Forgiving Hearts: Duncurra 1-3 (38 page)

He gave her waist a squeeze and kissed the top of her head before saying, “I know, sweetling, but this is just the start. ’Tis true yer best defense will always be distance, and so it is what ye must learn to use first, but there is much more to learn. It has taken years of training for me to be a warrior
. I
t may take more than an afternoon to make ye one as well.”

She laughed. “Ye know I don’t want to be a warrior.”

“Aye, love, I do, but thinking on it now, warriors spend time training almost every day. Perhaps ye would gain more confidence if ye did as well.”

“Ye would take time to teach me?”

Tadhg laughed. “Of course I would.” Sobering a bit, he added, “it is important, Mairead. Although I pray ye won’t ever need to use these skills, I never want ye to feel helpless again. Ye have let fear rule yer life for too many years and by doing so, ye gave yer attackers power over ye. Ye have a choice to make, love. Either ye feel the fear and choose to rule it or ye let it rule ye. I think knowing a bit about how to protect yerself might go a long way toward helping ye rule it.”

“So do I. Aye, since ye are willing, I want to train some
every day
.”

“That is what I thought my brave wife would say. Since ye have made that decision, there is one other thing I want to discuss.” She nodded and he went on, “I know after the Michaelmas Fair seven years ago, ye never left Carraigile until the day ye came to Cnocreidh. Just before Roodmas there is a May Fair not far from Currancreag, the Chisholm stronghold. I generally go every year with a fair number of my clan. If ye are willing, we could journey there first, going to Duncurra for the wedding on our way back.”

She looked up at him; the wistful look on her face nearly broke his heart. “I used to love fairs.” He remained silent and watched the play of emotions on her face. “I will be safe.”

It pleased Tadhg that she made it a statement of fact rather than a question. “Aye, ye will.”

“I don’t want fear to rule me.”

“I know ye don’t, pet, but if it is too soon, we don’t have to go.”

“Nay, ye are right. I have given them too much power over me for too long. I want to go to the May Fair with ye.”

“Then we will go. I’m very proud of ye.”

“Tadhg?”

“Aye, love?”

“I’m still a bit afraid.”

He kissed the top of her head again and said, “I know love, but fear and courage are brothers.”

~ * ~

Over the next few weeks Tadhg taught Mairead more ways to defend herself. After she mastered the basics of escaping someone’s grip, Tadhg moved on. “Mairead, when we started this ye summed up the best approach to protecting yerself in four words—avoid, evade, and attract attention. Today I am adding another one. Attack. Sometimes simply evading someone will not be enough. Ye will need to inflict injury, which will give ye time to escape.”

Mairead looked crestfallen. “What can I do to injure a full grown man? I can’t fight like a man.”

“Nay, but ye can be cunning and fight like a lass. Ye need to exploit a weakness. Have ye ever seen men fighting without weapons?”

“With their fists, aye.”

“Well, get that image out of yer mind. When men fight, they are trying to defeat each other. Yer goal is simply to inflict unexpected pain and get away. Some particularly sensitive spots are a man’s eyes, nose, throat, groin, and kneecap.”

Mairead made a fist and said, “I should try to hit him in one of those spots?”

“Aye, love, but not with that wee fist of yers. Ye won’t do much damage and ye could break yer hand in the process. However, ye can gouge a man’s eyes with yer fingers or thumbs and send him reeling. Ye can break his nose if ye shove the heel of yer hand into it, full force, pushing up. If he is behind ye, ye can do the same thing with yer elbow. I can tell ye from experience a woman’s elbows are sharp and painful.”

Her eyes narrowed accusingly. “How is it ye have experience on the wrong end of a woman’s elbow?”

“Do ye recall hearing I kidnapped Katherine MacIan last year?”

“Aye, but ye weren’t trying to hurt her.”

“Nay, I wasn’t, but she didn’t believe me right away, and she nearly unhorsed me elbowing me in the gut.” Mairead giggled. “Ye are a cruel lass to laugh at me.”

“’Tis true, I am.” She dipped her head in mock contrition before rising on her tiptoes to give him a kiss.

He cupped her head in his hands and deepened the kiss. With a low groan, he reluctantly released her saying, “Stop distracting me. We haven’t finished this lesson, but it reminds me of something else I want to cover before we are through.”

He proceeded to show her the most efficient ways to inflict pain in sensitive spots using not only her hands and elbows, but also her knees and feet. After practicing for quite a while, she began to look hot and tired. To teach her one last lesson, Tadhg overpowered her, forcing her to the ground. He sat astride her and held her arms down until she couldn’t move.

