Floyd & Mikki (Book 2): Zombie Slayers (Dawn of the Living) (14 page)

Floyd entered the cabin timidly. Mikki was sitting on the other side of bed, facing away from him. She was frozen in place. Completely still.

“Baby?” he queried.

Mikki’s head dropped. Floyd came around to sit beside her. That was when he saw the silent tears of rage flowing down her cheeks. He knew he had to choose his words carefully. After a few moments, he said, gently, “I’m here for you baby.”

The dam burst and water flowed everywhere.

“Goddammit Floyd! What the hell have we gotten ourselves into? We just get this place all to ourselves and the Jackass Family comes and turns it all to shit! Why cain’t we never get nothin’ good for us to last?”

“Hey! Hey! It’s not that bad, baby! Sure, they’re annoying, but we can’t expect to be hermits forever. You know we ain’t the only people left alive on this planet, and that’s a good thing! Unfortunately, it means we gotta learn to get along with other people, too, now.”

She noticed he had called her “baby” for the first time. She liked it, and it helped to soothe her, but not enough. She continued her rant.

“Well, why the hell don’t
they
have to learn to get along with us! Why is it that we gotta do all the accomodatin’?”

Floyd put his big left arm around her shoulder and grasped her hand reassuringly with his right hand, saying “They will, honey, they will. Hey, they probably haven’t been around anyone alive for a couple of years, too. Kinda hard to expect them to be strong in social skills now, dontcha think?”

“Well, I guess they have been cooped up in that raggedy-ass old car for a while,” Mikki admitted reluctantly, with a pout.

“That’s right! That’s right!” Floyd gently wiped the tears from her cheeks with his big, strong hands. “It’ll be OK, baby. You’ll see. And if not, we’ve always got Plan B.”

“What the hell is Plan B?”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure you’ll think of something!”

She actually laughed at that. “I already got me a Plan B, then.”

“No, you can’t throw a grenade in their cabin when they’re asleep!” Floyd insisted.

“Who said they had to be asleep?”

“Mikki!” Floyd warned sternly.

“Oh, OK! You never want me to use my grenades,” Mikki joked, punching him in the shoulder again, although much more softly this time.

“Not on innocent tourists, no. Promise me, now? No murdering the Rimmer family?”

“No promises, but I’ll try.”

“Close enough!”

They both laughed a bit, then Mikki threw herself into Floyd’s arms. He held her tightly for several minutes. Both of them desperately clinging to more than each other. They were clinging to a dream. A dream that already seemed to have shattered. Both prayed they could hang on to that dream they had built for themselves over the past couple of weeks, but they could both see it all slipping through their finger right before their eyes. Neither one knew what to do about it. They couldn’t kill every family and visitor that showed up outside the barricade. Well, they could, but that just wasn’t their style. Besides, then they would be no better than the Raiders they had wiped out to make this place safe in the first place.

After Mikki washed her face in the sink, the two headed out to gather food for breakfast. Or more like brunch, given the sun’s position in the midmorning sky. Dave and Chester were just coming back with arms full of clothes and supplies and each had a large pack of who-knows-what on their backs.

“So when do we eat? You mentioned food!” Dave asked, in a chipper voice.

“We’re just going to gather it up now,” Floyd answered. “It’s not much, but it’s fresh.”

“Okie Dokie! That sounds fine!” Dave replied. “Just call us when it’s chow time. We’ll be getting settled in.”

The size of the bags they carried indicated that they clearly weren’t planning on leaving anytime soon. Neither Floyd not Mikki wanted this family “settling in,” but on the other hand, they had no real right to refuse them. Nor could they blame the newcomers. Who wouldn’t find the campground a little bit of heaven on earth after sweating and stinking up that station wagon for two years, dodging undead hordes along the way? And besides, didn’t Floyd and Mikki feel the same way? Wasn’t that why they had decided to stay behind when the others left?

Still, there would have to be some rules, and they had to be clear. Unfortunately, neither Floyd nor Mikki had given any thought to such things before. They suddenly realized what a tremendous burden Ranger Martin had carried on his shoulders. They sure wished he was here now.

The ranger also had authority. He was someone whom everyone respected and naturally looked to for guidance. They looked to him for answers, which he felt obligated to provide. As much as the Rimmers claimed to admire Floyd and Mikki, they clearly did not see them as authority figures. That would have to change, but it would have to wait until after they ate.

