Fortune Knocks Once (16 page)

She waited anxiously as he walked over to where she stood just outside view of the people inside the house. He approached her and then without saying a word, bent down and taking her face in his hands, lowered his lips to hers.

She closed her eyes and luxuriated in the feeling of his lips on hers and as his tongue entered her mouth, she thrilled to the memories of their intimate moments together. But then the sharp distinctive smell and taste of liquor filled her with revulsion and she pulled away from him. She looked at him with such disappointment and pity that he could not say a word to her, could only return her gaze.

Without a word, she pulled away from him and moved into the house. She needed to get away, she couldn’t face the social niceties required to stay in company right now. Quickly she found Lizzie, made her apologies and went to her hostess to make preparations to leave.

~~~

Charlotte stood looking out the parlor window, quietly considering her life. In the past few weeks she had spent more and more mornings lounging in bed, often not rising until noon.

Goodness, I don’t remember being this unhappy living with my uncle! Probably because I didn’t know what happiness was – had never felt it  – tasted it – been enveloped by it  – slept with it.

She straightened her shoulders and turned away from the window, resolved to make changes.

It is time to end this. Maybe it is time to give up my dreams of our perfect life in Kilkenny. That is obviously gone. I have my dear friends, my singing, although I may need to find a new instructor. And I will soon have…a…a…a new interest…Time to stop moping.

With a snort and a shake of her head, she walked down the hall and into the kitchen to find Gil.

“Gil, would you please find Molly and tell her I want to take a walk?” she whispered in his ear, a strategy they had adopted to minimize Charlotte’s stuttering. Then she waited patiently in the front hall for Molly.

Several minutes later, Charlotte and Molly were walking slowly through the small park near the house, without any conversation. It was one of the advantages to keeping company with servants, Charlotte thought wistfully. No need to bother with all the social nonsense.

From the other side of the park she noticed Lizzie gracefully moving in their direction. Despite the close bond the two women had formed and the affection she held for her gracious mentor, Charlotte wished to be alone right now and found the meeting somewhat unwelcome.

“Charlotte, I was just making my way to your house. I find I can’t face the day without first talking with my most beloved friend,” Lizzie crowed as she took Charlotte’s hand, squeezed it and fell into walking beside her. For several moments they walked in quiet companionship. Then Lizzie turned to her with concern on her face.

“You seem downhearted. You are not worried about your uncle are you? You know he cannot mar your success now? Not after your incredible performance. London Society can talk of nothing but your beauty, grace and talent. You are all the rage, my dear.”

“L-l-lizzie, w-w-we should t-t-talk,” Charlotte said, stopping their progress. In a low whisper she continued, “I will not be going out as much in the future. I want to stay home more.”

Lizzie wrinkled her features into a frown. “But why? We have a full schedule of exciting events for weeks on end for the rest of the Season.”

“It is w-w-what I w-w-want,” Charlotte replied quietly, not looking at Lizzie.

My heart isn’t in it. I can’t feign fun and gaiety that I don’t feel. And I have other considerations now.

Lizzie patted her hand comfortingly. “Well, you must come to Lady Julia’s house party; it will be good for you to get out of London and away from Colin’s escapades,” Lizzie said kindly, starting them both walking once more. “You know it is just making you miserable.”

“Being in the country will do you a world of good and you must stop this infernal moping. Every day you become more listless and depressed. It is no good for you and it is certainly no good for the baby.”

Charlotte looked up startled and asked softly, “How d-did you know?”

Lizzie smiled at her kindly and replied, “Oh, I am remarkably observant and intelligent, but in truth, Molly told me you are increasing. There are no secrets from the servants, you know. Please don’t be cross with her. I asked her to watch out for you - you seem so fragile and easily wounded.”

Lizzie coyly gave Charlotte a slight sideways glance. “And I could wheedle an invitation for Mr. Colson. Would that make you more open to the experience?” Lizzie asked with a mischievous grin.

Charlotte stopped dead in her tracks. “Do not push me into company with Mr. Colson, Lizzie,” she forcefully thrust at her, almost shouting. “Do not interfere in that.”

Lizzie looked at her with a confused and hurt expression, her eyes wide in disbelief. Charlotte had never talked back to her despite her continuous dictatorial directions and demands.

In a lower and more calming voice, Charlotte continued, “I appreciate everything you have d-d-done, but d-d-do n-n-n-not p-p-p-push m-m-me t-t-toward him.” Then she looked at Lizzie with open, hesitant entreaty and obvious distress.

Are we still friends? Are you angry with me for shouting at you?

Lizzie looked instantly contrite. “Oh, I am so sorry, Charlotte. Of course, I will stop. I only thought it would be a distraction for you. I didn’t mean to cause you anguish. We are sisters now and forever. We may argue or bicker but we will never stop loving each other, right?”

