Forget About Midnight (26 page)

“Promise me something,” I said, waiting for her to nod before continuing. “If you find yourself in a really bad place, call Shaz. He’s the most compassionate, gentle soul I know. He’ll help.”

“All right. I promise.” Like the crazy driver she was, she took her eyes off the road to pierce me with a pointed stare that lasted much too long to be road safe. “Now you promise to do whatever it takes to get out of that place. With Kale leaving, if something happened to you… I just can’t. I can’t lose you.”

No pressure, right? I sat back in my seat and tried to keep a clear head. Jez never showed weakness like this. It worried me. Nobody could be expected to be tough all the time. We all needed to fall apart sometimes. I just really hoped that it didn’t happen for her while I was behind bars.

Another fitful day at home tossing and turning in bed only to be awoken by horrible dreams had me eager to leave when the sun dipped below the horizon. Again my wolf guided me to the patio door where I stared out at the landscape, longing to be part of it. Again I turned away, unable to get past the fear holding me back. Also, I didn’t have much time. Briggs would be expecting me.

Kale and Jenner would be at the airport. For just a split second, I thought of every stupid TV show and movie where one person rushed to the airport to stop another from leaving, and I almost considered it. But that just wasn’t our style, Kale and I.

Besides, I’d never make it in time.

My phone revealed several missed calls from Arys and Shaz. Much to my surprise Arys had kept his distance since I’d left him at The Wicked Kiss the previous night. Part of me had expected a last ditch attempt from him at keeping me from turning myself in.

When I left the house, dressed for a fight in comfortable yoga pants and a thin hoodie over a tank top, I paused to listen to the sounds of the night. The stars were already popping out overhead. The moon was a half-lit orb that beckoned me.

With a sigh, I whispered, “Soon. I promise.”

As I sped down the highway to the city, I was torn between taking the time to hunt or heading straight to the FPA building with my hunger raging. It would serve Briggs right to have to feed my hunger, though I couldn’t trust him not to sacrifice an innocent to do so.

Feeling reckless, as was my nature these days, I threw caution to the wind and stopped only at The Wicked Kiss to stash my phone, dagger, and wallet in Harley’s room, then headed straight to the government headquarters. I drove around the block so I could give the place an appraisal before going in. It looked as dead and quiet as it always did.

One thing stood out as abnormal though, the blue Chevy Cobalt parked down the street. Shaz was here. I hadn’t seen that coming. Point for him.

I pulled up behind his car, feeling both annoyed and nervous. Could I trust myself alone with him?

“What are you doing here, Shaz?” I asked when we both stood between our cars. I tried to keep what I thought was a safe distance but doubted there was any such thing.

His hair was a little longer than he usually let it get, almost shaggy. He looked tired, like he hadn’t been sleeping much. “Don’t worry. I’m not here to try to talk some sense into you. But I do want to talk.”

“Now isn’t really the best time for me.” I shot a glance at the looming, darkened building down the street. For all I knew, Briggs was watching us right now.

“I won’t keep you long,” he said, running a hand through his hair. There was such uncertainty in his eyes. He looked lost. “I just can’t take the thought of you going in there and never coming out. If I don’t get this off my chest, I’ll go crazy.”

I scoffed. “Welcome to the club.”

Part of me wanted Briggs to come out and drag me away, anything to avoid this one-on-one encounter with Shaz. I wasn’t ready for this. I probably never would be.

Shaz crossed his arms and leaned against the back of his car. I mirrored him, leaning against the front of my car. I expected him to say many things.

What I didn’t expect was what came out of his mouth next. “You can’t go in there without being at your strongest, and you can’t do that without feeding from someone powerful. Like me. I’m here so you can do that.” He regarded me with a direct, fearless stare.

Damn I wished he hadn’t drawn my focus to what I was trying so hard not to focus on. The blood that pumped through his veins was indeed powerful, more so than any human blood ever could be. It was also addictive. I’d hunted more than one vampire in the past who had become fixated on shifter blood.

“Is that all? Feels like there’s more, something you’re not saying.” It took great effort to stare into his eyes rather than at his neck. Shit. I was such a typical vampire.

