Floyd & Mikki (Book 1): Zombie Hunters (Love Should Be Explosive!) (15 page)

Puff! Puff! Puff!

Mikki blew away a few creepers inside the stores as they ran by. In the past, the sound of a shotgun blast would have alerted the entire undead town to their presence, but the silencers Zeke had made really worked. Good Ol’ Zeke. She had only known him a couple of days, but she was really gonna miss him!

They made it to the truck and Floyd popped the bed lid. Mikki grabbed two of the RPGs and threw them in front seat with her. Floyd knew he had no time to argue. He would repack everything later according to some kind of logical order. For now, he just threw everything else into the bed or the back cab as fast as he could and hit the road.

“Mikki,” he said as they drove away, “If we make it out of this alive, you and me are gonna have a serious talk!”

“Yes, sir! Mr. Man, Sir!”

“And stop saying that!!!”

About fifteen minutes later, Floyd saw a huge flash of light in his rearview mirror. The sun was just starting to set, so the light was even more noticeable. He pulled to a stop and skidded the car around so they could watch the blast. They would know soon enough if they were far enough away, or if they were about to be vaporized. Mikki grabbed Floyd’s hand and held it tight.

The explosion wasn’t like the atomic bombs you saw in the old movie reels. Zeke had said this was some different kind of reactor. It didn’t blow up. It sort of…blew down. The actual nuke plant was underground, so it turned the town into a giant expanding sinkhole. The two shielded their eyes against the light.

The explosion sent a shockwave that hurled vegetation, dirt and debris all around the truck, but nothing came crashing in through the windshield to kill them. After a few seconds, the blast of wind died down, and Freedom stopped rocking violently.

“Are we dead?” Mikki asked, her eyes closed tight and fingers crossed for luck as she clung to Floyd’s right hand.

“Nope. We ain’t dead. No thanks to you!”

She looked at her watch. “Huh. Only 40 minutes. I guess Zeke was wrong.”

“You guess…you…Zeke…What the hell???” Floyd stammered, unable to process a coherent thought.

“Can I borrow your binocs, Floyd?”

Floyd just sat there with his mouth open. Then he closed his mouth and passively handed her the binoculars. Mikki surveyed the damage. The entire town had been vaporized along with half the road from there to here. Nothing was left. Except…wait. The dust was settling in the distance and the setting sun gleamed off something. The only building left standing was the little church on top of the hill, where they had buried the priest and Mr. Gregory. She wished she could have buried Zeke, too, but now he had been cremated along with the rest of the town. That would have to do.

“That was for Zeke, you piece of shit town,” she said, lowering the binoculars and handing them to Floyd.

He took a look for himself. When he saw church was still standing, he said, “Well I’ll be damned.”

“I don’t think so, Floyd.”

Floyd stared at Mikki with an odd look on his face. He kept staring at her, but said nothing. It started creeping her out.

“What, Floyd? What is it?”

“I just can’t help wondering.”

“Wondering what?”

“How in the hell are you gonna top this one?”

Floyd was surveying a number of maps on the hood of his truck, as Mikki sat in the cab playing
Angry Birds
on the iPhone Zeke had given her. Floyd was pissed, but not enough to say anything. Like everything else in life over the last two years, he had learned that nothing really mattered except staying alive. Plans fell apart, good people died, and psycho female partners vaporized entire towns for revenge. Whatever! Whoever said, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” had never met Mikki. It was a serious understatement.

He had wanted to get back to the army truck to pick up more grenades and whatever else might be of use, but that was out of the question now. The binoculars revealed that at least half a mile of freeway around Groverstown had fallen into a smoking hole. His truck could cover some pretty rough territory, but he decided it wasn’t worth the risk to try and navigate a pothole of that size. Besides, it would take them the opposite direction of where they wanted to go. And they had scored big in the little town, as it was. Best to keep moving forward.

Ah, well! Same shit, different day. Or…different shit, every day. Whatever. Still all a bunch of shit. At least if Mikki did succeed in getting them both killed, they were sure to go out in a blaze of glory.

Floyd finished repacking everything into some semblance of order, checked the fluid levels, hoses and belts. He pulled a bunch of crap out of the front grill and inspected all the tires. Freedom was no worse for wear after Groverstown had disappeared. He replaced the assorted pistols on the dashboard with the four Mini Uzis and assorted ammo clips. Bonnie and Clyde had pride of place, of course, and Floyd’s hunting rifle remained handy as well. He couldn’t figure out what to do with the two RPGs Mikki had brought into the cab, so he left them on the passenger seat floor.

