through the ringer more times than I can count. We’re perfect as best friends, though. That’s something I’ll never take for granted.

5

-22 years o
ld-

One year earlier

It’s one thing to watch your life pass you by, but it’s another to not care that it is. I’m living a carefree life.
I do what I want,
who
I want, and when I want. I don’t have mommy and daddy yelling and shouting over me anymore, and best of all, I don’t care about them anymore. Even after all the times I watched them practically kill themselves, or drink themselves into a drunken coma, I still cared for them. They’re my parents, and they were supposed to love me and show me how to love. Too bad the only thing they taught me was hate.

Velaney and I have a few days off from the bar. It’s a hot, sunny day, and we’re headed to the beach. Carson Beach in Boston is our favorite, so we make it a weekend trip to drive up there and get some sun.

With her hair up and sunglasses on, Velaney looks fearless. She’s petite with a runner’s body and perfect clear skin. Like I said,
flawless.

“I despise you right now,” I say as I watch her drive.

She wrinkles her nose and asks, “What did I do?”

I laugh, as she looks sincerely worried. “You look so pretty. The wind in your hair, your sun-kissed skin, that cute little body of yours…”

She whips her sunglasses off. “Are you drunk?”

“No, I’m not drunk! I’m being honest.” I laugh.

She narrows her eyes at me. “Well, then stop hitting on me,” she quips.

“Can’t a girl tell another girl how pretty they look without being called a lesbian? I mean, if I
went
that route, you’d be my top pick.” I wink at her just to mess with her.

She swallows as she keeps her eyes on the road. “Um…good to know, I guess.”

I laugh as I see her cheeks heat with embarrassment. “Stop it. You know I’m kidding.”

“Well, guys don’t even notice me when you’re around, so I’d appreciate it if you’d stop being all hot and stuff,” she spits out with amusement.

Velaney and I give each other shit as much as we can. It’s our way of letting each other in without really letting our guards down. We are infamous for joking around and not taking things too seriously—it’s just easier this way.

We chat and sing to the radio until we finally reach the beach. It’s a perfect sunny day with just enough breeze. We both grab our stuff out of the trunk and head down the stairs that leads to the sand. It’s packed, so we walk around a while looking for a spot.

“There’s room over here.”

I turn and see a blonde-haired beach hottie laying casually on a towel. He’s leaning back on his elbows, giving me a perfect view of his body. He has vintage sunglasses on his face, so I can’t see his eyes, but as soon as I lower my eyes to his torso and spot his V indented muscles, I forget about ever wondering about his eyes.

“Hmm…” I cock my head, forming a smile. “I guess there is.”

Velaney reluctantly follows behind me, laying out her towel and beach bag on the farthest side of beach hottie. I lay in between, sprawling out my towel. I step out of my  sandals and stand on the towel as I slowly undo my shorts and let them gracefully fall to my ankles. I step out and toss them behind me. I do the same with my shirt—seductively and as slowly as I can, I pull my shirt over my head, so all I’m left with is my barely-there bikini.

I turn and see beach hottie staring up at me. I’m aroused just by seeing his shocked, deer in the headlights expression. I’m used to guys giving me that look. It feeds me. And for some reason, I need that.

Some may say it’s because I have a low self-esteem or that I’m just a show off, but it isn’t either of those reasons. Being the center of attention means I’m no longer an object to be abused. Not physically, but verbally. It means that I’m special to someone, and that I’m in control. And if I don’t have control, I’ll crumble to the ground like my six-year-old self. And men need to be aware of that right away—
I am in control
.

The only way to survive and be in control is to make sure everything happens on
my
terms—emotionless, unattached and guarded.

“So, what’s your name?” I ask casually as I watch his eyes roam up my legs.

“Tanner,” he stammers. He pushes his sunglasses on top of his head. “What’s yours?”

His eyes finally meet mine as I answer, “I’m Carissa and this is Velaney. It’s nice to meet you.” I reach my hand out with confidence, amused with our formal greeting.

