“I know, Kate.” I reached over and hugged her. “I’m sorry. My mind is all over the place right now.”
Nick put his hand on my shoulder. “We’re both worried about you, but the bottom line is, this is your decision. We’ll back you whatever you decide, but please think seriously about it first.”
I moved over and put one arm around each of them. “I love you both so much. I promise to think everything over carefully.” I got up from the couch and brought my mug into the kitchen. I then grabbed my purse off the kitchen counter and came back into the living room.
“I need to go home and figure some things out.” I gathered my hair in a ponytail and secured it with the elastic band I always wore around my wrist. “I’ll call you later.”
Kate came over and hugged me. “I love you, Syd. Call if you need anything.”
“I will. Though, I definitely think
you
need something, grumpy girl.” I winked at her.
She swatted the back of my head and laughed. “Maybe.”
As I drove home, I knew I had already made my decision. I knew my heart had made the decision, and my head was pretty pissed about it. There would be a big possibility of pain and I was walking into it willingly (Perhaps sprinting is a more accurate description.) This behavior was completely contrary to how I had lived my life for nearly twenty-eight years. What the hell was I doing?
One thing was clear; there was something seriously wrong with
me
, like bat-shit crazy wrong with me. Whether I was crazy or not, nothing was going to stop me now. I was going to propose to Louis.
As soon as I got home, I called Maya and asked her to meet me at the Nordstrom in the Stanford Shopping Center at eleven. She grumbled a little, but I told her it was urgent and I would buy her lunch at the Peninsula Creamery. She couldn’t resist their milkshakes, so she eventually agreed to my request. I parked outside Nordstrom at ten to eleven and wondered for the hundredth time if I were completely insane.
I had asked Maya to meet me in the jewelry section so I could start browsing. I never knew exactly when she would show up and I wanted to keep my mind busy with something. I had been browsing for five minutes when I heard her voice behind me.
“OK, Syd. What was so important that...” I turned around to find her staring at me.
“What?” I checked my appearance to make sure I hadn’t forgotten something important, like pants. Laugh if you will, but I had a lot on my mind this morning.
“Why are you looking at the costume
engagement
rings?” She started to chuckle. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
I peeked up at her and smiled nervously. How to put this? Deep breath, Sydney; just get it out. “Louis asked me to go to Vegas for the weekend to get married.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Maya’s voice carried all the way down to the lingerie department.
I suppressed a giggle. “Maya! You’re shocking the customers.”
“He asked you to marry him? When did this happen?” She was clearly flabbergasted. As petrified as I was, I still took a moment to enjoy this rare reaction from my confident friend.
I frowned. “Technically he didn’t ask me to marry him, only to go to Vegas to get married. Ugh. Whatever. It happened last night.”
“What did you say?”
“Nothing! I was in shock. We talked about it this morning after he caught me trying to sneak out of his apartment.” I sighed. “Not my finest moment.”
Maya stared at me expectantly. “And?!?”
“And he said some incredible things about how much he loves me and how nothing I can say or do will scare him off. He told me he didn’t want to rush me; he was…following his heart.”
“And you believed him?” Maya covered her mouth. “Sorry, Syd. Old habit.”
I rolled my eyes at her. “Nice.” Although I’m pretty sure I would have said the same thing in her shoes. We East Coasters are pretty cynical.
Maya bit her lip. “So, what are we doing here?”
“Umm....you’re going to think I’m nuts.”
“I already know you’re nuts.” She laughed. “Please enlighten me as to why I will continue to think so.”
I cleared my throat. “We’re buying a costume engagement ring.”
Maya’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“Really.” I grinned. “I’m going to propose to Louis.”
She grabbed me and started jumping up and down. “Oh my God! That’s awesome!!!”
Her excitement was contagious and I started jumping up and squealing right along with her. Soon everyone within a fifty foot radius was watching us like we were complete lunatics. Which we were, of course.
I couldn’t stop smiling. “I know I’m completely insane, but I don’t care. I want to do this. I
really
want to do this!”
“Sweet! I’m so excited for you.” Maya hugged me hard. “Now let’s pick out a ring!”