Charlotte nodded gratefully and took Lizzie’s arm again to continue walking.

“I m-m-must c-consider my-my-myself f-f-first n-now,” Charlotte said.

Whatever Colin is or has become, I must give my first consideration to this child, which means staying healthy. If that requires leaving London…and Colin, then so be it.

“P-perhaps you are right about Lady Julia’s. I will go,” Charlotte agreed in a whisper.

“We will repair to the country and let fresh air and quiet company work their magic on your spirits,” Lizzie said firmly and with more conviction that she actually felt. She watched Charlotte with concern as they finished their walk and separated, each returning to their own homes. She wondered if Charlotte had seen Colin pass by in the barouche with the red-haired woman who had been seen by his side so often in the past few weeks. She hoped not.

As she and Molly walked home, Charlotte tried not to imagine Colin and the awful red-haired woman together. She had seen them today and several other times now and the images of him making love to that woman, the way he had made love to her, obsessed her and had her blinking her eyes to clear the tears away.

Back at home she was unable to settle to any activity or relax in any way. All the old methods of passing the time that she had employed while living with her uncle, seemed lost to her.

What did I used to do by myself? After all the outings with Lizzie, I don’t know how to entertain myself.

She sat down with a book and after several minutes tossed it aside in disgust and stalked outside to find the cat. After several minutes of searching and calling, she found him and picked him up gently.

Come, Boots, I need you in the house to help me wile away the time. We are old friends aren’t we? Maybe I need a little piece of who I was before he came along…try to remember the girl who didn’t pile all her hopes onto one man…one damaged and undependable man.

She picked up the cat and returned to the house, going up to her room and shutting the door softly, not wanting to talk to or encounter anyone else in the house. There, in the room adjacent to Colin’s bedchamber, she sat and petted the cat, thinking deeply.

I am not a little forlorn thing anymore – my baby will need me to be a mother…will need me to be strong. I will see that my child does not grow up unhappy and forgotten by all around her…or him.

As she sat there in quiet contemplation, she heard Colin come into his room and she stilled instinctively. Gil must have followed him into the room, because she could hear bits and pieces of their conversation. She quietly moved closer to the connecting door to listen.

Gil seemed to be querying Colin. “Sir, is the missus all right? She ain’t herself. Worried about her I am…Molly said…”

“Who the hell is Molly?”

“The missus’ maid.”

“Charlotte has a maid? Where did she come from? I don’t remember hiring a maid for her…guess I should have…didn’t think of it…blast…another bloody way I let her down…”

“Lady Elizabeth brought her to take care of the missus a while back, my lord.”

“For God’s sake, the worst thing I ever did was send Lizzie round to sort my wife out. Most interfering, meddlin’ female in all of England. She turned Char from a sweet, meek, perfect wife…to a bold…brassy…all dressed up…singing in public, did you know that Gil?” Colin said to his butler indignantly.

“Singing, sir?” Gil responded mockingly.

“Every rake and roué in London watching, wondering about her…thinking about her loveliness…undressing her with their eyes…damned unacceptable…that infernal Colson…Lizzie brought him too…” Colin muttered curses under his breath.

“Sir, have you seen the missus today?”

“Gil, I am exhausted…haven’t slept in days…in no condition for this right now…talk later. For now, get out…leave me be.” Charlotte heard Gil begin to speak again and Colin yelled for him to leave, ignoring his butler’s words. Then she heard the sound of a door slamming, so she assumed Gil must have left.

Colin’s words had stunned her. A chill rose along her spine leaving her numb.

So he isn’t happy with my transformation. I have worked so hard to become the marchioness he would need and now he doesn’t like me…doesn’t like the woman I have become.

She walked over to her dressing table and sat down, picked up the cat again and looked at her reflection in the mirror.

Well, that is what I get for listening at doors. You find out exactly what people think of you. No more of that for me. To hell with what others think…what others are going to do. I will go my own way and let him go to the devil if he wishes.

With that she opened the door of her room and went in search of Molly to begin preparing for her trip to the country.

~~~

Charlotte was quietly reading in the library of Lady Julia’s huge house, which was filled with dozens of fashionable people, none of whom, she was sure, would seek out the tranquility of the scholarly retreat she sought so frequently during the past few days.

She couldn’t say that she had enjoyed the week in the country surrounded by people she barely knew, but she had settled into a comfortable routine. With Lizzie’s help she was now easy enough in company to maintain a pleasant façade with others. And there was no doubt in her mind that it was definitely more peaceful for her to be removed from London and news of Colin and his disorderly crowd.