Forgiven (12 page)

Part of me wanted to wrap my arms around him and take the pain away, but then I remembered how he’d treated me the other night. I knew Caleb didn’t give a rat’s ass about me. Slowly I turned away and headed back to the bar—I didn’t need to watch Josh drag Caleb out.

Emily came up behind me. “Are you okay?”

I looked down at my arm before I answered her. There were a few red marks on my arm where Caleb’s fingers had dug in when he tried to pull me with him. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

I could feel the tears starting to form in my eyes. “I’ll be right back.” I grabbed my purse and headed for the bathroom. As soon as I was through the door, I ran into one of the stalls. It was easy to keep it together when the anger was there, but once that was gone the memories came rushing back.

“You stupid whore, why isn’t dinner ready?” he yells stalking me through the kitchen.

He’s never hit me, so I’m not sure why I am running from him. Maybe I’m running from the words.

“S…so…sorry,” I stutter.

He forces me into the corner of the kitchen, the fury pouring off of him. “I really shouldn’t be surprised. Probably had your legs spread open for half of the senior class this afternoon.”

I feel the tears in my eyes and they begin to run down my cheeks.

“How many STD’s did we spread around town today,” he asks and I can smell the alcohol on his breath. I know he’s drunk at least a six-pack, plus a bottle of Jack, by now.

“Sorry Dad, I’ll have…dinner done… in a few…minutes,” I sniff.

“Fine, but the least you could do is start charging for their time. This way you could help me with the bills.” He says walking back into the living room.

I turn to get back to making dinner. I haven’t done anything even close to what he accuses me of doing.

A knock on the stall door pulled me from my thoughts. I started to dry my eyes and fix my makeup with the compact in my purse. “Hold on Em, I’ll be right out.”

To my surprise, a male voice answered me, “It’s Nick. I made Emily stay out there.”

Oh shit, what was he doing in here? I had to get it together before I opened the door. “Nick, you do realize that this is the ladies room?” I asked, surprised my voice came out steady.

“Yeah, I locked the door. I wanted to talk to you and I didn’t think you’d want an audience,” Nick replied sadly.

“I’m fine, I’ll be out in a minute,” I said as continued to hastily fix my makeup.

I heard him come and stand next to the stall door, “Angie, please come out here. I know you’re not fine. Please stop trying to pretend that you are.”

I sighed as I opened the door, knowing by the tone of his voice that if I didn’t come out he would wait all night. “I told you I was fine.”

He took one look at me and pulled me to him. “I can tell you’ve been crying,” he whispered in my ear. “I’m so sorry about what happened out there. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.”

It felt comfortable being in his arms, but there was no excitement. “It’s not your fault. I just haven’t felt that way in a long time.”

He put his fingers under my chin and pulled my face up until I was looking him in the eye. “Can I take you somewhere so that we can talk?”

I shook my head, “Not tonight, I should get back to my friends.”

His face fell, but he wasn’t done, “Are we still on for Tuesday then? Angie, I like you and I don’t want what happened tonight to ruin that.”

He looked so sincere as he said it that I felt a small smile start to pull at my lips, “Yeah Nick, we’re still on for Tuesday. For tonight though, can we just drop it?”

He looked relieved. “Absolutely. Come on, I think there’s a stool out there with your name on it.”

I laughed as he led me out of the bathroom and back out to the bar.

“You ran from her last night, what did you expect to happen?” Josh whispered as he held me back, stopping me from beating the fucking shit out of Nick.

All of the fight left me in an instant. I had created this situation when I left her last night. I couldn’t blame her if she hated me and didn’t want to talk to me ever again. Looking up into her eyes, I saw that they were filled with anger and hurt—both down to me. As I watched her slowly turn away from me, I knew I had to get out of there.

Josh let go and I turned and headed outside to the car. As soon as the fresh air hit my face, my head began to clear. I leaned against the side of the car as I waited for him.

“They’re going to get a ride with the girls,” Josh said cautiously as he jogged towards me.

My head snapped up and the anger hit me again. He must have seen it in my face. “Don’t even think about going back in there. You didn’t listen to me and now look at the mess you’re in.”

I threw myself into the passenger seat and punched the dashboard.

“Yo, man, don’t take your shit out on my car. She’s been nothing but good to us.”

“FUCK!” I cursed. How the hell did things get so fucked up? Three weeks ago I had everything under control. Since I’d met Angie, it felt like my life was a train wreck—then again it always had been. Unfortunately now it was so much worse.

Josh looked over at me as he pulled out of the parking lot. “Do you want to tell me what the hell that was all about?”

“I couldn’t stand watching him flirt with her,” I growled.

“What the fuck do you care?” he replied irritated. “You had your chance and decided to throw it out the window.”

“He doesn’t deserve her,” I spat.

He laughed humorlessly, “Then who does? Because from where I’m standing you’re ready to beat the shit out of one your teammates over a girl you say you don’t want. Do you realize how fucking stupid you sound?”

“You already know I want her, I just shouldn’t have her!” I yelled, my anger boiling over.

“Dude, are you going to keep spouting bullshit, or are you going to fix this?” he demanded, his anger equaling mine.

We pulled up in front of the apartment and I jumped out of the car. Josh shot in front of me and shoved me back. “We’re not done with this, because your shit is now leaking into my life, and I’ve got enough problems of my own.”

“What? You want to fight now? Because I’m still game.” I scowled, raising my fists in a defensive stance.

“You gonna take a swing at me or you gonna listen?” he said as he opened his arms, leaving himself wide open for me to throw a punch at him.

