Authors: Nika Michelle
Tags: #Literature & Fiction, #United States, #African American, #Urban, #Genre Fiction
Tears stung my eyes and I felt so guilty. I blinked the tears away. Ablo had done so much for me, but he'd done a lot of foul things to hurt me. I still loved him, so why was I so set on El? I guess I was just curious about what else was out there. El seemed to be the only man who was brave enough to come on to me. Ablo had already dibbled and dabbled out there, but I didn't have the courage to cheat or to call it quits. I felt obligated to him.
"I love you too," I sniffed letting the tears fall.
"You okay lil’ ma?" Diablo asked.
"Yeah, I'm sorry Ablo," I cried and buried my face in his chest. I inhaled the scent of his cologne and relaxed as he rubbed my back.
"It's okay baby. It's okay," he soothed me. "Why you cryin'?"
"So many reasons," I whispered. What would he do if I fucked El and he found out about it? He would try to kill El, but I didn't know what he'd do to me. It would probably be like the R.Kelly 'Down Low' video.
"Like what baby? You bein' all sensitive and shit. You pregnant or sumthin'?" He asked.
"No Ablo, I take my pills."
"You need to stop takin' 'em and give me some babies," he said.
"That's all you talk about now. I ain't thinkin' 'bout havin' no kids right now Ablo! My daddy's dyin' and my mom's a drug addict who's depressed as hell and all you can think about is makin' babies! Like I don't have enough shit on my plate!" I yelled.
"See, it's that shit right there. That fuckin' attitude of yours. I'm out there on the grind all fuckin' day and this what the fuck I get when I come to the crib. I can't take it no more Yanna," he said.
"Well, what the fuck you goin' do Ablo? Dump me?" I asked. Maybe if I gave him a reason to dump me I could get out of the relationship. He wouldn't dump me though. It didn't seem to matter how mad I made him, he would never break up with me. When I dumped him he would always run back to me begging and looking all sad. I couldn't help but take him back, but if he dumped me it would be different.
Ablo looked at me and shook his head. "What the fuck is your problem Yanna? What's up baby? What? You feelin' neglected? What? You want some money? Want some jewels? Want some Gucci and Dolce & Gabbana? Whatever make you happy baby. I'll pick up some fits for you tomorrow and shit. I gotta go get a fresh cut for the Jay -Z concert. You know I gotta go see Hov perform. I'll pick up some fly shit for my baby," he said.
I was pissed because he thought money could fix everything.
"Fuck it Ablo. You are so fuckin' simple minded sometimes! Fuck the money. This ain't 'bout no damn money. I got Gucci and all that shit already and I'm still a bitch when you piss me off. What the fuck is some money and some clothes goin' do to fix this relationship?" I asked.
Diablo looked at me and rubbed his hands together. "You really pissin' me the fuck off right now," he said. His face was creased with frustration.
I gave him a look of pure hatred. I wanted him to break up with me. If he dumped me I could feed my desire to fuck with El. I felt so bad for fantasizing about another man; especially since he was my man's enemy.
"Leave me alone Ablo. Just go in the bedroom and let me sleep out here."
"Baby, what's wrong? What the fuck did I do?" He asked.
"Ablo, baby please okay. Just go," I said calmly. I was tired of yelling at him for one night.
"Okay, but I'm goin' wake up in a lil' bit and check on you."
"Ablo, don't worry 'bout me okay. I'm straight. I just need to be by myself."
He gave me the saddest puppy dog face in the world and I almost broke down and followed him into the bedroom. He turned to face me again before he walked into the bedroom.
"You goin' be okay in the mornin' baby. Whatever it is it'll be okay, because I love you," he said.
"Goodnight Ablo," I said firmly. He was making shit so hard. I felt like shit already.
When I woke up he was gone and there was a stack of money wrapped in a rubber band on the glass coffee table. There was a note on top of it that read.
Spend baby. Luv u.
Your man
I had no problem doing that. Daren and Teji met me at the mall. I loved to shop with them.
"Oh, so he goin' to the concert huh?" Teji asked. I told them about what happened the night before.
"Yeah. You know Ablo love some Jay Z. My boo left me some cash, although it's been a while since he took me anywhere. It's all good," I said.
"So why didn't you wanna get down wit' your man?" Daren asked checking out some Coach bags in the Coach store.
"I kinda had my mind on other shit," I said admiring a brown, leather bag.
"Now, that's hot," Daren said.
I put the bag down. "I got enough Coach bags. I need a new Prada bag," I said leading the way to Macy's.
"It was hot as hell though Yanna," Daren said.
Teji smiled at me. "You had your mind on other shit? Other shit huh? Like what?" She asked.
I laughed and continued checking out the pocketbooks.
"Oh shit, this yellow Fendi bag will set off that dress I bought last week," I said changing the subject. "And I got a Fendi belt to match."
Teji's smiled faded, and she looked at me accusingly. "You ain't slick ho! You got your eye on some other nigga."
"What?" Daren asked looking shocked as hell. "Not Ablo's girl."
"Don't you listen to Teji. She don't know shit." I tried to keep a straight face, but a smile broke through. I giggled as I checked out the price tag on the Fendi bag.
"You got that sneaky look in your eyes bitch," Daren said. Her curly red hair was in two afro puffs with a zigzag part down the middle. It made her look like a little girl.
