“I
don’t think knowing about the bondage gear would improve her mood,” Ryan said,
trying to make a joke.
Jess’s
smile was quicker than he would have liked. “Probably not.”
“It’s
appearances. She might have let it go, if that journalist wasn’t here. But this
way, she thinks everyone at home will know everything.”
“And
she’s already upset.” Jess’s hand tightened on his and she sighed. “So, you’re
not going to stay here the next two nights.” Her tone was bleak.
“I’m
just trying to keep everything on an even keel. It’s only two nights, Jess...”
“Didn’t
you like our games?”
“I
loved them.” He smiled at her. “And I love you. I just think it would be easier
for both of us in future, if we do this thing. Getting on my mom’s wrong side
isn’t a good choice.”
“I
know. And I don’t want to.” Jess grimaced. “But it’s really hard, Ryan. I’d
like to just be able to curl up with you tonight.”
“I
know. Me, too. It’ll only get better.”
“If
it doesn’t get worse first.”
There
was a note in her voice that caught his attention. “What are you saying?”
“I
just start to wonder when something is this hard whether it’s the right thing
to do at all.” She sounded defeated, as unlike his optimistic Jess as she
possibly could.
The
bottom dropped out of Ryan’s universe. “What?”
“Everything
is going wrong. Everything has been going wrong since we decided to get
married. Maybe it’s too soon.” She flung out a hand, her despair clear. “I
can’t help wondering if we’re making a mistake.”
“No.
The mistake was letting that journalist blog about the wedding,” Ryan said with
force. “We aren’t the mistake.”
“Then
why can’t
something
go right? Why
can’t anything go right? I feel like the universe is trying to warn us.” She
shoved a hand through her hair. “I feel like we should stop and rethink this,
go back to living together and review this in another year.”
Ryan
wasn’t going to accept that.
“I
don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said with resolve. “I love you, Jess, and I
think you love me. That’s not going to change in a year. We need to work
through this together.”
“You’re
really sure.”
“I
don’t fall in love all the time.” Ryan smiled.
Jess
looked away. “Neither do I,” she said quietly and Ryan feared he’d lose
everything.
“It’s
a test, Jess.” He knew he had to convince her. “Sometimes when you really want
something, everything conspires against you, as if the world is checking how
much you want it.”
She
looked skeptical. “That’s never happened to me.”
“Really?
It happens to me all the time,” he said ruefully.
She
cast a quick glance at him. “You trying to make me feel lucky again?”
“Maybe.
Maybe you just never wanted anything enough. Don’t you want to fight for this?”
She
looked at their hands, her doubt clear in her eyes. “But all I’m doing is
fighting for it.”
“It’s
just a ceremony, Jess. What’s important is that we’ll be together...”
“Just
a ceremony?” she echoed. “
Just
a
ceremony?” Now she was angry. “Weddings are my whole business. They’re my whole
life. They’re not just
detail
.
They have to be right. Weddings are about starting life together on the right
foot. They’re about alliances and rituals and balances. They’re symbolic.
They’re about everything that matters in a relationship. They set the tone for
the future. And when a wedding goes wrong, it’s got to be a bad sign.” She glared
at him. “If this wedding goes wrong, with that journalist here, it could
eliminate my business. How would that be a good thing?”
“No,”
Ryan argued just as vehemently. On one hand, he was incredulous that they were
having their first huge fight right before the rehearsal for their wedding; on
the other hand, this was something they had to straighten out. “The ceremony is
just show. Who cares what the hell you eat at the wedding dinner?”
“I
do! The guests do!”
“It’s
one meal! What really matters is how the couple feel about each other. What
really matters is that they make a commitment to each other, to have each
other’s backs.”
“You’re
confusing me with your partner at work.”
“No,
it’s the same thing. No one’s life ever goes perfectly. Everyone has things that
go wrong, and challenges to face. We will, too.”
“Not
if I can help it. I like everything to go according to plan.”
“Well,
you can’t plan everything, Jess. There are going to be things that happen to
us, and they won’t always be for the best. If we’re really partners, we’ll get
through those times together.” He shoved a hand through his hair, and glanced
down at her list of things to be fixed. “Maybe look at this as a challenge, a
test as to how we’ll work together.”
Jess
walked across the room, her back straight. “I’m seeing as a challenge, all
right, but what’s hanging in the balance isn’t just my business, it’s our
future.”
“You
can’t mean that! You can’t decide not to marry me because—” he scanned
the list “—there are only lilies instead of the roses you ordered.”
“Can’t
I?”
“That
would be stupid, and you’re not stupid, Jess.”
“Stupid?!”
She spun on him in fury. “Does any of this matter to you?”
“Only
because it matters to you. I want to marry the woman I love.” Ryan raised a
hand. “The rest is just detail.”
“Detail,”
Jess fumed. “
Detail
! Fine. Let’s
attend to the detail of the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.”
And
she marched out of the cottage without waiting for him.
Ryan
surveyed the space and took a couple of deep breaths. He silently congratulated
himself on fucking things up so very well. That’s what he got for speaking his
mind, for trying to reassure her. He knew Jess was upset, knew she was on the
verge of losing it, so he’d shoved her over the lip of the precipice and thrown
everything into question.
Brilliant.
He’d
wanted her to focus on the love they shared and put her priorities straight. No
matter how badly the ceremony went, they’d still be married Thursday night and
that was what was most important. Instead of convincing her of his view—which
might have helped her to relax a bit—he’d made her think he didn’t value
what she did or how much joy she usually got from her business.
