Forgiven (4 page)

At the end of the year we decided to stay roommates, but we wanted to move to one of the apartments on campus. So we put in a request and were assigned two roommates, Heather and Jillian. Both were great, but I really didn’t feel like recounting my day with them. That was the other reason I was going to bed instead of going out. Every Thursday the four of us would find a party on campus to go to, and I just wasn’t in the mood for it, or the barrage of questions about why I wasn’t going.

My mind wandered back to Caleb, but the more I thought about it, the more exhausted I became and eventually I fell asleep, thinking about the look in his eyes.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt groggy—like I had a hangover—but I knew it was just the stress of the day before. Once I had a cup of coffee, I would feel better, so I got out of bed and took a shower. After my shower, I threw on my skinny jeans and converse with a stripped long sleeve shirt. I put on a light coating of mascara and left my hair down. As I looked in the mirror, I once again cursed the shit-brown eyes that looked back at me. I definitely got screwed when it came to DNA. My mother had blonde hair and blue eyes, but instead I got Dad’s genes.

I headed out to the kitchen to start the coffee and opened my books and my laptop on the kitchen counter. I took out the paper describing the assignment. It didn’t look hard, just time consuming. While I drank my coffee and ate a bowl of cereal I did a little research.

By the time I was ready to leave for class, my roommates had risen and—in their hung-over states—were sitting around gripping their coffee mugs as if their lives depended on it. I on the other hand, had a ton of research to show Caleb, and a definite place we could start. I left for class nervous about my meeting with Caleb, and I knew the next hour and half was going to take forever to pass.

When psychology was over I headed to the library to wait for Caleb, but was shocked to see that he was already there. I saw him as soon as I walked in the door—he was hard to miss. I had to give Emily credit, he
was
the hottest guy on campus. He was completely absorbed in whatever he was working on, so he didn’t notice me walk up to him until I set my bag on the table. His head snapped up, and once again I could see a mixture of emotions in those green eyes. There was sadness, but also a hint of desire. I wondered if he’d had the same reaction to me as I had to him when we’d touched. He looked away, his eyes moving back down to his book. It didn’t matter, I just needed to get this assignment done. I didn’t need to add more shit to my plate. After all, I still had spring break looming over my head.

“Hey Caleb, thanks for meeting me,” I said with a smile.

“Yeah, no problem,” he replied nonchalantly.

“Should we get started?” My voice cracked from the nerves. I cleared my throat and continued. “I can you show you all of the research I did this morning?”

He looked at me again, and this time there was determination in his eyes. “Fine, let’s get this done and over with.”

Wow! How was I going to deal with this ass for the next two weeks? I didn’t care how bad I needed this grade—or how hot he was—I was going to have a hard time controlling my temper if he kept this shit up. “Whatever,” I mumbled under my breath, sitting down on the chair next to him.

“So here is what I found so far,” I said as I pulled out all of the papers I’d printed that morning, as well as the pieces of the textbook I’d highlighted. He reached into his bag and pulled out a ton of his own research. I looked it over and realized that we actually made a pretty good team—his research reinforced what I had already looked up.

“Wow, Caleb, this is awesome. At least I know I wasn’t the only one working hard this morning,” I said with surprise.

I expected him to have some sort of snide comment, but instead he shocked me. “This all looks good, let’s see what we can use for the assignment,” he said surprised, but still without looking at me.

We worked for the next two hours, each examining the others research and deciding which direction we wanted to go with the assignment. The time flew, and we got a lot accomplished. I felt more confident about the assignment, and about working with Caleb.

“It’s good to know I have a partner who thinks like me,” he said with a smile.

“I think that is the first time you have actually been nice to me, without me yelling at you first,” I laughed.

I saw the uncomfortable look on his face—at least he had the decency to feel embarrassed about his behavior. He leaned forward on his elbows, resting his chin in his palms. “Look.” His loud exhale made it seem like he was about to impart something profound, but something that he really didn’t want to share. “I don’t mean to be an ass. There are just things about me people don’t know.” He closed his eyes and I could see his breath become shallow as his chest moved up and down rapidly. “There are…things. Things that have happened. You remind me of someone, and it took me by surprise.” His eyes raised to meet mine. “I am sorry though. You didn’t deserve that,” he said sadly.

Holy shit! He was comparing me to someone else? So that is why he didn’t want to work with me.
How was I supposed to respond to that?
I knew I had to say something. After all, I knew what it was like to have a past you wanted to forget.

“I get it, we all have stuff in our lives that we’d like to forget. Some more so than others. We’ll get the project done and it’ll all be good.”

He nodded and we began cleaning up the research on the table and setting it into piles to take home to continue working on. At one point, we both reached for the same book and our hands touched. I looked over my shoulder and his head turned towards me at the same time. Our eyes locked and felt the current run between the two of us. Slowly he started to lean into me, as if he was going to kiss me. I watched him get within an inch of my lips before he gave his head a hard shake. In that moment, his eyes clouded over and he jumped out of his seat.

“Sorry, I have to go,” he said as he grabbed his stuff and bolted out the door.