“These are the ones I’ve found so far.” I gestured to the line of rings on the counter.
She began looking through my selection. “I have one question: why is it that you’re buying a costume ring?”
“Well, Louis is very traditional and he wouldn’t want his manhood undermined by my purchasing my own engagement ring. This will be a prototype. He can buy the real one later.”
Maya cracked up. “I see, so you don’t want to ‘undermine his manhood’ by buying your own ring, but you have no issue with
proposing
to him.” She emphasized her point with air quotes. Maya had real talent; she managed to irritate me with words and gestures simultaneously.
I rolled my eyes. “He basically asked me already. He just didn’t formally state the question since he was afraid I would turn him down.”
“I love your reasoning.” She picked up one of the rings. “This one is my favorite.”
She handed it to me. It was a silver ring with a large, round cubic zirconia surrounded by a ring of small cubic zirconia. The band was plain silver. I knew it was fake, but the effect was still overwhelming, in both the sparkle and the meaning of the ring. I caught my breath for a moment.
“It’s my favorite too.” I slipped the ring on my finger. It fit perfectly. “This is the one.” I peered over at Maya. “Am I crazy?”
“Absolutely! But this is one of the smartest decisions you’ve ever made.” She sighed. “Honestly, Syd, I know it’s only been six weeks, but I’ve never seen you this happy in all the time I’ve known you. If this is what your heart is telling you to do, then I think you should do it.”
I studied at my shoes. “What if I get hurt? What if he
is
after a green card?”
Maya touched my shoulder. “Syd, look at me.”
I reluctantly pulled my eyes from my shoes and met her eyes.
“If you don’t want to go through with this, then you don’t have to. Take all the time you need. But if you’re simply afraid of getting hurt, well, you can’t safeguard against that. I know you want to be able to, but you can’t. And if you don’t risk anything, you won’t gain anything.”
I smiled weakly at her. “Is that so?”
She nodded. “It sucks, but it’s true.”
I knew she was right. In my heart, I knew I wanted to do this, but I was terrified. I kept thinking about what everyone in my life would think. Shit! My parents were going to flip out! My dad might even get on a plane so he could check out “this Linus character” as soon as possible. Charlie and Zoe would think I was nuts and I know what Kate and Nick said this morning, but they would probably flip out too. No doubt they thought I would talk myself out of it, because Sydney Bennett would
never
do anything so crazy! Everyone would probably think this was about a green card. I mulled it over for a moment and came to a conclusion. Screw this! I can’t live my life worrying about what other people think I should do.
I locked eyes with Maya. “Let’s do this.” I took the ring over to the cashier and took out my credit card.
Maya laughed. “That’s my girl!”
As promised, I took Maya to the Peninsula Creamery for lunch. She was in heaven with her strawberry milkshake and burger. As she devoured everything on her plate, I sipped my chocolate milkshake and went over my plan. When I was finished, she had a huge smile on her face.
“You’ve outdone yourself, Syd. He’s going to love it.”
I let out a huge breath. “I hope so. I’m
nervous
.” I scanned the restaurant. “What if he’s changed his mind?”
“Will you stop? He hasn’t changed his mind. Relax! You don’t have to do it. You can always abort the plan if
you
change
your
mind.”
“Way to be definitive, Maya.” I smirked.
“Hey, now! You know once I make a decision, I stick with it.” She paused to finish her milkshake with a huge slurp. “This
is
a big deal and I think it’s great that you’re doing it. But if you’re unsure at any point, it’s fine to wait.”
I had to laugh. I wasn’t sure if it was the lack of clarity or the slurp. Either way, I felt a little better.
“Thanks! Your certainty astounds me.”
She rolled her eyes. “Shut up! You know what I mean.”
“I know.” I paused and peeked up at her. “Thanks for doing this with me. And for not thinking I’m crazy.”
Maya seemed a little taken aback. “Of course, Syd. I always have your back. You know that, don’t you?”
“I do.” I beamed at her. “Now, finish up. We have things to do!”
