Forgiven (10 page)

“Actually Heather and Jillian came with the apartment,” she laughed.

Laughter was good. “They came with the apartment?”

“Uh-huh. Em and I wanted to get out of the dorms but since we were only sophomores it would have been hard for us to get into one of these apartments without living with upperclassmen. Jillian and Emily had a class together last year and it turned out that Jillian and Heather were trying to move into these apartments as well but needed two more people, so it worked for all of us,” she answered.

She put two pieces of pizza on each plate and started to head to the table.

“Here, let me help with that,” I said as I took the plates out of her hands and she grabbed the glasses.

“Thanks,” she said as she put the cups on the table. “I figured the table would be easier, that way we can spread all of our stuff out.” She ran back to her room and brought out her laptop.

“Let’s eat first, then we’ll get to work,” I suggested. “Tell me how you met Emily.”

“Well, she was my roommate last year in the dorms. I was so nervous. I don’t have any siblings so I wasn’t sure how I was going to do living with someone my own age, but turned out she was like the sister I never had,” she said taking a bit of her pizza.

I looked at the smile on her face, and realized how I wanted to see more of it. I grabbed a slice of pizza off of my plate. “So you guys have a lot in common?”

“You could say that. She came in that first day and started plastering her side of the room with posters of her favorite bands—ironically they were my favorite bands too,” she admitted.

She probably loved some kind of pop singer like Katy Perry. “What bands were they?” I asked, because now I was really curious.

“You’ve probably never heard of them—Mumford and Sons, Passion Pit, and Death Cab for Cutie,” she said.

Fuck, why couldn’t things be different? This girl even loved the same type of music as me. “I saw Passion Pit here last summer.”

Her head snapped up, “Seriously? I am so jealous!”

I laughed and popped the last piece of crust into my mouth. “They were amazing.”

She giggled, “Wow, you eat fast. Do you want me to grab you another slice?”

“Sorry. Coach beat the shit out of us today, so I worked up an appetite. I’ll grab another slice in a bit.”

She looked over at me as she picked up her second slice. “Where did you meet Josh?”

That question I could answer without having to deal with my shit, but I had to get her talking about herself again before this led to questions I didn’t want to answer. “Josh and I met freshman year on the field. He hated his roommate and my parents had rented me a two-bedroom apartment off campus, so I offered to let him move in with me. He seemed like a good guy and we’ve been friends ever since.” I shrugged my shoulders and turned to face her. “You said you were an only child?”

Her eyes turned sad. “Yeah. My mom left when I was seven, but my dad and I got by just fine without her.” She was trying to fake a smile. Although I didn’t believe it for one minute, there was no way I was going to pry into her home life when I wasn’t willing to share mine.

She finished up her pizza and turned on her laptop. It seemed like this was a distraction to avoid answering any more of my questions. I slid my chair up next to hers and it was like the air was suddenly charged as our arms accidentally rubbed up against each other. That quick simple touch and my dick was already getting hard.

She started talking about the project, but she was back to being very businesslike and I knew she was thinking about what happened before in class.

“Angie, can we talk about what I said in class today?” I asked.

She turned her head away from me. “I’d rather not.”

I could hear the hurt in her voice. Shit, I had to fix this. “Angie, look at me.” When she refused, I put my hand under her chin and turned her to face me. That’s when I saw the tear running down her face.

“Oh shit, Angie please don’t cry,” I said as I cupped her face, wiping her tear away with my finger.

She tried to pull away from me, but when I wouldn’t let her, she put on a brave front. “It doesn’t matter. I knew you didn’t want to work with me, I begged you to. It’s fine, can we just get to work, so we can get out of each other’s hair.”

I looked her in the eyes. “Angie, I’m an asshole. But the reason I didn’t want to work with you has nothing to do with you. Well it did, but not in the way you think.” I stroked my thumb across her cheek. “I’m emotionally fucked up, but I knew the first day I saw you that there was something between us. I was trying to protect you from me.”

Suddenly, I could no longer ignore the attraction between us. I pulled her face closer to mine and behind her tears I could see her desire. I had caused her this hurt and now all I wanted to do was fix it.

“Caleb, what are you doing? she whispered.

“What I’ve wanted to do again since last Saturday,” I said as I closed my eyes and silenced her protest with my lips. Her mouth was as soft as my dreams remembered, and I felt the same jolt I did every time I touched her. I worked my lips tenderly over hers until I heard the moan in the back of her throat. When she started to kiss me back, I couldn’t control myself any longer. I sucked on her bottom lip until she opened up, and deepened the kiss.

I slipped my tongue in and explored her mouth. Before I knew what I was doing I’d grabbed her hips and lifted her onto my lap so she was straddling my erection. I knew she could feel my dick pressed between her legs when she gasped and started to grind her hips into mine.

I sucked her tongue into my mouth. Holy shit, she tasted amazing. I don’t think I could ever get enough of her. Slowly I moved my hand up her rib cage until my thumb brushed the underside of her breast. She arched her back, pushing her breasts closer to me. I moved my hand under her shirt and cupped her breast in my hand, running the pad of my thumb over her nipple. I knew I needed to stop this now, before things got too far, but her moan of pleasure as I rubbed circles over her nipple obliterated any protests, as desire ran though my system like a raging wildfire.

I pushed her legs around my waist and cupped my hands under her ass as I stood up with her and headed to her bedroom.

He was still kissing me as he picked me up, so I didn’t immediately realize he was headed to my bedroom. Then again, I didn’t think my brain could function properly at that moment anyway. I was high on the desire Caleb was inflicting with every touch of his hands.

He slowly lowered me onto the bed and followed me down. He moved his lips down my throat to the V-neck of my sweater. I felt him reach for the bottom of my shirt and start to pull it up. That snapped me out of my haze.

