“Can I ask you a personal question?” he said.
She sighed. “Another one? What now? I told the truth about the lap dances.”
“Not that. Did you date much besides Jason and the other guy—I’m sorry I just can’t remember his name right now? Like in school? Like between relationships?”
“Noah, I started going with Jason when I was fourteen—he was almost my first boyfriend ever. After Jason, I was a mother who worked two jobs—I didn’t have time to date or see guys. That’s probably what got me into trouble—a complete lack of experience. I loved Jason with my whole being, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to care about anyone again, but then I met Chip at my night job at the convenience store and he was fun. He teased Danielle and made her giggle, and he made me laugh and feel wanted. It was the first time I felt like life might turn out okay if I just went with it. After all, being with Chip was better than crying over Jason. But when I told him I was pregnant, he said, forget about it. He wasn’t ready to be a father, he didn’t want a baby. He told me to get rid of it and we’d think about that again in a few years, if things worked out for us. And right after he said that, he went to jail. I guess you know my decision. I kept Trevor and let Chip go.”
“I see,” Noah said quietly. “So—no boyfriends,” he said. “That seems impossible. Surely men noticed you.”
“All the time,” she said. “But I was too busy for men. And for the ones who didn’t understand the word no, I developed a very fast left hook.”
He chuckled at her. “Passes,” he said.
“That would be the polite term. I swear, men can be so fricking rude! Well, after Chip, I said I’d never be that stupid again. And, in my immature mind, I thought that being practical where Arnie was concerned made so much more sense than letting myself get emotionally stupid and make a big mistake. Shows you what I know.”
“Three men? In your life?” he asked.
“Technically, two. Arnie wanted me, for whatever insane reason, but as it turned out, he didn’t want to have sex with me.”
Noah stopped walking. “What?”
She turned to look at him. “It took me a long time to accept the idea of sleeping with him even if I didn’t love him. It turned out that wasn’t going to be a problem.” She shrugged. “I asked him once what that was about. I didn’t want him to change his mind, but I couldn’t figure out him wanting a wife so much, but not wanting to have sex. He said his blood pressure medicine interfered, and that it wasn’t the most important part of a relationship. Maybe he said that to be nice, maybe I just turned him off…”
“Whew,” Noah said. “That makes his possessive behavior even more twisted. I bet it wasn’t his blood pressure medicine. I bet it’s some other kind—some psychotropic medication.”
“Some what?” she asked.
“Something for a psychiatric condition. In addition to his personality disorder—like depression, bipolar disorder or whatever. The upside to that would be that he’s actually taking his meds.”
“So, you see, there really have been just two men in my life. Are you surprised? Did you think maybe I slept around a lot? Did you think that if a girl ends up as a stripper, it’s because she’s just a slut? I’m sure that’s what most people think.”
He shook his head. “That’s not why I asked. I just wondered if you’ve been mostly alone.”
“Mostly. Except for friends. I had friends where I worked, sometimes great friends, but it’s hard to keep up with friends when you have two kids and two jobs. So, what about you? Until you told me you were married, I took you for a thirty-five-year-old virgin.”
“No. I dated a lot. Had some girlfriends who lasted a pretty long time, like six months. Had a lot more I dated for several weeks or a couple of months.” He grinned at her and pulled her closer. “There were a few I dated for one night. Before I was clergy, of course. Merry wasn’t my first girlfriend, but she was the first woman I wanted to marry.”
Ellie smiled. “That’s very sweet. I guess you aren’t exactly a late bloomer, huh, preach?”
“Nope. I bloomed right on schedule,” he said with a smile. “I got an early start, but I didn’t get serious for a long time.”
“And I got serious too young. It felt real, and I’d bet a million dollars that Jason and I could have lived happily ever after, but there’s no getting around it—it was kid love. If Danielle turns fifteen and tells me she’s dead in love and can’t be away from some young buck, I’ll ground her for life.”
Noah laughed. “Don’t be too surprised if that happens. Lots of wild hormones in youngsters.”