She struggled and panted, trying to catch her breath. “Now who is using someone’s weakness against them? I think I need a rest.”

“Aye, ye do, but it brings me to my last point. If someone attacks ye, their goal is to subdue ye and the best way to do that is with exhaustion. Ye mustn’t let it get that far. If ye find yerself overpowered, acquiesce. Stop fighting and save yer strength. Tell him ye give up, and ye will do whatever he wants. And, love, this is important—ye must do whatever it takes to stay alive.”

Tears welled in her eyes. “I don’t want to be hurt in that way ever again. I thought that’s what all this was about.”

“Aye, love, it is.” Her tears caused his heart to ache; she had been afraid for so long. He released his grip on her arms slightly. “If he believes ye have given in, he will relax. Stay calm and focused so ye can look for an opportunity to try again.”

“Just give up?” Her stricken expression wounded him.

“Aye, whatever it takes to stay alive, until ye find a way to strike and escape.” She closed her eyes, and her chin quivered. “Sweetling, please don’t cry.” He gently brushed a tear from her cheek, releasing one of her hands. Instantly she brought the heel of her free hand up aiming for his throat. He dodged to miss it, losing his balance, and she was able to twist from under him.

“Like that?” she said triumphantly.

“Just like that. Well done,” he answered with a grin.

Between preparing for Easter and continuing to practice defense techniques, the weeks flew by. After Easter, Mairead still had plenty to do helping to make ready for the May Fair. It was an opportunity for the Mathesons to sell new wool as well as surplus goods produced during the winter and early spring. Matheson weavers created high quality cloth, which fetched a good price. Also, Aifric, the Matheson brew master, and his wife, Hazel, produced distilled spirits, which were highly sought after. Although she didn’t think she was over-working herself, recently Mairead had been more tired than usual. She was in the habit of rising before the sun, often before Tadhg, but in the week before they left for the fair, she woke nearly every morning with the sun streaming through the window, and even then she had to force herself to leave the bed. On the morning of the fair, Tadhg gently shook Mairead just before dawn. “Sweetling, wake up. We must get an early start in order to be fully encamped by dark.” Mairead rose from bed but was swept by a wave of dizziness. She groaned and lay back against the pillows. “Mairead, love, I know ye are sleepy, but ye must get up now. Ye can ride in my lap for a while if ye need to rest longer.”

“Nay, I’ll be fine, I just got up too quickly.” She rose more slowly and although she still didn’t feel quite right she hurried to get dressed so as not to delay them. Father Mungo said Mass quickly—it would have been a bad omen to begin a trip such as this without receiving the sacrament of Holy Mass. Afterward they ate a hasty meal before they left, but Mairead didn’t have much of an appetite. In spite of her desire to not be ruled by fear, not to mention all the effort she had spent learning how to defend herself, she felt nervous and a bit queasy. The sun was barely above the horizon when she and Tadhg left the keep. Although when he offered she hadn’t planned on riding with him, now the thought of seating a horse for hours was daunting. “Tadhg, would ye mind terribly if I did ride with ye for a while?”

He laughed and hugged her. “Sweetling, have I ever minded having ye in my arms?” She smiled happily as he lifted her onto his horse, mounting behind her. She snuggled against him when he wrapped his arms around her as the large party of Mathesons set out. To her surprise, Mairead did fall asleep in his arms, sleeping for several hours. When she awoke later in the morning all traces of her nausea had passed. Famished, Mairead ate heartily when they stopped in the middle of the day to rest the horses.

Her burst of energy had faded by early evening when they arrived at the site of the fair. The encampment sprung up quickly and was nearly complete by nightfall. Mairead watched the activity around her, feeling a bit out of her element. Oren approached her and asked, “Is everything a’right, my lady?”

“Honestly, Oren, I haven’t the first clue about what needs to be done.”

“My lady, it looks like it is all getting done anyway.”

“I guess it is.” She smiled weakly. She continued to chat with Oren, when Meriel approached, looking uncharacteristically timid.

“My lady, may I speak with ye?”

“Go on, Meriel, I’m sure ye have work to do,” said Oren.

“It’s fine, Oren. Meriel, what do ye need?”

“I never thanked ye, my lady. I love working with Mae. I’m learning so much. I know I didn’t deserve it after what I did, but I am so happy. I can’t ever thank ye enough.”

“I’m glad to hear how well it is going.” Mairead smiled broadly. Meriel did seem happy, and Mae only had good things to say about her work.