“Velaney? Wow. Unique name.” He smiles. I look over at Laney and see she’s incredibly uncomfortable.

She doesn’t respond so I interject, “Don’t mind her. She’s shy.”

“Hmm…” He grins. “I can work with shy.”

I almost want to bust out in a laugh as Velaney’s face heats up again. “Oh, and a lesbian,” I interrupt his eye fucking.

“You’re welcome.” I lean over and whisper in her ear.

She raises her lip, confused. “For what?”

“For saving you. Now he won’t grope you.” I wink as I lean back on my elbows.

“Lesbians?” His eyes widen.

I grab my shades and place them over my eyes. “Down boy.”

We lay out for a half hour in silence. Beach hottie and friends go out in the water, tossing around a football. The view here is spectacular—and
not
just the water—but the actual view of men in low-cut shorts. I cross my legs in anticipation just thinking how many of those guys are wearing swim shorts and
only
swim shorts.

“Ready to go out?” I ask Velaney.

She tosses me a look and shrugs. “Sure. Can you spray me first?” She leans over and hands me a bottle of sunscreen.

She turns the opposite way as I spray her backside.
She spins around, and I do the same for the front of her. “Okay, me next.”

I turn around, open my arms, and widen my legs.
It’s a few seconds before the cold spray finally hits me.

“Okay, I’m turning around now,” I announce so I don’t get sprayed in the eyes.

I hear a laugh before I see
him
. Beach hottie.

“What the hell are you doing?” I spit out. He has the spray in his hands with a cocky grin on his face. Velaney stands casually next to him, arms crossed.

She shrugs apologetically. “Sorry. He swiped it out of my hands.”

“Close your eyes,” he demands. I give him an annoyed look before complying. He sprays me evenly over my arms and legs. I notice he pays extra attention to my torso and breasts. “Wouldn’t want those precious things burning.” He chuckles.

“Well, thanks for being so considerate of the female body. My boobs thank you.” I grab the bottle from his hands and throw it back on the towel.

I walk past him with a frustrated grunt. I don’t like guys staking their claim over me. Not that he was entirely, but blindsiding me isn’t a favorite trait, either.

Velaney runs and meets up with me. We run into the water together, letting the water splash over us.

“Shit, that’s cold,” I cry out.

“Feels great.” She smirks. Damn girl is crazy as hell. She’s an outside runner and is used to running in the cold, heat, or rain. Nothing stops her.

I sink my body all the way into the water, letting my head go under. Once my body is used to the temperature, I begin swimming out to enjoy the relaxing waves.

“So, are you done being a sassy bitch now?”

I spin around and roll my eyes. “Calling me a bitch is
not
going to get you into my pants, FYI,” I fire back fiercely.

“Who said I wanted in your pants? Damn, you’re an arrogant little thing, aren’t you?” he says with amusement.

“Well, whatever I am doesn’t seem to bother you. You keep coming back for more,” I tease. This cat and mouse game is arousing me more. I’m ready to straddle him right here and now.

He cocks a grin and shrugs. “A little chase never hurt me.”

“Oh, sweetie.” I tilt my head toward him as he swims closer, just barely brushing my lips. “I’m not a chase. I’m just not interested.”

He smirks, obviously aware that I’m lying. I love when men chase me. I love it even more when they think I’m not interested, making them chase me even more. I love the game.
So sue me.

“Alright then, I dare you to prove it.” He stands taller, calling my bluff.

“K, fine,” I huff. I look past him and see a handful of his friends standing nearby, watching us. “Excuse me.” I swim around him until I come face to face with one of his hottie friends.

I choose a dark-haired guy with tan skin and wrap my arms around him. His eyes burn into mine just before I kiss his mouth, pushing my tongue inside as I stroke his. Deep and hard. I feel his arms wrap around my waist, pulling me against him. His cock stiffens against me, alerting me my job is done.

