Authors: Alicia Buck
After an awkward silence where he stood unsure, he continued in his normal bravado manner, “You’re afraid of letting someone love you, and you’re afraid of letting yourself love, but you don’t need to be. I will always protect you and keep your heart safe. I love you.”
I was glad Rafan couldn’t see the expression on my face because I was sure it wasn’t the flattering look he would expect after such a speech.
I didn’t know what to say, but I didn’t need to say anything after all when Breeohan’s voice, huskier than usual, said, “We should get moving. I think someone followed us out of the city.” Breeohan’s eyes were cast down, his stance tense. I didn’t know how much of Rafan’s words he had heard, but I was pretty sure he’d at least heard the “I love you” part. I felt my face flame and was acutely glad of my camouflage.
“Would you mind retreating for just a moment, Breeohan? Mary and I were in the middle of a private conversation.” Rafan’s purr had transformed into a harsh growl.
“I do mind, and if you really cared about keeping Mary’s ‘heart safe,’ you would be more concerned with getting as far from the city as possible than with forcing your attentions on her. You also would have been watching the road,” Breeohan snapped at Rafan. I guess he’d heard a little more than just ‘I love you.’ Breeohan seemed to notice for the first time that I wasn’t visible. He swiveled his head in confusion.
“There has been no forcing here,” Rafan spat.
“Is that so? Then why is Mary hiding from you?” Breeohan demanded.
I had an intense desire to be on an island surrounded by molten lava rather than here watching Breeohan and Rafan’s snarling match. Instead, all I could do was become visible again. “Guys, can you please calm down? Breeohan, didn’t you say there’s someone following you? Shouldn’t we leave right away?” I asked reasonably.
“Yes. Let’s get moving.” Breeohan turned and remounted his horse as Rafan did the same. Then as if choreographed, Breeohan and Rafan reached their hands out to me at exactly the same moment. I stared stupidly at the two hands, thinking of the joys of lava-encircled islands. What kind of suicidal girls ever really wanted to be in this sort of situation?
“I really don’t feel comfortable on a horse. I’ll just run,” I said hopefully.
Neither man thought that worth a reply, but Breeohan’s hand slowly dropped back to his side. “Why don’t you ride with Rafan first, and we’ll switch when his horse starts tiring,” he suggested in an emotionless voice, his features smooth sandstone.
No wait
, I thought desperately. I wanted to be as far away from Rafan at the moment as possible, but the identical
Swan Lake
gesture had stumped me for a critical second.
“Uh, okay,” I said unenthusiastically. I wasn’t looking forward to riding with Rafan, but it would be worse than insensitive to say so, especially after he’d gushed his heart out to me in a sloppy mess. And Breeohan would probably think me a huge dirtball if I cruelly told his friend I’d rather hop across two car roofs heading in the opposite direction than ride behind Rafan on a horse.
I mounted up behind Rafan and relaced the chameleon pattern so only two riders traveling together would appear. Rafan refrained from commenting on the joys of my embrace, for which I was grateful, and Breeohan avoided even looking in my direction. Not that he would have seen me, but it was still somehow nerve-wracking.
After what seemed like days, but was really only a few hours of exhaustive riding, where I tried to hold onto Rafan as little as possible while still avoiding an embarrassing and painful drop off the horse’s back, Breeohan stopped to pour water into a large shallow bowl. He placed it in front of his horse to drink while I slid to the ground, my thighs throbbing in agony. I stayed nearly invisible until sitting on a nearby rock so that the two men would not see my penguinlike waddle.
When I undid the lacing, Rafan handed me the water flask with a flourish while Breeohan scowled and transferred the beast’s water bowl to Rafan’s horse. We didn’t rest long. Breeohan mounted and held his hand out to me. Rafan shot a parting wink while managing to glower at Breeohan at the same time. I couldn’t help but let out a groan as my legs swung into place behind Breeohan. The chameleon lacing back in place, I put my arms tentatively around Breeohan’s waist. He sat ramrod straight until the horse forced him to sway with its bouncing gait, a gait that made me wince and hiss at every step. Though I tried to keep the cursing internal, I hissed aloud.
“Do you need me to heal you?” Breeohan asked.
