“I don’t have all day, Rachel. Crawl in or crawl away.”
Trying to shrug off the paralyzing effect of his indifference, I started forward,
crawling over the hard, cold marble tile. I was relieved to see that the office itself
was carpeted. I was even more relieved to see that the waiting area was empty and
there was no receptionist behind the desk. Keeping my head down just in case, I followed
Colin through another door into a long hallway. Why did people think this was sexy?
I’d never felt so ridiculous and undesirable.
Just when I thought the journey would never end, Colin stopped and rapped on a door.
“Come.”
The sound of Julian’s voice made my heart flutter with fear and longing. God, how
I’d missed them both. What if they couldn’t forgive me? It would kill me to leave
them again. Just imagining it made me weep silently.
Colin opened the door and I crawled into the quiet office, dripping tears on the carpet.
He led me around the desk, to the side of the occupied executive chair.
“Stay,” he ordered
I stopped, breathing harshly and trying not to sob.
“I think Rachel has something she wants to say to you, Sir. Rachel, sit up.”
Feeling very much like a misbehaving puppy brought to heel, I sat back on my heels
and pulled my purse from around my neck, dropping it on the floor behind me. I wished
my hair was down so I could hide my tear-stained face behind it, but I’d clipped it
up in deference to the heat.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at Julian, so Colin placed a hand on top of my head
and urged it back so that my face was clearly visible. “Rachel, speak. Tell Julian
what was so important that you had to come all the way to Dallas to say it.”
Oh God, I’d rehearsed this a hundred times on my way here, but now that the moment
had arrived, my thoughts were too chaotic to get a handle on them. Closing my eyes,
I tried to focus on the single most important thing I had to say, the one thing I
couldn’t leave this room without his understanding.
When it finally came to me, I opened my eyes again to find Julian watching me with
soft curiosity.
My face crumpled as I tried to fight back more tears. “I’m very ashamed of the way
I judged you, Sir. You had every reason to fight for your brother’s life and the courage
to do the right thing, no matter what the consequences to yourself. I admire you for
it more than I can say. If I’d been in your situation, if it were my sister with Bain’s,
I probably would have hidden behind ethics and rules and just…let her
die
.”
“Rachel Anne McBride,” he said sternly, “stop right there.”
The tears fell anyway. “I’m sorry, Sir,” I sobbed. “I was so wrong.”
Turning his chair so that he faced me, Julian leaned forward and took my jaw in a
bruising grip. “Rachel,
silence
.”
Shutting my eyes to block out his anger, I bit my swollen lips.
Julian gave me a little shake. “Look at me.”
I obeyed reluctantly.
“First off, I didn’t do
the right thing
. If anything, I did the wrong thing, but it was the only thing I could live with.”
“I know that, Sir, and it scared me.” When he frowned, I added, “Not because I was
afraid of you. But you are
so
strong, Sir, so…intense. So immovable. And I’m so…not. It’s like we operate on almost
totally different planes of existence, you up there with the gods and me down here
with the commoners. I felt—”
His hand moved to cover my mouth. “If you say
unworthy
, I’ll have to spank you for being trite and ridiculous, and it won’t be pleasant.”
My eyes widened. That was exactly what I’d intended to say.
“This is your submission talking, Rachel. It’s not uncommon for there to be an element
of worship between a Dom and a sub, not because one is inherently better but because
our personalities and our desires complement one another so beautifully. Yes, we’re
different in many ways. My hardheaded, inflexible, devious dominance worships your
ability to submit—your openness, your giving nature, your courage and your trusting
heart.”
Behind his hand, I smiled at his description of himself. It certainly lowered him
to a more human, if not exactly common, level.
“But in the outside world, you and I are simply physicians. You are an empathetic,
hands-on healer with high ethical standards, while I am an intimidating boor who lives
in a lab with lots of rats and disregards my patients’ directives when it suits me.
Which of us do you suppose most patients would see as the better physician?”
A huff of laughter escaped me but he didn’t take his hand away to hear my answer.
