Following Your Heart (38 page)

Teresa waved her off with one hand, wiping away her tears with the other. When Susan didn't leave, Teresa relented. “Oh, Susan!” Teresa cried. “That was so hard.”

“What did that awful man have to say?” Susan asked, sitting down beside her.

“Nothing I didn't already know,” Teresa said. “And he kissed me. He didn't ask or give me time or anything. He just grabbed me and kissed me.”

“Start talking!” Susan ordered. “Tell me everything.”

Teresa dried her eyes. “He said, basically, that James is blowing a lot of hot air, and that he—Yost—is the only one who will make a decent husband for me and provide for Samuel. He doesn't want the wedding at my baptismal called off or even postponed.”

“You don't have to marry him,” Susan reminded.

“I know, Susan, but maybe I need to,” Teresa said. “I'm different than you are. You forget that. I have a son without being married. And it's not like I haven't been kissed before.”

“You're not
that
different,” Susan asserted. “And a kiss taken is different than a kiss given.”

Mamm
opened the front door. “Is everything okay, Teresa?”

“Yes.” Teresa attempted to smile. “We're just talking.”

“Okay, if you're sure,”
Mamm
said, waiting a minute before closing the door.

“Continue!” Susan commanded, glancing at Teresa. “But first let me say this. I think it's awful that you're letting Yost mess up your mind about James. You had a good time with him Sunday night. And that's nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Yost threatened to speak with Deacon Ray about James if I don't agree to the wedding on my baptismal day,” Teresa said.

Susan laughed. “And you're afraid of that? You know the ministers said you could do what you wish about marriage.”

“Yost doesn't think Deacon Ray is going to take the news well that James has been driving me around,” Teresa said. “Even though you were along, I think he's right. So there's really only one choice—the one that has been present all along. What is best for Samuel? Yost was right about that. James is uncertain. I can't take a chance on him. Not when I think of Samuel. At least with Yost I know what I'm getting. He will be true to me and faithful to Samuel.”

A buggy could be heard coming on the road. Susan looked out and said, “I can't believe that man's coming back!”

Teresa followed Susan's gaze. “I don't believe it's his buggy, Susan,” she said.

Seconds passed before Susan responded. “Hmm, I don't think so either. How did you know?”

“Because I know what my husband-to-be's buggy looks like,” Teresa said.

“It's Deacon Ray's buggy,” Susan observed. “I wouldn't worry. This can't be about you. Not twice in a row. I suppose he's out on his normal Saturday afternoon rounds. He might even go on by to Ada's place, although I haven't heard anything about what her boys might have done wrong.”

“He's slowing down.” Teresa groaned.

“Come inside!” Susan said, grabbing Teresa's arm. “He will speak with
Daett
in the barn.”

“What's going on?”
Mamm
asked, coming out of the kitchen as they rushed inside.

“Deacon Ray is calling,” Susan said. “I didn't want to be seen on the front porch.”

“I'm so sorry for all the trouble, Mrs. Hostetler,” Teresa said, her face white. “I'm afraid this will be about me again.”

“Come dear,”
Mamm
said. “Let's not jump to conclusions. Deacons have work to do in the church that we don't always know about. Menno will speak to him, and he'll tell us if we need to know anything. Did you and Yost get things worked out?”

Teresa sat down before answering. “Yost insists on holding the wedding on my baptismal day,” she said. “He doesn't want to wait, and he doesn't want all the fuss. I guess that would make things easier for everyone.”

“Remember, you are welcome to hold a wedding here,”
Mamm
said. “But it would be good if Yost would agree to it.”

“I think she should tell the man to go back to his tumbledown farm and stay there!” Susan said.

“Susan! Don't be disrespectful. And that's Teresa's decision, not yours,”
Mamm
said. “At least Teresa has a prospect for a husband. You're not doing so well for yourself in that area, Susan.”

“That's not a nice thing to say!” Susan protested.

“Sometimes the truth has to be spoken,”
Mamm
said. “Don't discourage Teresa if she wants to marry Yost.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Hostetler.”

Mamm
smiled. “You look a little peaked from your time with Yost. Perhaps you should rest for a while. Samuel might need feeding, and Susan and I can finish the afternoon cleaning.”

“I'll help first,” Teresa said, getting to her feet. She picked up the broom and dustpan. “Samuel isn't crying yet, so I'm sure he's fine.”

Mamm
smiled. “Why not work on your room then? I will take over for you if Samuel starts to fuss.”

“Thank you,” Teresa whispered, slipping up the stairs. At the landing, she entered her bedroom and began to sweep. Questions swirled through her mind until the broom grew still. Deacon Ray was outside and what did he want? No doubt it had to do with James's interest in her. It had to be. Nothing else made much sense.

Taking the broom with her, Teresa crossed the hall into Susan's room. Stepping up to the side of the window, she peeked around the edge of the drapes. Menno and the deacon were standing by the buggy, deep in conversation. Menno had a foot up on the buggy wheel, and Deacon Ray was gesturing with his arms.

