For the Love of Suzanne (23 page)

She remembered the incident as if it had happened
just yesterday. It tormented her that she had really loved Beau, but
he’d despised her and wasn’t afraid to tell her or show
her. The way he’d treated her shattered any illusions of love
and any notion that it was all hearts and flowers. It wasn’t
like that at all. It was ugly and painful.

She brushed away the few tears that had slipped
down the side of her face and burrowed deeper under the covers. She
had to be ready to leave in a few hours.

~~~

Cody trudged through the blinding storm, leading
Titan whom he had blindfolded to protect his eyes. He knew he was
becoming disoriented and kept his mind on Suzanne and the faint smell
of smoke that was in the air. He knew he was close. He just had to
stay focused and get there.

He was exhausted. He’d been traveling for
days with just occasional stops to let Titan rest and to grab a few
minutes of sleep himself. He had to get to Suzanne before she thought
he abandoned her. He’d underestimated the time it would take to
get to the town and to get back and now the weather was delaying his
return.

He knew Suzanne wanted to be in her own world
before the baby came and wondered if the baby was even alive. She’d
been through hell and had been so sick; it would be a miracle if the
baby was okay. He prayed that it would be for her sake. Her sake and
the sake of her husband.
What was his name again? Beau. Yeah, that’s
it. Beau.

He tried not to think of her in any other way than
a friend, but it was getting harder all the time. She didn’t
talk about her husband much; on the occasions that she did, it wasn’t
with great fondness, although she’d never led him to believe
she didn’t love him. Cody could see the beauty of her spirit
and her soul. She was warm, caring and never complained. He knew it
was wrong to covet another man’s wife. He knew it had been
wrong for him to kiss her those few times, but he hadn’t been
able to resist the temptation and she’d seemed to like it. He
wondered if her husband would kill her if he found out that she’d
kissed a half-breed. It wasn’t adultery, but it could be
considered being unfaithful. He couldn’t bear the thought of
her being hurt anymore because of him. The guilt he already had was
more than enough and he didn’t think he could stand anymore.

He plodded on, getting clumsy and falling a few
times, but got up and kept going. He had to get to her.

~~~

Suzanne dozed off and woke to a cold, dark room
with the wind still howling outside. Something had awakened her. She
looked around to see what it was as she rubbed her expanding belly.
She found nothing and got up to put more wood on the fire that was
nearly cold.

She was standing in front of it, warming herself,
when she heard something at the window. The wind was blowing like
crazy and she thought something had hit it, but was afraid to look.
She thought about getting Boris, but knew that she’d already
overstayed her welcome and needed to steer clear of the angry man.

She would be gone shortly anyway and was gathering
her few things when she heard it again and froze. That was definitely
tapping.

She swallowed her fear and made her way to the
window, but didn’t pull back the curtain, afraid of what was
out there.

The tapping stopped before she got there. She
thought maybe she was imagining the whole thing until she heard it
again and heard a male voice moan her name. It had to be Cody. She
whipped the curtain back and made out his hat and a heavy bear hide
coat and the black hair blowing in the wind. “Cody,” she
whispered excitedly and opened the window.

He tossed his guns onto the bed under it and
climbed through.

She looked at him with happiness. His coat and hat
were caked with snow, as were his pants. His face was red from the
cold and his hands were covered with mittens. He looked so good; she
could barely keep herself from throwing her arms around him and
kissing him silly, but thought better of it. He probably didn’t
want her anymore, if he had at all.

The first thing he noticed about her was the baby
had grown and he sighed with relief. It would appear that Jenny had
been wrong and the child was still alive. It was good. He looked at
her face and thought it was healing nicely with just a trace of a
bruise on her cheek. The cuts were gone, the burnt ends of her hair
were gone and her hair leveled out, leaving it a bit shorter. She was
stunningly beautiful. Her stay here had done wonders.

“Um, I’ll go make you some tea,”
she said nervously as she watched him shake off his coat.

“No. Don’t get Boris up. I’m
fine,” he assured her and hung the coat over the back of a
chair to dry.