“Damn. That’s the end of
Angry Birds
.” Mikki complained, as the last bit of power drained from her iPhone battery. “Unless we ever find a town that’s got power again.”

“Not exactly,” said Floyd, pulling his emergency radio/flashlight/power source to the front seat. “Just crank this handle for about five minutes and you can plug in your phone charger in on the side there. I know you brought it.”

“Seriously? Cool! Thanks, Floyd! I could kiss you!”

“You did once,” Floyd said under his breath. Of course, Mikki heard him, but she chose not to pretend she didn’t. It was still a very awkward subject between them.

“You wanna drive?” Floyd asked.

“You serious?”

“Sure, why not?”

“You ain’t gonna scream at me for what I done?”

“Would it do any good?”             

“Nope.”

“Well, there you go.”

“You know, Floyd. I really am sorry. Not about blowin’ up that rat-infested town. But I am sorry I’m such a pain in the ass sometimes. Anyone else woulda left me back there in the blast zone.”

“Oh, I thought about it. Believe me! But…” His voice trailed off and he left the though unfinished.

“Yeah, I know. Thanks. Floyd. And we do have a blast together, don’t we?”

“Not as much as Groverstown did.”

It took her a minute for her to get the joke, then she laughed. Mikki carefully put her backpack over the seat into the back of the cab and hopped over into the driver’s seat.

“You do know how to drive, don’t you?” Floyd asked, standing outside the vehicle.

“Sure! Kinda sorta. I ain’t never got my license though.”

Floyd laughed. “Well, I don’t think anyone’s gonna give you a ticket and you don’t need to worry about traffic. Just gotta dodge the occasional car stalled in the middle of the road or crashed on the side.”

“I took a few driver’s safety classes. Never finished the program.”

“Well, it’s automatic drive so you there’s no stick shift. I woulda rather had a stick shift, but, you know, you take what you can get.”

Mikki’s face lit up as she took the keys. Floyd pointed out the car key and came around to join her, sitting in the passenger seat for a change. Her heart was racing as she put the key in the ignition and fired up the engine.

Wow! She had heard Floyd start Freedom up a dozen times, but it never sounded so cool before. The engine was really powerful. She gunned it a couple of times while still in park.

Floyd sneezed and Mikki said, “Bless you.” She looked at all the controls, one at a time, muttering to herself aloud as she remembered what she had been taught years before.

She pushed down the brake pedal, shifted into drive, then removed her foot from the brake. Freedom started coasting forward slowly. She gently touched the gas and the huge truck lurched forward, so she got scared and yanked her foot off the gas. She screamed in delight and laughed at herself, both terrified and thrilled at the same time.

Mikki tried a couple more times, and the truck lurched and sputtered ahead each time. Eventually, she got the hang of it, and Freedom moved forward reasonably smoothly. Soon, she had it up to 40 miles per hour at a steady pace. Even at that slow a speed, the truck felt incredibly powerful. Floyd had her gently turn the wheel right and left to get the feel of it.

“Come on, give it some gas,” Floyd urged.

She pushed the pedal down further, and soon they were up to 80. There were no other cars for miles around, so she had the entire five-lane highway to herself. Finally, she got up the courage to jam her foot to the floor. Even at 80, the car bolted forward and she screamed at the top of her lings with delight. She was loving this!

“Come on, Floyd, crank up some tunes!”

Floyd scanned the frequencies but found nothing but static. “Nothing on the radio,” he said finally.

“Radio my ass! Pop in a CD.”

“CD?”

“Yeah, it’s got a CD player right there.”

Suddenly, Floyd felt like a total idiot. All this time, he had never noticed the slot above the radio player. He was always lost in thought when he was driving; thinking about where he was going, where he had been, what he had to do, etc. He always kept the radio on and scanned the AM and FM bands to try to find any sign of life. He had never even thought about a CD for music.

“I, uh, ain’t got no CDs, Mikki.” He coughed a little, and wiped his nose.

“Are you kiddin’ me? Well, we gotta fix that at the next town we come to. Hey, you know this one?”

She started singing (if you could call it that) the opening riff from Deep Purple,
Smoke on the Water
. Floyd smiled and soon they were singing it at the top of their lungs.

“Dun dun dun, dun dun da-dun. Dun dun dun, dun da-dun…”

When they came to the line,
But some stupid with a flare gun burned the place to the ground
, Floyd thought,
Yup. If anyone would burn a place to the ground, it was Mikki.

