Fourth Down (23 page)

Alone in my car I was free to sob
openly, tears blurring my vision as I navigated the narrow country
roads. Knowing already what my decision had to be, there was just
one more person I needed to talk to. I pulled my car onto the paved
road that led through the hilltop cemetery and made my way to
Maggie’s grave. Thankfully the ground was covered with several
inches of snow, so I couldn’t see the fresh dirt that would still
lay over her casket. New grass wouldn’t grow over it until the
spring.

My legs sunk into the snow halfway up
to my knees. Maggie’s headstone was small and simple. I could
clearly remember her saying, “I’m going to be dead. What do I need
a big tombstone for?” A small laugh broke through my sobs as I
thought of her.

With my mittened hands, I brushed the
snow from the headstone. With total disregard for my warmth or
dryness I sank to my knees in the snow and bowed my
head.

“I’m sorry, Maggie. I can’t make him
stay,” I sobbed. My tears were freezing a trail down my cheeks, but
I didn’t bother to wipe them away. “He’s leaving, and I’m not going
to stop him. Maybe if I begged he would stay here with me. But, I’m
not going to beg. I’m not even going to ask.”

The wind was picking up, and a few
light snowflakes began to fall from the sky. I don’t know why I
felt the need to apologize to Maggie. After all, she knew better
than anyone how much Ford wanted to leave this small town. It just
felt like that last night when she talked to me about how Ford
needed a good reason to stay like she wanted me to be that reason.
And maybe I could be…for a short while. But sooner rather than
later, Ford would heal and be ready to get back to where his life
was headed before his injury and before Maggie got sick. His life
that didn’t include me.

I was so lost in thought and sobbing
so hard that I didn’t realize how long I had been there until
freezing rain began pelting my back. My jeans were soaked through
above my snow boots from kneeling in the snow for so long. The sun
was starting to set, and I knew I needed to get home. Ford would be
coming over soon, and I had to deal with this tonight. I wasn’t
good at hiding my feelings, and he would know immediately that
something was wrong.

The drive back into town took twice as
long due to the treacherous road conditions. Ford’s truck was in my
driveway when I pulled up, and I was surprised to see he was still
sitting in it. He had a key. Why wouldn’t he have gone
inside?

Parking my car next to his truck, I
took a deep breath and got out. Ford did the same, and we looked at
each other over the roof of my car. It was dusk, not dark enough to
hide the fact that my eyes were red, or that a few tears were
already slipping out again in anticipation of what I was about to
say. Ford’s eyes searched my face, and his expression was
grim.

Neither of us spoke for several long
moments as we stood in the freezing rain staring at each other.
Finally, Ford broke the silence.

“You’re not going with me, are you?”
His words were harsh and reminded me of the old Ford. The Ford I
met a few short months ago.

Dropping my gaze to the ground, I
shook my head. Words were escaping me at the moment, and I couldn’t
stand to look into his eyes any longer.

Coming around the front of my car,
Ford turned me to face him and gave me a gentle shake to get me to
look at him. “Why not, Poppy? Why not?”

“I…I can’t leave school. I only have
one year left, and I can’t get a scholarship this late.”

“Then we can do the long distance
thing until you graduate. With my new salary, I can fly you down at
least once a month. And I will come back for holidays,” Ford said.
His voice had taken on a pleading desperation, and it caused my
determination to waver.

“Long distance relationships don’t
work Ford. Out of sight, out of mind. I’ve tried it before,
remember?” It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Ford. I did. He was
nothing like Aiden. I just had visions of Ford slowly accustoming
to his new life and me hanging on to the very end. The end where he
broke my heart for good. Ending things now would be easier on both
of us. Ford deserved a clean break to start again. To follow his
dreams.

“That’s bullshit, Poppy,” Ford replied
with his voice raised. “If you don’t want to be with me, just say
it. Don’t wrap it all up in a pretty package.”

He was so wrong. I wanted to be with
him more than I had ever wanted anything in my entire life. I
wanted to be with him more than I wanted to be a doctor. If he
truly loved me, I would give it all up for him.

We were at a crossroads. I could tell
him I loved him and hope to hear it back. But what if he said it
because he knew that’s what I needed to hear? I couldn’t take the
chance - not with my heart and not with Ford’s future. He needed to
take this job and get out of this town, and I couldn’t risk him
giving it up because he thought he wanted to be with me.

Taking a deep breath, I raised my chin
and looked Ford straight in the eyes. “I don’t want to be with you,
Ford.”

He stared at me for a moment with
emotions flickering through his eyes, finally stopping on the one
that was most familiar to him - anger.

Throwing his hands up in the air, he
turned around and began to pace back and forth in front of me. “So
that’s it? You’re not even going to try to make this
work?”

I hugged my arms around my chest to
attempt to keep it together. “It won’t work, Ford. You’re headed in
one direction, and I’m headed in another. Maybe we’ll make our way
back toward each other some day. But right now, you need to go. And
I need to stay.”

He bent over and put his hands on his
knees. I wanted to go to him, to comfort him. But if I touched him,
I wouldn’t be able to stop. And if Ford Walsh spent one more night
in my bed, I would never be able to let him leave.

When he stood back up, his shoulders
were slumped and he looked utterly defeated. I would have sworn
there were tears in his eyes, but I didn’t get a chance to look for
long. Being careful not to come too close to me, Ford walked back
to his truck and swung open the door with enough force to nearly
pull it off the hinges.

Even though his body was radiating
tension, his voice was soft and quiet when he spoke.

“Goodbye, Poppy.”

I barely heard him over the wind and
freezing rain. The second he pulled out of my driveway, I doubled
over and let the tears run in rivulets down my cheeks. My sobs were
so loud they brought Brooke out of her house.