“There is more,” he confirmed with a nod. “I want you to accept that our relationship has changed but that we are still us, Lex. You and me. That doesn’t change just because you did.”

“Doesn’t it?” I asked with a brow raised, unable to fathom how someone as smart as Shaz was able to deceive himself so completely.

He shook his platinum head. His expression was stern, hardened in stubborn refusal. “You fed off me before you turned. Why should that change now? Let me be the one, Alexa. You can take what you need from me. We can still have what we had before.”

Despite his plea, there was no desperation in him. Shaz really believed what he said, that we could maintain our relationship even though I would always be the predator and he, my prey. It wasn’t right.

“Shaz, you know you’re too good for that kind of thing, don’t you? I see you as my equal. I always have. But if we carry on like that, you become only my victim. And that’s just not fair to you.”

He blinked a few times before pushing away from the car, crossing the small space between us. In a bold, possibly reckless move, he trapped me against my car, leaning in close with a hand on the hood on either side of me.

“If I thought it was unfair, I wouldn’t be here right now. I am not afraid of you. Stop trying to convince me that I should be.” With wolf fangs bared, he brazenly nipped at my bottom lip before kissing me with a passion that could only come from the beast within.

My wolf responded in full. She threw herself against my insides and unable to resist the call of his beast, I grabbed a handful of soft, blond hair and kissed him back with an all-consuming need that set free a part of me I’d tried so hard to cage.

The vampire side of me wouldn’t be outdone. It rose up hard and fierce, sweeping us both up in the thrall of it. Shaz’s kiss grew aggressive, demanding. His fingertips dug into my back as he clutched me tight.

Shaz didn’t know what he was asking. Or maybe he did, but he had no idea what it would do to us both. The changing dynamic of our relationship had never sat well with me. I knew that, to some extent, it couldn’t be avoided, but things had changed too much. Though he would age slower than a human, he would still age. And I would not. When would he realize that this could never be? Not really. Not anymore.

Those anguished thoughts drove me to a dark place. If he wouldn’t see it for himself, I would have to make him see. “You say you’re not afraid of me, but that doesn’t change the fact that I could kill you in a heartbeat.” With a sudden burst of violence, I shoved him, almost throwing him down on the ground between both cars.

Since it wasn’t the first vampire-strength shove Shaz had taken, he recovered fast, keeping his balance. His hands clenched into fists, and his wolf looked out at me through his eyes. It was exciting. I knew facing off with Shaz would be exhilarating. The darkness wanted me to do it, to push him, to see how far he would go.

Much to my surprise, Shaz smiled. Because he knew me too damn well. “I know what you’re doing,” he said. “And it’s not going to work.” Then he grabbed me with a roughness that thrilled me and gave me a shake. “Do you want to kill me? Because I don’t think you do. But if you need to try so you can get it out of your system, then I’m ready.”

He kissed me again. It was angry, daring, and filled with the longing of a man who had been patient for far too long.

Killing Shaz was not something I wanted. However, I’d already tried, the night I first awoke as vampire. The chance of losing control was always there. And I’d rather die than ever truly hurt him.

Fisting a handful of his hair, I jerked his head back and peered into his pretty, green wolf eyes. “You want it, don’t you?” I snarled. “The bite. The power. You never really did kick that, did you?”

Eyes glazed with desire, he flashed me a wolfy grin. “Just you, Lex. I just want it from you.”

There was a lie in there, or perhaps more of a half-truth. “And Arys,” I said. “You’ve been with Arys.”

Shame flicked through his gaze, but it was not accompanied by true guilt. “I missed you. He missed you. Can you blame us?”

No, I couldn’t. I didn’t. Much as I’d once hated the thought of them sharing something so intimate, Arys was the only vampire I’d ever trust Shaz with. I didn’t even trust him with me.

The need to make Shaz see that he shouldn’t trust me either drove me. Slipping into the vampire mindset, I jerked him close again and ran my tongue over the pulse beating in his neck. His arousal soared, and I basked in it, drawing strength from it. Then without hesitation, I bit him.

