Forever's Fight (12 page)

He pulled her tight against his chest and held her. “You deal with it by knowing there are others you can save. You fight to do the right thing.”

“What about Andrew’s niece?”

“We’ll see if we can find her, even if it’s too late to save her. He needs answers and closure. I’ve got Jade searching through Shifters Underground, and hopefully she’ll come up with a lead. Andrew won’t stick around long if he figures out another way to search for her, but while he’s here we’ll do what we can to make sure he’s prepared for what he’s up against.”

“The world we live in…” She paused as she realized she had accepted this. All of it. She accepted that she was neck deep in the rising tension between shifters and humans, and a fight that might end up killing her. Most importantly, she had accepted that she was destined to be Patrick’s mate.

The only light in the room was the faint glow from the moon. Clarissa cuddled against Patrick’s naked chest, comforted by his soft purrs of sleep which echoed throughout the space. She wasn’t sure what time it was, only that it was still dark outside. The bedside clock was on the nightstand behind her, but if she rolled over she might disturb him. She was enjoying snuggling beside him, watching him sleep. Instead of checking the time, she opted to close her eyes, and tried to let his soft purrs lull her back to sleep.

Something had woken her, but she wasn’t sure what it was. With her eyes closed, her thoughts had a chance to wander, maybe a little more than she would have liked. She wanted to stay in the moment and let nothing distract her, but fate had other desires. Her eyelids sprung open and her body shook, waking him.

“What?” His voice was groggy. “What is it? Nightmare?”

“No. I know where the first camp is. I need to get a map.” She rolled from his embrace and toward the edge of the bed.

“Write it down and come back to bed. There’s nothing we can do about it right now.”

“I need to see it. Maybe the others will come back to me, too.” The nightshirt she had on wouldn’t keep the chill away. She grabbed the robe she’d tossed at the edge of the bed and slipped it on. “Maybe someone can go with me and we can go scout the place while you’re away.”

“Absolutely not.” Wearing only his boxers, he got out of bed. “I told you before, you’re too recognizable. You need to stay here until things calm down. Even if that weren’t the case, I wouldn’t trust anyone but me to keep you safe on a mission like that. You smell like us now, and if they have shifter trackers it could put you in additional danger.”

“How? What happened back at the cabin had to have worn off by now, and Jade said they’d only be able to smell me as a shifter once the mating was complete.”

“True, but the mating has started and you’ve been in my embrace enough that my animal musk clings to you like a second skin. Shifters can mask their smell if they need to, and that of their mates, but without me you’d be a target.” He came to stand behind her as she glanced over the maps and placed his hand on her shoulder. “When I get back, Austin and Blake, or Nolan, can scout out the camp.”

“We need to do something about these.”

“Camps are harder for us to take down. There are more guards, more shifters that we need to be concerned with. I love your motivation for this, but the labs need to be our first priority. Those are the places that are hurting and killing shifters. Camps are controlled places to keep shifters—”

“A prison.” She turned to look at him, unable to believe he was willing to stand by and do nothing when it came to these camps.

“You could call them that, but those shifters are also in a semi-safe place. It’s not the same as living completely free, but it is better than having to be on the run from the government. Right now, there are very few choices for shifters and freedom isn’t one of them.”

“Don’t you think they’re giving the labs free access whenever they need a new subject? Just drive over to one of the camps and pick them up. It’s almost like a drive-through at a fast food place. But instead of a quick meal, they’re picking up someone to torture.” She lowered herself onto the chair by the desk and tried to keep her stomach from heaving. “How long until criminals start joining the ranks of the labs or these camps as security personnel, to get free access to someone they can help torture? Or criminals kidnapping shifters to torture on their own? After all, the government doesn’t see your species as equals but as lesser beings who have no rights. A sadist could capture and torture a shifter, and there’d be no consequences.”

“I’ve already thought of that, but we can only handle one problem at a time. We can’t worry about something that could have always been a threat looming in the background. We need to focus on the labs. They have to be our biggest priority.”

She nodded in agreement, but it didn’t quiet her thoughts. She wanted the world they had before. Where everyone was safe, and no shifters were being tortured and killed. America didn’t have concentration camps housing shifters. She wanted a safe world for the next generation to grow up in.