“Thanks.” I smile and pat him gently on the chest. I turn around to see all his friends, including Tanner, with their jaws wide open, speechless.

I swim up to Tanner and grin. “Your turn.”

His smile widens as he leans in. I quickly interject, pressing a hand to his hard chest. “No. It’s your turn for the dare. I did one. Now I get to give
you
one.”

He groans as he presses back. “What?”

“Hey…” I lean back with my hands up in surrender. “You started this by daring me first.” I sneer. “And I
never
pass up on a dare,” I say quieter this time, seduction in my tone.

“Fine. What do you want me to do?” he asks, not amused with my little game.

I see Velaney behind me out of the corner of my eye. A grin quickly flashes over my face as I tell him, “I dare you to convert my lesbian friend.”

“Huh?”

“Make her straight.”

“I don’t think it works that way,” he mumbles, confused.

Well, duh.

“Well, convince her with that mouth of yours. If it’s good enough to change her mind, then it’s good enough for mine,” I offer.

He brushes a hand through his hair as he thinks it over. Confidence rides over him as he stands up straighter and responds, “Okay, deal.”

Oh, this pathetic man.

I smile wide as I watch him swim over to Laney, knowing exactly what’s about to happen.

He finally reaches her, and I can tell she’s confused by the
what the hell
expression on her face. I see his mouth moving as he talks to her first before leaning in to kiss her. In point two seconds, Velaney’s hand slaps hard across his face. She pushes him back, making him splash back against the water. I hear her yelling at him before she makes a beeline back to the beach.

He swims back over to me. He stands up, rubbing his hand over his red, swollen cheek. I can’t help the laugh that escapes me as I see his poor, pathetic expression of defeat.

“Are you happy now?” His tone is sad, but husky.

“More than you know.” I laugh.

“Okay, well I did your stupid dare.”

“Unsuccessfully,” I add.

He shrugs. “C’mon.” His smile is genuine and for the first time, I feel sorry for him.

I pretend like I’m thinking, contemplating letting his unsuccessful dare slip. “Fine. I guess it was the effort that counts.”

“Not to mention, I was just assaulted for you.”

“Assaulted? By a chick, really? I bet you’ve been slapped by girls numerous times.”

His head falls back as he laughs. It’s comforting, seeing his eyes soften. “Yes, but normally it’s after I’ve kicked them out of my bed.”

“Well, if they’re slapping you after you’ve already slept with them, then you’re doing something wrong.”

“Ohhh…is that so?” he retorts. “Guess we’ll have to have a little wager, huh?”

“I don’t typically play these types of games, but for you, I’ll make the exception. Since I don’t want to be in a man’s bed any longer than it takes to get my bra back on, I’ll test you out.”

“I don’t mind being a test subject. Anything to help science,” he muses.
Oh yes…a science project indeed.

I reach the beach and see Velaney lying out on her stomach. She looks passed out, so I don’t wake her. This won’t take more than ten minutes, anyway.

“Since this is your project, I’ll even let you choose the
where
variable.”

He grabs my hand as we walk up the beach, back to where the cars are all parked. “Well, since I can tell you’re so into romance…” he teases, “…the back of my expedition will have to do.”

“Hey, you get points right there. Doing it in a car is actually the most erotic place for me.”

“See? Winning already,” he muses. He cocks a grin as he escorts me in.

I realize we haven’t even kissed yet and now we are in the back of his truck about to get naked. This is very unusual for me. Usually alcohol and lust drive my need to have sex. But this is more of a game of who can push who the farthest without snapping.

I lay down as his body lays over me. I look into his eyes, waiting for his kiss when he dodges my lips and goes right for my neck. My neck is one of my favorite places to be kissed. It’s sensual with just a little bit of intimacy—not too much where it’s personal, but close enough to my lips. I expect him to move up to my lips but he doesn’t. He moves down and lands on my collarbone, suckling and licking me clean.