Following Your Heart (35 page)

Susan smiled. “We do this all the time, and it's okay. All you do is move out to the edge of the seat, and the boy sits in the middle.”

Teresa glanced at James, who was coming back with the tie rope in his hand. Sitting in the middle was definitely better than sitting in someone's lap, she supposed. But they wouldn't do such things here. She had to stop thinking such thoughts from the past.

“Well,” James said, climbing in, “are you comfortable, Teresa?”

“I'm okay,” she replied.

Susan got in. “Just don't run over the dog,” Susan said.

“But there is no dog!” James said, making the turn, the buggy squealing its wheels on the metal side rollers.

“That was a joke!” Susan laughed.

“Thomas never mentioned you cracking jokes,” James commented as he leaned forward to check for traffic before pulling out on the main road.

“Maybe Thomas doesn't always see things,” Susan said. “And next time you come calling, please leave him at home. You'll get a much better welcome.”

“Come on now, Susan,” James chided. “Thomas is a nice man. And he cares about you.”

“Are you his go-between now? Sent to sweet-talk me into something?” Susan asked. “I thought better of you.”

James laughed. “I wouldn't even think of trying that. I was just stating the obvious.”

“Well, you're not going to change my mind about him,” Susan said. “So please don't even try.”

“So what is your opinion of our community now, Teresa?” James asked, glancing sideways as he changed the subject.

“I think it's wonderful,” Teresa replied. “It's even better than I thought it would be.”

“A glowing report then,” James said. “That's
gut
. And what do you think of the young people?”

“Well, the girls have been nice to me,” Teresa said. “And it's something how well everyone is brought up.”

“That's saying it differently,” James said. “I guess we
are
‘brought up.' ”

“You can be thankful for that,” Teresa said. “I expect the rules and the parents watching what the young people do can seem a little overbearing at times, but believe me, the other way is not good. I should know. I longed many times for a mother who cared about what I was doing.”

“Was your father ever around?” James asked.

“Not that I remember,” Teresa said.

“Your parents were divorced then? And you didn't have visitations with your father?” James asked. “I thought the
Englisha
had laws about such things when the parents aren't together?”

“My mother wasn't married to my father,” Teresa admitted reluctantly. “I guess I got used to it. But I don't want that kind of life for Samuel. That's what brought me here.”

“You really shouldn't pester Teresa with so many questions, James,” Susan warned.

“I'm sorry,” James said. “I was just curious. And I think it's
gut
what Teresa's doing. Not many girls would do that for a child.”

“Thank you,” Teresa replied. “That was a nice thing to say.”

“That's because I'm a nice person,” James answered with a smile.

“You're also arrogant and full of yourself,” Susan retorted.

“That's also true,” James admitted, turning into the driveway. Lines of buggies were parked by the barn. He pulled the buggy to a stop at the end of the walk.

“Now, you are taking us home again, right?” Susan asked after stepping down.

“Of course,” James said. “I wouldn't leave you stranded.”

“Just checking. You never know about boys.” Susan walked around the buggy to join Teresa.

James ignored the remark and clucked to his horse. They took off toward the barn.

“The boys are staring at us,” Teresa whispered. “What are they thinking?”

“They're wondering why James brought both of us to the hymn singing,” Susan said.

“Why
did
he bring us?” Teresa asked.

“Because he likes you,” Susan said. “Don't be silly. You know that. What do you think of him?”

“You know the answer to that,” Teresa said, “You know I've already made up my mind about my future, so don't entertain any other thoughts.”

“James is turning out to be nicer than I thought he was,” Susan said, holding open the washroom door. “Maybe you ought to give him a chance.”

Stepping inside, Teresa removed her shawl and bonnet and lay them on the large pile. Already she knew how to find them again when the time came to leave for home. The feeling was good, like she was already a real Amish woman, even before she was baptized. This morning Bishop Henry had asked her a question in German, and the answer had come a little slow, but it had come. Even Deacon Ray had smiled his approval. But what would he say about his son bringing her to the hymn singing? He wouldn't like it…not at all. She really must convince James on the way home that his attentions were not wise. He needed to find himself a good Amish girl, one who had a father around while growing up and a mother who took care of her.

“Teresa,” Susan whispered in her ear, “are you okay? We need to go inside.”

“I was just thinking,” Teresa said, trying to smile.

Susan shrugged and led the way in. The murmur of the girls in the kitchen dropped when they came in, resuming moments later to the normal level of cheerful chatter as the two young women blended in and greeted everyone.

Teresa stayed close to Susan, nodding at the greetings and smiling her own. All the while, James's face stayed in her mind—the crinkles when he smiled, his approval of her reason for coming to the community, how strong his hands were on the reins as he clucked to his horse. Could a woman want anything more in a man? A man like that who could plow fields, milk cows by hand, and still have a heart that seemed to understand and appreciate a woman's heart and motives…

The world of Asbury Park had certainly produced nothing of that kind. There might be good men in Laura and Robby's world, but not like the men here. The men here were simply better. Here there was the closeness to the earth, this realness which took one's breath away. But did Yost Byler have all those things? Surely he must. No matter, she had to be satisfied with what was good enough and not reach for what was not hers. James's future belonged to an Amish girl, one who would be good enough for such a perfect man.

