Following Your Heart (11 page)

“Oh, much better,” he agreed, not speaking his thoughts aloud. Anything was better than maiming and murdering human beings. Bishop Bender had stood in front of all of them on those many Sunday mornings warning the Amish young people of the dangers of war.

“Many of our people have given their lives for the faith in Europe rather than take up the earthly sword,” Bishop Henry had said. “We must also be strong, and not give in to the carnal desires for vengeance which belongs only to
Da Hah
.”

“This war is a great evil,” Carol said, fitting right in with his thoughts. “The government has placed political and nationalistic policies ahead of human freedoms and dignities. What right do we have to tell the Vietnamese people what form of government they're happiest with?”

“I don't know about that,” he said. “The Amish oppose all wars regardless of the reasons for it. Men were meant by God to live in peace.”

“That's awesome!” she gushed. “That's absolutely awesome. I had no idea the Amish were such kind and thoughtful people.”

“We try to live right with God,” he said, “and love everybody as God commands us to.”

Her face shone. “Is love not always right?” she asked quietly.

He smiled and nodded. He barely registered her comment about how wonderful the Amish were. All he could think about was what a sight she was, a vision dropped straight out of heaven. But was that not where the dark one had once been? Hadn't he fallen out of heaven? Bishop Bender had reminded them often of that fact too. He pushed the thought aside.

“Here we are!” she announced, breaking into his thoughts as she parked the car beside a well-kept white house. “We have the whole place to ourselves this weekend. Come on in, and I'll introduce you to everyone.”

They were all nice enough to him when they went inside. He heard a dozen or so names he wasn't able to remember. He stayed close to her, even when some of the other young men paid her attention. The music started around dark, coming from a rotating machine he had never seen before. There was hardly a word in the music he could understand, but he quickly accepted her lead when she took him by the hand and led him to the middle of the living room with the other dancers.

He tried to follow her movements, his feet stumbling.

The smile didn't leave her face. “Just relax,” she whispered. “Let your body feel the music.”

He had thought then of the open farmland, the roll of the summer thunder across the horizon, the flash of lightning in the sky before a cloudburst. He leaned closer until their bodies touched. They moved together for what seemed like hours until he no longer cared about anything but her and the great passion for living that rose up in his heart. They finally stopped moving, and he pulled her aside to the couch. With both of his hands on her face he kissed her.

With a lurch, Menno came back to the present. He pulled his head up and glanced around. No one was staring at him. He hadn't fallen asleep or revealed anything during his reverie. Even if he had fallen asleep, that was an understandable offense. He looked ahead and listened, noting the first minister was wrapping up his thoughts before taking one last, long look over the congregation and sitting down.

Menno shook his head again, running his fingers over his neck. It didn't feel hot, but shame was running deep in his heart.

A
group of wide-eyed girls gathered around Susan after the church service. Behind them in the living room, the last of the smaller children were being served lunch on the long church benches. Susan held baby Samuel in her arms, teasing his cheek with her finger. He grinned, apparently none the worse for wear even after the three-hour service and the lunchtime afterward that he spent on
Mamm
's lap. “We're going to make a little Amish man out of you yet,” Susan cooed.

“Is that the
Englisha
woman's baby?” a girl behind her whispered. “
Mamm
said he and his mother might be here, but I haven't seen anything of her.”

“She couldn't come,” Susan said, not offering further explanation.

“What does she look like?” another asked.

“Just like you and me,” Susan said. “She likes our ways and dresses like us. She's a very nice young woman.”

“But where did she come from?” This question came from further back, and Susan didn't recognize the voice. “My
mamm
said she was a really wild
Englisha
girl. Is that true?”

“She lived the only way she knew,” Susan said while smiling at Samuel.

“Did you live with her?” This question was asked quietly.

“
Nee
,” Susan said. “I lived in an apartment over the bakery where I worked.”

Silence settled over the group. Moments later the questions started again.

“When is the child's mother coming to church? You said she liked our ways.”

“The ministers aren't letting her,” another voice said before Susan had the courage to answer.

“Oh,” someone else said. The silence settled around them again.

“Okay, girls,” an older woman called from the kitchen doorway, “the last table is ready to clear. Come on.”

The group broke up, leaving Susan on the couch holding baby Samuel. Tears stung her eyes, but she refused to wipe them away. People might misunderstand why she was crying, thinking she was just glad to be home. But in a way, that might be the best thought for them to have. Sympathy for Teresa and her plight could be misinterpreted. And what would they say if they knew she'd gone out to dinner with an
Englisha
man? That she had invited him to her apartment for supper? Sure, she had not done what Teresa had done, but still those occurrences would be hard to explain. Still, it didn't seem fair that she was allowed to come back and fit in again when Teresa was barred from even attending the services. The ministers hadn't even talked to her directly.

“Come, Susan!”
Mamm
called out. “
Daett
just left for the barn, and we need to get ready.”