“What’s wrong, my angel? You look like you’ve been splashed with cold water.” He smoothed his hand along her back.

“I can’t help but think this is a terrible world to bring children into. Heck, to even think about the future.”

“We’ve got to live each day to the fullest. We’ll make it through this and in the end we’ll be stronger for it.”

“We as a whole or we as in shifters?” She shook her head, not sure she wanted the answer. “Do you think we’ll ever be able to live in a civilization as we did before, where shifters and humans can coexist together?”

“That is our goal, but we need the government to accept us as people. To see that while there are some among us who do evil things, we’re not like that as a whole. Just as there are criminals among humans, there are criminals among shifters as well. While you can’t throw a shifter into a human prison, there should be an alternative for them. But only for actual criminals, not for the whole species. As it stands, we’re
all
being treated like criminals.” He took her hand and brought her to stand before him. “Though you should know before this mating goes any further that it’s unlikely we’ll ever leave Forever Creek. Not permanently, at least.”

“Why? If we can make the world safe again, why not?”

“Each of us has our own reasons, I’m sure, but as the Alpha I need to think about what’s best for my pride. I believe staying here is best. Because of what happened, I don’t think Jade will ever be able to trust people like she should. I’m not sure she could ever go back to living amongst others. I can feel the anxiety within her when we talk about others coming to the castle. She wants to trust, but she’s just not there yet. She needs somewhere safe where she can be herself. That place is right here.”

“What about the rest of you? That’s not fair on the pride for you to stay here because of one.”

“Like I said, I believe we each have our own reasons. Austin retired from the Army, and even though he looks well-adjusted he doesn’t like large crowds or loud noises. Then there’s Chase…I’m not really sure what’s wrong with him, but eventually he’ll be ready to tell me.”

She met his gaze and stared into his sea glass green eyes. “Where do I fit into all of this?”

“Hopefully right by my side.” He laced his fingers between hers. “I want you with me as I lead the pride, as we fight to get the government to accept us, but more importantly I want you in my bed for now and always.”

She loved the sound of that, even though it hadn’t been very long. To be with the man she was quickly falling for was like a wish come true, especially when she realized he wanted her as much as she wanted him. They’d get through the questionable times because they had each other. She rose up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his.

Patrick hooked up the last computer monitor and glanced around the new lab. In just over two hours, they had moved everything up to the fifth floor and completely set up. With that off his checklist, he needed to head back downstairs to gather what needed to come up from his office. He didn’t want the office on the first floor to look too sparse and unused, but anything he was working on needed to be kept upstairs.

His beast growled within him, angry they’d been pushed to the level of not trusting his fellow shifters. It broke something within him that he had to move anything that might spark someone’s anger to his other office. All the confidential items they had gathered from the labs and their searches had to be tucked away. With others coming here, he needed to make sure none of it fell into the wrong hands.

He was stuffing files into a box when Chase stepped into the office. “Got a minute?”

“Sure.” He sat down on the leather office chair. “What’s up?”

“Blake and I can handle Hathaway Medical and—”

“I have no doubt that’s true, but I’m going. I’ve already had this conversation with Austin, and I don’t appreciate any of you questioning my judgment.”

“It’s not your judgment that’s in question.” Chase bit the corner of his lip, clearly uneasy. “You’re leaving the day after tomorrow, and you haven’t even claimed her yet. Each of us can feel the tension building within you. Your lion is on edge. Going on a mission now isn’t the best decision.”

“Unless you wish to challenge me for my position, I’ve given you my answer. I’m going to deal with the lab myself. If you can’t accept that, then you can challenge me, stay here, or keep your mouth shut,” Patrick snapped. His lion growled within him, begging to be released. His beast wanted to remind everyone that he was Alpha here, and it was time they respected that.

“Patrick.” Austin stepped in, leaning against the doorjamb with his large arms crossed over his chest. “The way you’re acting right now…it’s unlike you. Don’t you see why we’re concerned?”

“I’m fine. I’m in control,” he reasoned, even as he tried to repress his beast. Maybe it wasn’t the complete truth, but he was their Alpha and he’d handle this the best he could in order to keep everyone safe.

