Foggy Mountain Breakdown and Other Stories (25 page)

I especially liked the scene in
Bullet Proof
in which Cass’s preppy boyfriend Bradley turns out to be the killer, and, as he’s attacking our heroine, he falls out the window of the apartment when he trips over Cass’s cat Diesel. Nice touch!

Anyhow, Ms. Gunsel, you do good work. So I wanted to write and tell you that you have a satisfied customer, and that I’m looking forward to Cass’s next adventure, which I’m sure you’re working on even as
I write.

Here’s wishing you the best of luck and continued success.

Sincerely,       
Monty Vincent

Laurie Gunsel

Mr. Monty Vincent            
367 Calabria Road             
Passaic, New Jersey 07055

Dear Mr. Vincent:

Thank you very much for your kind letter about my books. It’s always nice to hear from readers. It’s nice to
have
readers.

I’m glad you liked
Bullet Proof
. It’s one of my favorites, not only because it went book club, but also because I got some rage out of my system toward an old … acquaintance, shall we say? I don’t think libel comes into it, because unfortunately, he
didn’t
trip over a cat and fall out a window. But I certainly enjoyed writing the scene and picturing him taking the plunge. Getting paid for it was just a bonus.

Thanks again for writing!

Feloniously yours,
Laurie Gunsel      

367 Calabria Road             
Passaic, New Jersey 07055

Dear Laurie Gunsel:

I can’t tell you what a kick it was to get your letter! Wow! A busy lady like yourself answering fan mail. I’m amazed.

Since I last wrote, I’ve finished the superb
Dead in the Water
and started
The Gang’s All Here
, in which the intrepid Cass goes up against the Mafia on
Martha’s Vineyard. An interesting choice of locales, and, having never been there myself, I certainly enjoyed all the New England seaside ambiance with which you highlighted your story. I’d never have thought to set a Mafia story on Martha’s Vineyard. What creativity and contrast! A great read.

A question, though: in the scene in which Enzio Lombardi is pushed out of the lobster boat by Sewell, gets entangled in the lobster traps, and is left to drown and be eaten by lobsters, I thought I detected a note of satisfaction—dare I say
glee?
—in the narration, which would be the voice of you personally, I gather. So then I had to wonder. I went back and looked at the window scene in
Bullet Proof
again, and, to my unliterary eye, there seems to be a marked resemblance between the preppy boyfriend in that book and Enzio the mob guy in
The Gang’s All Here
. They don’t look alike, but I notice that they’re both “pretentious” dressers and that they have prominent ears. An interesting coincidence, I say to myself. Either the talented Ms. Gunsel has a thing about ears, or else we are seeing the same guy meet his demise yet again. So I decided to presume upon your good nature and ask.

Congratulations on making the B. Dalton bestseller list. I noticed your name on the list on my last visit to the mall, and cheered you silently as I passed the mystery section.

Sincerely yours,
Monty Vincent  

Laurie Gunsel

Mr. Monty Vincent           
367 Calabria Road            
Passaic, New Jersey 07055

Dear Mr. Vincent:

Thanks for writing. I’m glad the Cass Cairncross series has kept you interested. I’m fond of her myself. After all, I suppose she makes my house payments. She’s certainly fictional (I should be so sylphlike!) but at times, she seems quite real—like a roommate who has gone on vacation, but may be back any time now. Not that I’ve ever had a roommate—not another woman, that is. And judging from my one unfortunate experience with a live-in guy, maybe I’ll just stick to cats. Diesel is quite agreeable, and never wants to watch pro football when
Murphy Brown
is on, so we get along fine. I wonder if Cass would be a good roommate. She’s obsessively neat, and having a detective around the house would certainly diminish one’s privacy.

You are quite a detective yourself, Mr. Vincent. Not even my editor Joni, who has known me for
years
, spotted the resemblance between Enzio in
The Gang’s All Here
and Bradley, the preppy boyfriend in
Bullet Proof
. But then, she received the manuscripts several years apart, whereas you are speeding through the books at the rate I wish I could write them! Okay, Monty, you got me. I confess. Bradley and Enzio are the same guy. He’s not in the earlier books, because I didn’t know I hated him back then.

