Forever Changed (7 page)

As the days passed, I would catch glimpses of Kassandra in the hallways from one class to the next. She rarely talked, and I never saw her smile. Much to my annoyance, Colton was the one friend who seemed to stand by her, and I often saw them eating lunch together under the big pine trees in the courtyard. They never seemed to talk much, but Kassandra at least seemed happier when she was with him. I was grudgingly grateful to him for sticking by her.

October flowed into November and November faded into December. Kassandra seemed to withdraw further into her shell until eventually, even her lunches with Colton ended. She was like a leaf in the wind that just slowly floated away.

School lost its luster for me as I slowly faded into the background, shutting myself off from everyone. Colton stuck by me, but seemed to be dealing with his own personal demons.

Leaving the cheerleading squad was the catalyst that separated my old life from my new life. I had to endure Lacey’s snarky remarks for weeks, but I became the queen at biting my tongue and keeping my retorts to myself. Acknowledging her would have only made her believe she was more important than she really was.

November was tough, celebrating our first family holiday without my dad. We wound up going to Cracker Barrel for Thanksgiving since my mom wasn’t up to fixing her traditional spread. The meal was okay, but nowhere near as good as what we were used to. I was relieved to finally put the day behind us, but worried about making it through Christmas. It was Dad's favorite holiday.

Megan and I continued to grow close, spending all of our non-school hours together. Even though she still wasn't talking, I learned she was more engaging than the girls I had shunned her for. I began to look forward to the time we spent together, while continuing to withdraw further and further from the school life I had once loved. Afraid that my sullen attitude was bringing Colton down with me, I eventually pulled away from him, choosing to eat my lunches in the library so he could start to integrate himself back in with our group without me holding him back.

By December tenth, three months after my father’s accident, the oppressiveness of school began to weigh on me. The walls felt as if they closing in, and I found myself daydreaming into the chalkboard at the front of the room, completely tuning out the teachers. The first month of my return to school, the teachers treated me with kid gloves and pretty much left me alone, but by the second month, their patience began to wear thin. Most of them tried to break through the shell I had enclosed myself in, but at this point, I was sick of the attention. I almost preferred the indifferent stance my ex-friends had shown.

“Ms. Cole, can you
answer
the question?” an impatient voice demanded, jerking me out of my trance.

“What?” I asked, trying to focus on Mr. Mathews’ sarcastic face.

“
I wanted
to know if you can answer the question from the textbook,” he said impatiently.

“Um, what problem?” I asked confused, looking down at my math book that I hadn’t bothered to open.

“Oh, forgive me, Ms. Cole. I didn't realize we were disturbing you. Perhaps you would actually like to participate now?” he asked in a biting tone.

“Not particularly,” I muttered, not appreciating his attempt to shame me in front of the class. He’d been doing it to students for years, and had the reputation of being a complete jerk. When I was on the squad, he’d pretty much left me alone since it was rumored he had the hots for Ms. Hanson. He's been riding me the last few months once it became common knowledge I was no longer cheerleading. I’d been good up to now about letting his sarcastic remarks roll off my back, but I had enough now.

My response made several students around me snicker and look at me appraisingly. It had been weeks since they’d heard a peep out of me and they were intrigued to hear my voice again.

“What did you say?” he demanded as his face and bald head turned a vibrant shade of red.

“I
said.
Not. Particularly
,” I emphasized, dragging out each of my words.

“Look here, Ms. Cole, just because you’ve had a bump in the road doesn’t mean everyone is going to cater to you for the rest of your life. It’s time to grow up and move on,” he said loudly, towering over me.

I stood up suddenly, shaking with rage. “Fuck you,” I said quietly, looking him dead in the eye. The class around me seemed to gasp as one at my words.

“You just won yourself a one-way ticket to the dean’s office,” he said, shaking with his own rage.

“Whatever you say,” I said in the same condescending tone he’d been using on students for years. I snatched up my bag of the back off my chair and sashayed out of the room, letting my middle finger speak for itself. Enough was enough. No one understood what I was going through, and I was sick of all of them.

“GO TO THE OFFICE!” Mr. Mathews' hollered after me.

I felt like the weight of the world had just been lifted off my shoulders. That little act of rebellion at Mr. Mathews' expense had somehow liberated me and for the first time since the accident, I felt in control of a situation. Classroom doors opened down the hallway as curious teachers responded to the ruckus. I could hear the students crowing in each room as I walked by. I was just about to walk out the double doors when it occurred to me that one last act of anarchy would make this a truly monumental grand exit…

The sirens from the fire alarm shrieked loudly behind me as I climbed into my car, watching the students pile out of the building hooting and hollering.

I couldn’t help but giggle at the sight of the teachers and administrators trying to discourage the students from leaving. It was completely exhilarating to do something so blatantly defiant that I had never done before. I felt alive, taking in a deep breath of the fresh air around me.

I felt so good I headed toward Megan’s school, deciding my hooky day would become her hooky day.

The parking lot was nearly empty with the exception of the teacher’s cars. I pulled up front and leaped from the car relishing the lightheartedness I felt.

“Why Kassandra, you’re early today,” Mrs. Mimi exclaimed. “And my, you look different.”