They reached the bottom of her steps. “Thanks for the escort—”
“Let me come up,” he said. “I want to be sure your room is totally safe.”
“Noah, Arnie just called me a half hour ago. No way he could have driven over here and hidden under my bed.”
“Okay, point taken. Let me come up anyway. I want to kiss you good-night.”
“Listen, I’m bad with men. I seem to make all the wrong choices, which is why I decided it would be best if I gave them up, at least until my kids grow up, move out and own their own real estate. And I’m sure not getting involved with some guy who’s just going to chuck me in a couple of weeks because, believe it or not, I’m just not casual about stuff like this. And you’re too easy to like, so stop trying to trip me up.”
He laughed at her. “Come on, Ellie, it’s good you like me. We shouldn’t be kissing if you don’t like me. And I would never chuck you—I’m considerate. Responsible.”
“In order for me to even think of going off my man-diet, I need more than considerate and responsible. I want someone who isn’t going to die or stick up the night manager or treat me and my kids bad! Or leave! Or let me leave! I’m looking for soul-deep, lifetime, unbreakable, unbearable passion. Love to the nth degree. The real thing for once, not some poor excuse for it. And certainly not just consideration. I’m not looking for some polite version of love, but the real thing.”
Then she backed away. “No, forget I said that. I don’t even want that—it would just mess up my already messed-up life. Don’t make me want you. Now go home and don’t press your luck!”
And with that she stormed up the stairs, walked into her room and slammed the door. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the door. That had to be done; he had to be sent away. Life was complicated enough without thinking romance was possible. Especially with someone as perfect as Noah….
There was a soft knock at the door. Ellie rolled her eyes. This was pure hell, being pursued by a good man, a sweet man, a sexy and adorable and very masculine man. Ugh. There was no reason she wouldn’t fall right in love with him, and it wasn’t going to work out—it wouldn’t last. A minister couldn’t make a commitment to an ex-stripper who had two kids by two different men. It had to be against some major Presbyterian rules, had to be.
She opened the door with a frown. “What are you doing?”
“Pressing my luck,” he said. He walked in, pushed her gently out of the way and closed the door. He put his hands on her waist and pulled her to him, going after her lips at once. It took her exactly two seconds to melt to him, moan, reach her arms around his neck and return the kiss. They kissed as if they’d been at it for years; they both knew when to open, tilt for a deeper fit, press harder, open wider, twine their tongues, breathe hard and deep. “Oh, God, stop,” she whispered. “This is too good. And so not going anywhere.”
“What if it goes somewhere?” he asked breathlessly.
“Don’t build me up for a big letdown,” she whispered. “Don’t.”
He ran a hand along the hair at her temple and looked into her eyes. “I won’t do that to you, Ellie. I’m not planning to hurt you—I’m not that kind of man.”
She fell into his lips again, kissing him deeply, holding him close, her body pressed up against his. When she broke away, she had tears in her eyes. “You know what my curse is? I can’t help but always hope, that’s what. I have so wanted someone who’s ‘not that kind of man.’ It’s not so bad that I get let down, but it affects my kids, and they’re everything to me.”
“I know,” he said. “I know. I won’t hurt you, I won’t hurt them. These feelings just keep getting stronger. I feel it, and I can taste it in you.”
“Mmm,” she hummed, letting her eyes fall closed.
He carefully backed her up against the wall, pressing her there with his body. His aroused body. He placed the palms of his hands on either side of her head and expertly worked her lips, her mouth. Then he slipped to that place just below her ear on her neck. “I want you,” he whispered. “I want you so bad my hands shake. My eyes cross.”
She put her palms against his cheeks and pushed him back a little. “You’ve just been lonely,” she said.
“That’s just it—I haven’t been lonely since you came to town. I can’t stop thinking about you, feeling you, tasting you, imagining you. I should be stronger than the craving you set up in me, but I’m not. And I’m not just thinking about making love to you once, but making love to you over and over. And I think about how much I want to hear you laugh, how fun it is when you’re teasing me. Then I think about our bodies, skin to skin. It’s powerful, Ellie. And very real.”
