Flaw (The Flaw Series) (20 page)

I stew silently on the couch next to Aidan, listen to him discuss tattoos with Erin’s new husband.
Yeah, sure
, like her stuffy white-collar husband is ever going to get a shark with a severed arm between its teeth across his back. Tucker lifts up his sleeve to show his stupid lightning bolt tattoo that he had done when he was eighteen, asking for ideas on how to add to it.
Oh, okay
, like Tessa is ever going to let him change his “Harry Potter” tattoo.

At the dinner table all the same ridiculous chit chat continues. But I can feel it in my gut, it’s about to blow up. They can’t all keep up this charade of pretending nothing’s wrong with Aidan. Someone’s going to say something, it’s coming.

“Aidan, join us outside for a cigar?” My father invites him into the Sharpe family after-dinner tradition. All the men wander outside, leaving the women alone at the table. I’m ready for the questions about Aidan to start, but the first thing asked is about Josh.

“How is Josh’s father doing?” My mom asks and I notice Tessa peek her head up in my direction.

“He was finally home, but they had to rush him back to the hospital during the week.”

Tessa gasps. “What happened?”

“He had a stroke about a month ago. This week he had an episode and they thought he had a second one. He didn’t, but they’re keeping him a few days for observation, to make sure he’s okay. I’ve been over to the hospital just about every day. In fact, I’m planning on stopping by there later.”

“What hospital is his dad in? St. Peter’s?” Tessa asks quietly. Whatever happened with them in the past, she’s obviously still concerned upon hearing that Josh is going through something so tragic.

“Yes,” I say to Tessa before continuing. “His dad’s speech is slurred, his memory is off, his face droops.” I stop talking. I gave an opening for them to ask. I can almost hear them thinking…
speaking of faces
.

My aunt picks up her crystal water glass and takes a sip. “Your boyfriend seems very sweet, dear.”

Here we go…

“Yeah, and geez, hit the gym much?” Erin says, fanning herself. “I can see his muscles bulging right through his shirt.”

“Tsk,” my aunt teases. “That’s not nice talk for a newlywed.”

“I’m just noticing he’s in good shape is all.” Erin giggles and the rest follow in doing the same. The fake giggles pierce right through my skull. I can’t take it anymore.

“Stop.” I shake my head. “Just stop. I know what you’re all doing, what you’re all thinking. You don’t have to pretend. Just say it. Say, ‘Jordyn what are you doing with that monster?’ ‘What are you doing with a hideous freak whose face probably scares away little kids?’”

“Jordyn,” my mother warns. “That’s enough.”

“What, Mom? I know you’re all wondering why someone like me would be with someone like that. You’re all wondering what happened to him. You all want to know so bad… I bet it’s eating you up inside, isn’t it? I don’t care. I’ll tell you. It was a knife. Someone put a knife into his face.” I point a finger into the air. “Actually, not just someone, his brother did it. Yup, that’s right. His family life is just as fucked up as his face. I picked a real winner.”

The faces at the table all look down and the room goes quiet. Every hair on my body raises as a chill runs through me. A throat clears behind me. “Jordyn, can I see you for a moment.” Aidan’s voice fills the room.

The way I acted the whole day, the way I was hesitant to bring him here and introduce him, the horrible words I just said. None of it hits me until I turn around and see him standing there. My heart ruptures, it shatters into a million pieces at what I’ve just done. The truth sets in. The problem was never what my family would think; it’s what I think. I’m perfect. And with Aidan at my side, that gets taken away.

We walk through the foyer in silence to the front door. He slides his glasses on, hiding the face I just referred to as hideous. I called him a monster. I choke down the bile rising in my throat.

I called my husband a monster.

I can’t pick up my head to look at him. It’s weighed down by an anchor of guilt. I’m rewinding time in my head, desperate to undo what was just done. But I can’t. I’m terrified, asking, “What happens now?”

He breathes deep. “We can have it annulled. It probably won’t be hard to do. We can say we were drunk or something. It was Vegas. I’m sure impulsive weddings of drunken couples are annulled all the time.”