“As far as your sister having Bain’s, there’s no way for you to know what you’d do
in that situation so you really can’t beat yourself up for it. Respecting her wishes
and letting her die might very well be the right thing for both of you. If you’d asked
me as little as a year ago, I’d have said there was no way in hell I would ever disregard
my brother’s wishes, much less compromise my professional integrity so completely.
But I could never have imagined this exact scenario, or my brother’s being so damn
hardheaded.”
When I nodded my understanding, he let his hand drop to his lap and leaned back.
“I’m still sorry I said all those horrible things to you and ran away, Sir,” I told
him. “I hurt you both because I was scared and hurting and I didn’t know how to deal
with it.”
He shook his head. “Sometimes a strategic retreat is necessary when you’re too close
to the conflict be objective. That’s why I let you go without a fight, and why I wouldn’t
let Colin speak to you that morning.”
I glanced at Colin out of the corner of my eye. So that was why he’d seemed ready
to explode.
“Besides,” Julian continued, “it’s not as if your accusations were unfounded. Colin
had warned me time and again that I was taking too much upon myself, that finding
a cure for Bain’s wouldn’t bring my father back, or my mother, but I dismissed his
concerns as a lover’s overprotectiveness. My obsession controlled me, and after my
brother’s diagnosis, I actually believed that I alone was responsible for saving him.”
“It must have been awful for you.”
“Yes, such a monumental ego is a dreadful thing to carry around year after year,”
he said dryly.
“It’s not ego,” I protested.
“That’s exactly what it was, and the closer I got to the surgery, the more I realized
I was buckling under the weight of the expectations I’d placed on myself. But by then
I was trapped and couldn’t see any way out until Jordan himself forced me out. I assume
you know about our arrangement?” he added.
When I nodded, Julian sighed. “I doubt he’ll ever believe I don’t resent his removing
that weight from me, that I’m actually grateful to him for taking control of my research.”
“He will eventually, Sir,” Colin said.
This time when I looked up, he was looking down at me, and I was unnerved to see that
his fury didn’t seem to have abated in the least.
Looking at Julian, I asked, “So what now, Sir?”
“That will be up to you. I believe Colin has a few wrinkles to iron out with you as
well. But first…” He rolled forward until I was between his spread knees and crooked
his finger at me.
Hope ignited in my chest as I knelt up.
He leaned down and took my face in both hands. “I love you, Rachel, and I’m so very
sorry I put you through such hell. Can you ever forgive me?”
“You have to ask?”
“Yes, I do. In fact, I should be the one on my knees.”
“No, Sir, you shouldn’t. I forgave you weeks ago, so just…please kiss me.”
He pressed his lips to mine and I sighed, breathing in the simple sweetness of it.
My heart thumped with joy…and fear that joy would be fleeting. Colin was
so
angry.
When Julian backed away, he looked at Colin. “Well, my love, I believe Rachel and
I have worked out our issues. What would you like to do?”
Colin stared down at me for a minute, then said, “I’d like to have her for slave training
for one full week, Sir. With no safe words and no limits on what I can do to her or
require of her.”
There was dead silence in the room for several seconds as the world fell away beneath
me. I was glad to be kneeling, otherwise I’d have fallen down.
Julian made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a cough. “My dear boy, you do continue
to surprise and delight me.”
“I try, Sir.”
“No limits is an overbroad requirement, though.”
“Of course I mean no limits except those that protect her basic human rights, which
I’d outline in a formal contract.”
“A contract that would be no more enforceable than the personal conduct agreement
she signed for me.”
“I realize that, Sir. This isn’t about enforcement. It’s about trust.”
Julian deliberated for a moment while I watched him with wide eyes, my heart pounding
in my throat. Then he looked down at me, his expression inscrutable. “I suppose I
can allow that, as long as I get to approve the contract and Rachel signs it of her
own free will.”
My pulse kicked up. “Sir?”
“Actually, I’m not your Sir anymore, Rachel,” Julian replied gently. “The agreement
you had with me was signed without full disclosure on my part and I’m unworthy of
the honor. You’ll have to straighten out your relationship with Colin before we can
decide where to go from here.”