I felt like hitting myself. How could I forget about the ability to heal myself? “No, thank you. I’m glad you reminded me, though.” I quickly made the lacings to heal myself.
The road to the next city swerved away from the river, putting well-ordered farms between us and the murky water. The land to my left was sparse desert with gnarly, hardy-looking trees here and there that squatted close to the ground, as if growing tall in such heat was too exhausting. Sagebrush speckled the landscape, occasionally blocked by white and orange-red sandstone jutting out of the ground in swells.
Breeohan’s horse stumbled. I was almost thrown before a quick clutch at Breeohan’s clothes saved me. I must have pinched skin as well for Breeohan hissed.
“You would be much less likely to fall if you scooted forward a few inches instead of relying totally on your legs and my shirt,” Breeohan said, his tone cool. He was looking straight ahead so I couldn’t see his expression, but he certainly didn’t seem too happy. Had he heard my part of the conversation with Rafan where I turned his friend’s love down? Had he been insulted by it?
“Sorry if I hurt you.” I tentatively closed the distance that I’d been keeping faithfully. It was remarkably difficult to make myself do so, but I felt guilty for pinching Breeohan. I slid forward until I was like a barnacle sealed to a rock. I was uncomfortably aware of every portion of my body in contact with his. It felt too much like an embrace, a very intimate embrace. I leaned back so that at least my upper body would be free, but my torso kept bouncing into him with the rhythm of the horse if I wasn’t constantly thinking about keeping a cushion of air between us.
Breeohan was also stiff. Whenever I accidentally bumped him, his shoulders would jerk, and I could picture the accompanying wince on his face. I did, however, feel more secure on the horse than I had before, and my legs felt sweet relief.
Rafan rode ahead several paces. I wondered if I should talk to Breeohan about what he’d overheard, but I wasn’t really sure what to say or what good it would do anyway. Any subject would be better than dwelling on the awkward uncomfortable movement of our little “don’t touch me” game, however, so I cleared my throat to speak. Breeohan cocked his head a little.
“How far to the next city?” I asked.
Breeohan’s shoulders winced again even though I hadn’t touched him. “About four portions. It’s probably best if you stay on my horse since Rafan’s has already carried you for more than five portions.” His tone was sharp, defensive.
“Okay.” I shrugged, though inside I had to admit that I would rather have the discomfort of riding with Breeohan than the agony of riding behind Rafan. Breeohan relaxed a little at my obvious neutrality.
“Are we going to ride past the city, or are we going to get on a boat?” I asked.
“I haven’t decided yet.”
“I vote for the boat.”
“Then we should probably trade our horses for new ones and keep riding.” His head was cocked toward me with a hint of his old mischievous grin.
I cuffed him lightly on the shoulder. He reeled in exaggerated pain. This was the Breeohan I liked the best. I found myself relaxing, the space of air between us becoming smaller as he sat up more normally and I relaxed forward.
“I seriously don’t think I’ll be able to ride after four more portions. I’m having a hard enough time now,” I groaned.
“Never ridden bareback before, have you?”
“More like never ridden before at all.”
“What? How is that possible?”
“Not many people ride horses where I come from. It isn’t necessary. We have cars. These days the only people who have horses have them for fun or competitions, not really for travel.”
“What kind of animal is a car?”
“It isn’t an animal.” I tried to think of how I might describe a car to a three-year-old. “People make cars from metal and other materials, and use this substance that is really combustible called gas to make it go.” It wasn’t too great an explanation, but I was no engineer. “That really doesn’t help much does it? Sorry, I just don’t have the knowledge to explain it to you. I can tell you that if we had a car here we could probably get to the next city in a portion rather than a day on horseback.”
“That’s impossible.”
I just shrugged. “No more impossible than magic was to me a few weeks ago.”
Breeohan was silent for a minute. “It must be frustrating for you to have to travel so slowly then.”
My back stiffened at the sudden deluge of emotions that rushed through me. Breeohan’s unexpected sympathy for something that had been eating at me for so long almost undid me. But I managed to hold back and simply gulp out, “Yes.”
He was silent again until I regained control of myself and relaxed a little.
“We’ll get on a boat at the next city,” he said quietly.