“Coming!” Susan called back, wrapping Samuel in his blanket. He squirmed and wiggled, a frown growing on his face.

“Susan,” Miriam's voice whispered near Susan's shoulder as they walked toward the washroom, “is it okay if we come over this afternoon?”

“If you're not afraid of being polluted by Teresa!” Susan snapped.

“Ooooh…” Miriam said.

“I'm sorry!” Susan whispered. “I'm just a little angry right now. I'll try to do better. Of course you're welcome to come. We've been planning on it.”

“Some of our sisters might come too,” Miriam said. “Is that okay?”

“Of course,” Susan said. “We'll be glad to have all of you come over.” She left Miriam and headed toward the washroom, moving through the crowded kitchen. No one said anything or paid her much attention. The din of conversation in the enclosed area was a loud murmur.

Mamm
handed Susan her bonnet and shawl when she arrived and then took Samuel from her arms. After slipping the items on, Susan and her
mamm
went out the door to find their buggy.
Daett
was waiting at the end of the walk. Susan climbed in first and reached down and took baby Samuel from her
mamm
. Anna got in beside Menno.

“Let's go,”
Daett
called to Toby and then clucked his tongue. They were off.

An unusual silence hung over the buggy on the ride home. Susan's thoughts were on her
mamm
and
daett
. Surely they weren't agreeing with what had been done today. Or perhaps someone had spoken to them about other, more strident measures being planned. Was that possible? Maybe Samuel would be required to stay away from the services too. It did seem like the second minister had taken a lot of time talking about how the church must keep itself pure from the world. Susan finally blurted, “You don't think this can go on for long do you? It was simply awful today.”

“I don't know,”
Mamm
said. “It does seem kind of hard-hearted. For myself, I can't see what would be wrong with letting Teresa attend the services.”

“I can't either,” Susan said, relieved that at least
Mamm
was on her side. “Perhaps she can come with me to the hymn singing tonight. Nothing was said about Sunday nights.” Susan waited. Her
daett
would surely have something to say on that, but he didn't offer anything.

Mamm
spoke up a few minutes later, ignoring the not-so-subtle suggestion. “Some of the women asked whether Teresa is wearing our clothing. I told them she was, and they seemed surprised. I can't see what in the world they were thinking. Like I would allow the girl to show up in church in
Englisha
pants or something.”

“We must not let disunity gather in our hearts,”
Daett
said, clearing his throat. “The ministers know what is best even when we think sometimes they don't.”

“So what do you think about this idea of Susan's?”
Mamm
asked. “Should Teresa be going with her to the Sunday night hymn singings?”

“We should ask Deacon Ray first,”
Daett
said. “It makes little difference what I think about it. You know that.”

“Then we might as well save our breath,”
Mamm
said.

“You must not be too hard on the man,”
Daett
said. “He is only passing on what the ministers decide.”

“I know.”
Mamm
turned around in her seat. “But at least we have Susan home with us now, and I can't say how thankful I am for that.
Da Hah
is faithful even when we doubt Him.”

“I'm sure Teresa thinks so,” Susan muttered, but
Mamm
had already turned around. The slow clop of Toby's hooves filled the silence again. Susan pulled baby Samuel close and whispered, “Mommy will soon be here. It won't be long now, and you can have some
gut
food instead of this stuff out of a bottle. Now won't that be just yummy?”

His face stretched into a grin as if he understood. Then he puckered up and let out a wail.

“
Ach
,”
Mamm
said, turning around again. “Here. Give him to me. Maybe he wants to see out the front.”

“He wants his mommy,” Susan said, handing Samuel across the backseat.

Mamm
sat the baby on her lap, bouncing him up and down on her knee. His wails ceased at once.

“See, I still have the touch,”
Mamm
cooed. “After all these years.”

“You've raised enough girls,”
Daett
said, keeping his eyes on the road.

“But no boys,”
Mamm
added. “I always wanted a boy.”

“We took what
Da Hah
gave us and were thankful,”
Daett
said.

“You're surely not upset because we were all girls?” Susan asked, leaning forward. This was something she'd never thought of before.

A trace of a smile played on her
daett
's face. “I love all my girls,” he said. “As well as I would have loved boys.”

Mamm
didn't say anything as she continued to coo to Samuel and bounce him on her knee.

Susan settled back into her seat and watched the countryside go past.
Now, if everyone would decide to like Teresa, how wonderful the world would be. Perhaps in time Teresa will be accepted into the community. It's possible. Wasn't liking almost anything possible with time? That's what Deacon Ray often said when someone had a hard time keeping the
Ordnung.
Perhaps it's time he applies his teachings to himself!

They soon arrived at home and pulled into the driveway. Susan climbed down, turning to take Samuel from her
mamm
. She wrapped the blanket around his face and rushed toward the house. Before she arrived, Teresa came bursting out of the house, her arms bare in the afternoon cold.