“We weren’t drunk.” At the time, my head was only clouded by happiness as I marched proudly down the little chapel aisle towards him, a cheap bouquet of silk flowers in my hand. His beautiful smile waiting for me, we kissed before the Elvis even said, “You may now kiss the bride.”

“Well, then, maybe you can claim insanity. One look at you and then me and they’ll see that was clearly the case.” His voice is cold, lined with the anger and pain that I’ve just caused.

“Aidan, stop. I’m so sorry.” My insides are melting, dissolving away into emptiness.

“I’ll be fine,” he mumbles with his head down, opening the door.

“Aidan, wait.” He stops but doesn’t turn around. “I’m sorry.” For the first time in my life, my voice cracks, breaking down, and tears well up in my eyes. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“I am too,” he says, walking out and shutting the door.

Becca

I’ve seen Josh at the hospital every day since his father was readmitted. But visits to the hospital are where it ends. As we discussed, the intimate night we shared is forgotten, the reckless words he said in a moment of passion are gone with it. My visits are short. Enough to let him know I care without letting him know how much.

I walk down the long hallway to his father’s hospital room. A room set up with coffee and outlets to charge your phone is available to family members who spend long periods in the hospital with loved ones. It’s where I often find Josh when his father is resting or when Josh needs a place to go and clear his head. The door is open and as I near the room, I hear Josh’s voice floating out into the hallway. He’s not alone. I slow my walk and relax against the wall, listening.

“I still can’t believe you came to see me,” he says. “You’re probably the last person I ever thought would come here.”

“I feel horrible about what you and your family are going through right now,” a sugary voice replies.

“I’m sorry for the way I treated you back then,” he sighs. “I was young and stupid. I didn’t have a clue. I never really understood that what I was doing was hurting people.”

“It’s the past. I’ve let it go,” the voice replies sweetly. “Pouring my drink on your pants helped.”

She giggles and he lets out a quick chuckle.

This is a girl from his messed up past, he’s apologizing and she’s forgiving him. I keep listening, I want to know more. I want to know what she did to his pants.

“Tessa, all those bad things I did back then, I’m paying the price now. Karma, what goes around comes around, and believe me, it’s come back around hard.”

“Josh, you can’t blame what’s going on with your father on yourself.”

“It’s not just my father, it’s everything. It’s…” I hear him let out a groan. He doesn’t finish the thought and changes the subject. “Your boyfriend seems like a nice guy. He makes you real happy. That’s great. You deserve all that happiness.”

“I am happy. Tucker is amazing,” she gushes. “He’s so gentle and loving and
patient
.”

For some reason at the word patient, I hear them both let out an awkward swoosh of air, not quite a laugh. Something private between them. They keep talking but I’ve already listened too long and feel funny prying any longer. Quietly, I back away from the wall, creeping back down the hallway. I’ll make a quick stop and say hello to Helen before leaving. She can tell Josh I stopped by.

Josh’s mom is talking with one of the nurses and I step from the room to give them privacy.

“Becca, wait.” His mother calls out to me. “I’ll just be a minute.”

I nod my head and wait out in the hallway for her to finish up with the nurse. She comes out to meet me a few minutes later.

“Becca.” She smiles, wrapping me up in a hug. “Have you seen Josh yet?”

I point toward the room he’s in. “He has a visitor so I didn’t want to bother him. You can just tell him I was here and I’ll talk to him soon.”

Her hands still resting on my shoulders, she scans my face. “Becca, what’s going on between you and my son?”

“What do you mean?” I ask, my body tensing up.

“Come sit with me.” She guides me down the hall to a sitting area by the nurse’s station. Once we’re seated she faces me and takes a deep breath in and releases out a long sigh. “For years I watched Josh make bad decisions and wrong choices. And for the most part I left him alone. Boys just need to work some things out for themselves.”

I bite nervously on my lip. I’m not sure where this is going.

“I know his heart is aching. Not just because of what’s going on with his father, but because of you, too. He’s become a different person since knowing you, Becca. He’s grown up, matured, but I think there are still parts of his past holding him back.” She reaches into her purse and pulls out a card. “I found this in Josh’s room.”

I take the envelope from her. My name is written faintly on the front; it’s the missing card from the flowers. “I can’t.” I try handing it back. “He doesn’t want me to have this.”