“You’re fine now because Clarissa is just down the hall. But when you leave…” Austin paused for a moment and came farther into the office. “If you don’t claim her before you leave, your lion is going to spaz out. You need the connection alive between you two in order to focus on the mission at hand. If you don’t, someone could get hurt…or worse.”

Even if they were right, Patrick hated the pressure his brothers were inflicting on him. His beast wouldn’t take the separation very well without knowing his mate was safe. “She needs to be ready. I won’t force her into a mating she isn’t ready for.”

“Neither of us said to force her.” Chase glanced back at Austin.

“A little pressure never hurt anything,” Austin added. “Clarissa probably feels the tension and need as well.”

“I heard my name. Are you talking about me?” She stopped in the hallway, a filled cardboard box in her hands, the tops of files sticking out.

“Come in.” Austin went to her and took the box from her. “We were just telling Patrick that he needs to claim y—”

“That’s enough, Austin!” Patrick shot up from the chair, anger coursing through him. “Leave her out of this.”

“She’s as much a part of this as you, and she has a right to know.”

“Know what?” She moved past Austin, toward Patrick. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“For this mission to be successful…” Chase paused as Patrick’s growls echoed throughout the office. With a deep breath, he continued, “He needs to complete the mating.”

“Chase, I warned you. Both of you.” He glanced toward Austin.

“Is this true?” When Patrick didn’t answer, she turned back to Austin.

“He doesn’t want to rush you, but if the mating hasn’t happened his lion will be on edge. He’ll be more focused on you, or what’s happening back here. It will put the whole thing and their lives in danger.”

“Get out. Now!” Patrick hollered, his beast’s growl lacing his words. If anyone else had disobeyed an order from an Alpha, there’d have been hell to pay. However, these men were his brothers, so he kept his lion’s natural impulses in check. At least, for now. “
Out
.”

“You’re not getting rid of me that easy.” She straightened her back and met his gaze.

“Clarissa,” Chase began, his voice low. “I think you should come with us.”

“I’m not leaving,” she told Chase as she eyed Patrick. “I have a few things to stay to him.”

“I think you’ve met your match, and she’s not backing down.” Austin smirked as he headed out the door, Chase following only a few steps behind.

“You should listen to them.” He didn’t want her to be afraid of him, but at that moment his lion was more on edge than ever before. He needed to shift and give his beast an outlet for the anger that was burning within him.

She stalked forward. Annoyance had her glaring at him, as she crossed her arms over her chest. “How dare you not tell me this? If not completing this mating is going to put you and the others at risk, I had a right to know. How do you think I’d feel if one of you came back injured, and then I found out I was partially to blame? Or worse, what if one of you didn’t come back at all? Do you think we could ever move past that, or would there always be some resentment between us?” The questions rolled off her tongue, each one faster than the last, leaving no time for him to answer them.

“I’d have handled things and we’d be fine.” It came out as more of a growl than anything else.

“Handle things?” She shouted, throwing her arms in the air and then running her fingers through her hair. “I’m a
thing
now? Not a person but a thing.” Her eyes widened before she slammed her hands down on the back of the light brown chair that sat across from his desk. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

“Damn it, Clarissa, that’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Do I?”

“I won’t force you into something you’re not ready for. No matter what the consequences are. You asked me about resentment, but have you considered the resentment you would have if I forced this mating onto you? How would that work, because once we’re mated there’s no going back. There’s no divorce or separation. Once the mating happens, the only way out is through death.” He watched as the anger left her eyes. “I care more about you than to let that happen.”

“And I care more about you than to let you rush off on this mission without your head in the game.” She stepped around the chair and took a seat. “You could get killed.”

“That possibility is always there, and you know it, but we take every precaution to make sure we come home after each mission.” He wanted to walk around his desk, go to her, and wrap his arms around her, but he denied himself that privilege. The last thing he needed was to make her more confused. Time. She needed time.

“Sometimes no matter how many safeguards you put in place, it’s not enough.” She wrapped her arms around her. “Knowing that I care for you, how could you go off and risk yourself and your brothers?”

“Caring about someone and being ready for what would be a lifetime commitment are two different things. I was trying to protect you. That’s what I do.” He tried to apply reason to his actions, but part of him knew he should have told her. He had chosen to hold off the mating until he returned, putting himself and the others in danger. It would also force her to feel the longing that came with his absence, but when he returned he’d hoped it would bring them to the place they needed to be.