“Oh, dear God,” she whispered, turning to kneel beside Susan's bed. Burying her head in her hands, she wept. What trouble she had brought to these good people's lives. Before she came they had been living peacefully, enjoying the blessings God gave to all humble hearts, and now look what was happening. Perhaps she should have listened to Susan and returned to Asbury Park.

“Oh, if it weren't for Samuel, I would,” she wept. “But I promised Samuel I wouldn't take him back there. Oh, God, please have mercy on me and my baby.”

Standing to her feet, Teresa peeked around the window shades again. The men were still there. Menno was now standing with his arms folded across his chest, his lengthy beard flowing over his hands. Deacon Ray still looked like he was doing most of the talking.

Should she go out and speak with them? The question brought an end to the tears. Perhaps if she humbled herself, explaining to Deacon Ray that she wasn't trying to cause any trouble, that she was still considering Yost Byler's offer of marriage, he might understand. No doubt Deacon Ray thought she was trying to steal his son.

Teresa went down the stairs.
Mamm
was working in the living room, and looked up with questions in her eyes.

“I'm going out to speak with the men,” Teresa said.

“I'm not sure that's wise,”
Mamm
said. “It might not be you they are speaking of.”

“I think it is,” Teresa said, trying to smile down at baby Samuel in her arms. He was watching her with steady eyes. At least he wasn't crying, so he must not be hungry yet.

“You're going outside?” Susan asked from the kitchen doorway.

“Let her go,”
Mamm
instructed. “I'll watch Samuel for you.”

Teresa handed Samuel to Anna and then walked to the front door, opened it, and stepped outside.

Both men looked up when she appeared on the porch.

“Help me, God,” she whispered over and over as she walked toward them.

The men turned to face her directly.

“Teresa,” Menno said and nodded.

“I'm sorry to bother you,” Teresa said, her voice trembling. “But if this conversation is about me, I would like to be involved.”

“It is about you, Teresa, but you should not have come out. I would have told you later. That is our way,” Menno said.

“I'm sorry,” Teresa said, “but it seemed best that I come out and speak to both of you.”

Deacon Ray cleared his throat. “Since you're out here, perhaps this is
gut
. It will give me a chance to ask you questions without Menno passing them between us. Such situations can cause misunderstandings. So let me ask you, why are you trying to catch my son James as your husband? I agreed with Menno that we shouldn't force you to marry Yost on your baptismal day, but I did not think you would pursue my son. This is a serious matter. I believe it calls your instruction and baptism into question. I cannot see how we can baptize you and accept you into our community if you so plainly go after one of our boys.”

“I have no such intention,” Teresa asserted, raising her eyes to meet the deacon's. “James is the one who came to me, and he is the one who asked to drive Susan and me to and from the hymn singing.”

“Are you blaming James for this situation?” Deacon Ray asked.

“No,” Teresa said. “I blame myself. My heart is sinful. Please have patience with me. I didn't come to the community to marry anyone. I came because of my son, Samuel. I came so he could have a better life. I have not encouraged James. Has Menno told you Yost was here earlier? That Yost and I spoke at length? I told him I am still willing to marry him, but I would like some time to plan the wedding.”

“You are still willing to marry Yost?” Deacon Ray asked. “I'm not asking for your promise to marry him, but will you assure me you are truly willing to marry the man?”

“I am willing,” Teresa said. “I'm sorry for the trouble and confusion.”

Deacon Ray cleared his throat again. “It's not like our own people make no problems. I guess we should be used to it. Right, Menno?”

“There is always trouble, it seems,” Menno agreed.

“But not this kind of trouble,” Teresa said.

Deacon Ray shrugged. “Let me be clear, and then I will go. I have strong objections to you and James seeing each other. Do you understand that?”

“I do,” Teresa said, tears springing to her eyes. “I have not encouraged James in any way. Please believe me.”

“We believe you, Teresa,” Menno responded, smiling.

“Then I will expect you to have nothing more to do with him,” Deacon Ray said, his eyes staring into hers. “And I will be telling James the same thing.”

Teresa nodded. Having said her piece, she turned and walked to the house. At the front door she didn't look back. She opened the door and entered to the howling of a hungry baby. She wiped her hand across her eyes and took Samuel from Anna's arms.

“Thank you,” Teresa said. “I'll go upstairs and feed him.”

“Did it go well?”
Mamm
asked.

“It went well,” Teresa said, smiling tightly through the tears.

“They didn't ask for any promises?” Susan asked, coming out of the kitchen.

“No,” Teresa said. “I understand what I need to do.”

Teresa took Samuel upstairs. She soon heard the sound of Deacon Ray's buggy wheels moving down the driveway. She wiped away the last of her tears. Minutes later, as she paced with Samuel on her shoulder while gently patting him on the back, she again heard buggy wheels from the driveway.

Teresa crossed the hall to Susan's room and looked out the window. Menno was driving the buggy out of the lane at a fast clip.

I wonder what that's about?
she thought.
At least it's probably not about me. I've certainly had enough trouble for one day.

T
he day was warm and sunny, a gentle breeze moved across the open fields. Teresa was driving the buggy with Susan seated beside her. Cleaning supplies were stashed under the backseat.