"Ya'll too fuckin' nosey. For your info I ain't got my eye on nobody but my man. So kill that noise," I said. The Fendi bag was on sale so I grabbed it and put it on the counter with a brown leather Prada tote bag and a brown Prada belt.
"Ya'll hungry?" I asked handing the cashier the money. She looked at me enviously. I guess the fact that a black woman could afford designer prices made her jealous.
"Thanks," I smiled as she counted out my change.
"You're welcome," she said handing me the receipt.
Daren and Teji led the way out of the mall. They had more bags than me.
"Where we goin' to eat at?" Teji asked.
"We eatin' at Maya's. Free food bitches," I said whipping the Mercedes out of the mall's parking lot. I suddenly saw blue lights and then I heard the siren. I looked up at the rearview mirror. "What the fuck?"
"The fuckin' cops behind us," Daren said.
"Duh!" I snapped at her.
I pulled over and waited for the officer. A black cop got out of the car and walked over.
"License and registration," he said with attitude.
"What did I do officer? I wasn't speeding." I said. I made a mental note to remember his name, Officer Hanson.
'No ma'am, but you made an illegal turn," he said waiting for me to give him my license and registration.
I removed my dark Chloe glasses and glared at him. He was lying about the illegal turn. I had only made one turn and there was nothing illegal about it.
"I'm sorry sir, but I disagree," I said reaching for my purse. I took my license out and grabbed the registration out of the glove compartment. "I made a left turn leavin' the mall about a half block back. What was illegal about that? I waited for the light to turn green." I gave him my license and registration.
"This your car ma'am?" He asked.
"What does that have to do with anything Officer Hanson?" I asked and retrieved a pen and slip of paper from my purse. I scribbled his badge number and then stared at him. He avoided looking at me. "I'm sorry, but you have stopped me with no probable cause and now you're interrogating me. Would you mind if I ask you which precinct you work for? I bet your superiors would be interested in how you stopped a young black woman because she's driving a Mercedes," I said folding the paper with his badge number on it. I put it in my purse and waited. I had a feeling that the cop was familiar with the car because he'd seen Diablo driving it.
Officer Hanson handed me my license and registration card. "Have a nice day," he said and walked away.
Daren and Teji let out nervous sighs as the police car sped away.
"What the fuck ya'll scared for? I ain't do shit, and I ain't dirty for once."
"You know how these cops are. Shit, the black ones are even grimier than the crackers," Teji said.
"Alright now. I'm fifty percent cracker," Daren chimed in.
We laughed as I headed to Maya's to raid her always overly stocked kitchen.
* * *
When we got to Maya's Mel was there. He had a disgusted look on his face and I knew that we'd come at a bad time.
"Yanna, Daren, Teji, what's up?" Maya asked looking and sounding all nervous.
"Is this a bad time?" I asked.
"Hell yeah!" Mel yelled from the sofa. "Tell them why," he added.
"Ignore him. He got a fuckin' nasty ass attitude like always!" She yelled.
"'Tell 'em why Maya! You tell 'em err'than’ else!" He yelled back.
I looked at Maya and stepped into the apartment. That nigga was tripping and I couldn't hold it in. I was known for giving a tongue thrashing. It didn't matter who it was.
"Mel, you need to stop trippin',' I intervened calmly. I would try that approach first. If he wanted to catch it he could 'cause I was strapped. I didn't play when it came to my little sister.
"Yanna, your fuckin' sister is crazy," he said lowering his voice. He was talking to me, but looking at Maya. "I'll tell 'em Maya. Since you tryin' to act like you don't know what I'm talkin' 'bout." He suddenly turned his eyes toward me.
"Shut the hell up!" Maya yelled. She looked at me. "Maybe this is the wrong time."
"No! You sister should get the scoop before them hatin' ass bitches in the street hear ‘bout it. Yeah Yanna. I bet you ain't even suspect xct this shit. I saw that nigga Ju today at the fuckin' barber shop. He told me that Lexus ain't mine, she his. That's why Maya said that Lex was early,” Mel explained.
Maya's mouth was wide open, but no sound came out. Tears slid down her cheeks as she stared at me shaking her head. "It's a lie Yanna," she finally whispered.
"Mel that's some foul ass shit!" I yelled. "You goin' believe Ju over Maya? She is your woman! Why you wit' her if you don't trust her? Huh? Let her go then if you think it's true! Mel, personally I think it's some bullshit. Ju still love her and he's tryin' to fuck up what ya'll got. You goin' let him?" I asked.
Mel looked at me. His eyes drifted to the floor and then back to mine. "Yanna, I don't know. Maya always givin' me mouth and shit. On top of that she used to do some strange shit when we first got together. That's what make me think she did fuck that nigga."
"Look Mel, Lexus is your daughter. I know you love her, and you just pissed off right now. You gotta know that that little girl is yours. I know that you still love Maya too. Ya'll just goin' through a tough time, but you gotta be concerned about that little girl," I said hoping that Mel would come to his senses. Lexus had to be his daughter. My sister was too moralistic to do some shit like that. She loved Lexus too much to lie about who her father was. I believed my sister.
"Fuck that shit Yanna! I want a blood test. I'll pay for it. I love Lexus, but she's still a baby, and I wanna know now, not when she's a grown ass woman! I’ll always love that little girl, but if she ain't mine, I'll be out. If she need anything I'll help out, but I won't lie to her. Shit, if she really ain't mine then I say fuck you Maya! Fuck you!" He was teary eyed, but he didn't cry.