Meriel added, “I’m really excited to be here. Da has never let me go to a fair before, but he did this time so I could help Mae. I have to go back to her now.”

“Enjoy yerself, but be careful,” Mairead cautioned.

“Oh, I will,” Meriel called over her shoulder as she hurried away.

Oren said, “That was a very good thing ye did there, my lady. Caitlin, too, has never been happier.”

“A good thing I did? ’Twas yer idea, Oren. Don’t ye remember?”

Oren laughed. “I’m not as big an eejit as I once was, my lady. I know exactly whose idea it was.”

Mairead smiled. “Ye aren’t an eejit. Ye just needed a bit of help to think of a good solution to the problem.”

“A bit of help, is it? Believe that if ye will. Caitlin knows she too has ye to thank.”

“Did she come with ye, then?”

“Aye, she is helping Ide with the meals. My lady, pardon me, but ye look dead on yer feet. Perhaps ye should rest?”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Tadhg said as he walked up from behind and slipped his arm around her. “Shall I show ye to our quarters?”

She nodded. “Aye, I am tired and it has been a long day.”

He led her to a tent that had been prepared for them. “Ye rest a bit and I will be back with something for our supper.” At the look of concern on her face, he added, “remember, ye are never alone. Hamish and Cael will be just outside should ye need anything.”

~ * ~

On the first morning of the fair, she was thrilled when her sister Annag arrived for a visit with her children, eight-year-old Neacel, six-year-old Miach, and her rosy-cheeked, three-year-old daughter, Wynne. The MacBains also planned to go on to Rowan’s wedding from the fair. Mairead was pleased to learn her brother Peadar and his wife, Rhona, would be arriving at the fair later in the day. They were staying with Rhona’s family at Currancreag. Rowan himself was at the fair too, having accompanied a small group of MacIan artisans who attended.

“Well, little sister, have ye settled into marriage? Ye look tired, but happy.”

“I’m sure it is just the trip and the excitement. I am happy.”

“Aunty Mairead, do ye have a wee lass for me to play with?” asked Wynne.

“Not yet, pet.”

“Mam, when can we go?” whined Neacel. “Why did we come to the fair if we are just going to sit here?”

“That is enough, Neacel. We will go when I say we go.”

“Maaaaam. Why do I have to wait for ye?”

“Because I said ye must and it isn’t safe to go alone. Ask yer Aunt Mairead. She and Uncle Flan went by themselves once,
against
yer grand-da’s orders, and Flan got lost. This is the first time she has been to a fair since.”

“Then let’s go and take Aunt Mairead.”

“Not another word, young man, or ye won’t go at all.” Neacel sat down and pouted but said no more. The memory of the last time brought back Mairead’s old feelings of fear. Her brow furrowed. Her oldest sister didn’t miss the sudden change. “Are ye all right, Mairead? It’s glad I am ye came, but ye did want to, didn’t ye? Laird Matheson didn’t force ye, did he?”

“Of course I wanted to come. Tadhg would never force me to do something I didn’t want to do.” Mairead tried to set aside her fears and alleviate her sister’s concern. “Neacel, I remember how exciting it was when yer mam and I were wee lassies.”

“Mama was a wee lass like me?” asked Wynne in amazement. Annag and Mairead laughed, and Miach said, “Are ye an eejit, Wynne? Wee lassies grow up to be big lassies like Mam and Aunt Mairead.” Looking very seriously at Mairead, he added, “when I complain about Wynne, Da says to be thankful she is a wee lass because it is the grown ones that make ye daft.”

Mairead and Annag laughed harder until Annag was finally able to say, “Grown lassies will only make ye daft if ye grow into a big eejit yerself.”

“Should I tell Da that?”

“No, pet, Da already knows,” Annag answered and Mairead laughed until tears ran down her cheeks. She invited Annag and the children to have the noon meal with her, but seeing Neacel’s crushed expression, Annag agreed to take them on to the fair before they ate.

~ * ~

That afternoon Mairead and Tadhg went to the fair together. She found it as exciting and as tiring as she did when she was a lass. There were merchant stalls to peruse, minstrels and other performers to see, not to mention the tournaments and contests of strength and skill to watch. They stopped at Aifric’s stall. “How are sales going?” Tadhg asked.

“Very well, Laird. There is quite a market for the water of life. Isn’t that right, Eavan?”

“Aye, Da. At this rate we will have nothing left to sell by tomorrow. Then maybe I can see a bit more of the fair myself.”

“Makes me think I should buy more barley this year and make even more than I have been.” Aifric proceeded to discuss these plans with Tadhg.

