“How was your weekend?” he asks, once his call in finished.
“Good, sir. I have all the paperwork signed, and I wanted to let you know how honored I am to be given this opportunity.”
“You deserve it. We’re happy you’re a part of the team. You’ll gracefully slide into this position without any difficulties.”
“I’m ready.”
“I’ll get the paperwork to accounting so they can make the changes. You should be getting your signing bonus this week.”
Signing bonus? Why didn’t Nathan mention that? Perhaps I shouldn’t have distracted him. I smile, “Excellent.”
By the time I move offices and organize things, put out a few fires, it’s time to meet Nathan and head to the hypnotherapist. I’m nervous, and wondering if he’ll remember what he says during the hypnosis.
I arrive a few minutes early, but Nathan is already there.
“Hey babe. Waiting long?”
“No, not really, but I’m glad to see you.” He stands and hugs me tightly.
“Ready?”
“I am, although I hope this will be the last appointment.”
“I hope so too.”
Will he remember? We sit, hold hands, and wait.
***
DR. FIELDS HAS
a tape recorder on his desk. Brilliant.
“Dr. Fields.” Nathan sounds hesitant.
We all shake hands and exchange pleasantries. I sit on the couch, knowing the doctor will direct me when necessary.
“Nathan, how do you feel about this upcoming session?”
“I’m nervous but open to another attempt.”
“This time I would like to record it, with your permission of course, so you can listen to it yourself, in the event you don’t remember.”
“I agree. Being in the dark is much more frustrating than knowing.”
I wonder if he’ll feel the same when his life is turned upside down.
“Then let’s begin, shall we? Bryer, if you would be so kind.”
Dr. Fields directs me, but I know the drill. I place a tender kiss on Nathan’s lips and move toward the window. The doctor moves to the chair closest to Nathan and he presses the record button on the tape recorder. I notice he has a second one behind his desk and the red light shows it’s recording, his copy I guess.
I watch as the doctor goes through the same technique as last week. I’m fixated by Nathan. He’s restless and it’s taking longer. I can only assume Nathan’s stress level is interfering with how quickly he can relax, so I watch and wait.
After the longest twenty minutes, the doctor works his magic. The tension slowly disappears from Nathan and the energy in the room has changed.
“Nathan, you should feel weightless at this stage. Visualize all stress leaving your body. You are left feeling safe and calm. Nod if you feel relaxed.”
Nathan nods.
“We’re going back to the night when you had an argument with your father. Do you remember?”
“Yes.”
“I want you to visit that little boy and tell me what you see and feel.”
“I threw up in the trashcan.”
Nathan startles me with this random comment. He looks like a child again. This tragic story will only have one ending, and it will destroy him.
“Was this the night your father gave you the medicine you didn’t want to take?”
“Yes. It was yucky. It made me sick and I threw up.”
“I want you to go back to that night, Nathan. Don’t worry, you’re safe here with myself and Bryer.”
Nothing. The silence is deafening. The doctor gives him a moment, “Go on.”
“He made me drink it. I was so scared. I’d never seen him this mad at me or my mom before.”
“What did you do after you threw up?”
“Umm, I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”
“We’re here today to tell your secrets, to set you free. What do you remember?”
“You won’t tell him?” Nathan asks.
“Your father? No, we won’t tell.”
“I sneaked out of my room. I was feeling dizzy and tired, but my mom needed me. I could hear yelling and it was really loud. I peeked around the corner, and my mom was screaming. She was saying that she was going to take me and leave. I stood in the hallway and peeked through the crack in the door. It was open a little. He couldn’t see me, but I could see them.”
“Do you know why your mother wanted to take you away?” Dr. Fields asks.
“I don’t know. Maybe she didn’t want him to yell at her anymore.”
“What did you see next?”
“He pushed her on the bed and was being mean to her.” Anger creeps into Nathan’s voice, a voice that sounds much younger than twelve.
“How, Nathan? How was he mean?”
“He put a pillow over her face and held it down. I could hear her yelling ‘Nathan’, but I didn’t know if she was yelling my name or my dad’s. I just stood there. I watched her legs kicking, and she was trying to fight. But my Dad was stronger.”