I paused as I realized my best friend was about to let me hit him, just to make me see reason. Dropping my fists, I hung my head and walked into the apartment. Josh followed behind me and flopped on the couch. I turned and headed for the recliner and sat down, my forearms resting on my legs. “I’m sorry, man, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me,” I sighed.

Josh looked at me like I had lost my mind and maybe I had. “I’m out of my fucking mind.” I muttered.

He shakes his head, “No shit, Sherlock. The question is, how are you going to fix it?”

“I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Well, let’s start simple. Do you want her?” he asked, looking me right in the eye—almost like he was waiting for me to lie.

I looked down and took a deep breath, “I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anyone, but—”

He cut me off. “No buts, just answer my questions. You don’t want to see her with anyone else, right?”

“No, I don’t. No one is good enough for her and I wanna beat the shit out of every guy that flirts with her,” I admitted.

“Then why the fuck do you keep pushing her away?” he said exasperatedly.

“I’m not good enough for her,” I sighed, lifting my head.

He looked at me with irritation written all over his face. “More of this crap? I want the real reason, especially if you’re going to keep dragging me into it.”

There was no way I was getting into a story that I hadn’t talked about since the trial two years ago. I did, however, owe him some of the truth. “It’s her eyes,” I muttered.

“Her eyes? I still don’t get it,” he said, shaking his head.

I took a deep breath. “I’ve only seen eyes that shade one other time…on the worst night of my life.”

“So this has to do with whatever happened that night? She reminds you of it, or at least her eyes do?”

I shrugged, “I guess you could say that.”

“Apparently it didn’t bother you the other night,” he muttered under his breath.

“What the fuck do you mean by that?” I demanded.

“I mean that something obviously happened the other night. I’ve known Angie for two years now and I’ve never seen her look as disgusted and hurt as she did when she looked at you tonight,” he replied.

“I know that I’ve hurt her over and over again,” I grumbled. Did he need to keep reminding me?

“So how are you going to fix it then?” he questioned.

I leaned my head against the back of the chair. “I think that it’s too fucked up to fix now.”

He looked at me, appalled. “So you say you want this girl more than you have ever wanted anyone, but you not willing to see if you can fix this mess,” he frowned.

I thought about it. For so long I didn’t think I deserved to be happy—I still wasn’t sure that I did—but what if all I was doing was punishing others? Hadn’t I done enough of that already? “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. The only reason I pushed her away is because I was trying not to hurt her, but I guess did that anyway.” I sat back up. “She’s amazing and I don’t want that spirit tainted with my shit.”

Josh smiled then, “For someone who thinks it’s too late, you sure do sound like you’re ready to talk to her.”

Was I? Could I fix this? Could I have a chance with the girl of my dreams? For a second my spirits lifted, but then I thought about the look Angie had given me as she walked to the dance floor with Nick. She looked so hurt. I would do anything to take that pain away from her. It wasn’t about whether I
could
fix this…I
had
to fix it.

“You’re right, I have to do something. What that is, I have no idea. Any suggestions?”

He shook his head. “Maybe you could just be honest with her?”

After all I’d done, she deserved the best I could give her, which was the truth about my feelings. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket, “I need to call her.”

Josh took my phone from my hand before I could start dialing. “Hold on, Romeo, you’re drunk and so was she. You need to talk when you’re both sober. Not only that, after the way you acted tonight I think she may need some time to cool off. Why don’t you go to bed and call her tomorrow? Maybe take her out to dinner?”

As much as I wanted to talk to her I knew that Josh was right. I needed to do this right, or it was going to blow up in my face. Josh gave me my phone back, when I finally promised not to call Angie until tomorrow.

I woke up the next morning, feeling like I was run over by a mac truck. My head was pounding and my stomach churned, but I still managed to haul myself out of bed to find my phone and call Angie.

I never heard from her on Saturday, and I tried calling her again the next day. At first I didn’t leave a message because I wasn’t even sure exactly what to say to her. When she still hadn’t picked up by Sunday afternoon, I knew she was ignoring me. I tried leaving a couple messages asking her to call me back, saying that we needed to talk—there was no way I was going to say what I wanted to on her voicemail.

On Monday I looked all over campus for her. I knew she had classes, I just wasn’t sure where they were. Unfortunately by the time I got home from class, I still hadn’t heard from her.

I came in the door and threw my bag to the ground. “Why the fuck won’t she call me back?” I roared.

Josh came in from the kitchen with a smirk on his face. “You didn’t really believe that it would be as simple as leaving her a message to call you back?”

I flopped down on the couch. “I don’t know, maybe?”

He shook his head at me. “You really are a dumbass. She’s not gonna call you back, you’re going to have to go and talk to her.”

“I tried to look for her on campus today, but I have no idea when or where her classes are. I thought about going to her apartment, but I know I won’t get past Emily. I’m probably just going to have to wait until I see her in class tomorrow,” I sighed.

“Good luck with that.” Josh turned and walked into the kitchen. He came back out with a beer in each hand, passing me one as he sat down.

“Thanks.” It was going to be a long night. The anticipation about seeing her again was going to make sleeping almost impossible, but I had no choice. I realized that Angie wouldn’t be alone in class.
Shit
.

I looked at Josh. “Dude, I need a favor.”

“Oh, hell no.” He said, shaking his head. “Not sure what it is, but that look on your face says that I’m not gonna like it.”

“I’ll owe you big time.” I knew bribes usually worked with him, because there was always something that he wanted—even if it was as simple as a case of beer.

He swore under his breath. “Fine, but I’m holding onto this favor for later. Not sure what I’m going want in return yet.”

“Fine,” I replied immediately.

“What do you want?” he grumbled.