The two cooked about a dozen scrambled eggs, some corn on the cob, and a few fish that Floyd had caught the day before. Refrigeration was a blessing, and the storage room in the small kitchen had an ample supply of coffee, sugar, powdered creamer, and other comestible amenities. It took about half an hour, but they managed to whip up a nice breakfast. Mikki tried baking bread with the packets of yeast and flour, but it didn’t turn out too well. If the Rimmers left (or at least became sufficiently domesticated) she might try again sometime.

The two brought out the food with five plates and silverware, setting everything up on one of the picnic tables. Then they called out that breakfast was ready, and then sat and waited. And waited. Floyd went to knock on the door, but as he approached, he heard the bed squeaking and unmuffled moaning coming from within. He turned away without knocking and told Mikki what was going on.

“Isn’t Pugsley in there?” she asked.

“It’s Chester, and you better call him that when his parents are around. I don’t know. I hope he’s at least in another room or something. Covering his ears.”

The two laughed and waited a bit longer. Then they started eating. They finished up and there was still no sign of the Rimmers. Floyd dared to approach the door again and this time was greeted by silence. Breathing a sigh of relief, he knocked on the door.

“Food’s out here if you want it!”

He heard the people inside scrambling around. Suddenly, the door opened, Dave was standing there wearing just his pants. “Where’s the food?” he asked.

“Over on the table there. We finished already.”

“Finished? Why didn’t you call us sooner?”

“We did. We shouted out that it was ready. Then I came to knock on your door, but it sounded like you were…busy in there.”

Dave laughed. “Yeah,
gettin’
busy, if ya know what I mean!” He nudged Floyd with his elbow. Floyd said nothing. He just smiled lamely and headed back to the table with Mikki. Dave jumped into his shoes and threw on a shirt and yelled to the rest of his clan that chow was on. Then the feeding frenzy began. How that family could talk and eat at the same time without choking on something was amazing. It was worse than movie extras at a catering truck.

“So we heard about your little heart symbol from Bob. That what was on them grenades of yours we saw this mornin’?” Dave asked.

“Yup, that’s our logo,” Mikki confirmed.

“Cool!” Chester interjected. “You should like put those on your clothes. Like real big on your chest and back!”

“You mean like a great big target for people to shoot at?” Mikki asked snidely.

“Oh, yeah, I guess that wouldn’t work, now would it son?” Dave queried. “Hey, ya know what would work though, is business cards. That’d be a great logo for business cards.”

Mikki was stunned at the utter stupidity of that suggestion. “And, who would we be givin’ these here business cards to, exactly?” she asked, with a sickly sweet smile.

“Well, us for starters! Yessir. We’d sure love to have a business card of yours. Hey! Can we get your autograph? Chester! Run inside and get me a pen and that little notepad out of my backpack. You know the one. Go on now, move it!”

Apparently, the fat little kid could move pretty fast when he wanted to. As he opened the door to cabin one, Daisy came out, half limping and half trotting. He came up to Dave, but kept looking all around at his new surroundings.

“That’s my baby! That’s my baby! Give Daddy some lovin’! Give Daddy some lovin’! Yeah, that’s a good boy! Good boy!” He leaned over while the dog lathered his face with drooly dog kisses.

Babette just laughed and said, “I swear, sometimes I think that dog gets more lovin’ than I do!”

“You can’t say that after 5 minutes ago, baby!” He slapped the part of her butt that was just above the bench. She jumped and giggled and they both laughed hysterically.

“Here ya go, Daddy!” Chester announced, handing him the pen and an old pad of paper.

“Could you, please? It would mean the world to us!” Dave offered the pad and pen to Mikki.

When Mikki first heard over the radio that people knew about them, she was kind of excited, just like when they got that hero’s welcome at NCH. She always dreamed of being famous as a little girl, giving out autographs to adoring fans. Somehow, it wasn’t the same anymore. Fame wasn’t what it was all cracked up to me. Especially if you had to deal with people like this.

Still, she took the pen and drew their logo. At the bottom she just wrote Mikki. Handing the pen to Floyd, He followed her lead and just wrote Floyd above the logo. She handed the pad back to Dave saying, “There you go, Dave. All official.”

“Chester, eat your corn, baby,” the mother chided.