“I can be quiet.”

“I know you can, but all I want to do right
now is sleep. I’ve been traveling for days.”

“Okay,” she said softly. “I’m
sorry.”

He moved the chair closer to the fire before
sitting down and pulling off his boots and socks. He rubbed his cold,
tired feet and wiggled his toes to get some feeling back into them,
hoping he didn’t have frostbite. He combed his fingers through
his damp hair that had been exposed to the snow and then rested his
elbows on his knees and looked at her. “Sorry for what?”

He could see her trembling and hated it. She
seemed so afraid all the time, like an abused animal. He got off the
chair and stepped toward her only to have her step back and raise her
hands as if she were expecting him to hit her. He went no further and
knew she’d been hurt by someone she’d loved and trusted.
Yes, she’d been abused by Major Richards and some of the people
in the village, but this was a different kind of fear. He couldn’t
imagine who would hurt such a beautiful, gentle creature.

She held her breath apprehensively as he gently
took her hands and set them to her sides, pulling her into a soft,
warm embrace. She could have stayed there forever and found herself
with her arms around his slim waist and her head on his chest. “I
didn’t think you were coming back,” she said in a
tremulous voice.

“I would never leave you, Suzanne,” he
whispered as he rocked her slowly and smoothed her soft hair down her
back.

She wanted to believe him, but wasn’t so
sure. He was two weeks later than he said he would be. She had
thought he had abandoned her. She knew he’d had no way to get
her a message, not that he would. She had no right to ask him where
he was. He was a grown man and didn’t have to answer to
anybody. But he had come back and had weathered a bad storm to get
here. That mattered.

He kissed her soft, fragrant hair, then gently
lifted her head off his chest and gazed into her blue eyes. She was
so beautiful in all ways. Her skin was tanned from being in the
desert, her hair was still soft with curls at the ends, her eyes were
breathtakingly blue, and he could feel her baby pressing against him
as he held her. It didn’t revolt him. Instead, he wished she
and the baby were his. He would take care of both of them and love
them forever.

She returned his gaze, mesmerized by his dark
eyes, feeling her knees go weak. Her heart was beating faster as she
held him around his slim waist, wishing he would kiss her again
because she didn’t have the courage to kiss him first. She
wasn’t even sure whether he was real or this wasn’t the
longest dream in history. If it was a dream, she wasn’t sure
she wanted to wake up. Everything she’d been through with him
was worth it just for the privilege of knowing him.

He pushed her hair away from her face and ran the
backs of his fingers over her soft cheek. He couldn’t wait
anymore and slowly brushed his lips over hers. He felt her lips
trembling as he kissed her, moving his hand down her back to pull her
closer, and slipping his tongue between her teeth.

She’d been kissed before but never by someone she loved as much as she loved Cody. It made her
want to hold onto him all the more.
Why can’t we stay together?
She couldn’t stay here and to get him to her world seemed
impossible.

A soft tap at the door drew them away abruptly and
she shoved him away.

“Hide,” she whispered to him urgently.

He quickly slid under the bed, knowing that Boris
would start waving his guns around again if he caught him here; he
was too tired to deal with it.

She wasn’t thinking of that his coat and
boots were in plain sight, but she still opened the door just a crack
and saw Boris standing there. “Hi,” she said quietly.

“Who you talkin’ to?” he
grumbled roughly.

“Nobody,” she said lamely. “Myself.”

“I heard a man’s voice in here. Now
where is he?” he demanded.

“Who?” she asked innocently.

“Your big buck lover. I know he’s
here,” he said coldly.

Cody closed his eyes, hating to have Suzanne
defend him, but knew better than to make his presence known. He would
undoubtedly be thrown out and he wasn’t sure Boris would let
her stay, baby or not.

“There’s nobody here, Boris,”
she said firmly. “Just me and I won’t be much longer. I’m
really sorry I’ve put you out and I’m sorry I offended
you. I’ll be leaving when the storm breaks,” she assured
him. “I won’t be a bother to you anymore.”