So how come he’s real? There are many ways to create characters, and one is to take hostages from life, because people never recognize themselves. Of course you change most of the details about the person, but you leave the one little mannerism that drives you crazy, so that deep inside you (the author) know who the character is, and it makes the narrative so much
more—sincere, I guess. (I am never more sincere than when I am plotting the demise of Bradley/Enzio in a novel.)

I used to worry that he might read my books and know which character was him, but apparently that hasn’t happened. He probably doesn’t even bother to buy my books—when did he ever care what I thought? And I assure you that a conceited lout like him wouldn’t see himself as a gangster, or even as the preppy boyfriend. (That window scene was appropriate. He and Diesel cordially loathed each other. I think I kept the right one.) He probably
likes
his Windsor ears.

Sorry. I didn’t mean to burble to you on the fine points of characterization. I’m so used to being interviewed that sometimes I go on automatic pilot. Anyhow, if you ever do a book review for a fanzine, please don’t mention that Bradley/Enzio have roots in real life. That’s something I
don’t
tell interviewers. Besides, the last thing I need is for
him
to come after me with a subpoena.

As to setting the Mafia book on Martha’s Vineyard—I’m not sure that was terribly creative of me, except in terms of tax management. You see, I took a vacation that year at the Cape, and if I set the book there, the whole thing was deductible. And I didn’t see any guys there wearing white ties and answering to the name of Vinnie, so maybe the Mob doesn’t vacation there after all, but it made a good setting, and I knew I could describe it accurately. Glad you approved.

So, tell me something about
you
, Mr. Vincent. Writers always wonder who we’re talking to when we send a book out into the world. It’s nice to know someone out there is listening.

With all best wishes,
Laurie Gunsel         
and                        
Cass Cairncross      

367 Calabria Road             
Passaic, New Jersey 07055

Dear Ms. Gunsel:

What a great letter! Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my foolish questions. I was absolutely delighted with your explanations about the characters and the Martha’s Vineyard setting. Knowing little facts like that adds a whole new dimension to the book when you learn the background. I reread both books, and enjoyed them all over again. Paperback, of course. My first editions are in plastic covers, stored safely away like the treasures they are.

So Enzio and the Preppy are based on a real guy. This explains what a ring of truth there is in your characterization. But how sad that such a gracious and talented lady like yourself should have to put up with a jerk like that. But you show admirable spunk in getting the rage out of your system, instead of weeping quietly into a lace hankie about how wronged you were. Cass must get her style from you.

Great line about Martha’s Vineyard! I’m not surprised you didn’t see any “Vinnies” in white ties. Those are strictly the legmen in the operation, and I think Martha’s Vineyard is a little beyond them in taste, if not in price. They’d be happier in Atlantic City, I think. But your big shots in the Armani suits and the Italian silk ties—
them
you would find on Martha’s Vineyard, but you’d never notice them, because they have money and they know how to fit in with the society types. When you have to hobnob with senators and company presidents, it doesn’t pay to look like a cheap hood. Of course, in fiction we have to be able to spot the bad guys, so you very rightly gave your readers the gangsters they expected. What a storyteller!

I was also impressed with your knowledge of medical matters in
The Gang’s All Here
. The scene of poor Enzio in the lobster trap still makes me shudder. One thing you might look into, though, is the bit about the Kevlar body armor. Remember when Cass gets shot in the back, and it doesn’t even slow her down because she’s wearing the Kevlar vest? Actually, she’d feel a little more discomfort than that. Depending on the distance and the caliber of the weapon, the impact would probably knock her down, and she’d have anything from a bad bruise to a cracked rib to show for the experience. Check with some of your Atlanta policemen on this. I’m sure they’d be honored to help you with your literary research.

You asked me to tell you a little about myself. There’s not much to tell, I’m afraid. I’m a grandfather—got two beautiful little grandkids living in Rockaway, but, alas, I don’t get to see them very often. I’m retired now, and maybe I miss the old business a little bit, but I have my garden to tend to, and my collection of books. It’s terrific to finally have time to read anything I want, and not have to cram in a chapter here and there on a plane or waiting around for my next appointment. My copy of
Freelance Murder
just arrived in the mail from Murder By the Book, and that will be my evening’s entertainment. So, Ms. Gunsel, I want to thank you for being the highlight of my “golden years.” I’m enjoying my armchair adventures with the intrepid Cass Cairncross. Keep ’em coming!