Maya and I worked our way through the Stanford Shopping center selecting the perfect outfit for my date with Louis this evening. First, we found a beautiful black strapless dress with a knee length skirt and a generous slit up the back. Next we found a pair of black patent leather peep toe heels and matching clutch. To top it all off, Maya snagged the last crimson cashmere wrap (out of another woman’s hands) from the accessories counter at Bloomingdales. The woman appeared rather put out until Maya shared with her that I was getting engaged tonight and desperately needed this wrap to complete my ensemble. I felt slightly guilty until I remembered this was actually true and not one of the crazy stories she normally made up to relieve others of items she wanted.
We raced back to my apartment and began the long process of beautifying. While I was in the shower, Maya came in holding the phone, indicating Kate was eager to speak with me. Excellent! I needed to tell her my decision before I carried it out. Thankfully I was finished and had been allowing myself a small daydream in the shower (I apologize to all the environmentalists for wasting water.) I quickly dried myself off and took the phone from Maya.
“Kate!” I was ecstatic to hear from her.
“Hi, Syd! What’s up?”
I took a breath. “I’ve made my decision.”
“Already?” She sounded a little nervous.
“Yes, already.” I paused. “I’m going to ask Louis to marry me.”
She was quiet. Hmmm....Kate
always
has something to say.
“Are you there, Kate?”
She coughed. “Sorry. Yes, I’m here. I was...surprised.”
“I’m sorry. I know it’s crazy. But when you know, you know.”
She started to regain her composure. “So, when are you going to propose?”
I didn’t hesitate. “Tonight. I’m taking him to dinner at Il Fornaio.” I heard a thud and then a clatter. “Kate? Are you OK?”
It took a moment, but she responded. “Yes; totally fine.” She cleared her throat. “I missed the couch. I was going to sit down and, um, didn’t pay attention.” She paused. “I fell on the floor.”
I suppressed a giggle. I had never shocked my big sister like this before! Not even when I almost set fire to the kitchen. (I was seven years old! It wasn’t my fault that the toaster had faulty wiring.)
“Yikes! I’m sorry, Kate. I didn’t mean to alarm you. Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Absolutely. Don’t worry. When is your reservation?”
“Seven-thirty.” I checked the clock. It was already five. I had to go so I could finish getting ready.
“Is Maya helping you get ready?”
“Yes, she is, but I would love it if you were here too.” I felt tears come to my eyes. Kate had been there for every single important event in my life. I wanted to share this with her too, even if she wasn’t so excited about it.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’ll be right there.”
I grinned. “I love you, Kate.”
“I love you too, Syd.”
Kate arrived twenty minutes later with a bag full of accessories and makeup. My sister didn’t mess around. She and Maya consulted for a few moments on hair and makeup while I read a magazine. They never involved me in these decisions since they felt they knew better than I did. I wanted to be insulted, because I felt like a child, but sadly, it was true. They always made me look amazing, even when I thought their ideas were ridiculous.
An hour later, I was almost ready. Kate had put my hair up in a French twist and had artfully arranged tendrils around my face. The overall effect was extremely elegant and complemented the dress perfectly. Maya then applied light blush, perfectly executed black eyeliner and silver eye shadow. My eyes were sparkly and amazing. She finished with a deep crimson lipstick which matched my wrap exactly. Maya didn’t mess around either. She and Kate were the perfect team.
When Maya finished applying my makeup, I put on my dress and shoes so we could make the final jewelry selection. We opted for diamond drop earrings, courtesy of Maya, and a white gold and diamond bracelet, courtesy of Kate. We elected not to add a necklace, allowing for the focus to be on the beautiful neckline of the dress.
My heart was starting to race. I knew Louis was going to be here any minute. I had asked him to pick me up a little early so we could walk down University Avenue for a few minutes before our reservation. I’m sure I sounded a little strange when I asked him to do this and in my nervous paranoia, I was completely convinced he knew what I was planning. When he didn’t say anything, I decided to believe he hadn’t noticed anything. You can certainly attest to the fact that he had seen some odd behavior on my part on more than one occasion. This was one of the benefits of being
slightly
crazy - people didn’t necessarily notice when you were up to something.