She broke off and bit her lip, her gaze skating away from his.
He nudged her chin so that she looked at him again. “You worried what?”
“It sounds silly.”
“Try me.”
“I wasn’t worried about you, I mean I knew you were okay with it, but I wasn’t sure about Brody and Tate.” She sighed. “This is difficult for me because I have such conflicting feelings for them. I guess in the same vein as my initial worry over what you’d think watching another man have sex with me, I worried about what they would think about me being with someone other . . . than them.”
“You thought they’d be jealous.”
“Well, yes,” she said anxiously. “Chase, what’s happening here? The only person I should be worried about is you. I don’t know that I like this. I feel like something special was breached tonight, but that’s so messed up. My relationship is with you, not Brody and Tate, but I’d die if I inadvertently did something to hurt them.”
He kissed the lines of her brow, trying to ease some of the worry from her face.
He knew where this was going. It was like watching an inevitable train wreck and he was powerless to stop it. He knew, or he had a damn good idea, of the potential ramifications when he’d asked Brody and Tate to participate. He knew and it hadn’t stopped him. But then he’d only been thinking of what
he
was open to and what was acceptable to him. He’d never given thought to the three other people involved and how they might struggle to accept the situation.
He felt like the worst sort of ass. And worse, he wasn’t sure he could fix it. Or if it could be fixed.
“You’re tired and right now you’re upset. I think we should both get some sleep and see what tomorrow brings. I don’t want you to worry, Zoe. We’ll fix this. I promise.”
His gut knotted at the zealous declaration. He hoped to hell it wasn’t too late and that things hadn’t gone too far. What the four of them had was very special, and it would kill him to see it damaged in any way. Worse, the worst-case scenario was losing Zoe. And there was no way in hell he was going to let that happen.
She snuggled deeper into his arms, but he could feel her tension. He had a feeling she was going to lie awake tonight. Just like he was.
CHAPTER
|
SEVENTEEN
He couldn’t take the tension a minute longer. Chase curled his fist
and had to control the urge to smash it into the wall.
For the last week things had been unbearable in the house. On the surface, it was the same. Lighthearted bantering. Same old kidding. Business as usual.
But below the surface things were very wrong.
Tate had been unusually quiet. Brody had avoided them all for most of the week. And Zoe had haunted shadows in her eyes that made Chase ache.
Even now, on Zoe’s day off, she was at work. She’d called to say she was taking an extra shift for someone who’d called in sick, but Chase knew she was avoiding being at home. When all the guys were off.
Which was laughable because Chase was the only one home. He could only imagine that Tate and Brody, assuming Zoe was going to be home on her day off, had found other things to go. That didn’t include being home when all four of them would be together.
The entire situation sucked, and Chase was tired of it. Something had to give.
It might not be pretty, but he was about to take the bull by the horns and hope to hell he didn’t fuck things up worse.
Having a pretty good idea where Brody might be, Chase hopped into his truck and headed toward the bar and grill where the firemen and police personnel regularly hung out. As expected, when he pulled into the lot, he found Brody’s truck parked near the entrance.
He took a deep, fortifying breath and walked in. Brody sat on a stool at the bar, his hands loosely clasped around a beer bottle. He was alone and appeared to be ignoring the world around him.
Chase slid onto the bar stool next to him. “Hey, man.”
Brody glanced sideways at him and frowned. “What are you doing here? Thought it was Zoe’s day off.”
“She’s working an extra shift.”
Brody’s frown deepened. “She seems to be doing a lot of that lately. She shouldn’t work so much.”
“You want to tell me what’s going on?” Chase asked bluntly.
Brody stiffened and stared down at the beer he’d barely taken a drink out of.
“I’m thinking of moving out.”
Fuck. This was bad. This was really bad. Chase wasn’t going to patronize Brody by acting surprised or asking why. Neither one of them was stupid, and neither liked to play games. They’d always been straight up with each other, and now wasn’t the time to change that.
“I wish you wouldn’t,” Chase said. “I don’t think that’s what you want. I know it’s not what I want, and I know it’s not what Zoe would want. This is going to hurt her.”