As I witness this, my fear for Nathan is replaced with shock and anger.
“Take a deep breath and tell me if your saw your mom stop fighting,” Dr. Fields asks.
“Yes, she stopped. She lay very still, like she was sleeping. My dad smashed up some pills and put them in her mouth. I didn’t think she wanted them since she was already asleep.”
“Was she really sleeping, Nathan?”
“No, not really. I don’t think she was sleeping.” Tears run down his childlike face.
“I need you to be brave and tell me what happened next. Remember, you’re safe with us.”
Minutes pass as he wipes the tears away with his palms and uses his coat sleeve to wipe his nose. Watching him fall apart, is killing me and every part of my body screams to run to him, but I wait.
“My dad was running around the room and I was scared he would see me, so I went back and climbed in my bed, I still felt funny after that yucky medicine, I was so tired I fell asleep.”
“Nathan, you’re doing a great job of remembering.”
“Yeah, I know.” He takes a deep breath. “I woke up when I heard the sirens but I didn’t know why. It was almost light out. It was Sunday. I hate Sundays. Uncle Mac was there. He’s my buddy. But he left after he had a fight with my dad. Then my father told me.”
“What did he tell you?”
“That my mom wanted to go to heaven, so she did. I cried, even though I was almost a man.”
“Did you remember what happened the night before?” The Doctor asked.
“No.”
Watching this unfold, I’m stunned into silence and my heart is breaking. I cry for him, for the child that witnessed this horrific crime, for the child who lost his mother.
His father is a monster. How can any child, even a grown man, handle this?
“Nathan, we’re going to bring you back slowly,” Dr. Fields says.
I watch as the doctor goes through his steps to safely bring Nathan back. It takes only minutes.
“Nathan, how do you feel?”
“Fine” He shrugs.
“This was a very successful session. What do you remember about it?” The doctor rewinds his tape recorder.
“After relaxing, not much.” He looks to me. He frowns when he realizes I’ve been crying. “What’s wrong, baby?”
I move to the couch and hold his hand. “Dr. Fields, will you be replaying the session now?” My shaky voice gives me away, and Nathan looks into my eyes for answers.
“Yes. Nathan needs to know exactly what he said.”
I nod, while Nathan looks at me worried, and he should be.
“We have uncovered some memories from your childhood that you may find disturbing. I want to prepare you for what you’re about to hear,” Dr. Fields says.
Nathan takes a breath and lets it out slowly.
“I believe these are real memories of age regression that are directly linked to your nightmares.”
Nathan nods. Then the doctor presses the play button, and I take his hand in mine and hold my breath. I watch as Nathan’s life changes before my eyes. I’m helpless to do anything to soften the blow of this forgotten truth.
Nathan never utters one word. He listens intently, now leaning over with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. I rub his back as he shakes his head no, but he still listens. When the tape comes to an end, tears consume him.
“Baby, I’m here,” I say, knowing words of comfort won’t help.
“I don’t understand?” he says.
“This is a serious revelation, Nathan,” the doctor says. “I have to tell you that once a revelation crossing the line to an alleged crime, the confidentiality agreement, is abolished, I’ll be contacting the police.” Looking almost apologetic.
“I recommend you take a day to absorb this. You could be in shock. I’ve seen it happen.”
“I need to know more.” Rising up from the couch, Nathan panics. “I have to talk to Uncle Mac.”
“Okay, but maybe waiting a day would be in your best interest.” I try desperately to say the right thing, but he’s not listening. He needs to act, as if this will be the only way he can come to terms with the truth.
“I think he knows something, Bryer.” Nathan says.
“I’ll go with you. Anything you need. I’m not convinced diving in head first is wise, though.”
Dr. Fields stands. “I have to agree, Nathan. You may want to schedule another appointment if you’re doubting anything that happened today.”
He hands Nathan the tape. Oh God. The truth, the evidence.
“I heard the tape. It’s fucking embedded in my brain, but if I’m to believe my father is a murderer, my whole life is a lie.”
NATHAN LOOKS TERRIBLE
when we leave the doctor’s office. He’s grown pale.
“Look at me,” I say, worried out of my mind. “Are you sure you want to do this today?”