Sincerely yours,
Monty Vincent 

Laurie Gunsel

Mr. Monty Vincent           
367 Calabria Road            
Passaic, New Jersey 07055

Dear Mr. Vincent:

You’ve already got
Freelance Murder
? They haven’t even sent me my author’s copies yet! That was quick work on your part. At least I know it’s out in stores now. Can the autographings be far behind? Which reminds me: since you’re spending your hard-earned pension buying my books and keeping Diesel in catfood with my royalties, wouldn’t you like to have your copies signed? I wouldn’t mind at all, really. All you do is put the books in a mailer, and enclose another stamped mailer in with them, and I’ll sign the books and ship them right back to you. Book collectors tell me they’re more valuable if I just sign and date them, but if you want them personalized to you (or the grandchildren?), I’d be happy to.

Thanks for pointing out my mistake with the Kevlar vest. I guess I took the term
bulletproof
a little too literally. Actually, I’m kind of shy about asking the local police to proof my work, because the ones I know were
his
buddies. You know how cops and lawyers stick together. (I hope I didn’t just offend you. You sound knowledgeable enough to be a retired policeman. Just put me down as a victim of a legal shark attack.) I suppose I ought to find a new source somewhere like downtown Atlanta, especially since I need some technical advice for the new plot. I need to know how my professional hit man can smuggle his .44 Magnum onto an airplane. I would call the airport and ask, but it would probably make them nervous.

Since you’re one of Cass’s most faithful friends, I thought I’d let you know that she appears in a short story in this month’s issue of
Criminal Minds
, which
should be on newsstands about now. It’s called “Better Never.”

Thanks again for your encouragement!

Sincerely,                        
Laurie Gunsel                  
P.O. Box 97184               
Peachtree City, GA 30269

367 Calabria Road             
Passaic, New Jersey 07055

Dear Ms. Gunsel:

Thank you for your kind offer to sign my collection of eight Cass Cairncross first editions. I am speechless with joy. Also, I am shamelessly taking you up on it. A package of books should arrive shortly, along with return postage and a self-addressed sticker for you to put on the box and mail back. Please inscribe them to
Monty
. In case you are busy with your latest masterpiece, I want you to know that there is no hurry in doing me this favor. I know the books are safe with you. I’ve already read them, so don’t waste a minute of your writing time on this chore.

Thanks for the tip about the new Cass story in
Criminal Minds
. Most enjoyable. Such description! When Cass Cairncross breaks into Hepler’s room to search for the documents, and finds that he has been shot in the head while sleeping, I was afraid that the shooter would come tippytoeing out of the bathroom and get her next. This can happen. But then I tell myself: Laurie Gunsel is in charge here, and she is not going to shoot the hand that feeds her, and, sure enough, all is well. Interesting that you said Hepler’s cheek felt like warm leather to Cass’s touch, when she checked to see if he was really dead. I’ve always thought that deceased personages felt like a package of plastic-wrapped meat like you get at the deli. But your description is more elegant. I suppose Cass was
too delicate to mention the smell. She couldn’t miss it. And I was a little surprised to hear that there was a spatter pattern of blood on the wall by the bed. Surely if the individual is lying down, you would put the barrel just above his ear and aim downward. Shooting your mark in the temple is messy, no question about that, but people have been known to recover. You want to take out as much of the braincase as possible with one slug so as to guarantee a clean kill. Of course, as I recall, the murderer was the blackmailed Unitarian minister, so maybe he didn’t know from forensic medicine. He probably wouldn’t know all that technical stuff. Anyway, it was a great yarn, and you fooled me completely. I especially liked the neat touch of the shooter’s having put a roll of toilet paper under Hepler’s chin and unrolling it to make a necktie—to show his opinion of the deceased. A nice bit of symbolism, which was not lost on yours truly.