“I don’t like cooooooorn!” the little brat whined, much louder than he needed to be. Of course, that pretty much described the whole family. They were all much louder than they needed to be.

“Son, listen to your mother.”

“I don’t like it. It tastes like crap!”

“Chester!” Babette admonished.

Dave just laughed loud and inappropriately again.

“Well, can’t argue there. Leave him alone honey. It ain’t really cooked right anyway. Not warm enough.”

Mikki was about to ask if it would be warm enough if she shoved it up his ass, but Floyd shot her a pleading look that begged her to stand down. Against her instincts, she did. She knew Floyd was right. She’d have to go along as best she could if they were gonna make this work. But she didn’t have to like it, dammit!

Despite the complaining, the Rimmers didn’t leave much in the way of leftovers. What was left over, they gave to Daisy. The dog responded by leaving another load in the dirt, just before Dave led his family back inside the cabin, saying, “Well, that wasn’t too bad! Not at all! Thanks a bunch! We got a lot of unpacking to do, so we’ll be seein’ ya later. Floyd and Mikki! Hot damn!”

Then, they were gone, leaving their two hosts alone to clean up all the dishes and yet another big pile of dog crap. It was an omen.

Floyd headed out on the lake to do some fishing. This time, despite her hatred of the water, Mikki joined him. On the smooth lake, she didn’t get seasick, although she was so nervous that she nearly jumped out of her skin every time the boat moved slightly. Her jerky reactions only made the situation worse, and she damn near tipped the boat over a couple of times before Floyd finely yelled at her to sit and calm the hell down.

Eventually, she found a comfy position at the bow of the little rowboat, where she leaned back and looked up at the sky. As much as she hated boating, she hated the Rimmers more, and there was no way that family could reach them out here. She watched the clouds drift by and tried to concentrate on happier thoughts.

Neither one spoke a word for the first hour and a half, both enjoying a relaxing morning and both avoiding the subject at hand. Eventually, Mikki broke the silence.

“So what are we gonna do about them Rimmers, Floyd?”

“I don’t know, Mikki. They clearly don’t have any boundaries. But then, how could they? They haven’t been around people for two years now.”

“You could say the same about us, Floyd, and we don’t act that way. No, the way I see it, they was that obnoxious before. Maybe they got a little worse over the past two years, but I don’t think they was ever much better.”

“You may be right, but that only makes it harder.”

“Well, we gotta set some rules, but what? Clean up after yer damn dog oughta be number one.”

“Yeah, but the dog went number two,” he snickered.

“This ain’t funny, Floyd!”

“Maybe we could get a muzzle for that kid’s mouth and the dog’s butt!”

“Dammit, Floyd! I’m serious!”

“I know! I know! Damn, woman! Take a little joke! I don’t like this either. OK, first rule: clean up after your dog. Clean up your own plates should be…the second rule.” Floyd didn’t want to say Rule Number Two, after the joke he had just made. “They look like they’re moving in pretty permanent, so we need to show them where everything is at, how everything works, and tell them that if they want to stay here, they have to help keep everything running. This ain’t a Howard Johnson’s Motor Lodge and we don’t provide maid service.”

“Now yer talkin’, Floyd! You know, I think that’s it! That’s the answer! If they actually have to work to stay here, maybe they’ll decide to move on and head out to NCH. We need to tell them how wonderful it is there!”

“It’s worth a try. I was really happy to have this whole place to ourselves. It’d sure be nice to have it back that way.”

“Well, there’s always the old grenade-in-the-cabin option,” Mikki said, with a wink, and Floyd laughed.

They spent another 15 minutes just enjoying the day. The fish were biting well today. Floyd hooked five and had them swimming in a cooler filled with water. The lake was fed by a stream that kept the fish naturally stocked. With only a few people in the campground, there was little danger of overfishing the lake.

The first thing they noticed as they entered the campground was that Daisy had dropped a few more bombs in the area. How could a dog that ate so little poop so damn much? Floyd put the cooler full of fish on one of the benches and went to knock on the door of cabin one. Mikki stayed back by the cooler. She didn’t want to have any part of this conversation. She knew she was on the verge of losing it with these people, as it was. Better to let Floyd handle it. He was always so calm about everything.

What the hell?
As Floyd approached, he saw a big heart with D+B in the middle of it had been drawn on the door in blue paint! It was clearly a rip-off of the Floyd and Mikki logo!

