Authors: Emilie Richards
“I didn’t mean that.”
She could feel her frustration growing. “Bard, stop talking to me like I’m Callie’s age, please. I’m blind, not eight. Exactly what did you mean?”
“Dr. Jeffers says you’re not cooperating. That you’re resistant to treatment.”
“I am resistant to spilling my guts so he’ll have something to write on his notepad.”
“How do you know he writes anything?”
“I can hear the scratching of his pen. I have four senses left.”
“Why are you resisting his help?”
“He isn’t offering help. He’s a Peeping Tom in disguise. He wants to see into every corner of my life, and I don’t see any reason to let him.”
“You’d prefer a guide dog?”
She clamped her lips shut. As he barreled through his days, Bard had developed a theory that life was an endless set of simple decisions, for or against. Accordingly, he had boiled down Julia’s recovery. Either she let Dr. Jeffers cure her or she remained blind. He didn’t have the inclination to consider the matter further.
“I guess that means no.” He sounded farther away, as if he’d taken up her favorite spot at the window.
“What do you see?” she asked. “I’d like to know what’s out there, so I can imagine it when I’m standing there.”
For the first time he sounded annoyed. “That sounds like you’re making plans to live with this.”
“It’s a simple, nonthreatening question.”
“I see exactly what you’d expect. Trees, flower beds, lawn. A slice of the parking lot. Hills in the distance.”
“Thanks.”
“I hear Maisy came to visit today. Against orders.”
His voice was louder, so she imagined he was facing her now. She pictured him leaning against the windowsill, long legs crossed at the ankles, elbows resting comfortably, long fingers laced as he waited for her answer. She remembered the first time she had really noticed Lombard Warwick.
She had known Bard forever. The town of Ridge’s Race—nothing much more than a gas station, post office and scenic white frame grocery store—was named for an annual point-to-point race that extended between two soaring ridges on either side of town. It was also the address of dozens of million-dollar farms and estates, including Ashbourne and Millcreek Farm, which was Bard’s family home. Ridge’s Race had a mayor and town council, churches along three of the four roads that intersected at the western edge of town, and a community as tightly knit as a New England fishing village.
Because of the difference in their ages, she and Bard had never attended school together. Even if they’d been born in the same year, their educational paths wouldn’t have crossed. Bard was destined for the same residential military school his father had attended. Julia, the product of an egalitarian mother who believed class segregation was nearly as harmful as racial segregation, was destined for the local public schools.
They hadn’t attended church together, either. There was a plaque listing generations of Warwicks on the wall at St. Albans, the Episcopal church where the most powerful people in Ridge’s Race convened on Sunday morning. There were Ashbournes on the plaque, as well, and Julia had been christened there, a squalling infant held firmly in the strong arms of the father who had died when she was only four. But for as long as Julia could remember, on the rare occasions when Maisy took her to church, Maisy drove into Leesburg or Fairfax and chose congregations and religions at random.
Even without common churches or schools, Bard had been a presence in Julia’s life. Millcreek Farm was just down the road. As a little girl she had seen him pass by on sleek Thoroughbreds or in one of a series of expensive sports cars. She had seen him in town, discussed weather and local politics while waiting in line at the post office, watched him shop for bourbon and bridles in Middleburg. Until she was twenty he had been a local fixture, like miles of four-rail fencing and Sundowner horse trailers.
Then one day, when her whole world lay in pieces at her feet, she had finally taken a good look at Lombard Warwick, sought-after bachelor, son of Brady Warwick and Grace Lombard, heir to Millcreek Farm, graduate of Yale law school, owner of champion hunters in a region filled with exquisite Thoroughbreds.
She thought now that Bard had been at his peak that year. He’d been thirty-one and appallingly handsome. His dark hair hadn’t yet been touched by gray; his green eyes had been clear and untroubled. He had a long, elegant jaw shadowed by a jet-black beard, and hatchet-sharp cheekbones that defined a face as confident as it was aristocratic. He had a way of looking at a female that had taught more women about their sexuality than Mama’s muddled lectures or high school health class.
She hadn’t fallen in love with him, but she had been drawn to his strength and self-assurance, something nearly as powerful that had, in the end, changed her life.
Today Bard had much of the same physical appeal. He was heavier, following in the footsteps of his father, who had seriously taxed the county’s sturdiest quarter horses. So far the extra pounds merely made Bard more a man to be reckoned with. He was tall and big-boned, and he carried himself with military bearing. He was rarely challenged and even more rarely beaten in any endeavor.
The other changes were subtler. The eyes were still untroubled, but troubling. The silver at his temples was attractive, but misleading. Age hadn’t brought with it serenity. He was intelligent, but not necessarily insightful, able to bide his time but never, never patient.
Now was no exception. “Julia, I’m waiting to hear why Maisy was here. This new push to go home…that wouldn’t happen to have come from her, would it?”
“Is it suddenly necessary to report all conversations with my mother?”
“I don’t want her upsetting you.”
His voice had risen a tone. She could visualize him tugging at an earlobe, the one visible vice he allowed himself when he was angry.
“Bard,
you’re
upsetting me.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re trying to run my life.”
“Dr. Jeffers thinks she’ll set back your recovery. This is Maisy we’re talking about. I’m surprised she was able to find her way here, that she didn’t end up on some side road sorting autumn leaves by size and color.”
She was torn between outrage and a vision of Maisy doing exactly that. “She loves me. And she’s worried.”
His voice softened. “We’re all worried, sugar. And that’s why I want you well as soon as possible.”