“Poppy? What’s wrong?” She hurried
over to me, and bent down to peer at my face.

“F…Ford,” I managed to spit
out.

Having suffered her own fair share of
heartbreak, Brooke understood with just that one word.

“Okay, honey. Let‘s get you inside and
warmed up.”

Brooke led me into her house instead
of to my apartment. For that I was eternally grateful. I couldn’t
spend my first night without Ford in the bed where we had made so
many wonderful memories.

Chapter Sixteen

Ford

It had been fourteen days since Poppy
said she wasn’t going with me. Fourteen days since I called Coach
to accept the job and tell him I would be there as soon as
possible. I would have left that night if I hadn’t felt like I
needed to give two weeks’ notice at the pub. My boss there had been
good to me, and I couldn't just leave him stranded. Instead I
bunked in Grady and Lindsay’s guest room and worked through my last
two weeks.

When I rolled out of bed close to noon
on my last day in town, I stumbled downstairs and rummaged around
in the fridge to find something to eat. Lindsay did not cook, so
there wasn't much to choose from. Settling on some cold pizza from
three days ago, I took the box over to the couch and turned on the
TV. Old reruns of Jerry Springer were on. Perfect.

Lindsay sighed dramatically when she
returned home from class and saw me still in my pajama pants
sprawled out on her couch.

“It’s almost lunchtime,
Ford.”

I shrugged my shoulders and raised an
eyebrow. “And your point is…”

She rolled her eyes at me.

“How was class?”

Again with the eye rolling. “Don’t you
mean how was Poppy?”

Yeah, that’s what I meant. And Lindsay
knew it. But there was no way I was going to admit it.

“Class was fine. And everyone in class
was fine. You’d better get going if you’re going to make your last
shift at the pub?” Lindsay said as she walked by and kicked my legs
down from where they were propped up on the coffee table. “And take
a shower. You’re starting to stink. I don’t need your grossness all
over my sofa,” she said, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder
and standing directly in front of me. Grady had said once how he
found it sexy when Lindsay turned on the bitch. I just found it
annoying.

Leaning over to try to look around her
at the TV, I grumbled, “Yeah, yeah. I’ll get right on
that.”

Lindsay grabbed the remote out of my
hand. She was surprisingly quick for being five months pregnant.
The TV clicked off, and Lindsay put her hands on her hips. Clearly
she wasn’t going anywhere until I peeled myself off her
couch.

Today was my last shift, and tonight
when I was done I was driving down to Baton Rouge. The moving
company had taken what little furniture I had down already, and I
couldn’t even wait until the morning to start driving. The house
had sold quickly since it was listed at a bargain. Now that Poppy
had washed her hands of me, there was absolutely nothing keeping me
here.

My mood was basically back to where it
was when I first met Poppy. Without my mom around, and without
Poppy, I didn’t have any motivation to try to act like a normal
person. Which probably explained Lindsay’s constant exasperation
with me. Well, in a few hours I would be gone, and she wouldn’t
have to put up with my shit anymore.

Hopefully getting down to Louisiana
and starting my new job would bring back some of the happiness I
felt when I was down there for my interview. God knows I wasn’t
going to find it up here. Not anymore.

I took a quick shower and packed up
the rest of my shit in a duffel bag. The majority of my clothes
went down south already with the moving company. Grady was at work,
and Lindsay was nowhere to be found when I left the house and threw
the bag in my truck. My friends had promised to stop by the pub
later to say goodbye, but with Lindsay chomping at the bit to get
me out of the house, I would have thought she would have hung
around to make sure I left on time. Oh, well. Women in general were
a mystery to me. Pregnant women were in a whole other
class.

I drove from Grady and Lindsay’s house
on the lake into town and parked in my usual spot behind The Last
Call. This was the last day I would ever mix drinks - for money
that is. Walking through the back door, the first thing I noticed
was that the place was unusually quiet. Fridays in the early
afternoon weren’t crazy busy, but I would expect at least a few
customers.

“Surprise!” About twenty people yelled
as I walked out of the back hall into the main area. Jesus Christ!
Who the fuck planned this stupid shit?

I had my answer when Leah skipped over
and threw her arms around my neck. “We’re going to miss you,
Ford.”

I returned her hug and untangled her
from me as quickly as possible. Celebrations were near the top of
my list of things to avoid at all costs. Right above celebrations
was being the center of attention. I’m sure Leah knew this; she
just didn’t care.

Scanning the crowd, I saw Josh, Grady
and Lindsay, as well as Mitchell Hawke and Lana and some of the
regulars at the pub that I had served nearly every day for three
years. The one person I didn’t see was Poppy.

Leah noticed and whispered, “I told
her. She said she would stop by later.”

My boss and the owner of The Last
Call, Karl, stepped up to shake my hand. “Ford, I can’t say you’ve
been a pleasure to work with, but you’ve been reliable,” he joked.
I had to crack half a smile at his spot on assessment. “You’re
going to be on this side of the bar today. But only one beer.
You’ve got a long drive ahead of you.”

Honestly, if I didn’t have to work
today, the last thing I wanted to do was hang around here, but my
friends had pulled together this going away party for me. The least
I could do was stay for more than three minutes. Besides, Leah said
Poppy would be coming later.

I hadn’t seen her in two weeks. Even
though I knew it would be torture, I had to see her one last time.
To say what? To say goodbye? To beg her to change her mind? I
didn’t know what the fuck I wanted to say; I just knew I needed to
see her.

I took the beer that Karl put in my
hand and pulled up a seat at the bar. Looking around the place
where I had worked almost every day for the last three years, I
began to understand what my mom was talking about when she said the
world was going on around me. Leah and Josh were next to me with
their daughter, Maddy, sitting on the bar. She was almost six
months old and was trying to grab onto everything including my beer
bottle.