Floyd did his best to breathe deep and try to remain calm. He reminded himself that there were no copyright laws in Zombie America, and that imitation was the sincerest form of flattery, and other crap like that. Still, it irked him.

Dave opened the door when Floyd knocked, asking, “Wow, is it time for dinner already?” Mikki’s grenade-in-the-cabin idea sounded better and better, but Floyd bit his tongue.

“No, not yet,” Floyd answered. “We need to discuss a couple things first.”

“Oh? Uh, OK,” Dave said nervously. “Hey! Ya like the painting on our door? It’s just like yours! Only instead of F+M for Floyd and Mikki, I put a D+B for Dave and Babette! And I used blue paint instead of red. Pretty cool, huh?”

“Yeah, it’s…a lot like ours, alright.” Floyd had never felt like punching a man as much as he did now, but Dave’s idiot grin and pride in his “accomplishment” was almost too much for even Floyd to bear.

“Look, Dave, we’re real flattered and all to have such…exuberant fans,” Floyd began. Dave looked like a puppy being scratched behind his ears. “But you should know, there are a few rules for the camp. Things to keep the place clean and working right, you understand?”

Dave nodded enthusiastically in agreement saying, “Sure! Sure!” he obviously had no idea what Floyd was talking about.

“First, we really need you to clean up after Daisy. We eat out here and it’s really unsanitary to have dog… feces…lyin’ all around where we eat.”

“Oh, yeah, right! Never thought of that.”

I bet you didn’t.
“Also, it looks like you’re planning to stick around a while, so Mikki and I figured we should show you around and let you know how the place works. Believe it or not, it takes a lot of work to keep this place going and we’ll need your help. I can give you a tour while Mikki gets lunch prepared.”

He looked over at Mikki, who stared back at him with a quizzical look on her face, like, “Say what now?” She realized that this meant she was stuck making lunch for everyone. Still, if Floyd did his job right, this would be the last time, so she regained her composure and sweetly said, “That’s right. You two go off and do man stuff, and I’ll do all the cookin’ to get lunch ready!”

Dave seemed more thrilled than was humanly possible. Let me just get the boy,” he said.

“No, no!” Floyd interrupted. “I mean, I figured just you and me could take some time to get to know each other while I show you around. You know? Man-to-man kind of stuff.”

“Oh, right!” Dave turned and yelled in the cabin, “Honey! I’m going out for a bit. Be back later. Keep an eye on Chester and Daisy for me!”

With that, Dave closed the door and Floyd had a new shadow. Wherever he went, Dave was right beside him. Floyd couldn’t be sure how much Dave even heard or understood what he was told, but Floyd did his best to get his points across.

Floyd showed Dave the little camp kitchen where the plates and silverware were stored, as well as the refrigerator, deep freezer, oven, pots, pans and assorted other kitchen stuff. He showed him the pantry and storeroom, and made a big point of showing him the sink, dish soap and drying rack.

“You know? For washing dishes and such? That way we have clean plates for the next time we eat and we don’t risk getting some bad disease from leftover food rotting on the plates. Now under here, is what we do with the leftover food.”

Floyd opened up a little door under the sink and pulled out a large metal pail. Dave reacted instantly to the smell.

“Damn! What’s that stink?”

“Oh, an assortment of leftover table scraps, egg shells, used coffee grounds, and a bunch of other stuff. We use it for composting.” He put the bucket back and took Dave out the back door to show him the composter, which smelled even worse.

“We throw the scraps into here, mix it up with some dirt, leaves, wood ash from the fireplace, and chicken manure.”

“Chicken manure? That’s gross! What the hell for?”

“Chicken manure gives nitrogen. You see, composting is what puts the nutrients back into the soil. Without it, our little field of corn and vegetables won’t grow anything after a while. We take care of everything so we don’t starve to death someday. It takes a lot of work!”

“Boy, I’ll bet!” Dave agreed. Dave thanked Floyd for doing so much work, but the point of Floyd’s narrative seemed to have been lost on him.

Dave also didn’t seem to take the hint when Floyd told him about how he and Mikki tended to the animals. How they needed to be fed and cared for. How their poop didn’t clean up after itself. Or when Floyd explained how the crops needed to be tended. When the winter came, they would have to gather all the corn, apples, carrots, lettuce and assorted other fruits and vegetables and prepare them for storage. Then in the spring, they would have to plant new crops. The plants would grow, and then they would be harvested.