I put my hand over his. “Caleb, what are you doing?” I asked in breathy whisper that didn’t even sound like me.

He brought his lips back up to my ear, “Shhhh…you’re so beautiful. I just want to see you.”

His words quashed my nerves and I removed my hand from his. He finished lifting my shirt over my head and threw it on the floor before pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it next to mine. His body was sheer perfection, and the tattoos running over his upper arms and shoulders were sexy as hell. He pulled me to him to unhook my bra one handed and slid it down my arms. It joined our shirts on the floor.

“Even more sexy than I dreamed…” he groaned as he looked at me before bringing his lips back to mine.

His lips slowly traveled a path down my neck to my breast. When he took my nipple in his mouth and flicked it with his tongue, I couldn’t help the whimper that escaped my lips. His hand rolled my other nipple between his finger and his thumb. He used his tongue to trace a hot, wet path across my chest to lavish my other breast with the same attention. The feeling had me running my hands over his shoulders and down his muscular back. I could feel something building inside of me as my back arched off of the bed. Every time he pulled on my nipple with his teeth I felt it
there
.

I felt him move his hands down to my ribs, while he kissed his way back up my neck. My breasts felt cold where his mouth had been, but when his mouth returned to mine the passion continued to build. His hands slid slowly down my stomach to the button of my jeans. I wasn’t sure why, but I let him unzip my jeans and slide his hands into my panties.

As his fingers found my wet folds, I felt the ache at the between my legs growing.

“Oh Caleb…” I sighed .

“So wet…so soft and warm,” he groaned.

And before I knew what he was doing he slipped a finger inside of me. I bucked my hips against his hand. He brought his lips back to mine as he added another finger and sped up the movements of his hand. The feeling inside of me grew stronger, and as I felt my insides begin to quiver, he pressed his thumb to my clit. I screamed out his name as my world exploded, the pleasure overwhelming as my body continued to shake.

As I came down from my high it took me a few minutes to realize something was wrong. Caleb was no longer touching me but instead he looked down into my eyes, pure devastation on his face.

No! No! No! That was my first orgasm. I didn’t want him to ruin this moment for me. I looked at him questioningly. “Caleb?”

He backed away from me and grabbed his shirt off the floor. “I’m sorry, Angie. I shouldn’t have done that.”

I could see he was trying to get his breathing under control, so there was no way he didn’t
want
to do that. “Don’t be sorry, come lay down with me.”

He shook his head, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

He continued to back away from me toward my bedroom door. “What the fuck? So you’re telling me you didn’t want to do that as much as I did?” I could feel my anger rising, and tears started to pool in my eyes.

He looked away before answering me, “No, that should never have happened.”

Tears streamed down my face. Caleb looked devastated, but I didn’t care.

He had used me.

“Get the fuck out,” I yelled.

“Angie, I’m sorry,” he said, holding his hand out to me.

“FUCK YOU! I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I rolled away from him, not wanting him to see me cry. I lay there on my side doing everything I could to keep the tears at bay. Hearing the apartment door slam, I sat up—needing to make sure he was truly gone. When I looked around all I saw was my very empty and very lonely bedroom. I slid off of the bed to my knees, before collapsing on the floor to cry.

I had never let a man touch me the way Caleb had. I had finally turned into the whore my father had always accused me of being. I had only known Caleb about a week and a half and here I was, ready to give him my virginity. I had trusted him. I thought after his speech that he felt the same connection I felt, but apparently I’d been very wrong. I wasn’t sure how long I lay there but when I heard Emily come in the front door, I grabbed my bra and shirt and slipped them back on.

“Angie!” I heard her yell through the apartment.

I knew I couldn’t avoid the conversation forever, so I called her in. “In here.”

She opened the door, took one look at my face and came over to sit on the bed with me. “Oh my god, what happened? Why have you been crying?”

I couldn’t stop my eyes from tearing up again. “Nothing.”

She glared at me, “Don’t tell me ‘nothing’, something had to have happened for you to be in here crying. Wait a minute, where’s Caleb?”

The minute she said his name I started crying again. “He…left,” I said between sobs.

“What did that fucker do this time?” she spat angrily.

I was done trying to protect him from Emily’s anger. At that point he deserved all that and more. I told her about his apology for what he said in class, and how one thing had led to another.

“Holy fuck, did you sleep with him?” she demanded.

I looked at her for a minute as the shamed washed over me. Emily knew all of my secrets, and I couldn’t keep this one from her. “No, but I wanted to. I guess I finally became everything my father said I would.” I started to cry again.

She put her hands on my shoulders, and turned me to face her. “Don’t you dare start believing the bullshit that flows from your father’s mouth. You never listened to it before, why now?”

I shrugged, “Why not? Apparently he was right—the first hot guy who showed an interest in me and there I was, ready to spread my legs for him.”

“Oh, bullshit! For god’s sakes you are a twenty-year-old virgin. Do you really think there are many of those around?” she reminded me.

“But I’ve known him for less than two weeks!”

“So what, I know you well enough to know that you had to have felt something for him, if you were willing to take things that far,” she assured me.

I thought about what she said and to be honest, I did think there was a connection between Caleb and I. “I guess I was wrong.”

“I feel so stupid for letting him use me like that,” I admitted.

She put her hands up. “Don’t…this is my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed you, or sent you to the library yesterday dressed to get him all hot and bothered.”

The sadness in her eyes snapped me out of my self-pity as I realized there was only one person to blame for what happened tonight, and I was never going to let him near me again. He’d kissed me and I may have let him take it further than I should have, but if he was going to run out on me he should have stopped long before he did.