Brody turned then, his eyes glittering. “I can’t stay there any longer. I can’t do it, man. If you think about it, you know I can’t, and you know why.”
“I do,” Chase admitted. “But why don’t you explain it to me so there’s no misunderstanding.”
Brody sighed and then thumped his fist down onto the bar. “You have to know I’m in love with her.”
Chase slowly nodded. “Yeah, I know.”
Brody made a sound of frustration. “Did you hear what I said? Really? I just told you I’m in love with your girl and you sit there looking at me like I’m talking about the weather.”
“What do you want me to do, Brody? Hit you? Curse at you?”
“Jesus,” Brody muttered. “This is a mess.”
“Yeah, it’s my mess,” Chase said evenly. “Look, I knew you—and Tate—had feelings for Zoe. I’ve known it a long time. I always wondered what would have happened if I hadn’t asked her out first.”
Brody’s face tightened and his eyes went flat. “I can tell you. She’d be at home, with me, in my bed. That’s what would have happened.”
“Out of curiosity, why didn’t you ever make a move?”
“Because you’re my friend. Zoe’s my friend, and I’d never have done anything to fuck that up.”
“So what changed? Other than the obvious. Why move out now?”
Brody’s nostrils flared as his breaths came out harsh. “What changed is I wasn’t sleeping with her before. Before that, I could play it cool, remain friends, and not have my head involved. But the minute I touched her, things changed. And even then I could deal, you know? Because in my fantasy world, it was just the four of us, living together, and I felt like I had a small part of her, you know? It was easy to pretend.”
“Yeah, I get the fantasy thing,” Chase muttered.
“But if you want to know when it all changed for me, it was when your friend entered the picture. And I know this sounds fucked up, but when it was you or even Tate touching her, I could deal, because it’s always been us. We’ve always been friends, and I know Zoe loves you and she loves Tate. So I could deal with sharing her . . . with you. But it pissed me off when you brought in the other guy because that’s when I felt betrayed. I didn’t want that son of a bitch even looking at Zoe, much less touching her. Hell, I didn’t like the other guys looking at her the night at the strip club.
“And the bitch of it is, I don’t get a say. I was jealous—not of you and Tate—but of that other guy, Dillon or whatever his name is. And it hit home to me that I’ve been living in a fantasy world where Zoe belonged to me—or at least partly to me.
“But the thing is, Chase, this isn’t what I want. I don’t want to have sex with her because you said it was okay. I don’t want to have sex with her because you’re watching and you think it’s hot. I don’t want permission every time I want to make love to her, and I damn sure don’t want her feeling guilty because she made love to me when you weren’t in the picture. Yeah, I know she told you. She’s too honest and straight up to ever keep that kind of thing from you, but I also know it tore her up because she felt like she betrayed you, and damn it, I don’t want to feel like I betrayed you. So the only way for me to win is to walk away, because I’d never do anything to break you two up, and I can’t have what I want unless that happens.”
“Fuck,” Chase cursed. “Look, I have a lot to apologize for, starting with the fact that I knew when I asked you and Tate to participate in Zoe’s fantasy that you both had feelings for her. I also knew what might happen between the four of us as far as our relationship, not that it would fuck things up, but maybe I wanted to test the waters and see where things took us.”
Brody shot him an incredulous look. “What did you think would happen? That we’d fuck her and go on our merry way?”
“No, that’s not what I thought at all. God, this is twisted.”
“Try me,” Brody challenged.
“Look, it started as a fantasy but deep down I wondered what would happen if we did have some sort of permanent arrangement. I don’t know what the hell you call it. But the four of us together, Zoe having a relationship with all of us. It was arrogant. I was messing with the lives of three other people without thinking it through. I admit that. But I also knew that you and Tate had some serious feelings for her, and I suspected that she had deep feelings for the two of you.”
“So why bring in the other guy? I don’t get it.”