“You didn’t give me a choice. You just guessed I wasn’t ready. Who are you to decide what’s best for me?”

“I’m an Alpha, that’s what I do. I make the decisions that are best for my pride. I protect them no matter the cost. Sometimes people get hurt in the process, but I don’t make decisions lightly. I suffer with the decisions I’m forced to make every day, but in the end I do what’s right for my pride, no matter the personal cost.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. I’m not one of your pride members, and I sure as heck don’t need you to protect me.” She shot up from the chair and stormed out of the room.

He watched her as she ran from him, while nagging doubt rose within him as he wondered if she’d ever be ready for the life he lived. This was his mate, and if he let his role as Alpha interfere with claiming her, he’d regret it for the rest of his life. He needed to find a way to show her the positives of being the Alpha’s mate. He needed for her to truly understand what it would be like to be a part of a pride.

After dashing from Patrick’s office, Clarissa wandered around the castle, trying to find somewhere she could be alone. She had to get her thoughts in order before she could face any of the O’Reillys, but everywhere she thought she’d find sanctuary someone was already there. She could have been alone in her bedroom, but that would only remind her of the time she’d spent cuddled in his arms. That was the last thing she needed at the moment.

“How can I possibly consider spending the rest of my life with someone who can’t even respect me enough to tell me the whole truth?” She pulled open the door to the indoor swimming pool. “Maybe we’re too different after all.”

She paused by one of the chairs, slipped out of her boots, and rolled up her pants. She might not be able to go for a swim, but she could at least put her feet in, and enjoy a quiet moment to get her thoughts together. Turning toward the pool, she caught a glimpse of herself in the wall of windows that looked out onto what used to be the ski slopes. “Look at me, standing here talking to myself. Maybe I’m nuttier than I thought.”

The pool was Olympic size, nine feet deep at one end. She chose to sit near the steps. Dipping her toes into the crystalline liquid, she nearly pulled back from the frigid temperature of the water, before taking a deep breath and letting her feet sink in. She swung her legs back and forth, her thoughts jumbled, and watched the wind pick up the snow and toss it forcibly into growing drifts beyond the windows. There was something so peaceful about it, yet so unnerving.

She was miles from anyone, alone with a houseful of shifters. Until now, she hadn’t considered it, but as she remembered the way Patrick’s growls mixed with his words, she couldn’t help but wonder just how close his animal lurked beneath the surface. What would have happened if she’d pushed him further? Would he attack her, and would she ever be at risk around these people?

She remained uncertain how far a shifter would go to if he was pressed, and whether his beast would emerge if provoked. She was concerned, but her heart tried to remind her there was nothing to worry about. He would never hurt her.

“What am I going to do?” she wondered aloud. “He obviously doesn’t trust me.” She reached down and dragged her fingers through the water, sending little ripples across the surface.

“You okay?” Startled, she straightened where she sat and glanced toward the door. Jade was standing there, the door open just enough that she could peek her head in. “I can get you a suit if you want to go for a swim.”

“Thanks, but I’m okay. I just came here to…” She started to say
to be alone
, but suddenly she didn’t want that any longer. She wanted company. Maybe Jade wasn’t the best person to talk to because Clarissa couldn’t openly discuss her fears with her, but she was the only person around. “Are you busy? Maybe you’d join me for a few minutes.”

Jade nodded and stepped into the wide open area, letting the door click shut behind her. “I saw you wander past the kitchen, and I almost didn’t follow. I thought maybe you wanted to be alone, but something about the look on your face and the sadness in your eyes made me think twice. So, what’s up?” She kicked off her flip-flops and sat down beside her.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

Jade’s nose scrunched up as she considered the question. “Maybe we should backtrack. Tell you what, exactly?” She sunk her feet into the water and cringed visibly at the cool temperature.

“No one told me…” She felt her face heat. “That…that Patrick needed to complete this mating
before
his mission.”

“Ah, that.” Jade leaned back, splashing the water a bit with her toes. “Which one of my brothers let it slip, and more importantly, are they still alive?” she joked.