She mouthed the word fine again, in case Sarah hadn’t caught what she meant.
“He’s a perve.” Angel huffed.
“He is not! Those are just rumors.”
That sparked Sarah’s curiosity. “What rumors?”
“He’s young and hot. Last year was his first year teaching, ever.” Sofia made a face. “So, a lot of the stupid girls are always flirting with him. Anyway people started talking that maybe he’d dated some of the older ones outside school. Even if he did he can’t be more than twenty three, that’s not old.”
Sarah’s eyebrows shot up and Angel gave Sofia a disgusted look. “I warned you about him.”
“Yes, yes, Angel I know.” Sofia turned back to Sarah and rolled her eyes. “I’m not allowed to be alone with him, can you believe it? Anyway, you should come out and run with us Sarah. Coach Rudy will be so excited.”
“But I’m not gonna be here next semester.” Angel squeezed Sarah’s hand and their eyes met.
He turned his attention back on the road. She could see his jaw tense, and his expression turn hard. He turned into a long circular driveway.
The house was impressive, a lot bigger than her aunt’s, and she’d always thought her aunt’s house was big. Well, compared to the one bedroom apartment she and her mom had lived in, anything was big. But this was huge. She looked out the window as he reached the front entrance and stopped. It had an elegant double door entry. “Why?” Sofia almost whined.
“I’ll have to tell you about it another time.” Sarah said, looking back at her.
Sofia frowned and opened the back door. “Tell mom I’ll be back later.” Angel said.
Sofia got out and came around to Sarah’s window. “Please tell me you weren’t the fourth place runner, ‘cause that’s what we really need.”
Sarah felt guilty. “Yeah, I was.”
“Uughh,” Sofia was deflated. “Maybe you can at least come practice with us one of these days.”
“Sure, I can do that.” Sarah said. “I should be training anyway. I plan on getting back on the team at my old school.”
“Good.” Sofia smiled. “I’ll talk to my coach and let you know when.”
“Sounds good.”
Sofia thanked Angel for the ride and went inside. Still smiling, Sarah turned to look at Angel. His expression was so hard, her smile disappeared immediately.
“We need to talk.” He pulled out of the driveway.
*********
They drove up to where he’d taken her the night of the party. Angel could feel the onset of a headache, and his stomach felt a little queasy.
What the hell was she doing to him
?
Except for when she’d asked him if he was okay and he had simply responded, “nope.”, the drive was a silent one. Still, he held her hand firmly in his. He parked facing the cliff where they had a perfect view of the setting sun. But Angel wasn’t interested in that. He didn’t even wait to get out of the car, as soon as he turned off the car he leaned against his door and looked at her. The worried look on her face made his words softer than he originally intended them to be.
“I don’t understand why you’re in such a rush to get back to Arizona, Sarah.” Without waiting for her response he added. “I mean, is it really that bad here? I know you said your friend is waiting for you, but is your mom going to be there for you?”
He saw the hurt in her face, and his heart dropped. He immediately felt like an idiot.
Shit
Who the hell did he think he was prying into her life like that? He had barely known her for a weekend, and her plans were made long before him.
“I’m sorry, Sarah.” He kissed her hand.
He saw the tears in her big eyes and he felt like kicking his own ass. Her painful expression twisted his insides. Damn it, how could he be so stupid? For all he knew her mom could be in a hospital somewhere. He leaned over and pulled her gently to him, kissing her head.
“God, Sarah, I’m so sorry,” he said, “I had no right --” She shook her head before he could finish.
“It’s okay,” she said. “It’s not your fault; there’s no way you could know.”
Know what
? “So, tell me.” He said, then quickly added, “Or don’t. You don’t have to… if you don’t want to.”
He’d pushed her too much already. He wanted to be there for her, make her pain go away, but he had to stop being so damn pushy.
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” she said. “It’s just too embarrassing.” Then added in a hushed whisper. “…shameful.”
“What?” He lifted her chin gently. “Sarah, there is nothing you can tell me that would make me feel any different about you.” And he meant it. He had a feeling whatever it was, it couldn’t be anything Sarah had done. He couldn’t imagine Sarah doing anything shameful.
He pulled open the glove compartment and pulled out a napkin, handing it to her. She took it and cleaned herself up. “Can we get out?”
Angel pulled the keys out of the ignition and got out of the car. He walked around the car quickly, meeting her as she got out. He hugged her tightly, wanting her to feel just how sorry he was. “I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she said. “You didn’t do anything.”
“I’m an ass.”
“No, you're not,” she laughed.
She closed the door and they walked back to the exact spot they’d stood that first night. Sarah held onto the rail and he stood behind her, his arms around her waist. As they looked out into the ocean, Angel felt her take a deep breath.
“My mom’s in jail.”
He stood perfectly still. The last thing he wanted was for Sarah to feel he was judging her. He was determined not to interrupt and let her say what she wanted, and only what she wanted.
She turned to face him and he felt his heart sink, when he saw the tears in her eyes again.
“My mom is a good person.”
“Sweetheart, you don’t have to convince me.” He wiped away a tear that rolled down her cheek.
She threw her arms around him and he held her tight. After holding her for a few minutes, she pulled back and looked him straight in the eye.
“Things weren’t easy for us, Angel,” she said. “It’s always been just the two of us. We had no one else. My grandparents were non-existent, disowning my mom when she got pregnant with me. She was only seventeen when I was born, and I’ve never known my dad.”
Angel hung on her every word. His heart broke as she bravely sucked it up, refusing to let herself fall apart.