So,
maybe he was just another part of the plan going wrong.
Ryan
saw then that Jess had left her list behind, the one recounting all the
shortfalls on the arrangements.
He
hesitated only a moment before he tucked it into his pocket.
Maybe
if he could fix a few details, she’d feel better about everything.
He
had to try.
* * *
Everything
was going downhill so fast that Jess couldn’t keep track of it all. No one
could remember their places at the rehearsal. Not only didn’t they have a
minister or the rings, but the minister who was sick in bed at home had the
vows that she and Ryan had written for the service. Somehow, in the frenzy of
departure, Jess had forgotten her copy.
Then
there was the discord in the wedding party. Christine kept stealing peeks at
Jake, as if she’d never seen him before in her life. Jake studiously ignored
Christine. Maybe he’d finally realized that being nice to her was giving the
wrong message. Fiona was ready to pick a fight with anybody who dared to step
into her path. Ryan’s parents sat in tight-lipped disapproval of everything,
Jess’s mother chattered incessantly in an unsuccessful attempt to ease the
tension, and Ryan was trying so hard to help that Jess would have given him a
hug—if that journalist hadn’t been taking notes and pictures of
everything.
By
the time they got through the rehearsal and the dinner, she was ready to
scream. She’d gone too long on adrenaline and no sleep, and felt ready to snap.
Everyone guessed that she and Ryan had had a fight or would have one soon. The
air could have been cut with a knife.
It
was exactly what Jess didn’t want, now or in the future.
She
said goodnight to everyone and went back to the cottage. She’d have a long,
leisurely bath. She’d paint her nails. She’d play some music and admire her
beautiful dress. She’d focus on Ryan’s confidence in the future and try to
imagine that this fiasco would make a good story to tell their kids.
She
might have managed it, but she decided to have a peek at the dress first.
It
had been delivered to the room and was hanging in the closet, secured in a bag
from the hotel cleaners and packed with tissue. As soon as she saw the bag,
Jess couldn’t resist the temptation. The dress was perfect, the result of a
long hunt.
Seeing
it would help.
Jess
felt a tingle of excitement as she unwrapped it and fluffed the skirt. The
dress was cut on the bias of heavy satin, its lines so simple that they were
almost austere. It looked retro and elegant and was the wedding dress of Jess’s
dreams. When she wore it, she looked tall and elegant. With her hair coiled up
and a small veil, it was exactly perfect.
She
was so glad it had arrived.
Jess
felt the weight of the satin and smiled. There wasn’t a single crease in the
skirt. They’d done a good job. She let the smoothness of it slide over her
forearms, then reached to turn it on the hanger.
She
nearly fainted in shock. There was a scorch mark the shape of an iron right on
the front of the dress. It was black, the satin nearly burned through where the
edges of the iron had been. It would fall right below her breasts when she put
on the dress. With the lines of the dress, there was no hiding the mark.
Jess
stared at it in shock. Her perfect beautiful dress was ruined. The dress she’d
envisioned wearing, the dress that had determined the style of every detail
she’d chosen, the dress that was to be the focus of everything, was destroyed.
If she’d been home, she could have called the designer. She could have begged
for a replacement to be made. She could have done something to make this right.
But
not here.
She
had to see Ryan.
Jess
realized she was shaking when she stepped away from the closet. She was going
to be sick. She ran to the door, hoping that talking to Ryan would make her
feel better. She ran like a drunk down the little dock to the beach, then
across the beach toward the hotel bar. She started to cry somewhere on the
beach and couldn’t stop.
She
saw the group at the bar right away. They were laughing together, Mark at the
center of it all regaling the journalist with some story. There was no sign of
Ryan. She turned away, wanting only to find him when her brother Jake came
striding into the bar. He looked furious.
She
just saw the journalist get out of the way when Jake went for Mark. She
couldn’t hear what was said but she saw Jake deck Mark. Mark’s nose started to
bleed and he went down hard. Kade pivoted and marched away.
And
the journalist gleefully took pictures of everything.
Jess
saw her mom stand up in the restaurant and one glimpse of her mother’s
horrified expression was enough.
No.
It was all too much.
Jess
surrendered. She just couldn’t fight any more.
She
pivoted to head back to the cottage, but by the time she reached the beach, her
mom was right beside her. “Don’t let her see you,” Arlene said, her tone
fierce. She put an arm around Jess’s waist. “Everything will be just fine...”
“No,
Mom. It’s not fine. It’s over.”
“But
Jessica...”
“I
can’t do it anymore, Mom. That’s it.”
“But
the wedding...”
“Is
off. Tell everyone whenever you want. I don’t want to talk to anyone.” Jess
felt her tears beginning to spill. Journalist or not, Jess didn’t want to cry
in public. She pulled free of her mom’s grip and ran back to the cottage,
locking the door behind herself before she let her tears fall.
* * *
Ryan
was in his parents’ room, trying to win their cooperation.
“Maybe
Jessica is right,” his mother said. “Maybe this is a portent.”
“You’re
the ones who always told me that anything worth having was worth fighting for,”
Ryan said with some impatience. “I love Jess. I’m going to marry her. I want
her to be happier with the ceremony.”
“What
do you expect us to do about it?” his mother asked.
“We’re
not paying for anything more,” his father said quickly.
Ryan
ran a hand through his hair. “I’d like to borrow your rings, just for the
service.”
His
mom’s hand immediately fell to her plain gold wedding band. “I’ve never taken
it off,” she said. “Well, except when I was in the hospital, having each of
you.”