What the fuck was up with him? That was the second time he’d run out on me. Worse yet, I knew he’d been about to kiss me. Where did that come from? I knew that I was attracted to him—every time I was near him I felt the current between us. But I wondered if he felt it too. I was so confused.

I packed up my stuff and got up slowly. It was Friday and I was done with classes for the week, so I headed back to the apartment.

I knew Emily had a date tonight—she
always
had a date on Friday. Heather and Jillian were headed home for the weekend. They had grown up together, only living a few blocks apart, They were going to Virginia Beach for spring break, so they wanted to get in a visit with each of their parents before then.

I decided to watch some mindless TV while I reviewed the research Caleb and I had divided up today. Emily came back from her job in housing around six. She was rushing around the place like a crazy person, but it wasn’t like that was a rare occurrence. Every Friday was the same—she would come running in from work, acting like there was no way she was going to have enough time to get ready before her date picked her up. She was always done with more than enough time, but then complained when her date wasn’t there immediately. She was crazy, but I loved her anyway.

“So who is it tonight?” I asked.

“Andrew Bentley from the football team,” she said wistfully. Then in true Emily style, changed topics. “How did your afternoon with Caleb go?”

“Interesting…that is the only word I have,” I replied with a frown.

She stopped in her tracks and turned to look at me. “Elaborate, please.”

Slowly she walked over, sat on the couch and I told her what had happened with Caleb in the library.

“You mean to tell me he almost
kissed
you in the library. Have you guys ever even spoken before yesterday?” she shrieked.

“No, but worse than that he seemed so sad about whatever happened.” And I had to wonder if he was trying to forget about an old girlfriend from high school who broke up with him.

“Angie, you should know more than anyone that people can have awful things happen to them, things they would prefer not to talk about.”

“I know, but I can’t get that
feeling
out of my head.”

“What feeling, sweetie?” she asked tilting her head.

“That electric jolt I get every time we touch. It’s the most powerful attraction I have ever had to someone.” I was still worried that he may be comparing me to an ex—plus, he freaked out and walked away from me. I knew that neither of those were good signs.

“Like my mom always says, “things always happen for a reason”, and this is no different. You’ll figure it out. Until then kick back and relax, because tomorrow you better be ready to go out, and we are getting you drunk!” She looked down at her phone, “Shit I have to get ready!”

Emily continued to run around but she was cutting it close and—for the first time since I had known her—Emily’s date showed up before she was ready. The intercom buzzed, and I walked over to answer it. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Andrew.”

“Hold on, I’ll buzz the door.” I got up and walked over to buzz the door.

“Can you stall him for a few minutes? I’m almost done,” Emily shouted from the bathroom.

“Sure, no problem,” I laughed. Hearing a knock on the door, I went over to open it and let Andrew into the apartment.

“Hey Andrew, Emily will be ready in a minute. Come on in.”

“Thanks Angie. How’s it going?” he asked after he sat down on the chair next to the couch.

“Pretty good, I’m totally ready for spring break though. I hate midterms.”

“I know what you mean. Hey, did you know we’re having a party this weekend? You and Emily should come,” Andrew offered.

“Maybe. She’s got some kind of plan for us this weekend, but I’m not sure what it is yet,” I laughed and so did he.

Emily walked out of the bedroom, “What are you two laughing at?”

“Nothing,” I snickered as she shot me a dirty look.

“Wow, Emily!” You could see the lust written all over Andrew’s face as his eyes took in Emily’s low-cut halter dress. “I was just telling Angie that you guys should come to the party this weekend.”

“Oh we’ll be there,” she said giving me a look that clearly told me not to even think of backing out.

“Awesome. Are you ready to go?” Andrew asked.

“Absolutely!” she turned to look at me, winked and mouthed for me to not wait up.

I laughed as they headed out the door and got my laptop out. I figured I would get some work done since I obviously was not going to get much done this weekend. I figured I would check my email first and there it was.

Angie,

I think we got a lot accomplished today and now that we’ve gone over how we want to proceed with the project, I think that we should be able to finish it via email. If you let me know what you find in your stack and then we can complete the rest of the tasks. Have a good weekend.

Caleb

This guy was really starting to piss me off! He was the one who tried to kiss me, but then he figures he can blow me off in an email? Fine with me. I decided to email him back. I probably should have waited until I calmed down, but I wasn’t always rational.

Caleb,

Fine and I will have a WONDERFUL weekend!

Angie

Now I wasn’t so worried about going to the party with Emily tomorrow night. After the last few days, I was definitely going to need a drink. I ended up completing most of my homework and got a good start on the project. That done, I decided to go to bed and deal with the rest of the shit on Tuesday.

I knew sending Angie that email was probably adding fuel to the fire. She was going to flip out, but I knew that my resistance was crumbling, and there was a chance that next time I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from kissing her. I wouldn’t drag her into my shit. I had enough problems to deal with, so even if I was attracted to her, it really didn’t matter. Even if she had ghosts of her own, mine were darker than she could ever imagine. I needed to get my thoughts off her. It was bad enough I had class with her, but I didn’t even know she was in class with me until two days ago. Now that I knew she was there I don’t think I would be able to ignore her, but I’d have to try.