‘Didn’t that bother your wife?’
Long seconds passed while he struggled to respond. She knew him well enough to label every emotion crossing his face, watching the lie he was thinking up form in his mind before he rejected it, defeat showing in his eyes.
‘How did you know about that?’ Grateful at least that he didn’t deny it,
‘It doesn’t matter how I know. I just do.’ There was no way she would tell him about Ruben.
She heard Barbara, her receptionist, leave for the night. Wishing just once that her employee wouldn’t be so efficient, she realized they were alone. Strangely, the thought didn’t really worry her. He wasn’t a threat to her anymore. Never really had been.
‘I am sorry things didn’t work out for you, but I really don’t know how you expect me to feel, Simon.’ She rubbed her temples, suddenly tired. ‘We’ve both moved on…’
‘You’re involved with someone?’
She shook her head. ‘Not anymore.’ Tears sprang into her eyes. She didn’t feel at all well. The pounding in her head had increased and she felt nauseous. A flush crept up her cheeks as she realized she was about to faint.
‘
She began to feel slightly better as the cool air wafted over her. Struggling to sit up, she brushed him away, burying her face in her hands.
‘I’m not up to this at the moment, Simon. I think I better go home.’
‘Are you ill?’ The concern in his voice seemed genuine.
‘No. I’m pregnant,’ she replied bluntly. She didn’t care what he thought enough to bother lying about it.
Simon staggered backward to stand across the room, staring at her in confusion. ‘I thought you said you weren’t involved?’
‘I’m not,’ she said quietly, tears threatening again.
‘Don’t tell me he dumped you when he found out you were pregnant?’
‘It wasn’t his fault. It was me.’ He was the last person she would ever talk to about something so important. It was in his nature to be cynical and judgmental. He would only contaminate her memories.
If there was ever a time for this conversation, now was definitely not it. ‘I must go home. I am exhausted,’ she said, hoping he wouldn’t argue.
‘Let me take you.’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’ Getting to her feet, she grabbed for the table as a wave of nausea hit her again. Simon rushed to her side.
‘
‘Maybe you’re right,’ she conceded, allowing to him gather her things.
The short drive to her house passed without much conversation.
He took her right up to the door, insisting that he get her into the house. Hoping it wasn’t a ploy to spend more time with her, she handed him the key. Nothing he could say would make a difference anyway.
‘You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?’ Simon asked her a few minutes later, after he had settled her on the sofa with a glass of water. He looked at her sadly, finally seeing that there was no hope for him. She nodded silently, not trusting her voice.
He sat down beside her. ‘I am truly sorry,
‘You’ve been in therapy?’
‘Yes. I had to. After my marriage failed, I had nowhere left to hide. I realized the problem in my relationships was me.’
‘You know, I have always respected you.’ He turned to look at her finally, letting her see he was being genuine. ‘I never felt good enough for you. And rather than raise my game and make myself the kind of man you would want to be with, I tried to drag you down.’
‘But I loved you Simon,’ she interrupted. ‘Why wasn’t that enough to reassure you?’
He shook his head. ‘Not back then. I could see I was treating you badly, but I couldn’t stop. I hated myself and took it out on you.’ He fell silent, allowing his words to sink in.
‘I saw a therapist too,’ she confessed. ‘It helped me a lot.’
‘Helped you realize you were better off without me?’ He smiled sheepishly, taking no offence at
He continued to look at her as he fell silent, his eyes saying everything he could not. She prayed he wouldn’t try again to win her heart. She was strong enough now to kick him out of her life for good and never look back. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be necessary.
Simon dropped her gaze as he sighed and got to his feet.
Pausing as he reached the door, he turned to speak. ‘I registered with your practice, so you have my number. Let me know if you ever need anything, ok?’
Going to him, she kissed his cheek before giving him a hug. ‘Be happy, Simon,’ she smiled tearfully.
He cupped her face, making sure she took in every word. ‘Follow your own advice,
She had no idea how long she had stayed, rooted to the spot, after she heard the door click behind him, until her headache returned with a vengeance, forcing her back to the sofa.
What a day it had been
. She never thought she would say it, but she was glad Simon had stopped by. The person she’d feared most until now had turned her world on its head. Finding out that he still loved her and had been in awe of her was a huge revelation. It sure hadn’t felt that way back then. His timing sucked though. She wished they’d had this talk and ended things in such a civil manner before she’d met Ruben. Maybe things would have been different.
sobered as she remembered how badly Ruben had deceived her. But she could have forgiven him for that eventually…hell, she had forgiven him already, if the truth were known.
There wasn’t a damn thing she could do about his attitude to fatherhood though. Every few days, she got an overwhelming urge to tell him, to see what his reaction would be. But what would be the point? He’d made his feelings clear.
She would just have to love the baby enough for both of them.
