Miraculously, it had taken me only two evenings to pack up all my things and then two additional evenings to move them into our new apartment. I suppose it shouldn’t have been so surprising since I hadn’t accumulated much stuff since the wonder threesome acquired most of my furnishings. By Friday evening, I was happily installed in my new home. While I was excited about the new direction my life had taken, I was still nervous about living with Louis. I gratefully remembered the many times he had told me he could handle my neuroses, but saying this and actually living it are two completely different things. I resolved to do my best to keep the crazy in check. And who knows? Maybe living with Louis would cause some of his confidence to rub off on me.
Our first weekend of officially living together was heaven. We went out to dinner, spent lazy mornings in bed and took long walks through town, stopping occasionally to browse in bookstores and have coffee. Not to mention the many amazing hours we spent in our bedroom. I felt totally at peace. I started to think living with Louis was going to be easier than I thought. Maybe I was I finally learning to relax and accept that nothing was going to go horribly wrong.
Unfortunately, the bubble of our domestic bliss burst with a resounding crack on Monday morning. Louis and I had spent a particularly satisfying thirty minutes in the shower before work and I was still floating on cloud nine when he called me at work just after ten.
“Sydney Bennett, how may I help you?” I heard a huge sigh on the other end of the phone, but no dialogue to go with it. Did I have another obscene caller on my hands? I had one last year who was extremely persistent. He kept calling me to talk about the insurance coverage for his penis enlargement operation. And no, he didn’t work for my company. I finally had to have my extension changed. As I wondered what new horror awaited me, I heard a familiar voice.
“
Mon coeur
, I am afraid I have some bad news.”
Fear struck me as I imagined every possible disaster he could throw my way. He was only kidding when he accepted my proposal! He received a phone call from the love of his life and was moving back to France! He was having a sex change operation and was pursuing his lifelong dream of becoming Louisa! (Not entirely farfetched given my relationship history, right?) When I mentioned the crazy I was trying to protect Louis from, this was what I meant.
“Syd? Are you there?”
I shook my head in a vain attempt to clear all the nonsense. “Yes, I’m here. I’m sorry! It’s been a busy morning. Is everything alright?”
“Yes and no. I just got out of a meeting with my manager. I have to go back to France.”
Oh shit! I’m actually not crazy. He’s moving back to France!!! My eyes started darting around the room as though I would find some type of helpful information hiding somewhere. Perhaps under my desk? If nothing else I could hide there for a while...
“Syd, rein yourself in. I am not moving back to France for good. I have to go back for two weeks to assist with a project which I used to manage. I wrote the code for the program and the new project manager just got specs from the client for an update.” He sighed again. “They only want me in the same time zone.”
I let out a sigh of relief and giggled. “You know me too well.”
He laughed with me. “Yes, I do. And I am hoping one day soon, you will learn to trust me.
“Louis! I do trust you.” Right? At least I think I do. “I need to learn to stop being insane.”
“You are
not
insane. You have just been burned before. It is understandable that you are a little...cautious.”
I smiled. “Thank you for being so patient with me.”
“You are well worth it,
mon coeur
.” He paused. “Now, back to the discussion of my trip. I am afraid I will have to leave for Paris rather soon.”
“When do you have to leave?”
“My flight is tomorrow evening, but I have meetings all day, so I will have to leave for the airport directly from the office.”
I felt my stomach drop. We just got engaged and he has to leave for two weeks! This really sucks. “Well, I can’t say I’m happy about it, but you have to go. We’ll have a wonderful time together tonight to help us last through our weeks apart.”
“I am sorry, Syd. I hate to leave you.” He sounded totally dejected.
It was my turn to be the positive one in the relationship. “We survived the last two week trip, right?”
He chuckled. “Barely.”
“Well, at least you’ll get to see your family. You’ll have time to go down south on the weekends, right?” Something good
had
to come of this for someone. His mom, for one, will be thrilled.
“I hope so. My mother would be pretty upset if I didn’t. Plus my cousins have been after me to come visit so they can take me clubbing.”
“Sounds like fun.” Hmmm....I didn’t like the sound of that. Too many hot, drunk French women hanging all over MY fiancé.
“Not really. I am over the clubbing scene. I think I have seen enough over the past seven years.”