As Mikki kept driving, Floyd’s sneezing and coughing got worse. He was also looking pretty pale.

“Don’t you go dyin’ on me now, Floyd,” Mikki said, only half joking.

Floyd managed a weak little smile. He pulled out his medicine case as Mikki drove along, humming to herself. He pulled out a bottle of liquid cough medicine with codeine. Mikki grabbed it from him and looked at the label.

“Shit, Floyd, this is expired.” She stopped the truck and went through the rest of the medicine in the case. “Hell, all this shit’s expired!”

“Well, if you know of a place where we can pick up a fresh batch, let me know. Haven’t been any medicine factories for more than a year.”

“We need to get to a pharmacy someplace. Pick up whatever hit the shelves just before the creepers showed up. Might still be past the expiration date, but better than this shit.”

“At least aspirin lasts a while.”

Against Mikki’s protests, Floyd took a swig of the cough medicine straight from the bottle, screwed on the cap, and put it back. Mikki was genuinely worried.

“You sure that stuff won’t kill you? Medicine goes bad after a while like everything else, ya know?”

“Yes, I know. It’s almost gone now anyway. I just hope it gets me through this cold.”

“You sure you didn’t get bit?”

“If I had, you would have known long before now. No, I get this crud about this time every year. Just your everyday bad cold. Throat’s scratchy, eyes are itchy, and…” he let out a big sneeze into a tissue, “…and I sneeze a lot. I could use some chicken soup.”

“Hey, we got some!”

“No shit?”

“Yeah, picked some up last time we went shopping. What box did you put the food in?”

Mikki dug out the box Floyd described and fumbled around a bit. “Ah ha! Got it!” she cried. “Which one of these things pops the hood?”

Floyd pointed out the hood lock key and she put the can in the metal food-heater box near the engine. She grabbed an MRE while she was there. Beefy Mac. She called to Floyd to ask if he wanted something, but he declined. She tore open the corner of the MRE and sucked the food out of it as she drove along again.

Floyd really didn’t feel well and was dead tired. He drifted in and out of sleep, watching through half-open eyes as Mikki ate and drove and sang to herself. Maybe it wasn’t so bad having her around. If she didn’t get them both killed, she might actually be pretty helpful, once in a while.

Floyd was painfully aware of everything that was happening to his body. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He heard the blood rushing through his brain, he felt the snot dripping down the back of his nose into his throat. He kept swallowing and it hurt every time. He needed to just knock himself out with medication and relax for a couple of days, but they had no safe place to rest, other than the middle of the freeway.

His heart seemed to be pumping slower, and his blood seemed to be slowing down in his veins. Something was terribly wrong, but he didn’t want to tell Mikki. She’d either worry about him, or leave him in a ditch and steal his truck.

It seemed like the blood in his veins was getting…thicker. He was losing his ability to think and his eyes were getting really itchy. Then he started moaning. The last thing he remembered was looking in the mirror and seeing his skin the color of gray ash and a white film covering his eyes.

Mikki screamed and slammed on the brakes, bringing the truck to a halt. Floyd woke up, startled, as his body slammed forward against the seatbelt, due to the sudden stop. Mikki slapped him in the face.

“What the hell was that for?” he yelled, weakly.

“Damn, Floyd! All of a sudden you just started screamin’! And you looked all buggy-eyed! You OK now, or what?”

“Sorry! Sorry. I’m fine. Musta dozed off.”

“Damn, you really do have you some nasty dreams, dontcha?”

“I guess. Then I wake up and I don’t know what’s worse. My dreams or reality. Hard to tell the difference anymore.”

“Well, we’re safe in the truck. You said so yourself. You go back to sleep and dream about fluffy bunnies or some kinda shit for a change, will ya?”

“I’ll try. Although fluffy bunnies ain’t really my specialty”

Floyd curled up a best he could, trying to get comfortable with his seat belt on. He didn’t care about old seat belt laws—he just didn’t trust Mikki’s driving. Especially if she slammed on the brakes like that again.

He went to sleep and had another weird dream. He dreamed Mikki had one of those zombie kitties in her lap. She was petting it and talking to it and it was biting her gloved finger.

Of all the lousy, creepy-ass dreams! Floyd
hated
cats. Always had. The site of those zombie kitties in the pet shop had really screwed up his head. He prayed to God he would never see one of those damned things again, but he knew that was too much to hope for in this crazy world. Zombie bats, he could handle. Zombie rats? No big deal. Big-ass zombie dog jumping up to eat his face, piss on it! But a little kitty creeper just gave him the willies.