“It has your name on it.” She holds up the card, showing me my name written in Josh’s neat handwriting. “Just see what he has to say.”

It doesn’t feel right but I take the card and stick it into my own purse. His mother slips away back down to her husband’s room and I remain a few minutes longer, wondering if I should wait for Josh and at least say hello.

Down the hall Josh and a ridiculously pretty blonde with curly hair walk side by side. She’s impeccably dressed from head to toe, with big blue eyes and a smile so sweet she looks like an angel. Everything I’d imagine as the right fit for a guy like Josh. But after hearing them talk, it seems she’s just another one of the hurt girls on his long list.

The corners of his mouth lift into a smile when he sees me. “Hey.” He steps in closer and puts an arm around my back. “Tessa, this is Becca.”

“Hello.” Her eyes light up, sweeping over every inch of me from the top of my bright unkempt hair to the old worn boots where my toes are curled up. She smiles over at Josh and gives him a wink. I squirm, shifting my weight to the side. I’m usually very confident with my casual style but right now I’d kill for blonde, brown, or black hair. Anything but pink, or at least normal shoes.

“It’s nice meeting you, Tessa.” I look over at Josh. “I was about to leave. I’ll stop by again tomorrow.” Turning away from Josh and the exquisite blonde, I rush towards the elevators and push the button at least ten times, hoping somehow that will make it come quicker.

The door opens but I’m too late. Tessa saunters in with me, filling the elevator with a deliciously fruity scent. I push the button to the Lobby, staring up at the descending numbers.

“I knew it,” Tessa says, still giving me the once over.

“Knew what?” I ask defensively as I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear.

“I knew when Josh fell for someone she’d be absolutely fantastic.”

Jordyn

“I can’t sign the papers.” I really can’t. I tried to sign them but I couldn’t bring myself to end the marriage. The sky opens and rain starts to pour, beating against the windshield of his car. He’s here. He could have called but he came here. That must mean something. I
have
to believe it means something.

“I’m sorry Jordyn, you’re gonna have to sign them.”

“I won’t. I’m not going to give up on us, Aidan.”

“Don’t do this!” Aidan slams his fist into the steering wheel. His rage causes me to jump. “You ripped my heart out that day, Jordyn.” His fist slams again, harder. “I wasn’t prepared. I let myself trust you. And hearing you say those things… destroyed me.”

“I didn’t mean any of those things I said. I know that now. It was never what I thought, it was that I cared too much what other people thought and I get that now and none of that matters. You have to believe me, Aidan. You have to.” I plead, my body trembling. “I’m so sorry.”

“You said you wanted to be my wife. You said forever.” His enraged voice turns raspy. “You made me believe you.”

“I do want to be your wife. I
am
your wife.”

Aidan shakes his head no. “Getting married was a mistake. I can’t believe I let myself think what we had was real. You need to sign the papers.”

“It is real. Everything I feel for you is real.”

He mashes the palm of his hand roughly into his eye, rubbing so hard his skin turns a bright red.

“I’ll never act that way again, or say those things.” I reach up to touch his face but he flinches away from me.

“I have to go.” He sticks the key into the ignition, staring through the windshield. The rain has slowed down and little beads of water trickle down the glass. “I have clients tonight. I only came here because I need you to sign. I need for this to be over, Jordyn.”

“Aidan, I want to fix this. I’ll do whatever it takes. You need to forgive me.”

“I forgive you,” he replies coolly.

“I want to fix this. I want to fix
us
.”

He continues to shake his head, wiping his hands down the front of his face. “
We
can’t be fixed.”

“Please don’t say that.” My mouth goes dry. “Please.”

The car starts. The engine’s hum makes the only sound. His sunglasses are thrown on and his teeth dig into his lower lip, biting down hard. All the love is still there between us, I know it. I can feel it. But I hurt him too bad with my disgusting, untrue words. I have no choice but to open the car door and step out into the dreary rain. Before I close the door, I open my mouth to tell him I love him. He looks away as if he knows what it is I’m about to say and doesn’t want to hear it.

I shut the car door and watch him drive away. By the time I get back to my front door, I regret my decision not to say it anyway. I take my phone out and type.