I laughed. “No kidding! Especially working in that sex club.” After the stories he had told me I had a much greater awareness of the extent of, um, sexual experimentation in the world. I know, I sound completely closed-minded, but from everything you’ve heard so far, you know I’m not a total prude.
“I did see some crazy stuff. You know I would much rather be alone with you. But, it will make my cousins happy and I miss spending time with them.”
“I can’t wait to meet them.” They seemed pretty adventurous. Monique worked for the tourist service office in her hometown and her favorite activity was bungee jumping. In fact, she wouldn’t date a man if he wouldn’t go on a jump with her. She felt that a man must have a truly courageous spirit in order to be able to handle a relationship with her. Sophie was an accountant by day and a club dancer by night. She was exceedingly well networked and had a lively personality, so the club paid her both to dance and to provide unofficial publicity. I hoped we would be able to get them to come visit us. Louis would have a great time showing them around.
“They are looking forward to meeting you too. I have been getting a lot of pressure to bring you back to France.”
Whoa. I was
so
not ready to go to France. They’re going to think I’m a total idiot. I’m the stereotypical American who will go over there and only be able to speak English. I have to do something about this and quick. What if he wants to go to France for Christmas??? I have to get started
tout de suite
. I opened up my internet browser and started searching for French classes in the area.
“Syd? Have I lost you?”
“I’m sorry, Louis. The work is piling up. I got distracted for a second.” No reason to worry, Louis. This is only your fiancé still trying to cover up the complete and total insanity which resides inside her brain.
“Got it. I will let you go. Think about what you want to do for dinner tonight. I want to take you somewhere special.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “I love you, Louis.”
“I love you too,
mon coeur
. More than you can possibly imagine.”
I hung up the phone with mixed emotions. I was thrilled by my good fortune at having found a wonderful man who appeared to love me exactly as I was. But I couldn’t contain the sadness I felt at the prospect of being without him for two weeks. Again. Big picture, Syd. Focus on the big picture. Louis will be with you for the long haul. And he was certainly worth the wait.
The day passed quickly, though I found myself continually distracted by Louis’ impending departure. After reading the same paragraph in a complaint letter for the fifth time, I decided I needed some serious help. I tried Kate’s work line, but got her voicemail, so I tried her cell phone in desperation.
“Hey, Syd! How are you?” Thank God she picked up.
“Kate! I need a sanity check.”
She laughed. “What is it this time?”
I sighed. Sadly, I deserved her mocking since I have required
many
sanity checks over the years. In fact, if it weren’t for Kate, I don’t think I would have retained any sanity at all.
“Louis has to go back to France for two weeks for work. I’m freaking out.”
“What else is new? You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t freak out a little. It means you care a great deal for him.”
“You don’t think I’m insane?” I always marveled at Kate’s belief in my “normalcy.”
“Syd, will you stop beating yourself up? You’ve always been a very emotional, very, um, sensitive person. It gets you hurt sometimes and causes you stress - no doubt - but it makes you the incredible person you are. The sooner you come to terms with this, the better.”
She had a point. I guess if I started with this type of personality and then lived through what I’ve lived through in my romantic life, it would make sense that I was still a little...uncertain with Louis. After all, it had only been seven weeks, right? I wasn’t a total lunatic. Or this was what I chose to believe at this point in time.
“Thanks, Kate. It helps to have you remind me of my redeeming qualities.” I chuckled softly.
“Indeed, you have many redeeming qualities. You know this! Just do me a favor, OK?”
I hesitated. “What kind of favor?” Kate had led me through a few rather scary favors over the years. I think the worst was when she had me speak in front of the Bronx chapter of the Harley Davidson Riding Club in order to conquer my fear of public speaking. I wasn’t sure if I were more scared of public speaking or the big, burly bikers. (Now, now, there’s no need to judge. I was still in high school! I found them to be very intimidating.)
“Don’t get nervous.” She scoffed. “I want you to remember you’ve been through a lot over the last few years. And - while your relationship with Louis has brought you great happiness, it’s been a whirlwind romance to say the least. It’s perfectly normal to feel unsure of things sometimes.”
I exhaled loudly. “You’re absolutely right.”
