For the Love of Suzanne (24 page)

His heart cried for the people of his village but
especially Lone Wolf. He knew the cavalry would retaliate for the
attack on the fort, but he hadn’t expected it to be wiped out
even if that had been what happened at the fort.
Most of the warriors
were probably drunk and couldn’t defend anyone
, he thought
sadly.

Suzanne stood up and gestured toward the unmade
bed. “You first.”

He snapped out of his reverie and quickly took off
his clothes and set them on the chair and crawled into the bed and
waited for her to get in next to him. He got situated, and held his
arm out to her as she stood beside the bed, looking at him. “Come
here,” he whispered to her.

She hesitated for a moment before lifting the
heavy blankets and sliding in next to him, not sure why he wanted her
in the bed, but there was just the one bed and being with him was not
an unpleasant experience.

He was exhausted and it felt good to be warm and
be with her. He tucked her head under his chin as he felt her arm
come around his waist and held her close, inhaling the clean scent of
her and the feel of her growing child pressed against his body.

“Can I ask you something?” she asked
lowly.

“Anything,” he whispered against her
ear and kissed her there.

She shivered a little at the delightful sensation
that produced. “Why did you tell Boris and Marda that we’re
married?”

“Because I had no way to explain why I was
with a white woman who is with child. If I hadn’t said that, it
would mean that I got you dishonestly because no respectable white
woman would ever lay with a man like me.”

She drew away far enough to look into his dark
eyes. “What do you mean?
A man like me
?” she asked with
ire.

“I’m a half-breed,” he
whispered, returning her cool gaze. “My father was a white man.
My mother was Chiricahua and that makes me both. I’m not
accepted by either race and I’m often shunned, but I have to
live in this world.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I have no other choices, Suzanne. This is
it,” he said patiently.

She took his hand as it rested on her baby. “No.
It doesn’t have to be.”

“What are you saying?” he asked with
confusion.

“You come with me when I go back to my
world. If I came to yours, can’t you come to mine?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know how
any of this happened and I’m almost afraid we won’t be
able to get you back when we get to that machine,” he whispered
to her truthfully and saw her eyes fill with sadness. He kissed her
on the cheek, moving to capture her lips where he tenderly kissed her
for a moment, trying to keep it chaste.

She laced her arm around his neck and entwined her
tongue with his, feeling like she’d never felt before. Beau had
never made her feel like this and the guilt she once felt for having
these emotions for Cody was fading.

He wanted her so much, he ached. He felt his body
responding to hers and didn’t want to scare her. He drew away
and hugged her. “Don’t worry, honey. This is going to
work out.”

She knew he would get her back, but she didn’t
want to leave him. She didn’t know how she would live without
him.

There had to be a way to take him with her, but
would he want to go?

The blizzard lasted for three days. During that
time, Cody couldn’t come out of Suzanne’s room because of
Boris. He spent a lot of time sleeping while she socialized with
Boris and Marda, trying to act as normal as possible.

She brought him food after Boris and Marda went to
bed which made her feel bad because he was eating just once a day.
She didn’t want him going hungry. He assured her he was okay
and told her he’d gone for days without food and once a day was
better than not at all.

At night, he went through the window to take care
of Titan who he’d left in the woods near the house after
building him a shelter. He took food from the barn to feed him and
would make it up to Boris before they left.

He was very quiet throughout the day. He didn’t
want to alert Boris to his presence because he knew that Boris would
come at him with a gun again and somebody was bound to get hurt.

“We should leave tomorrow,” Cody
whispered to Suzanne as they stood at her bedroom window, looking out
at the crescent moon and the stars as well as the immense amount of
snow that had fallen.

“Can we make it?” she asked, not
looking at him, not wanting to see the look on his face. He had to be
happy about it. He was finally getting rid of her and getting his
life back.

“I think we can. I’ll leave Boris one
of the horses in return for the feed I’ve been taking to Titan
and for letting you stay here.”