Wait a minute, was he dreaming or not? “Mikki,” he said groggily, “What the hell are you doing?”

“Nothing!” she said nervously, “Why? You have another bad dream?”

“I don’t know, I thought I saw…hey, we’re stopped.”

“Yeah, sun’s coming up so I pulled over. You been out quite a while. I had to stop a couple times myself for a little power nap.” She laughed a little nervously. “You just go back to sleep, Floyd. Here, have some more of your medicine.” She handed him the medicine kit with her right hand.

“What’s in your left hand, Mikki?”

“What? Oh nothing’. Don’t you worry. You just go back to sleep, Floyd.”

Floyd leaned over and looked behind her. Goddammit! The missing zombie kitten was stuffed between Mikki and the door. He pulled his pistol and Mikki grabbed his arm.

“No! Don’t you hurt my baby!”

“Your what?”

“She’s my pet. She won’t hurt nothin’. Ain’t she cute?” She held up the undead kitty and Floyd jumped back in the cab, getting as far away as possible in the enclosed space.

“Ah!!! Get that diseased thing out of my face! I hate cats, Mikki! Live cats, dead cats, and especially
undead
cats!”

“Oh, come on, Floyd! Be a man! She’s perfectly safe. I pulled all her teeth out, see?”

“You pulled its teeth out?”

“Yeah, with my needle-nose pliers. That way she can’t bite me. She already had no claws, and it ain’t like it hurt her. She’s dead anyway.”

“OK! That’s it! You are officially, 100 percent, absolutely full-goose bozo batshit insane! You can’t keep a freakin’ brain-eater as a pet!”

“Why not? Think about it, Floyd. It’s the perfect pet! Don’t gotta feed it or clean up after it. It won’t shed its fur. Don’t got no fleas or nothin’. It’s perfect!”

“Perfect? That thing me-oans and it’ll give us away.”

“Me-oan?”

“That hideous little sound it makes. Cross between a meow and a moan. Like all brain-eaters. It’ll bring every undead thing around down on top of us!”

“Ah, that’s where you’re wrong! She won’t give us away. She don’t moan like that unless other creepers is around. She’s like an early warning device! I named her Cutie.”

“Cutie?! Name should be ‘Munch.’ Look at it! Left ear is mangled and half missing. It’s got a patch of skin and fur on the back of its neck gone. It’s disgusting.”

“She is munched, ain’t she? That’s what makes her so cute. Floyd, I ain’t never had a pet and I lost everything else I ever gave a damn about. Don’t you try to take her away, too! She’s my baby. Ain’t that right, Munchie!”

“Oh, I see. Of course, you lost
everything
you ever cared about. Fine! I get it!”

“Now what are you talking about, Floyd?”

Mikki was genuinely confused. Floyd didn’t want to change the subject and he didn’t want to get into that other issue right now, either. The truth was, though, he was really hurt that she didn’t seem to include him in the things she cared about.

Of course, he wasn’t sure how he felt about Mikki, either, especially with her holding that disgusting freak of nature in her hands. But at least he knew he did care about her.

“Wait, a minute!” he said, out of the blue as a thought struck him. “You said it has no fleas.”

“Yeah, so?

“Fleas! That must be it! Mikki, you never saw a human zombie bite an animal, have you?”

“No, I don’t reckon I have.”

“But we’ve seen undead animals bite humans, haven’t we?”

“Yeah, and try to bite us!”

“But there aren’t any more fleas around! Or ticks, or a lot of bugs that used to be everywhere. Fleas and ticks and mosquitoes need live people or animals with blood to feed off of. Not undead brain-eaters.”

“Yeah, you’re right. And their life span is pretty short, so when the people and animals died off, so did a lot of the bugs, and the birds that ate the bugs and other things like that.”

“Mikki, that’s how so many people got infected so fast! Rats travel through the sewers. Rats have fleas. People had pets in their homes. Pets had fleas. Mosquitoes are just flying needles that suck blood and bite and bite. But they’re all gone now. These things infected all the humans and animals around, but they weren’t infected themselves, so they died off. That also explains how those dogs you saw in the pet shop got infected in their cages without being bitten. They
were
bitten, Mikki, but not by other animals. They got bit by the fleas!”

“Damn, Floyd! I think you’re right! You have to be right. That’s the only answer that makes sense. Like that video we saw of Times Square fulla creepers. New York has tons of rats. And the fleas from rats is what caused the bubonic plague years ago in Europe. We did it! We solved the biggest mystery in the world! So can we keep her?”

“No!!!” Floyd screamed.