“Then I started asking for things.” Her voice was full of disgust. “Things she couldn’t afford, expensive running shoes, and clothes, and an iPod. I was selfish. She kept up with everything I asked for and I didn’t ask how. Deep inside I knew we couldn’t afford it all, but I didn’t care." She paused to take a deep breath and wipe her nose.
"Then one day, she sat me down and cried. She told me she’d been bad. I still don’t understand the whole thing but she took money from her boss. She’d been doing it for years. Embezzlement is what they called it at the trial. Now she’s doing three years and it’s my entire fault.”
She collapsed on his chest and cried softly. Angel held her tight, feeling an invisible hand squeeze his windpipe.
“It’s not your fault,” he whispered frantically in her ear as he kissed her again and again. He walked her over to the bench where they could sit, and sat her on his lap.
She sat up straight, composing herself, and looked at him. “She’s in a minimum security correctional facility in Phoenix.” She held up her fingers to emphasize the quote sarcastically.
Angel stared at her helplessly, taking her hand back in his and squeezing it.
“She doesn’t want me to visit,” she continued, “said she didn’t want me to see her like that ever. But there’s no way I can go three years without seeing her. I plan on visiting her, no matter what she says.”
“Can she call you?”
Sarah nodded. “Yeah, she calls every week and we write all the time, but it’s not enough.”
“Sarah.” He tried to sound optimistic. “People rarely serve their full term, especially when the crime wasn’t a violent one. She’ll probably be out before the three years.”
“That’s what her attorney told her,” Sarah said. “But she just went in so she’s still looking at at least a year and a half, if she’s lucky.”
Angel cradled her, kissing her forehead. She leaned on his shoulder. “The thing is Angel, growing up we moved constantly. I don’t know why, but most of the jobs she got would rarely last. Each time she got a new one it was time to move. Sometimes she knew it was going to be a short stay ahead of time and we wouldn’t even get an apartment, we’d stay in a hotel for a few months at a time.
"Up until I was nine years old we moved so much I’d been to more than a dozen different schools, sometimes moving twice in the same year. I’d given up making friends or even unpacking. It was almost a year after we’d moved to Flagstaff before I finally allowed myself to completely unpack.”
“And that’s where you met Sydney?” Angel felt her tense up a little and straighten up again.
“Yeah,” she said quickly. “But most importantly we stayed there. For eight years. It may not mean a lot to anyone else, but to me it was everything. I was finally home. And then just before I can finish school, this happens. Packing up all my things brought back all the painful memories of when I was a little girl. Thank God for Valerie, I don’t know how I would’ve survived starting a new school all over again.”
Her expression turned affectionate. “It’s not that it’s so bad here, Angel. It’s just that it took so long for me to feel like I belonged somewhere. I just feel like I have to go back. I need to, it’s my home.”
Angel kissed her gently. “Sarah, you don’t owe me any explanations. I had no right questioning you to begin with.”
He was repulsed with himself. After everything she’d been through, she was sitting here trying to make him understand. She could go back to Arizona if she wanted to, she should. As much as he disliked the thought of her being so far, she deserved to be happy. Hell, he’d drive out there every weekend if he had to.
**************
It was almost unbelievable to Sarah, what an incredible mix of emotions this weekend had been. The roller coaster ride was over, and yet her stomach was still feeling the effects.
She’d kept Sydney updated all weekend on everything that was happening. When she told him about what had happened today, he was pissed at first, but she’d defended Angel ardently. He’d laughed, teasing that if he didn’t know better he’d say she was in love.
She got the feeling Sydney was happy that she had finally confided in someone else about her mom. She felt guilty now about the amount of crap she’d unloaded on him, and yet he’d always been there so ready to help her through it all. She hadn’t told him yet that Angel assumed he was a girl. She didn’t know why, but somehow she thought he might be insulted, betrayed that she was denying their friendship.
She glanced at the clock; it was 10:30 pm. She was almost out the room, on her way to brush her teeth, when she heard her phone ring. Her face lit up when she saw it was Angel. She answered it with a smile.
“Hi, Angel.”
“Hey.” His voice was low. “Sorry I’m calling so late. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I still feel like an ass about today.”
“No, you shouldn’t.” She clutched the phone. “Actually, I feel a lot better now that I told you.”
“Good,” he said. “’Cause I want you to know you can to tell my anything.”
Sarah's heart sank. She knew she should’ve told him about Sydney already, but truth was she was beginning to wonder if he really needed to know. Valerie had been right she decided, about guy’s being territorial and Angel was making that pretty clear. She was certain now, especially after hearing his take on guys and girls being friends, that he wouldn’t understand her relationship with Sydney.
She reasoned with herself that he probably would never get the chance to meet Syd anyway. She’d already decided to keep the subject of Syd to a minimum. Still, she couldn’t help feeling deceitful.
She pushed Sydney to the back of her mind. There were other things she needed to get clear with him. “Listen, Angel.” She sat down on her bed. “I’m glad you called. With all the talk about my mom today, I completely forgot to talk to you about tomorrow.”
“What about tomorrow?”
“Well, I know we have an understanding now, but I don’t want that to change things at school.”
He was silent for a moment, but she heard the unmistakable change in his tone when he spoke again. “You don’t want anyone at school to know you’re seeing someone?”
“No.” She was surprised that he would even think that. “I just don’t want you to change anything you normally do, for me. I know how close you are with your friends. I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to spend together after school and on weekends, there’s no need for me to cut in on your time with your friends at school.”