“See that you ain’t,” he
snapped. “Now, pipe down. I hate gettin’ woke up.”

“I will. I’m sorry,” she said
sincerely.

“Just keep it down,” he muttered and
headed back to his own room.

She closed the door and quickly went to Cody who
was still under the bed. “I think it’s safe now,”
she whispered.

He gracefully slid out and regained his feet as
she sat on the edge of the bed.

“I was actually getting ready to leave,”
she whispered to him.

He sat next to her and took her hand. “And
go where?”

“I was going to try to find my way home.”

He shook his head. “You can’t leave
right now. It’s brutal out there and you would never make it
out of the mountains. We’ll leave as soon as we can, honey,”
he promised her in a whisper. “I didn’t know he was being
mean to you.”

“It just started today and I’m okay
with it. I brought it on myself.”

He looked at her quizzically. “How?”

“I told him and Marda that you and I aren’t
married and I didn’t think you were coming back. I asked him to
point the way to Arizona. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he whispered and
kissed her on the cheek, wishing she hadn’t told the Claybornes
anything. He didn’t want to make things any more complicated
than they already were and Boris was a difficult man with no
tolerance for Indians. Cody had faced the fact that he being with a
white woman would be unacceptable, but lying about them being married
served to explain the presence of a baby no matter what race he was.

He knew that most marriages were done by mutual
agreement, but had heard of people getting married for the sake of
convenience or for business opportunities. But to marry an Indian or
a half-breed would have to be done out of love. With Boris being with
Marda, he figured the man would understand, but he’d been
wrong.

He wished again that he’d left Suzanne with
the wreckage of that terrible machine. If he had, she wouldn’t
be following him around now in this godforsaken country, but he’d
had no idea she wasn’t of this time. It still bewildered him
how she got here. How could all of this happen? How could she make it
back to her time when they reached the wreckage? Was the wreckage
still there? Would she even be able to make it back if it were? Could
he go with her? He certainly had nothing left here.

He’d had time to think about these questions
while he’d been away from her and hadn’t come up with any
logical conclusions. It was a mystery. She was a mystery. He was
responsible for the mystery and his heart was breaking for what was
to come. He’d never felt like this about anyone. He didn’t
want to lose her. But he knew the time was coming and it was coming
soon.

He thought of Lame Bird. He should have married
her, but his mother had always told him to never marry any woman
unless he loved her. As sad as it was, he had been fond of Lame Bird,
but his feelings had not gone that far. He appreciated everything
she’d done for him, tried to provide for her and respected her,
but nothing past that.

Sometimes he thought his mother was foolish for
hanging onto such misguided notions. He didn’t remember his
father being particularly kind to her, but he didn’t remember
him being mean to her, either. They had to have been in love. She’d
never married again, which was no surprise since she’d lain
with a white man and had given birth to his child. No Indian man
would ever touch her unless she was whoring for him, which she did
often in return for food and provisions for her son and herself. She
had to have known the risks when she had gone away with him, but
maybe thought it was well worth it.

Cody had been teased unmercifully by the white
children when he’d first tried to go to school. They’d
called him half-breed, red boy, and a plethora of other names that
were unkind. Finally, the school board had told his mother to take
him out of their school because it was too much trouble having an
Indian boy in the classroom.

His mother had taught him as much as she could at
home, but her reading and writing skills were lacking. At the age of
fourteen, he was recruited to go to a boarding school for Indians in
the East. There, they’d cut his hair and taught him and the
other children how to speak the white man’s language, how to
read and write the white man’s words, and to do arithmetic. He
was given white man’s clothes and instructed on how to act in
the white man’s world.

Lone Wolf had been his only friend when he and his
mother had moved back with the tribe. He had been the only one to
walk the extra distance to the very edge of the village and ask Cody
to join the others in games. The reception had been cool by the other
boys, but Cody came to be well-liked and respected even though he was
never fully trusted. Their trust of him went to zero when he became
an Indian agent, but Lone Wolf had remained his friend.