“You know I always am. When will you accept this? You could save yourself so much worry!” I could hear the smile in her voice. She knew I wouldn’t be able to argue that point.
I laughed. “You can be
really
annoying sometimes, you know?”
“I’m your big sister. It’s one of the perks of my job.”
Now she really had me laughing. “I’m glad to know you find this to be a rewarding experience.”
“I do! When you were first born, I thought this whole thing was going to suck, but you’ve been quite entertaining over the years.” She giggled.
“Leave it to you to have me laughing and irritated at the same time. You’re truly talented!”
“Don’t you forget it!” She laughed. “Oh! Hang on for a sec, Syd.”
I heard Nick’s voice in the background. I also heard...a loud speaker? Where were they?
Kate came back on the line. “I’m sorry, Syd. I have to go now.”
“Is everything alright? Where are you?” I felt the familiar anxiety set in.
“Everything’s fine. I’ll give you a call later, OK?” She sounded calm, so I decided to believe her - for the moment.
“OK. I love you!”
“I love you too, sweetie. Bye.”
It was at times like these when I didn’t feel simply emotional or sensitive as Kate described, I felt like a total freak. I had stopped worrying about Louis’ trip and started worrying about Kate. I had been so wrapped up in my own life for the past seven weeks that I hadn’t paid attention to what was going on in hers. I thought about the loudspeaker I had heard in the background. It sounded like the hospital. What were they doing there? I knew she told me everything was fine because she didn’t want me to worry, but I didn’t buy it. She was
always
protecting me. One of these days I would have to grow a pair and insist she tell me what was going on.
Is it possible to develop things like strength and confidence? Louis and Kate seemed to have both in abundance. If I was going to be a lifelong partner for Louis, I would need to dial down the worrying and become Strong Sydney. Or perhaps Confident Sydney. I knew I had seen these attributes in myself before, even if it was in limited supply. I would have to do my best to find them and kick them up a notch. And the first item on my list was to find out what was going on with Kate. It was time I took care of her for a change. It was time for me to be the perfect sister.
Louis and I had a wonderful evening together before his trip, but I was completely distracted by the thought of Kate being in some kind of trouble. I explained what had happened to Louis, who then shared my concern, but we were unable to get Kate on the phone. After a night of continually disturbed sleep, I kissed Louis good-bye and made him promise to call me every day. I even had him spray his pillowcase with his cologne so his scent would keep me company while he was away.
I tried reaching Kate all morning, but had no luck. I decided to try Nick’s cell phone. I
had
to get to the bottom of this.
“Hello?” I could barely hear his voice above the static.
“Nick? It’s Syd. Is everything alright?” Yikes! I think I overcompensated for the static by yelling.
“You don’t have to yell, Syd. I haven’t lost my hearing recently.” He chuckled. “Everything’s fine, but I can’t talk now. I’m on my way to a meeting.”
I made a conscious effort to lower my voice. “OK. I’ll let you go. Just one question - do you know where Kate is? I’ve been calling her since last night, but she hasn’t picked up.”
“She’s fine, Syd. She’s at home resting.”
“Resting? Did something happen? Is she ill?” I could feel the torrent of worry threatening to unleash.
He sighed. “She’s fine. Why don’t you give her a call later this afternoon and she’ll fill you in, OK?”
I knew it! Something
was
going on. “I will. And you’re sure she’s fine? You would tell me if she weren’t, right? I can handle it.”
“Yes, Syd. I would tell you. You can relax.” He sounded exasperated. That is my cue to say good-bye.
“I will. Have a good day. Bye!”
I hung up the phone and tried not to worry. Kate was the strong one; I had never had to worry about her. She was always the one to take care of me. I suddenly felt extremely selfish. I picked up the phone and started to dial her number when I remembered Nick asked me to call her in the late afternoon. I put down the phone and turned my attention back to my work. This was going to be a long few hours. As you know, I have a very active imagination. It can go to some pretty scary places in a few hours...
By four o’clock, I couldn’t wait any longer. I dialed Kate’s home number and waited with bated breath. Kate picked up on the fourth ring, right when I thought I was going to get the machine (and go out of my mind).
“Syd?” She sounded groggy.
“Hi, Kate! How are you?”
“Sick.” She coughed. “I feel like crap.”
“Have you been to the doctor?”