Sighing raggedly, I nodded.
Then he looked at Colin. “I won’t let you break her. If you go too far, I will call
a halt.”
Colin’s expression shuttered. “Maybe she needs to be broken, Sir.”
“Colin…”
“I promise, Sir, I won’t give her anything more than you gave me.”
After a pregnant pause, Julian asked, “Is that supposed to reassure me?”
I cringed, unintentionally leaning closer to Julian.
When Colin didn’t reply, he sighed. “All right then, my love. Go ahead. I’ll see you
this evening.”
* * * * *
Driving another Camaro, only much newer and nicer than the one he’d had at UW, Colin
took me to my hotel to pick up the rest of my things. He accompanied me to my room
and made me double-check that I hadn’t left anything in the bathroom, the closet,
or the drawers and then grabbed the unopened bottle of water by the coffee pot. Once
he’d put my suitcase and laptop in the trunk, he handed me the water and told me to
drink it all. Then he got onto the interstate heading east out of the city.
It was a long, silent ride during which my imagination had plenty of time to run riot.
I drained the water bottle, hoping it didn’t mean we were going to start out with
extreme electrical play. What did he mean by slave training? Was it just sexual, or
would I be a genuine slave with household or outdoor chores? If he expected me to
cook and clean, it was going to be a long, hard week for both of us. I’d never been
much of a housekeeper and I’d never had the time to learn to cook.
By the time we turned off an isolated stretch of gravel road onto a winding driveway,
I was about to snap from the tension.
My mouth dropped open when we pulled up in front of a beautiful country house with
a huge lawn. “I thought Julian had to give Jordan everything.”
“He did,” Colin said, pulling into the three-car garage and turning off the ignition.
“I didn’t.”
I blinked as he got out. It hadn’t even occurred to me that Colin had probably profited
handsomely from their research too.
Before I recovered, he’d opened my door and reached for my hand.
I let him help me out of the car. “Does it bother Julian that you’re—”
“No,” he said flatly. “That’s enough questions, Rachel. Slaves are to be seen and
not heard. Don’t speak unless I give you permission.”
Refusing to be hurt by his brusqueness, I nodded and followed him. I had to expect
him to remain angry and unreachable until he’d had a chance to get everything that
was bothering him off his chest. He had to do that in his own time.
When we stepped into the kitchen entry, he pulled a plastic grocery bag from a cupboard.
“Strip and put everything including your purse and jewelry in here. Slaves don’t have
anything their masters don’t provide.”
And so it started. I sighed and undressed while he stood there watching me with his
arms crossed over his chest. I folded my blouse and slacks before putting them into
the bag on top of my shoes. My bra and panties followed, and then my purse, watch,
rings and earrings.
“The hair clip, too.”
I obeyed at once, shaking out my hair as I did so.
Knotting the bag’s handles, he picked it up and said, “This way.”
I followed him through the gorgeous modern kitchen and into a large, open living room,
where he pointed to a spot on the floor beside a large easy chair. “Kneel here with
your knees apart and your hands on your thighs. Back straight. Eyes on the floor.”
He nudged my knees further apart and told me to sit back on my heels. “Get comfortable,
slave. You’re going to be here a while. Now stay.”
He left the room then, and I sighed again. Staying and getting comfortable were mutually
exclusive propositions, so I followed the one I knew he meant and didn’t move from
my assigned spot. After a while, I grew bored and began looking around furtively.
The clock on the mantel said it was eleven fifteen, which surprised me. It felt more
like late afternoon. Obviously this was going to be an incredibly long week.
Eventually I began to squirm a little and realized I hadn’t used the bathroom since
first thing in the morning. Not good. I’d had coffee, water and juice with breakfast,
and then twenty-four ounces of water in the car.
I looked around again. A house this large had to have at least three or four bathrooms,
but I had no idea where they were and no permission to look. Colin had better come
back soon or I’d have to start out with some sort of horrible punishment for disobeying
orders and finding one.