Chapter 20
Ruben stepped out onto the balcony of his parent’s
He heard his mother Rosa call him for dinner. He smiled at the familiarity of the sound—more than a decade had passed since he’d heard it last, but it felt like only yesterday. Since his arrival two days earlier, he’d been pleasantly surprised. Age had mellowed his parents. His mother no longer drank at all. As for his father Hector, he had to ask him for the name of his therapist, Ruben thought with a laugh. The change in the man was nothing short of miraculous.
Entering the room to join them for dinner, he saw his father seated at the head of the table. Ruben marveled at the fact that he had never before noticed what a handsome man he was. The serenity in his face gave no hint of the angry, bitter person he used to be. Of course, he had noted the gradual change in them during the many visits they had paid him since he left home, but he’d always assumed they were on their best behavior at those times.
The people before him were almost strangers. It was time he put that right. To an outsider, they looked like a couple in their late fifties who had never had an angry word in their thirty plus years of marriage. They were the kind of people he would like to know better.
Neither of them had questioned him when he’d arrived unannounced in the middle of the night. He’d been touched to find his mother had a room ready, in case he ever visited. The joy in her eyes as she had tucked her grown son into bed had hurt Ruben deeply. He’d never considered that his parents loved and needed him, too.
Sitting down to the table, he accepted the steaming plate of food from his mother. His father cleared his throat, in the way he always did when he was getting ready to speak. ‘Ruben, I must ask you something.’ Hector waved away the look his wife gave him, her silent plea not to meddle going ignored. ‘What has happened son? Why have you chosen to visit us now?’
‘It was time. That’s all.’
Hector wasn’t satisfied. ‘Is it anything to do with the scandal over that girl who claimed you were the father of her child?’
‘Hector!’ his mother put down the serving spoon she was holding with a bang.
‘It’s okay, Mama,’ Ruben reassured her. Turning to his father, he shook his head. ‘That was six months ago and ancient history.’
‘Is it yours?’ his mother asked quietly. Shame washed over Ruben. They didn’t know. Why would they? It hadn’t occurred to him that they would be here, still wondering. He hadn’t bothered to tell them what was going on and they obviously hadn’t felt able to contact him about it.
He shook his head. ‘No. I am sorry I didn’t tell you before but I guess…I guess I wasn’t thinking straight. Once it was all over, I tried hard to forget about it.’
‘Were you serious about this girl?’
‘There was never anything between us,’ he said, choosing his words carefully. His mother didn’t need to know too much about the kind of women he’d encountered and what he done with them.
She smiled hopefully. ‘And is there anyone special now?’
Ruben pushed his plate away. ‘There was someone…but that’s over.’ He couldn’t talk to his parents about
‘You still love her, don’t you,’ his mother asked, reaching out to smooth a hand over his.
‘It doesn’t matter how I feel anymore, Mama.’ He smiled to soften his words, hoping she would take a hint and drop the subject.
‘Any woman who doesn’t want my handsome son must be crazy,’ she bristled. ‘She wasn’t right for you, Ruben.’
‘It wasn’t her fault. It was me…I ruined things and she left,’ he said, his voice flat and emotionless. Ruben was grateful for the awkward silence that fell. Thanking God when his parents changed topic, he finished his meal quickly, desperate for some time to himself.
His father found him later in the yard, watching the setting sun. ‘You know, Ruben,’ he began as he pulled up a chair. ‘We never did thank you properly for this house. Your mother and I have been very happy here.’
Ruben smiled, unsure what to say. Taking the beer his father offered they drank in uncomfortable silence, staring out over the mountain.
‘This woman you mentioned earlier…’
‘I don’t wanna talk about it.’
Hector sighed, took a long pull on his beer, and continued. ‘I was only going to say that something you love is worth fighting for.’
‘Like you and Mama?’ Ruben couldn’t hide his sarcasm. His father, of all people, was trying to give him relationship advice.
Hector chuckled. ‘You have a point. But, the one thing me and Rosa had was love. That’s why we stayed together.’
‘You sure didn’t act like you loved each other.’
‘We were young, Ruben and didn’t know what we were doing.’ He placed a hand on his son’s forearm. ‘And we didn’t know what we were doing to you either.’
Ruben swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. ‘I’m okay,’ he said gruffly, uncomfortable with the turn of conversation. He’d spent so many years angry at his father. He didn’t know how to react to the kindness in the older man’s eyes.
‘I would like to believe that son, but it worries us to see you alone all the time. You don’t let anyone get close…including us.’
Hector sat back in his seat, realizing he wasn’t about to get a reply. Ruben wanted to give his father what he was asking for, some kind of absolution he guessed, but the words wouldn’t come.
‘You know,’ his father continued, ‘it took me a long time to overcome my demons, and I almost lost the love of my life over it. Don’t let the same thing happen to you…don’t pay for my sins.’
Ruben couldn’t begin to explain how he’d come to this point. Maybe he would talk to his father about it some day, when it hurt less. Now was not the time. Thankfully, his mother spared him the need for a lie.