“I do?” I asked, looking down at my scruffy jeans and t-shirt that had become my customary school uniform lately. Puzzled, I reached up to touch my hair, not remembering how I had styled it that morning.

“It’s your eyes, they look lovely today,” she said, answering my puzzlement.

“Oh, okay?” I said, walking over to the elaborate gilded mirror that ran along the wall.

Her words made sense after studying my reflection a little. My eyes did have a certain sparkle in them that hadn’t been there in a while. Maybe being a bad girl suited me.

“Are you picking Megan up?” she asked, breaking into my reverie.

“Yeah, I thought we’d have a hooky day together,” I said, glancing away from the mirror.

“I think she’ll enjoy that,” Mrs. Mimi said, punching in the door code so we could walk in together.

Megan was happy to see me, though she studied me critically.

“I thought we’d go see that new Disney movie, what do you think?”

She nodded her head enthusiastically and slid her now cast-free hand into mine. Mom was supposed to take her to have it removed, but wound up backing out at the last moment and begged me to take her place. I tried to decline, knowing she had to leave the house eventually, but when she turned her pleading eyes on me, I couldn’t help relenting. The only time we got her to leave the house was for Thanksgiving, and I know that was only because the memories of past holidays at home were painful.

Removing the cast had been no picnic either. The doctor accidently cut Megan with the saw while removing the cast. To make her feel better, I entertained her with stories of my many cheerleading injuries, including a broken arm, just like hers. Knowing I had gone through the same thing seemed to help, and she put on a brave face while the doctor finished removing the cast. Her poor arm underneath was a grey, dusky color, but the doctor had told us it would pink up in no time. His words proved to be true, and within weeks, you couldn’t tell the difference between her two arms.

My lighthearted mood continued throughout the movie, and Megan was obviously having a good time also, the way she sat there beaming at the screen. The sun was just beginning to set by the time we got into the car to head home. I steered into the driveway, surprised to see a maroon sedan in my usual spot.

“Wonder who that is, Peanut,” I said, helping her out of her car seat.

She shrugged her shoulders which made me smile.

I opened the front door for us, juggling the Chinese takeout I had picked up on our way home. Mom had pretty much stopped cooking since the accident, and once all the sympathy casseroles ran out, I took over the job of making sure dinner got put on the table. Needless to say, we’d been eating a lot of takeout.

I was surprised to find my mom in the front sitting room considering we rarely used it. That is until I saw Mrs. Leighton perched on the opposite loveseat.

Crap
. Mrs. Leighton had been trying to get me to come in to talk to her for months, but I had deflected each of her attempts.

“Kassandra, there you are,” Mom said, sounding strained.

She looked absolutely panicked. This was the new Mom though, a shell of her former self. I missed my vibrant, confident mother who loved to entertain and go out, yet another casualty of the accident.

“Kassandra,” Mrs. Leighton said, looking more severe than I’d ever seen her.

“Why don’t you go read for a little while, Peanut? We’ll eat in a few minutes,” I said, giving her a slight nudge toward the staircase.

Mrs. Leighton waited until Megan was upstairs before talking.

“So, like I told your mother, Kassandra, your behavior today was quite alarming,” Mrs. Leighton said, looking at me pointedly.

I glanced at mom to get a gauge of her reaction and was shocked to see her looking more alert than she had for months. “Kass, what happened?” she asked.

“Um yeah, well Mr. Matthews was being a real jerk,” I stuttered out.

“That may be, but cussing out a teacher is intolerable. Even more so is falsely pulling a fire alarm on school property,” Mrs. Leighton said sternly.

“I know,” I said, looking down at my folded hands.

“The principal wanted you suspended,” she said, holding her hand up when I started to protest. “But I stepped in and intervened on your behalf,” she continued.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet. There will be consequences. First, you must write a letter of apology to Mr. Mathews', and secondly, you will have detention for the remaining weeks of this quarter.”

I nodded reluctantly. A week and a half of detention, I could handle, but writing a letter of apology would be a harder pill to swallow.

“And you will come in and see me during lunch three times a week for the rest of the year.”

“What?” I squawked, looking at my mom for help, but she only nodded her head in agreement.

“That’s the deal if you’re going to return to school,” she said, leaving no room for negotiation or argument.

“Fine,” I said, standing up to leave the room. I stomped up the stairs, losing the high I had gotten being a rebel. The last thing I felt like doing was pouring out my guts to some teacher that got off on being over-the-top nice.

Word of Kassandra losing it in Mr. Mathews' class reached me before I even made it to first period the next day. It was common knowledge that eventually someone would snap in Mr. Mathews' class, but I never would have thought it would be Kassandra that would give him the finger. She became an overnight sensation as everyone applauded her actions. Pulling the fire alarm was just the icing on the cake and earned Kassandra the title of Bad Ass of the year.

I had endured Mathews' prickish attitude as a junior and was lucky to make it out of his class without an incident. I was pissed when I heard what he had said to Kassandra to push her over the edge. For just a moment, I regretted not having my dad’s hot head. I would have liked nothing more than to cram my fist in Mathews' face.