Forever Changed (15 page)

“So, what did you wind up telling Miranda?” I asked as we sat atop one of the picnic tables Drake’s parents had scattered across the property. We were the only two who remained. Even Drake, after being officially introduced to the “hot blonde,” had feigned being tired and headed toward his house several acres away from where we sat.

I could see her flush slightly in the dim light. “I told her 'how did she know that I wasn’t using you,'" she answered, laughing self-consciously.

I chuckled. “I bet that went over well.”

“I think she’s still choking on the air she gasped in,” she said giggling.

“I’m glad you came tonight,” I said, dragging her closer to me.

“Me too, but I have to go,” she said, pulling out her cell phone to check the time.

“I know,” I said disappointed. “Can I see you tomorrow?”

She hesitated for a moment. I held my breath waiting for her response. I knew she had a whole inner-turmoil thing going on over us seeing each other, and I was afraid the opposing side would win. “Sure,” she finally answered after a moment. I released my breath with a whoosh, making her hair stir up in my face. The smell of her shampoo enticed my senses, making me want to drag her off with me, caveman-style.

“How about a movie?” I asked, trying to distract myself from what I was really thinking. Right about now, I was thankful that I wore baggy jeans.

She shook her head. “I don’t want to run into anyone I know,” she answered.

“Oh, right, I get it,” I said, trying to hide my disappointment.

She turned in my arms so she could face me. “It’s not you. I just don’t feel like dealing with everyone’s crap and their opinions,” she said, reading my thoughts.

“Okay then. If you could do anything, what would it be?”

“I’d go to a park,” she said. “It’s been years since I’ve gone to one. I’d take Megan, but that was kind of her thing with my dad.”

“Done,” I said, blowing on her hair so it would tickle my chin and senses again.

“Oh, sorry, is my hair in your way,” she said, sweeping her hair together in one hand and pulling it off her neck.

I was going to stop her until I spotted the creamy skin of her slender neck. It was all I could do to hold myself back from leaning down to see if it tasted as good as it looked.

“What time should I pick you up?” I asked, trying to play it cool.

“Um, how about I meet you?” she said, fidgeting slightly in my arms.

I had to hide my frustration. I knew it was selfish, but I wanted her on my terms, not everyone else’s, which was pretty ballsy of me since a few hours ago I didn’t think I stood a chance with her.

“Which park?” I asked.

“How about Freemont?” she asked, sounding relieved that I didn’t pitch a fit.

“What time?”

“Anytime after school sounds fine with me,” she said, shooting me a smile as she stood up and dusted off her butt.

“How about four, is that cool?

“That sounds good. I’ll need to run it by my mom to make sure she doesn’t need me,” she said, twirling one of the long blonde locks that caressed her shoulder.

I took one last whiff before we headed to our cars. I hated to let her go, and only the knowledge that I would be with her again in less than twenty four hours kept me from hauling her back in my arms. I wasn't used to feeling this way, but Kassandra wasn’t just some other girl, and I wasn’t going to blow it.

With that resolve in mind, I kept the kiss I gave her short and sweet.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said, shutting her door for her. I watched her pull away, making sure she was well out of site before celebrating how well the night had gone. "Yes!" I yelled, knowing no one was close enough to hear me. I climbed in my car, still able to taste her lips on mine, and the image of her closed eyes, just before giving herself to me, burned in my memory.

Mom was waiting up for me when I let myself in the front door. “How was your night?” she asked, placing her book on the granite topped coffee table in front of her.

“It was fun.”

“It must have been. I can’t remember the last time you looked so happy.”

“The band was really cool,” I said, edging for the stairs before she could delve too far.

“Did you go with Lacey and Colton?”

“No, Colton had to work,” I said, trying to sidestep the question.

“Really? I can’t picture Tom letting him work when he already has so much on his plate.”

“From what I gathered, it was pretty much his dad’s idea,” I said, sinking onto the arm of the plush leather couch.

“Hmmm, wonder what’s going on there?”

I shrugged my shoulders, trying to act blasé.

“You know something?” she demanded, seeing through my ploy.

“Um, yeah, but I promised Colton I wouldn’t tell anyone,” I said, fiddling with my Pandora bracelet.

“Fair enough,” she said, not pushing further. “By the way, what’s the deal with you and Lacey?” she asked, switching gears.

I weighed my words carefully before answering so I wouldn’t upset her. “I guess I finally saw what dad was always harping on.”

She nodded her head, comprehending what I meant. “What about your other friends? Are they treating you differently on the squad?”

“I kind of quit cheerleading,” I said, not looking up.

“What?” she asked. By the look on her face, I couldn't tell if she was mad or not.

“I had to. It’s not like you were pulling your weight around here. Someone had to be here for Megan,” I said harshly.

That was below the belt, I could tell. It wasn’t my intention to hurt her. I just didn’t want to have to defend my actions.

“You’re right,” she said with glistening eyes. “Somehow in this whole mess, I’ve lost you both,” she said as a tear escaped and trailed down her cheek.

“Mom, you haven’t lost us,” I said, getting up from my perch on the arm of the couch so I could sit next to her.

“Yes, I have. Megan's still practically catatonic, and you’ve given up everything you loved so you could fill my shoes,” she said, choking on a half-sob. “I hope that man and his family suffer as much as we’ve suffered,” she said, sounding more vindictive than I had ever heard her. My heart dropped like it was filled with lead. I doubt she would consider my date with Maddon much of a hardship for him.

“Mom, I don’t know why Megan still won’t talk, but she’s not catatonic. She just doesn’t want to talk right now, and I didn’t give up everything I loved. You and Megan top that list. I just sorted out my priorities, like dad always wanted,” I said, trying not to dwell on the impact her words just had on me.