A male voice from the living room rose above the conversation. “We are so glad to have the young folks here for supper tonight. If everyone is here, Deacon Ray will lead us in prayer.”

Teresa listened as James's
daett
prayed, his voice rising and falling with the German words as he led out with “
Unser Vater im himmel
…”

“Our Father in heaven,” Teresa translated as she mouthed the words along with him. Joy flooded through her heart. She was standing here with these people, eating supper with their young people, saying with them that God was her Father. There could not be more to ask for. This great God whom they worshipped would surely smite her for reaching beyond what she'd been given. “Help me stay humble, God,” she added under her breath. “I am so thankful for what You have given me already. I really want to be happy with Yost and the love he offers. I'm sure You will help me make this clear to James so that he will understand. I want to do what You want me to do.”

Deacon Ray finished the prayer, and conversation in the room resumed.

Teresa waited with the other girls until the boys had gone through the line before moving to fill her plate. There was meatloaf on the table, already half gone, but a young girl appeared with another pan and slid it onto the table. Potato salad sat beside the corn and green beans. Bread and jam finished out the main course. Beyond that sat pies—apple, cherry, and chocolate cream.

“There's so much to eat!” Teresa commented to the girl in front of her. “I'll get fat soon.”

“Then you'll look like a real Amish girl!” The girl laughed.

“I didn't mean that! I don't think any of you are overweight,” Teresa replied instantly, chagrined.

Even though Eunice was smiling, she hadn't looked happy at Teresa's initial comment.

“Perhaps not,” Eunice said, adding, “I saw you came with James tonight. Was he at your place this afternoon?”

“He stopped by for a few minutes,” Teresa managed. She felt the heat rising in her face. Her face must be blazing red. Oh why hadn't she looked closer who was in the line in front of her? Of course Eunice would have objections to James even speaking with her, let alone driving her here in his buggy.

“Does Susan have her buggy here?” Eunice asked. “I don't remember seeing it.”

“No,” Teresa admitted. “James brought both of us, and he's driving us home again.”

“Really? Is he seeing Susan and you just came along for the ride? James would be nice enough for such a thing.”

“I don't think so,” Teresa said, her heart racing.

“Really…” Eunice turned her attention to filling her plate without waiting for any more comments.

Teresa kept distance between them until they reached the end of the table. She moved to sit at the other end of the room. If Eunice was upset with the situation, likely others would be also. This could bring nothing but trouble for her baptismal Sunday, which was coming up soon. Bishop Henry wouldn't smile any longer at her progress if controversy stirred.

“Please, dear God,” she prayed, staring at her plate of food, “I'm not trying to cause any trouble for anyone. And remember Samuel. Bless him and help me keep him safe and loved.”

Someone sat on the bench beside her, but Teresa didn't look up. Whoever it was likely had more comments to make about James bringing Susan and her to the hymn singing.

“I wouldn't let Eunice bother you,” Susan's soft voice said beside her.

Teresa jerked her head up. “Oh, it's you!” she said in relief.

“Eunice was just hoping James was driving me around,” Susan said, “so she can make a final move on Thomas.”

“Love is so horrible and messy,” Teresa moaned. “I don't want problems before my baptismal.”

“You aren't making any problems,” Susan assured her. “Don't worry about it. And don't look so white. People will think we're starving you at the house or working you half to death.”

“I'll try,” Teresa said, taking a bite and chewing. It tasted so good it almost melted in her mouth. Tears stung in her eyes, but she refused to release them. God would help her through this. He would remember Samuel.

T
eresa closed the songbook as the last notes of the Sunday night hymn singing hung in the air. The round clock on the living room wall said nine o'clock on the dot. As usual, the young people's time was closing with punctuality. Nothing else was normal though. Teresa's heart was racing at the thought of driving home with James. Sure, Susan would be along, but James would be seated in the middle. She'd have to speak to him again. There were things she would have to tell him, even with Susan along. Words that would be hard to say. Perhaps it would be better to say nothing and just jump out of the buggy and run for the house the moment they got home? James had promised, had he not, that this was only a drive home and nothing more.

“We're ready to go,” Susan said, interrupting Teresa's thoughts.

“Okay.” Teresa got to her feet. Moving down the center aisle between the boys and girls, Teresa kept her eyes on the floor. Surely her face must be burning—her neck certainly felt on fire. The young people had to know what James was doing and were probably wondering why. And well they should. It made no sense according to their strict traditions. No girl should be riding home with a boy who wasn't her brother unless there was a good reason. And she was an outsider.

In the washroom they found their wraps in the light of the gas lantern. Teresa double-checked to make sure she had her own. With the way her mind was going, she didn't want to accidentally pick up someone else's wraps. Stepping out into the night air, the cool breeze brushed across her warm face.