“God, Noah, you’re confused…You just haven’t been with a woman in a long—”
“Ellie, I can be with women anytime I feel like it, but I want to be with you. I want to feel you under me. I dream about that.” He shifted slightly, pressing himself against her right in that vulnerable place where her legs were joined. He ground against her convincingly and heard a slight whimper escape her even as she held him closer. Tighter. And she moved her hips against him.
“I want to undress you, touch you, kiss you, taste you. And then I want you to taste yourself on my mouth.” He kissed her again, hot and strong and long. One hand crept to her clothed breast, kneading it. “I want you hard and hot and deep and fast. And then I want you slow and sweet. I want you to wrap those beautiful long legs around me. I want you under me and on top of me and sitting and standing. I want to see your eyes when pleasure makes you light up. I want to hold you when you come down and try to find your breath. I want everything with you, Ellie. I care about you more than I’ve cared about a woman in so long, I hardly recognized the feelings. I’m dying for you.”
“Oh, God,” she whispered, moving against him.
“Tell me,” he demanded. “Tell me you feel something for me. I taste it. Tell me you’re not just lonely.”
“Of course I feel something, you big dope. Why do you think this scares the holy hell out of me? But I thought you’d be the one with the great control! Besides, we’re too different!”
He ran a hand down her bottom, down her thigh and to the back of her knee, lifting her knee to his hip so he could press himself closer.
“But the difference is what’s so exciting, so beautiful. Sometimes I remember your last tease and laugh out loud when I’m all alone. I wake up in the middle of the night and I smell your skin, like you’re next to me. And I want you. I can’t stop how bad I want you. I don’t want it to stop!”
“Noah,” she whispered, her arms around his neck, her mouth open and wet under his. And to her core, she was wet and quivering. He couldn’t know how turned on she was, but as he pressed and gyrated, she just fell headlong into pleasure. She was balanced on the brink of orgasm, and no one had removed a stitch of clothing. He pressed harder, moved his hips against her.
“I want to love every piece of you. I want to be inside you. I want our bodies together, to make the two of us into one. I want it all, and I want it hard, soft, anything that will make you happy. I want to hold you, keep you safe, make you scream…I want to make you gasp and tremble and lose control, like I’m losing control. And tip over the edge. And fall.” He kissed her again. “And fall,” he whispered against her lips. “I want to make you fall in love with me. The way I’m in love with you.”
With those words, she tumbled right over that edge and without even getting undressed, experienced a shattering orgasm. She tipped her head back so that it hit the wall, pressed hard against him, put both hands on his butt cheeks to hold him tightly to her, and enjoyed a very beautiful orgasm. Fully clothed, right against the wall. She closed her eyes, bit her lower lip and groaned as unbelievable pleasure washed over her, through her.
Then she let out a long sigh and smiled. She moved her arms over his shoulders, dropped her leg from his hip and laid her head on his chest. She went so limp he had to hold her up.
“Ellie?”
“Hmm,” she hummed. “Hmm, be with you in a sec.”
He chuckled. “Well, now.”
“That was a first,” she muttered.
“Not a first orgasm, I hope,” he said.
“No. The first time I was talked into it. You sure have a way with words, Noah. I just got too turned on.” She took a breath. “I guess you’re in the right job. You can talk a person into anything.”
He laughed, a deep, gravelly, sexy laugh. He lifted her and carried her to her bed. He put her down carefully and kicked off his shoes to lie down beside her. Her eyes were closed; she was in afterglow. He could kiss her good-night and leave her now and he wouldn’t have stirred up too much trouble.
But no, he couldn’t. No more than he could summon thunderstorms.
He slowly began to undress her. He unsnapped her jeans, pulled her knit top up and kissed the top of her breasts. He licked her ear, kissed the inside of her elbow, unsnapped her bra.