“I love you, honey," she said, dragging me in for a tight hug. "I’m sorry it’s been so rough the last few months,” she said, pulling back slightly.

"We're fine Mom," I nodded, although I was freaking out over the corner I had painted myself into.

“We’re going to make it,” she said, pulling me in for one last squeeze.

A few hours ago I would have believed her, but her outburst about Maddon and his father made me doubt that anything would work out.“Yeah, we’re going to make it,” I said, hiding my doubts as I pulled out of her embrace. “I better hit the sack since I have classes tomorrow—and detention,” I said, grimacing at the thought of enduring confinement without Maddon.

She stood up with me, folding the light teal blanket she had been using, before draping it over the back of the sofa. “How is your detention going anyway?” she asked, switching off the lamp.

“Ugh, don’t ask.”

“Consequences for our actions can be a challenge at times,” she said, giving me her classic motherly look. “Next time, you’ll weigh the consequences before you cuss-out a teacher or pull a fire alarm.”

“Well, I regret the fire alarm,” I said, taking the steps two at a time.

“Kassandra!” she said, trying to sound stern behind me.

“Mom, if you met Mr. Mathews', you’d totally get it. Besides, he was a total prick that day,” I said.

“Kass! Language,” she reprimanded.

“Sorry, a total
brick
,” I added sarcastically.

“Just try to refrain yourself. It would be a shame for this to go on your permanent record after all your hard work.”

I sighed, knowing she was right. I had been lucky to get off with detention and a slap on the hand. “I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask,” she said, heading down the hallway to her room.

***

I arrived at school the next morning, struggling with the desire of hoping I would see Maddon at least once that day, while the sensible side of me knew I would only be playing with fire if I did. I knew if everyone caught wind us, they’d blow it completely out of proportion. Separating Maddon from my home and school life was crucial. Though it was probably for the best, I couldn’t help feeling disappointed when lunch rolled around and I still hadn’t seen him. I shuffled down the hall toward Mrs. Leighton’s office, trying to avoid the students who were celebrating the impending holiday break a few hours early. It had been one of those free-for-all kinds of days since the majority of the teachers had planned nothing in their curriculum for the last day before winter break. It was a waste to even make us come today.

Mrs. Leighton was speaking with one of the aides when I entered the office.

“Kassandra, come on back to my office,” she said, handing the aide the stack of papers in her hands. “Just add these to your stack,” she told the girl as we headed down the hall.

“So, Kassandra, last detention today, right?” she asked, settling down behind her desk.

“Yeah,” I replied, wishing it was my last day of counseling too. All this examination of my personal life hadn't sat well with me.

“How has it been going?”

“Okay, I guess. Kind of boring,” I lied.

“Really?” she asked, raising her eyebrows like she knew more than she was letting on.

“Yeah,” I answered defensively.

“I see,” she said, letting it slide. “How are things going at home?”

“Better,” I answered truthfully this time.

“That’s great,” she said, sounding surprised.

“I guess my prank and my cussing-out a teacher did some good after all,” I said, testing the boundaries.

“Well, I wouldn’t say that,” she hem-hawed, reaching into her candy jar to extract several holiday-wrapped Hershey's Kisses. She divvied them up and handed me a small pile.

“Thanks,” I said, unwrapping one of them and popping it into my mouth.

“I am pleased things are better at home,” she said, unwrapping her own chocolate morsel. “I would have preferred a different method to get those results,” she added, smiling at me.

“I’m sorry I pulled the fire alarm,” I said, using my finger to roll the small piece of foil that had covered my chocolate into a ball. “I guess it wasn’t very mature.”

She sighed. “Cussing out Mr. Mathews' wasn’t the most mature action either,” she pointed out.

“Maybe not, but it felt good,” I said, grinning.

A smile so brief that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me flitted across her face before it was replaced once again with her neutral look. “Maybe next time you can find a more reasonable way to express yourself,” she said, trying to sound stern.

“Yes, ma’am,” I answered, unwrapping another chocolate.

“What are your plans for the holidays?” she asked, changing the subject.

I shrugged my shoulders, trying to act like the question didn’t bother me.

“Has your mom considered maybe getting away for the holidays so they won’t be quite as painful?”

“I’m not sure. We haven’t talked about it.” I didn’t mention the Christmas decorations that still sat in the attic or the baked goods that used to be a normal staple item for us during this time of year. I didn’t mention the lack of hidden Christmas presents or the missing voice of my father as he changed the lyrics of Christmas songs to better suit his purposes.

“Maybe I can help,” she said, seeing through my ploy.

“No one can help. The holidays used to be my father’s favorite time of the year. He made them special. It won’t be truly Christmas for us ever again,” I said with a quiver in my voice as I left her office.

Mrs. Leighton’s words haunted me through the rest of the school day. She’d made me think of things I had been trying to avoid, and the pain from them weighed me down as I headed to detention later that afternoon.

Signing in at the door, I claimed my usual seat and glanced around. I was actually relieved to see I was the only delinquent stupid enough to get put in detention the last day before break. Either all the other students were smart enough to stay out of trouble, or they decided to skip out and suffer the consequences when the holidays were over.

I pulled out my phone and hit the Facebook app. Clicking on my missed messages, I saw several from Colton, asking if I wanted to hang out over break. I typed in a quick answer and moved on to my timeline. The majority of the posts on my timeline were from Lacey and her cronies discussing Lacey’s holiday party the next day. I tapped onto a post from Lacey that highlighted the appropriate gifts to bring the hostess of such an event. I rolled my eyes as I scrolled through the suggestions.