“Nah; I’m fine. I just need to rest.”
I didn’t buy it. “Kate...”
“Yes?”
“When I talked to you yesterday, it sounded like you were in the hospital. Are you sure you’re alright?”
She was silent for a few moments. I was doing my best not to wig out, but decided if I lost the battle, so be it. Based on her hesitation, a good old-fashioned wig out may be warranted this time.
Enough with the silence. “Kate? Please say
something
.”
“Syd, don’t worry. I’m fine. It’s not what you think.”
“Really? You don’t have cancer?” My mind always took things to the edge. But you knew that already.
She laughed softly. “No, I don’t have cancer.” She took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”
I was totally not expecting this news. My surprise resulted in the temporary loss of the power of speech. Clearly, Kate was enjoying my reaction, since a long stream of giggles emanated from the other end of the phone.
“Syd? Are you OK?”
I laughed. “I’m more than OK! I’m going to be an aunt!”
“That’s right, hon. You have some very important responsibilities coming your way. You’re the only local relative. You’ll be our go-to babysitter.”
“Sweet! I can’t wait.” Tears filled my eyes. “I’m so excited for you and Nick.”
“Thanks! We’re pretty excited ourselves.” She sighed. “It’s too bad I feel like crap most of the time. Morning sickness
sucks
.”
“Kate, why didn’t you tell me sooner? You let me go on and on about my stupid stuff when you’re creating a life?” I felt like such a jerk.
“Syd, stop it! Everything going on in your life is important too. Nick and I are just starting to tell people about the baby. We wanted to get used to the idea first.”
“When is the baby due? Are you going to find out if you’re having a boy or a girl? Have you chosen names yet?” I was bursting with questions.
She laughed. “Get a grip, Syd. The baby is due in April and we aren’t going to find out what we’re having. We want to be surprised. And we haven’t even begun to discuss names.”
I have to admit I was a little disappointed. I wanted to know! I would definitely find out when it was my turn - but that was a LONG way off.
“Is there anything that you need, Kate? Something to help to settle your stomach?”
“Don’t worry. Nick has me fully stocked. I’d love to see you though. Why don’t you stop by after work?”
“Absolutely. I’ll call you when I’m on my way.”
“Sounds great. I’ll see you soon.”
“Hang on, Kate! Have you told Mom and Dad?”
She chuckled. “We told them last night. I think Dad went into shock. Mom is already planning a number of knitting projects.”
“You’d better buy a
ginormous
dresser for the baby’s room.” Our mom loved knitting and this was her first grandchild. The combination would yield HUGE results.
“No kidding! Nick’s scared. Since we’re not finding out the sex of the baby, he thinks everything is going to be yellow. He’s
not
a fan.”
“Green and blue are fine too. Make sure to consult with mom before the knitting rampage begins. You know her creative streak runs in weird directions sometimes.”
Kate snorted. “No one has forgotten the Christmas of the lavender vests.” Indeed, no one had. We all got them, even the men in the family. I don’t care how masculine you are; it’s tough to carry off lavender brocade.
Just then my other phone line began to ring. “I have to run, Kate. I’ll see you later! Congratulations again!”
“Thanks, sweetie. Bye!”
After I hung up from a rather extensive discussion of the possibility of pet health insurance with our newest employee, I allowed myself a moment to take in Kate’s news. I couldn’t believe it. I was going to be an aunt! Louis was going to be an uncle. This was insane! I was so excited to tell him. I hoped I would be able to speak with him before he got on the plane. He promised to call, but I wasn’t sure how long his meetings would run.
I closed my eyes and let the news settle in. The Bennett sisters were full of life-changing news lately. I suddenly wondered how my parents were doing. They have had a lot to take in over the past two days. I decided I had better give them a call later to check in. I could picture my dad sitting at his desk playing solitaire while he tried to process it all. Somehow the feel of the cards in his hands helped him to make sense of everything.
The last hour of my day flew by due to spontaneous visits from a good portion of the employee population. People always had human resources issues (from the necessary to the ridiculous) and they figured while they were there, they may as well grill me a little more about my engagement. All the public details had been spilled at this point, but people hadn’t tired of the story yet. It must have been a slow week for company gossip if I were still the top story.
I was about to leave for the day when the phone rang. I lunged for the receiver.