For a moment I lost myself so fully in the heady energy surrounding him that I saw nothing but Shaz, felt nothing but Shaz. And it felt so fucking right that it almost killed me. Because I knew it wasn’t.

Werewolf blood spilled warm onto my tongue. I sighed as he groaned. We were both getting off on this exchange. So why was it wrong again? I wrestled with myself, a back and forth argument in my head.

The darkness demanded that I take it all the way and feast on every beat of his heart. But that was all it was, a demand that I chose not to answer. I was sure then that there was no darkness in this world so great that it could bring me to kill this wolf I loved. And I prayed that I never lived to see the day that I was proven wrong about that.

Shaz pressed against me, drawing my attention to the physical evidence of his arousal. And just like the previous evening with Arys, it snapped me out of the spell.

I shoved him back with a strangled cry. “We can’t do this. I can’t do this.”

Shaz didn’t question it as Arys had. He just knew. He sat splayed against his car, staring at me with dismay that gave way to irritation.

“Too late.” His hand went to his neck, applying pressure to the small wound. “You can’t keep pushing me away.”

Guilt racked me. Pushing them all away seemed to be for the best. If I could somehow put enough distance between myself and all of the men I felt so strongly for, maybe we could all find ourselves again.

Not Arys
, a voice inside me whispered.
You will never find yourself without him
.

I was so fucking confused.

“I have to go,” I said. “Briggs is expecting me.”

“I’ll be here when you get out. You need me. I’m your balance between the light and dark.” Shaz drew himself up to his full height and squared his shoulders. He seemed to be expecting a fight.

He certainly was the balance. That’s why I could never kill him. He subdued the part of me that wanted such illicit things.

Feeling charged and feisty, I laid another kiss on him, reveling in the taste and scent of wolf. Shaz always felt like home.

“You are.” I nodded, a wistful smile crossing my face. My emotions were a rollercoaster of ups and downs. “But you deserve to be so much more.”

I didn’t give him a chance to respond. I got in my car and left him standing there, watching me go. A glance at the clock on the dash told me that Kale’s flight had likely left already. I stuffed the pang of sorrow back down inside, refusing to feel it. Refusing to feel anything. He was gone, and I was numb. I had to be.

Seeking mischief, I parked in the staff parking lot beside the FPA building and waited. As expected, Briggs emerged from the back door minutes later with half a dozen agents in tow. Because I wasn’t stupid, my car was empty of anything incriminating or personal. I was sure they would search it.

“Nice to see you again, Agent Briggs.” I greeted him with a smile that was all malice and held my hands out in a dramatic gesture, awaiting the cuffs I knew were coming.

Briggs nodded to the agent at his side, and the guy stepped forward, pulling the offensive handcuffs from his back pocket. The expression Briggs wore was neutral, hard to read. “You came. I’m glad you still value the well being of your sister above your insatiable need to kill.”

“Well, like I said before, you just don’t know me.” I turned my smile on the agent who slapped the cuffs on me, doing his best not to touch me in the process. “I want to see my sister.”

“Patience, O’Brien,” Briggs said, arms crossed as he studied me. To his agent he said, “Make those things tighter. I don’t want the slightest chance of her slipping them.”

The moment the horrid handcuffs touched me, I felt a stifling sensation as whatever magic was in them effectively caged my power. I couldn’t use my abilities without them bouncing back at me. Though I didn’t know for sure how the FPA came to have such things, I suspected there was a deal with a demon in there somewhere.

As Briggs studied me, I studied him right back. If he planned to leave me cuffed and cut off from all power, we were going to have a problem. I’d held up my end of the bargain. Now he’d better hold up his.

The way he watched me with such thinly veiled satisfaction was concerning. This man had been a huge pain in my ass since the first time we met. I didn’t doubt that our relationship would end with one of us killing the other.

“All right,” Briggs barked. “Let’s get her inside. Follow basic protocol for all inhuman detainees. Do not let your guard down with this one.”

I was pleased to be considered a threat even while cuffed. Still, his command left me feeling uneasy. I didn’t have a clue what their protocol was other than what I’d seen them do to Kale. It made me thankful that he’d left town without knowing about this. I never wanted to see him at the mercy of the FPA again.