She nodded as her heart slowly broke. He was
anxious to go and she understood that. He’d brought it up
several times since he’d been here. He didn’t want to
live like this and she understood that, but her own selfishness made
her want to stay here forever just so she could be with him.

He looked at her as she stood next to him. “Are
you well enough to travel?”

She nodded. “I’m fine.”

He gazed at her warmly, fully facing her now and
ran his fingers slowly through her hair. “Why do you belong to
another man?” he asked himself more than her. “Your
husband must be going crazy with worry.”

She shook her head, lowering her eyes, senses
reeling from the gentle way he was touching her and the way his soft
voice was caressing her. “Nobody misses me, Cody,” she
said softly.

“Somebody does. You’ve been gone for
months,” he reasoned.

She shook her head again. “No. I don’t
think so. Maybe my mom,” she said thoughtfully. “But she
lives in New York and I hardly ever see her. She’s so caught up
with her husband and stepkids. I don’t blame her at all. I
mean, I’m all grown up and I’m supposed to be taking care
of myself. Her stepkids are much younger and they need her a lot more
than I do.”

“I’m sure she misses you. Just because
she has other children doesn’t mean she loves you any less.”

“I know she loves me,” she said with
quiet confidence. “I love her, too.”

“I’m sure you do. What of your
husband? Would he not miss you by now?”

She shrugged. “Maybe. If he were alive. But
even if he were, he would probably be relieved I’m gone.”

“He’s dead?” he whispered,
hoping the hint of elation stayed out of his voice.

She nodded, feeling a slight twinge of guilt that
would have been worse a few months ago. It wasn’t fair to
compare Beau to Cody. They were entirely different men. Even if she
had been miserable with Beau, it had still seemed wrong to be in the
arms of another man so soon after he died. But with Cody, it didn’t
seem wrong at all. He’d done nothing more than kiss her, hold
her and make her feel like she mattered. After being with him and
after feeling his care and respect, she wasn’t sure she’d
ever loved Beau.

“How?” he whispered, fondling her hair
as he looked into her face.

“Construction accident. He was with a bunch
of guys who were moving a hill and he was on the front-end loader.
The hill caved in on him and he suffocated.”

“Front-end loader?” he echoed with
confusion.

She smiled at him. “It’s a huge
machine that digs holes and stuff,” she explained. She smiled
at his bewildered look. “I think you’d better come and
see for yourself.”

He nodded. “I need to see this Kleenex,
too.”

She adored his innocence. “I’ll get
you a whole case of it.”

He smiled. “I think I’d like that.”

“I think you’d like a whole lot of
things in my world, Cody,” she said seriously.

He pushed her hair away from her face
affectionately as he gazed into her eyes. “I don’t want
you to go,” he whispered.

She caught his wrist and swallowed hard. “If
I got here, isn’t there a way for you to get there? Life is
easier in a lot of ways and I would like very much for you to see
it.”

“But I don’t understand how you got
here,” he said softly.

“I don’t know.”

“How can I go with you when I don’t
know how you got to me?”

She shrugged slightly. “I don’t know.
I guess that was a silly thing to say,” she said
apologetically, looking away from him.

“No,” he said softly, gently pulling
her chin around so she faced him again. “It wasn’t silly.
I want to be with you,” he said sincerely.

She swallowed hard again, seeing the emotion in
his dark eyes. “You do?” she asked with uncertainty.

“Yes, I do.”

“Why?” she breathed in disbelief,
knowing she’d caused him nothing but trouble from the moment
they’d met.

That surprised him. “Why?” he echoed
as if he hadn’t heard her right.

She nodded, looking away from him again.

He needed to say it. He should have said it long
ago. But up until now, he thought she was married and it would have
made the relationship wrong. He could tell by some of her actions
that she had been hurt in the past and more than what had been doled
out to her at the fort and his village. There was pain in her soul.
He hated the thought of anyone hurting her and strongly suspected her
husband was the culprit.