“Bryer, I’m calling Uncle Mac and meeting with him. Do you want to leave your car here and ride with me?”
“I’ll meet you at your house as soon as I grab my work files, and a bag for tonight, I’ll need my car anyway. I promise I won’t be long.”
“Let me walk you to your car.”
“Call me and let me know when you find Mac, or when you get home.”
“I’m losing my shit.” Turmoil is written on his face.
“Nobody in their right mind...” He shakes his head. “Can anyone survive news like this?”
“You’re in shock Nathan, please don’t do anything till I get back to you.”
I make it home without knowing how I got there, and I feel like I’m walking in a nightmare. I can’t imagine Mac knowing anything. Maybe we should call the police?
I reach my apartment and park in the garage, after shutting the door, I feel an arm around my waist. My first thought is Nathan, but no. The arm picks me up and throws me into an open van. A horrible, sharp pain jolts through my head.
“Fuck, what the hell are you doing!?” A needle pricks my arm and the light fades to darkness.
“WHY ISN’T BRYER
answering her phone?”
Uncle Mac is on his way. My nerves are shot, and I feel sick. I played the tape again on my way home, just to prove to myself that this was real.
Am I insane? Is he? That devil took everything from me: my mother, my childhood. As if it were nothing.
Oh God, the nightmares. The fucking nightmares.
One agonizing minute after another, I wait for Uncle Mac to arrive, to shed some light on all this. I still cannot believe my own words. A huge part of me rejects that it’s the truth.
I text Bryer: Where are you baby? I need you.
Where is she? I’m getting worried. Gen--maybe she’s with her. I call Clayton while I have a few minutes.
“What’s up?” he answers.
“I can’t get a hold of Bryer.”
“Oh, and why’s that?”
“I don’t know. Do you have Gen’s number on file at the gym?” I grind my teeth.
“I have it in my phone.” That statement alone creates questions, but I won’t address them tonight.
“Okay. Give it to me. Clayton, I need a favor. Drive by Bryer’s apartment and see if she’s home. I have my uncle coming over any minute.”
“Sure. Anything, Nathan.” He rattles off her number. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ll fill you in later.” I hang up and immediately dial Gen.
“Hello?” Gen answers.
“Is Bryer with you?”
“No, if she’s not working, she’s with you. Why?”
This doesn’t make sense.
“She could be at the store or something.” Her explanation doesn’t comfort me.
The doorbell rings.
“I’ve got to go, but have her call me if you see her.”
“Wait, tell me what’s going on?”
But I’ve hung up before I can answer, and I rush for the door.
“Uncle Max, I’m so glad you’re here. This is serious. I need your help.”
“Anything, Nathan. What the hell’s going on? You’re panicking.” Concern etched in his eyes.
“Sit.” I point to the couch. “I want you to hear something, then you’ll understand.”
He nods.
“I’ve been seeing a hypnotherapist due to the nightmares I’ve been having.” I hold the tape in a death grip as I explain.
Then I insert it into the sound system and hit play. My eyes remain fixed on my uncle, but I’m reliving every second of my own words. We both sit in silence as he shakes his head. The tape finishes and dead air plays on. I break out of my trance and press stop.
“God, no” he says. “This confirms my worst fears. I knew it was only a matter of time.” He buries his head in his hands and sheds tears.
“Uncle Mac, tell me. It’s time I know.” He lifts his head and I see a broken, ill man with deep sadness in his eyes. It makes me rethink this plan. He might be too fragile to help.
“We were in love, Nathan.” He says in despair, not meeting my eyes.
I sit across from him and let it sink in.
“In love? My mother and you?” The blows keep coming.
“For years. I wanted her to leave your father, but she was worried about you. She knew how powerful Nathan Sr. was and how unforgiving a bastard he could be. He had to control everything and everyone. He would never have let her leave with you, so she stayed, even though she hated the man.” His body shakes.
“I was suspicious of my brother all along. We had a huge argument at the funeral. I accused him of hurting her and it got out of hand. I stayed away from him, from her, and unfortunately from you. I thought I was doing the right thing, keeping you safe.” His voice is whisper-thin. He’s a man on the edge of breaking.