“Sydney Bennett, how may I help you?” I was breathless.
“You can tell me how much you love me,
mon coeur
.”
I smiled. “I love you more than you can possibly imagine.”
“I only have a quick minute, but I wanted to hear your voice before I got on the plane.”
I couldn’t wait to tell him the news. “I have some amazing news! There’s going to be a new addition to our family!”
The other end of the phone went still.
“Louis? Are you there?”
He cleared his throat. “I am here. A new member of the family?” He seemed nervous.
Crap! In my excitement, I had totally phrased the news in a scary way. Poor guy. I laughed. “I’m sorry, Bluey. I didn’t think about how that sounded. Kate’s pregnant! You’re going to be an uncle!”
He sighed with relief. “That is wonderful news! Please congratulate Kate and Nick for me.”
I giggled. “I will. You were pretty freaked, weren’t you?”
He laughed. “Yes, I was. We have a lot on our plate right now. I was only wondering how we were going to handle a baby on top of everything else.”
“Someday,” I said. “Not for a few years though, right?”
Louis paused. “I don’t know if we have that long. I mean, you are kind of old...”
I choked on the water I had been sipping. “How rude! I’m not old!”
I heard some serious cackling coming from the other end of the phone. When Louis thought something was truly funny, his voice raised a couple of octaves. This, in turn, pitched me into a fit of laugher. Anyone within a fifty foot radius of either one of us would have thought we were completely insane. (Which is not far off the mark.)
He slowly caught his breath. “I love you so much, Syd.”
I let out my last few giggles as I rolled my eyes. “I love you too. Even if you do like to mock me for sport. You know, Nick is thrilled to have a worthy ally.”
“And I will do him proud.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “Thank you for putting me in such a good mood before my long flight,
mon coeur
. I will call you when I get to Paris, OK?”
I sighed. I missed him already. “OK, Bluey. Have a safe flight.”
My visit with Kate after work was short lived. The poor woman was
exhausted
. Pregnancy had hit her pretty hard. When she wasn’t nauseated, she was sleeping. I delivered a bouquet of white tulips (her absolute favorite) along with Louis’ congratulations and left her to rest. Nick thanked me for coming by and let me know he would have her call me tomorrow.
The next morning, I woke to find a voicemail from Louis on my cell phone. He sounded exhausted. There was a lot of turbulence on the flight and even he, the man who claimed the army taught him to sleep under any conditions, couldn’t sleep. He said he would call me when he had gotten settled in his hotel. I listened to his message a couple more times before I got out of bed. (Make fun of me all you want; I missed him!)
I finally heard from Louis in the late afternoon. I had just finished going over a very complicated claim issue with our medical insurance representative, when my phone rang. The number was blocked, so I crossed my fingers and hoped it was him.
“Sydney Bennett, how may I help you?”
“
Mon coeur
! How I miss you!” Louis!!!
I sighed with relief. “I miss you too, Bluey. I’m sorry you had such a rough flight. How are you feeling?”
He yawned. “Tired. But I feel much better now that I have heard your voice.”
“You have no idea how happy I am to hear YOUR voice. I already want you to come home. I know it sounds awful…”
“You simply can’t help yourself, Syd. I am irresistible.” His yawns kept coming.
“Have you gotten any sleep?” He had told me he used to go a night or two without sleep in college if his workload was high, but he was
way
out of practice.
He coughed. “Just a little. I had to get up to speed on a few things before we meet with the clients tomorrow.”
“You sound totally drained, Louis. You’d better get some rest.”
“Are you trying to get rid of me already?”
I laughed. “Not at all. I would much rather keep you on the phone, but I’m not sure you’ll be able to form sentences for much longer.”
He sighed. “Sadly, you are right. I am not as young as I used to be.”
“That’s right! You’re all washed up at twenty-four. Maybe I should trade you in for a younger model.”
“You were lucky to score me in the first place! A woman of your age?!?”
“Ouch! Your comment was cruel and unnecessary. Besides, you’ve made your choice. Now you’re stuck with an older woman.”
“And I couldn’t feel luckier,
mon coeur
. I love you.”
I smiled. “I love you too, Bluey. Now go to sleep.”
“You win! I will call you tomorrow.”