Forbidden Ballad - Rock My World (18 page)

“Does beer work?”

“Yeah, beer is great!”

I get myself a bottle of water and hand Leo a beer. He twists the top off easily and takes a long swing.

I wait for him to start speaking. Leo looks down at his hands and then starts to speak.

“I’ll start at the beginning. Skyler was on our last tour and we saw her occasionally and I saw her a lot while we were recording our current album. I’ve told you before that I don’t have the best track record with women.” He hesitates, “I’ve never been the dating type.”

None of this was news to me.

“Skyler and I started a casual relationship. It was just sex. Like all of my relationships with women. As we were wrapping up the album, she was around a lot and we hooked up pretty frequently. We weren’t exclusive,” he explains, looking up to catch my eye. I work hard to keep a blank face.

“Apparently for Skyler though, we
were
exclusive. To be blunt, I was screwing other women but she was only sleeping with me. And to be clear, I thought Skyler was a total bitch. It was purely sex.”

“I get the point,” I snap. I didn’t need him to spell it out a hundred ways – they were fuck buddies, plain and simple. Leo’s told me a dozen time that this was his pattern.

“Right. So, I got tired of our situation, and honestly, Skyler was just annoying to be around, so I stopped seeing her. A month or so later she said that she couldn’t go on tour with us, and then there was a rumor swirling around that she was pregnant. I think Amber was the first one to start talking about. I thought that maybe Amber was just starting drama, but it reached the record label and they were pissed.”

He takes another long sip of beer and traces his fingers along the condensation. I try not to think about where those fingers have been on my body.

“The day that you first came to rehearsal, I got a phone call earlier in the day from Mark. He confirmed that Skyler was definitely claiming that she was pregnant with my kid. I went berserk, telling Mark that she was lying and I didn’t buy it. Mark said that I was going to have to take a paternity test. I was so damn angry. It felt like Skyler was just fucking with me.”

He hangs his head in shame. “I had slept with so many women and had never had any trouble. How did this happen?”

He looks up at my face and I know that I probably look repulsed by his admission. “I know, I know. It was bound to happen, right?” he asks wryly. “I still wasn’t convinced that she wasn’t just out to get some of my money. But Mark explained that Skyler was insisting that I was the only person she had slept with in the past three months.

I went to get a paternity test in between our first and second dates. That was the reason I couldn’t see you the very next day. And I certainly wasn’t going to share this awful detail with you right off the bat. I really liked you and I was willing to try dating you and I knew that confessing that I might have knocked up my old back up singer, would certainly scare you away. And, honestly, I kept hoping that Skyler would get rid of the baby. I know that makes me a complete asshole. But I have a huge career right now. I did not want to be tied down to a kid, especially with a woman I didn’t like. I wanted to call Skyler and tell her to get rid of the pregnancy.”

My stomach turns at Leo’s words, but he’s being more open with me than he’s ever been before. I don’t want to interrupt or say anything for fear that he’ll shut down and stop talking.

“I did break down and call Skyler once before I went to get the paternity test. She was pissed. I told her that she should get rid of the baby. She was a total bitch, telling me that I wasn’t father material and she wouldn’t want me in the baby’s life anyway. She said she only wanted ‘financial support,’ ’’ he says with a sneer. “Just what I assumed – money. I hung up.

Skyler called me a couple days after the test to tell me it was positive. I told her she was going to have to give me actual proof from the doctor’s office; I wasn’t going on just her word. And she told me she was keeping it. I was so pissed. She gave me some crap about her being an adult and she needed to be responsible. I yelled at her for lying about being on the pill and she said something about missing a pill.”

“Didn’t you use a condom?” I can’t help but ask. My voice is only a whisper.

Leo shakes his head. “I was clean. She told me she was clean.”

I don’t say anything.

I
can’t
say anything.

“The next day Mark had documents for me, proving that I was in fact the father. It was right there in black and white. Mark told me that there was nothing I could do but offer to help Skyler. He advised me to keep it out of family court by offering her a child support amount that she couldn’t refuse. He told me that kids were expensive and I should also offer to help pay for some of her pre-natal stuff. I didn’t want this to get to the press and I didn’t want any media hoopla. It sounded like the best plan.

I thought about it some more at home and I came up with what I thought was a great idea. I would offer Skyler a generous monthly amount. I didn’t want to give her any money, but I have plenty of it, and there was nothing I could do about it now. I would also offer her a generous pre-natal sum, along with some incentives. Every year I would give her a type of ‘bonus’ at the kid’s birthday and around Christmas. But those numbers and those perks would only be offered if she agreed not to disclose my identity as the parent while the kid was under eighteen. I thought of you, too. I figured that if Skyler couldn’t open her mouth, you might not find out. I was trying so hard to impress you. I think I may have thought that I could share it with you one day, when I was certain that you weren’t going to run away, but I couldn’t take the risk now.”

Leo finishes his beer.

“Don’t you see, Carly? I was only trying to save my own ass in front of you. I should have laid everything out on the table before you –
all
my shit, but I didn’t. You were so close. We seemed to be on such a good path that I wasn’t going to risk it. I should have known that Amber and Skyler would’ve been in touch.”

“It was Amber,” I murmur. I knew it.

“So, that’s the whole story.” He pauses. “Any questions?” he asks, his face twisting into a grimace.

Where would I begin? I just can’t understand his logic. Instead, I ask a stupid question.

“You don’t want kids?”

His face twists into a frown. “I never really thought about it. I never saw myself as settling down. My parents screwed me up so much and I don’t want to do that with a kid.” He’s quiet for a few seconds. “I definitely didn’t want kids with Skyler.”