Floyd felt like a kindergarten teacher on valium. He talked very slowly, as if to a child, to make sure Dave understood. Unfortunately, it was like talking to a brick wall. Except a brick wall would be smarter.

Then Floyd showed him the lake and pointed to the dam off in the distance, explaining that’s where the electricity was generated. He told him how Mikki had rewired a lot if the campground to make it safer. He explained that the lake had fish, but they didn’t just magically appear when it was lunch time. Somebody had to actually catch the fish, and that person was usually Floyd.

Floyd then took Dave back out to the front and showed him how the door to the barricade worked. He desperately hoped Dave would use it to
leave
sometime soon. To press the point, Floyd walked slowly all the way back to the campground, explaining how every day required hard work from everyone. He explained how the previous occupants all had their own chores to do. He told Dave how Ranger Martin managed the place, the women cooked and cleaned and sewed, the men built and repaired things, etc. Yes sir! Everyone had a job to do and they did it gladly to help each other out. It was a lot of
hard work
to keep the place running.

On the other hand, Floyd told Dave about New California Haven. How they had the newest and best of everything. How they had real hospitals and doctors in case a young man like Chester got sick. Or if Babette had another baby. NCH had free housing for everyone, and the best food, and it was completely safe and everyone there was really happy.

“Wow, sounds great!” Dave said.

“Oh, it is! It is! It’s the best place left on the planet!” Floyd said exuberantly, promoting NCH to the best of his ability.

“So then why didn’t you and Mikki stay there?” Dave asked.

“Um, what?”

“Why didn’t you and Mikki stay there? You were there, weren’t you?”

Floyd’s brain was reeling. His flawlessly executed plan just vaporized with that single question. He scrambled for a good answer, but even as the carefully chosen words came from his lips, Floyd new he sounded lame. Perhaps Dave was dim enough not to notice. Maybe he would buy Floyd’s reasoning.
Yeah. And maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt!

“Well, we were there, of course! But we promised we’d come back and guide the campers there. They all really wanted to go being a new life together in New California Haven!”

Floyd sighed in relief internally, certain he had saved the day. Then Dave shattered the peace that might have been once again by saying, “But you didn’t go back with them.”

“Um, no, we didn’t”

“Why not?”

“Oh! We didn’t have to. You see, on the way back, we rescued a couple of Navy guys and we got a big tactical assault vehicle—”

“A what?”

“A tactical assault vehicle. A TAV.”

Dave stared like zombie caught in the headlights. As Floyd gave more details, Dave picked his nose and wiped it on his shirt.

“It’s a great big army truck,” Floyd clarified. Good thing Mikki wasn’t nearby to hear this. “Anyway, the Navy guys led the way in this big army truck. So they kept everyone safe. We got a radio message from Bob once they got there.”

“But why didn’t you go back with them?”

“Oh, well, someone had to keep the place going here. You know? So, we…stayed behind. We kind of like it here.”

Floyd could have shot himself for adding that last part. He was a drowning man reaching for a life preserver and accidentally grabbed onto the anchor. Sure enough, the conversation went from bad to worse. Dave latched onto the only part of the conversation Floyd didn’t mean to say.

“Oh, I understand completely! My family and me, we like it here, too!”

“Oh, well, you know the campground really isn’t a good place to raise a family. In New California Haven they have schools and playgrounds and beauty parlors and…and…all sorts of other things that would make Chester and Babette mighty happy!”

“Nah! They don’t need none of them things. We got along without ‘em for two years, and we can get along without ‘em now. Am I right? Know what I mean? The simple life! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!”

Floyd had no idea what Dave was talking about, but he knew it wasn’t about him wanting to leave any time soon. He tried another tactic.

“You got along pretty well with Bob, didn’t you? On the radio, I mean.”

“Oh, yeah, Bob and I chatted up a storm. That’s how we got to learn all about you and Mikki. Your adventures, your little heart logo…everything!”

“Well, Bob’s in New California Haven and he just loves it! He’s working with electronics and radios and computers and all sorts of stuff that he loves doing. Hey, maybe you could talk to him on that radio of yours sometime. Find out why he loves the place so much.