“Thank you.”
B
y the time Cardo’s buildings came into view, the sky had turned deep purple and the hanging street lamps cast the walls of the houses into strange relief. Rafan and Breeohan had a brief argument over which inn to go to, but finally settled on Breeohan’s choice when he pulled rank on Rafan.
The place seemed anonymous enough, but Breeohan insisted that we all sleep in the same room so that I couldn’t be attacked while alone. I was too tired and too sore to care. I just managed to perform a cleaning lacing on myself before dropping into the lumpy bed.
The next morning I rolled stiffly out of the cot, legs aching, until I remembered ruefully that I’d once again forgotten I could fix the pain in an instant. It was still hard to keep the concept in my head. Breeohan had already sold our horses and booked us passage while I lay sleeping, so after meeting with the boys, we all moved quickly and unobtrusively to Cardo’s dock. The boat sailed upriver almost immediately after we alighted on deck, and I was quite impressed. What sort of motivation had Breeohan employed to inspire such quick action?
I had my own room in the ship, so I assumed Breeohan and Rafan weren’t as worried about me being spirited away on water as they had been on land. The room was only a foot wider than the narrow cot it held for sleeping, but I didn’t really care. It would be nice to have at least a little privacy if I needed it.
The boat was smoothly gliding upriver by the use of sails when Rafan again sidled up to me at the boat’s rail. Breeohan was only a few feet away, but that didn’t stop Rafan from leaning against my shoulder. I slid away from him, disguising it as a stumble with the roll of the ship. Rafan just moved again once I recovered, and I discovered that I couldn’t stumble away further because I had sandwiched myself between them.
“I am glad that we’ll have so much leisure time on the ship. It will give me a chance to prove my words to you,” Rafan pretended to whisper. I saw Breeohan stiffen out of the corner of my eye.
I suppressed the urge to snap like a cornered wolf, but before I could make a scathing reply that I would later regret, Rafan spoke around me to Breeohan. “Breeohan, this would be the perfect time to write that apology letter to Avana. I know how you’ve missed her. I’ve seen the way you’ve been tearing yourself up for running off so suddenly without even a good-bye. Why don’t you write her a little love note so you’ll feel better and soothe any hurt on her part?” Rafan suggested genially.
Breeohan opened his mouth.
My stomach plummeted in a gentle sway of the ship. “You guys will have to excuse me. I don’t feel very well. I think I’m going to go lie down.” I backed away from the rail, feeling panicky and nauseous. Both men regarded me like a strange new breed of insect, though Rafan smiled a little as if the insect was a particularly fascinating one. As I turned away, I saw Breeohan swivel to Rafan with narrowed eyes and a tense jaw.
We sailed for four days with little incident, and I avoided talking to either Breeohan or Rafan as much as possible. Instead, I struck up conversations with the crew when they weren’t too busy working the sails or the oars, which were only used when the winds were unfavorable. The crew put up with me, but I didn’t find anyone really interested in friendship, so my interchanges with them remained fairly dull question-and-answer sort of affairs. It was enough to make me want to talk to Rafan and Breeohan again, but whenever I saw either one coming, my need to flee overrode my boredom, and I ducked away to hide in my pea-sized room.
The landscape turned more uneven the further upriver we went, starting with baby hills that seemed to grow until the huge mountains, once a small purple blur on the horizon, crouched high above, waiting for the right moment to pounce on us.
The morning of the fifth day heralded the end of our voyage by boat. The sailors informed me that the city of Boparra was the last port for any ship of such size as theirs, or any ship at all for that matter. To go any further would risk ripping a larger boat’s bottom on jagged rocks, and smaller vessels would be helpless against the upper river’s currents.
As we ascended in altitude, the temperature cooled, and the farmland, despite the rugged landscape, increased remarkably. I wasn’t surprised to see that Boparra’s size rivaled that of the capitol’s. The eighty-five-degree weather had to be a big draw considering everywhere else I’d been so far was lucky to get a low of ninety-five.
It was possible to dock the ship on either side of the river, for the city ballooned out from both water edges like a large mushroom cut down the center. Breeohan directed the captain to the right, and I stepped off the boat with some relief even though we would have to ride and hike from here on.