“Because I got carried away,” Chase bit out. “It was a mistake, okay? Zoe and I talked about our really hot fantasies. In mine I watched her being fucked by another guy, but at the time I never imagined it being anyone other than you or Tate. She admitted she had fantasies about being me holding her down, you and Tate holding her legs while she was fucked by other guys. In hindsight it was probably just a fantasy, a fleeting thought that turned her on. I should have left it at that, or just kept it to the four of us. But I didn’t. I made a mistake. One I genuinely regret because it pissed you and Tate off, and now Zoe is dying because she’s worried how you and Tate looked at it all.”
“Shit, tell me she isn’t worried that Tate and I are angry at her.”
“I can’t tell you that,” Chase said honestly. “She’s upset. She admitted to me that night that she’d die before ever inadvertently hurting you or Tate. She’s worried that her fantasy put the two of you in a bad position.”
“Fuck.” Brody rubbed a hand over his face. His eyes looked bleak and tired. “Goddamn it. What a mess.”
Then he looked back up at Chase, his eyes narrowed.
“You’re telling me you entertained the idea of a relationship between me and Zoe? How the hell is that supposed to work?”
Chase rolled his hand over the back of his head and rotated his neck. Damn but he was tired, and he didn’t have all the damn answers.
“I’m saying I thought about it, yeah. As to how it would work, I don’t know. I haven’t even mentioned it to Zoe. I have no idea how she would react. This isn’t even a conversation you and I should be having. We should be talking about this between the four of us before everything goes to hell between us and things are done and said that can’t be changed. Like you moving out.”
“Are you saying you want me to say all this to Zoe? In front of you and in front of Tate? You want me to unload all this on her this way?”
“Yeah, I do. We’ve always been honest. Always. It does us no good to talk about this because we’re leaving out the one person who is most important to the equation. Zoe. This has to be her choice. It has to be your choice. I’ll tell you right now, I’m not giving Zoe up. I’m not being noble and stepping out of the way just because you and Tate have feelings for her. I love her and I know she loves me. The thing is she loves you too. But if you expect her to make a choice, just let it be known that I’m not going to stand aside and be the better man. Fuck that. I’ll fight for her with every breath in my body.”
“So you’re saying if I want a relationship with her, I’ll have to share her with you and Tate, provided Tate is even down with this.”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Chase said.
“Christ,” Brody whispered. “This is crazy. How does something like this even work?”
“Does it matter? Tell me this, Brody. If Zoe wants it. If she wants the three of us, are you going to give a damn about anything other than the fact you’ll have her?”
“No,” he said bleakly. “No, I won’t.”
“Then I suggest you get your ass home so that when Zoe gets home we can talk about this with her so she’ll stop hurting. Right now, no matter what happens, whether she kicks me to the curb or she goes along with this, I just want her to stop hurting.”
“Yeah, me too,” Brody said quietly. “When does she get off?”
“Three today. She’s pulled a double, and she’s going to be tired, but I want us all to be there when she gets home.”
“Have you talked to Tate?”
Chase sighed. “No, I have to find him first.”
It took Chase the better part of an hour to track Tate down, and
by the time he drove up to the batting cages, Chase was tired and ready to get it the fuck over with.
He watched from the truck as Tate cracked ball after ball. When Tate finished the current rotation, Chase got out of the truck and headed his way.
“Hey, hold up,” Chase called when Tate pressed the button for another turn.
Tate lowered the bat and stepped away from the plate.“What’s up?
The guarded way he looked at Chase told him he was going to a tough nut to crack. Maybe even harder than Brody. Although Brody never had qualms about laying it out in the open, Tate tended to be a lot more private. It was anyone’s guess as to whether Tate would open up. Unlike Brody, who’d announce to everyone he was leaving, if Tate decided to move out, he’d just be gone one day.
“We need to talk.”
The ball smacked the back of the fence. Tate hesitated a moment before opening the gate and leaving the batting area. He didn’t say anything to Chase as he walked toward his truck to put his gear away. Chase followed, not disturbing the silence.
Finally Tate closed his truck door and turned to Chase. “What do you want to talk about?”