Mairead’s attention had begun to wander when the sound of her brother’s voice penetrated the general hubbub, “There’s my wee sister.” No sooner had she turned around than Peadar’s arms were around her, lifting her off the ground.

“Peadar, I can’t breathe,” laughed Mairead.

Tadhg took Rhona’s hands and gave her a kiss on the cheek, saying, “It looks like congratulations are in order.”

When Peadar let her go, Mairead threw her arms around Rhona’s rounding figure and said, “Oh, Rhona, congratulations. When is the baby due?”

“August, I think. Mama wants me to come to Currancreag midsummer to have the baby there, but yer mother is dead set against it. Don’t be surprised if sparks fly between them at Rowan’s wedding.”

“Well, ye would certainly have plenty of help at Carraigile.”

“Aye, but I think my mother is a wee bit jealous of yers. She says yer mother already has plenty of grandchildren living with her.”

“Yer oldest sister and her husband live at Currancreag with their children, don’t they?”

“Aye, they do, but Lara is married to the Davidson heir and lives there, and Shaw is only a year or so older than Flan. It will be years before she has as many grandchildren as yer mother.”

“Speaking of Flan, where is he?” asked Peadar.

“He is with Rowan watching the archery contest,” Tadhg answered.

“Are ye competing in anything this year?” Peadar asked.

“The sword fighting, tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll see ye there, then. Without Fingal MacIan here, the fiercest competition will be from Rowan and Darcy Fraser so we might stand a chance.”

~ * ~

By the end of the first day at the fair, Mairead was utterly exhausted. She fell asleep almost instantly, sleeping soundly in Tadhg’s arms all night. Even so, she awoke the next morning still feeling tired. Reluctantly she rose, dressed slowly, and splashed her face with cold water before joining Tadhg outside the tent.

“Mairead, love, did ye not sleep well last night? Ye look a bit pale.”

“I think I slept well, but in truth I don’t feel rested. I’m also a touch queasy.”

“Perhaps if ye eat something it might settle yer stomach.”

“Aye, perhaps,” she said and took the oatcake he offered. After only swallowing a few bites, she ran to the edge of the encampment, where she vomited. Tadhg was right behind her. He put an arm around her to steady her, holding her hair back as she emptied her stomach of what little it contained. When she stopped retching, he lifted her into his arms, carrying her to their tent.

“Tadhg, I can walk,” she protested.

“Mairead, ye are ill, don’t argue. Ye need to rest.” He lowered her to their pallet, before helping her wash her face and rinse her mouth.

“I’m fine now. I want to go with ye to watch ye and my brothers in the sword fighting.”

“I know ye do, but I don’t think ye should. I want ye to rest. I will send Elspet to sit with ye.”

“Please, Tadhg, I’m sure it will be fine.”

“Nay, Mairead. Even with blunted swords, it can be brutal. There will be other sword fights to watch. Ye are ill—please rest. Pol and Cael will stay here to guard ye.”

“They aren’t competing?”

“Pol hadn’t planned to, and while Cael won the archery yesterday, he isn’t the finest of my swordsmen. He’ll stay.” She frowned. “I know ye are disappointed, love, but I will be better able to focus on the competition if I am not worried ye might collapse amid the spectators.”

“If it is what ye wish, I’ll stay here. Truthfully, I am tired.”

After sending for Elspet, Tadhg said, “I’ll lie beside ye till ye fall asleep again.” She curled up next to him, and he rubbed her back lightly.

She must have fallen asleep even before Elspet arrived. She woke hours later, with the late morning sun streaming in, hearing Elspet talking outside. “I’m sorry, Lady MacBain, she wasn’t feeling well and she is still asleep.”

“Nay, I’m awake now,” Mairead called. “Come in.”

Both Annag and Elspet entered. Elspet asked, “How are ye feeling, my lady?” as Annag knelt beside Mairead, putting a hand to her forehead.

“Flan said ye were ill, pet.”

“Oh, I was. I felt dreadful earlier, but I’m feeling much better now. In fact, I’m terribly hungry. I think I just needed a bit more sleep. I have been more tired than usual lately.”

Elspet asked, “My lady, have ye had many mornings like this when ye felt tired and sick?”

“Aye, a few recently, but it doesn’t last.”

Annag smiled. “Does it not? Sweetling, when was the last time yer monthly courses came?”

“I’m not sure. It was sometime before Easter, I think. In fact, it wasn’t long after Lent started.”

“So it is well past time they are due?”