“I don’t want to stay here. I can see a therapist privately. We can hire someone to help me. It would be enormously less expensive than keeping me here.”
“But not as beneficial.”
She knew it was time to remove the kid gloves. She straightened a little, carefully turning her head until she was certain she was looking at him. “You don’t want me at home because you’re embarrassed. You don’t want anyone to know that a wife of yours has gone off the deep end and manufactured her own personal handicap.”
“You’re completely forgetting about Callie. Do you think it’s good for her to see her mother like this? She’s upset enough as it is. She doesn’t need a daily dose of you walking into walls and tripping over doorways.”
Her frustration blazed into full-blown anger. “What’s the sudden concern for Callie, Bard? Most of the time you don’t think twice about her.”
“I’ll assume that’s coming directly from your mother, too.”
“It’s coming directly from
me.
”
“I don’t fawn over Callie. That certainly doesn’t mean I don’t care about her.”
“I said you don’t think twice about her. Callie is my job. I make the decisions. I give the attention.”
“And because it’s been your job, Callie expects you to be well and able to take care of her.”
“She needs me with her, whether I can see or not. Children imagine the worst if the grown-ups in their lives aren’t honest.”
“I’ve reassured her.”
“Are you spending time with her? Have you taken her out to eat? Taken her to a movie? Helped with her homework?”
“I have a job. I’m doing what I can.”
Bard’s job had never been a source of tension before, because Julia had always been home to fill in the gaps. He was a real estate attorney for Virginia Vistas, one of the area’s largest development firms. When he wasn’t closing and negotiating deals, he worked with the developers both as an attorney and a private investor. He had a gift for knowing when to buy and sell God’s green earth that made the substantial holdings he’d inherited from his wealthy parents a mere line or two in his financial portfolio.
“Are you spending any time with her?” she asked. “She loves to ride with you. Have you taken her riding?”
“The last time she rode with one of her parents wasn’t exactly a roaring success.”
“More reason. She needs to see that my accident was a fluke.”
“I’m doing what I can.”
“She needs more.”
“Then you’ll need to get better quickly, won’t you? Callie’s welfare should be an incentive.”
“You can be a bastard, can’t you?”
He was silent. Without visual cues, she could only imagine the expression on his face. But the possible range wasn’t pretty.
“I’ll take her riding this weekend,” he said at last.
It was a concession, but not much of one, since today was only Monday. “Bard, nothing that’s happened to me is under my conscious control. And it may not go away quickly. If it doesn’t, I have no intention of staying at Gandy Willson just because you want me out of sight.”
“I’d like you to stop saying that. You need to stay here to get well.”
“You can catch Callie before she goes to bed. Please go home and read her a story for me.”
He was silent a moment. “All right. But I’ll let her read to me. She needs practice.”
It was an old argument. Callie had a form of dyslexia that made reading a struggle. Bard believed if the little girl just read out loud enough, her disabilities would disappear. No matter how much she hated it or how much it upset her.
“Will you read to her instead, please?” Julia asked. “She can practice reading when everything else is back to normal.”
“You want me to spend time with her, but you want to tell me exactly how to spend it.”
“If you spent more time with her, I wouldn’t have to tell you.”
When he spoke, he was standing directly in front of her. She hadn’t even heard him move. “If it will make you feel better,
I’ll
read to
her.
But will you stop fighting everything and everyone and concentrate on seeing again?”
She didn’t repeat that all the concentration in the world wasn’t going to bring back her eyesight. She recognized a compromise when she heard one. “I’ll do whatever it takes,” she promised.
“That’s my girl.” He bent and kissed her, not on the cheek but full on the lips.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“That would be wonderful.” His voice was husky. “I hope you
will
see me tomorrow.”
“Me, too.”
“I’m flying down to Richmond early in the morning, and I won’t be by until after dinner. Sleep well.”
That was a promise she couldn’t make. “You, too.”
He closed the door gently enough, but moments later it still resounded. She was left with an assortment of feelings.
She had never dealt well with her own emotions. Only rarely had she understood what fed the creative well inside her or sealed it completely. She had found it best not to tamper. Painting or drawing, even sculpting—something she’d only done infrequently—had become her outlet. Perhaps she didn’t understand anything better when she’d finished, but she felt better. And that was good enough.
Now a desire to sketch seized her with a force that almost took away her breath. She got to her feet and felt her way around the room until she came to the desk. She slid her fingers underneath, feeling for a drawer. She was rewarded with what felt like a wooden knob, and when she grasped it, she felt the drawer sliding toward her. When it was open, she poked her fingers inside and felt for paper or a pen, but the only thing residing there was what felt like a slender telephone book, despite the fact that her room had no telephone.
To prevent theft, Bard had taken her purse. At the time she hadn’t thought that he was also taking pens and memo pad, her only means of drawing. Why would she have? How odd to think that a blind woman would want to draw something she couldn’t see.
Yet she did. With such an intensity, such a hunger, that she felt, for a moment, that she might starve if she couldn’t.
Before she could think what to do, Karen knocked and entered. “I saw your husband leave. Will you need help getting ready for bed, Mrs. Warwick?”
She wanted to weep with relief. “Karen, this probably sounds ridiculous. But I’m an artist, and even though I can’t see, I need to draw. I don’t need anything fancy. Just a notepad, if you have one. A pencil or two, even a pen. Would that be too much trouble?”
Karen didn’t answer for a moment, just long enough to let Julia know she wasn’t thinking about where she might find supplies.
“Mrs. Warwick, the thing is, Dr. Jeffers has forbidden it. He ordered the nursing staff not to provide you with art supplies.”