He gently took her by the arms and gazed into her
eyes. “Suzanne, I love you,” he said sincerely.

She was surprised to hear those words coming from
him and felt herself tearing up. She hadn’t known he felt that
way. She thought that he was just being nice and taking care of his
obligation. But it was euphoria at the same time.

He continued to look at her. “No matter what
you say or do, you can’t change it. I love you.”

“But I’ve been such a pain to you ever
since we met,” she said sadly.

“All of this is my fault. Maybe I should
have left you with that whatever-it-was, but I am so glad I didn’t.
I’ve never felt like this before and I know what it is. It’s
you, Suzanne. I love you.”

“This wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it was, but maybe it’s more like
fate. We’re together. It is now as it should be.”

She gazed at him. “I, uh…” she
cleared her throat nervously and looked away for a moment then
focused on him again. “I love you, too, Cody,” she said
softly.

Hearing her say that was like a dream come true
and he reveled in the good feeling as he pulled her into a tight hug
with a sigh of contentment. “I’m going to take care of
you, honey. You and the baby.”

She held him tightly, believing he would.

He ran his hands up and down her back through the
heavy nightgown that hung to the floor, getting a soft moan from her
and kissing the top of her head.

She drew away and took his hand. “You’re
tired. You need to sleep.”

His fatigue was forgotten as he followed her to
the bed. He wanted to do a lot more than sleep, but didn’t know
if it was something she wanted or if it was even safe for the baby.
He didn’t know how to ask.

She stood at the edge of the bed and looked up at
him, slowly beginning to unbutton his white shirt, caressing the skin
beneath it, but she was soon stopped by his button-down undershirt.

He wasn’t sure if he was reading her right,
but hoped he was. She was touching him like she never had before and
it felt so good. He’d never had a woman do something like this.
With the women he’d paid, he’d always undressed himself,
but now the woman he loved was unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it
out of his pants. He found it to be incredibly intimate and sighed
softly as she started on the undershirt, her fingertips grazing his
bare skin. His body was responding to her touch. He stopped her hands
and gazed into her eyes. “Despite my race, I am still a man,”
he whispered to her.

“I know you are,” she whispered back,
kissing his chest where the shirt opened. “You’re a man
before anything else. You’re the only one who is worried about
your race.”

With that, he captured her lips and kissed her
like he’d been wanting to for a long time. He rested his hands
on her shoulders and swept her mouth with his tongue getting the same
response from her. They did it over and over, plunging into each
other’s souls as he slowly pushed the oversized nightgown off
her shoulder then pressed his lips to the newly bared skin.

She sighed with ecstasy as she tangled her fingers
in his long, black hair and let him do as he pleased. She’d
never felt like this before as his mouth roamed her shoulder and
neck, giving her pleasure like she’d never had before. Beau had
never done this even when they’d had sex for the first time.
She liked it a lot. She could feel his erection pressing against her
belly and it didn’t scare her. It just made her want him more.

He captured her lips again and gently touched her
breasts through the nightgown, finding them full and her nipples
erect. He was uncomfortably hard as he strained against the buttons
in his jeans, but he was careful not to rush her or scare her. He
knew she’d been hurt in a bad way and figured this was probably
part of it. But she was soft and pliant in his arms and seemed very
brave as her fingers roamed his waist and his back under his shirts
and just the mere touch of her sent his senses spiraling.

She drew away as he started to ease the nightgown
off her shoulders, wondering how he was going to see her. Beau had
always told her she was a pig, even though she hadn’t been
overly heavy then like she was now. She was pregnant and there was no
hiding it. She didn’t want to be humiliated ever again, so she
covered her chest and lowered her head when the nightgown ended up in
a pool around her feet.

He quickly peeled off his shirts and gazed into
her eyes. “You are so beautiful,” he whispered to her,
gazing into her eyes that were filled with uncertainty. He kissed her
lips as he gently took her arms from her chest and moved them to his
waist.