Why do I care? Do I think that Leo Nash and I could live happily ever after? Was I going to wear a white dress and have his babies? Geez, I was off my rocker. I was sure of only one thing right now.

Leo needed to get the hell off my bus.

Leo

I watch Carly go through a number of emotions silently. I’m not sure why she’s asking me about kids. I never wanted kids before, but if I could settle down with someone like Carly, then maybe it would be a possibility.

Would I ever find another girl like Carly? She was gracious enough to let me explain but I can see that she can’t forgive what I’ve done. I don’t want to ask if she can’t forgive my desire not to be in my kid’s life, or the fact that I hid the baby from her. Either way, it’s more information than I need to know.

“I appreciate you sharing the whole story with me,” she says formally, rising.

“So you believe me?”

“It’s not that I didn’t believe you, Leo. There’s just so much more to it.”

I nod. She’s right. It’s just too much baggage. I stand up. “Thanks for listening.” I know my voice is cold but I’m working hard to control my emotions. I want to grab her and shake her. To tell her that I’ll try harder. That I can’t possibly be this big of a fuck up. I was becoming a better person, I know that I was.

Instead, I keep my mouth shut and move to the door.

“Congrats on getting the opening act.”

“Thanks.”

There’s nothing more to be said, so I slowly make my way down the steps. But I just can’t let it go.

“So that’s it?” I ask, turning around as I step off the bus. “You heard my story and now, that’s it?”

Her face hardens. “I only promised to listen,” she reminds me.

“And you have no other thoughts?”

“I have plenty of thoughts!” she says angrily. “Most of which are not nice, so I thought I’d keep them to myself.”

Right. She found the story as ugly as it actually was.

“Some kind of feedback would be nice,” I mutter.

“Feedback? You want feedback? How about the fact that you were stupid to screw so many women and think you wouldn’t eventually get into trouble? I’m surprised it took that long!” she spat. “And how can you have a child that you don’t want to see? How could you not want to be involved?”

“Skyler doesn’t want me involved,” I say stubbornly.

“You just admitted you don’t want to be involved anyway,” she cries with frustration. “I don’t know what the hell to think Leo! I can hardly wrap my head around it.”

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. When she opens her eyes, she seems to have regained her composure.

“Thank you for sharing, but you need to go now. I need to get ready for the show tonight.”

“Sure. Thanks for your time,” I say with just a trace of sarcasm. I stalk back to the tour bus and find Jacie lounging with her ear buds in her ears. She pulls them out when she sees me.

“What happened?” she asks instantly.

“Don’t want to talk about it,” I grumble and head back to my room.

~~~

I stew all afternoon, but that still doesn’t stop me from sneaking backstage and watching Carly open the show again. She’s dressed in a short, lacy black dress tonight, and she’s wearing boots that go up to nearly her thighs; it’s hot as all hell. Her hair is wild and loose down her back and she knows how to swing it around as she sings. Of course, my cock hardens as I watch her, but I’m used to that by now.

Morosely, I wonder if she will ever forgive me. I briefly consider finding a groupie to fuck tonight, but I don’t want to give up yet. That would certainly end things. I decide to give Carly a little more time to come around and if she doesn’t, I’ll just have to learn to live with it.

Cobalt puts on a kick ass show, and afterwards I walk through the motions as we go into the Meet and Greet.

“Leo, seriously. Cheer the fuck up,” Jacie says as a new group enters the room.

I roll my eyes and ignore her.

“Our boy is lovesick,” Maddox observes.

“She was too good for you, man,” Kyle adds. And I know he’s right.

“No shit, Sherlock.” I snap.

“Hey, hey. I know you’re upset,” Maddox says, “Come out with us tonight. We’ll find some hot chicks.” He lowers his voice. “Hell, there are plenty right here.”

“Mmm-hmm,” Jacie agrees, eyeing a leggy blonde whose tits are practically falling out of her shirt. Normally, I would love that kind of shit, but I’m not in the mood tonight.

“Don’t come out if you’re going to be a buzz kill though,” Kyle warns.

I don’t even have the energy to be a dick. “Thanks guys, but I think I’ll pass tonight. Maybe another night.”

I find myself heading back to my bus, and I hear Carly’s voice carrying across the parking lot. Her voice sounds heated. I’m not sure if I approach out of concern or curiosity. Either way, I keep to the shadows and strain to listen.

“You need to leave,” Carly hisses. “You have no business being here!”

“But I had to talk to you,” a male voice pleads.

“There is nothing to talk about Walker!”

Walker? What the fuck?

“And I have had enough shit to deal with already,” she seethes, her voice filled with anger, “So forgive me if my daily allotment of douchiness has been filled for the day!”

I wince, knowing that she’s talking about our earlier conversation.

“I need to talk to you. I have to explain about Willow.” It’s quiet for a moment. “And I want you to come on our tour. You belong there.”

“Are you out of your fucking mind? I don’t need any Willow explanations – I saw it with my own two eyes! And you’re insane if you think I’m going on tour with you.”

“I know, I know, you’re doing great by yourself,” he says, sounding anything but happy. “I’ve read all the headlines, seen all the gossip blogs. Everyone says you were wasting your time singing with me.”

“I was wasting more than my singing talents,” she huffs.

I’m not sure if I want to hear any more but I can’t seem to walk away. It doesn’t sound like Walker is trying to hurt her, and she seems to be handling him just fine. I’m sure that I’m the last person that Carly wants to try to step in on her behalf.

“Alright, Carly, I get it. But are you going to make me stand outside all night? Did our five years together mean nothing to you?”

“Oh for God’s sake,” she cries, “Come on in. It’s like freaking déjà vu.”

Walker makes no comment and I peek around to watch him follow Carly inside the bus.