Ruby’s hand was on my shoulder, shaking me to
wake. I hadn’t realized I’d fallen asleep. I jerked up, hoping she
hadn’t seen the journal. It wasn’t lying there. I grabbed my pack,
pretending to get ready, and sighed when I felt it tucked inside. I
didn’t remember doing it, but I was grateful I had… I was really
getting into the story.
I yawned and stretched, and then followed her
out of the room. I was surprised at the size of the fort. We went
down several corridors and passed a few doors before finally coming
to a large, open area where the others waited for us. Chevelle
smiled at me as I passed him on the way to my horse. I started to
command it to kneel, but then Steed grabbed me at the waist and
threw me up. I took one deep breath before we kicked up the horses
and ran from the fort in a pack.
Our pace finally slowed as the way became too
treacherous. Loose stones caused the horses to occasionally stumble
or misstep. The haze was so thick I couldn’t see where we were
headed, I only knew it was up. The wind was biting so I pulled my
cloak around my shoulders.
Chevelle rode beside me through the day. When
we stopped for the evening, he pulled me down from my horse and
stayed beside me as we sat on large stones around a fire. Ruby was
telling stories again and everyone gave her their full attention…
everyone but us.
“
How do you feel?” he
asked.
I shrugged. “Fine, I guess.” He seemed
unusually concerned. He was also sitting unusually close.
He spoke in a low voice though the others
weren’t listening. I had to strain to hear. “I’ve been thinking
about the bindings.” I turned to face him as he continued, “I was
thinking there might be another way.”
He was hesitant for some
reason. “How?” I demanded, keeping the volume as low as I
could.
What was he waiting on?
“
If… well, it seems you may
have more control over your thoughts than you realize?” He phrased
it as a question.
Yes, my
secret
. Was he trying to be respectful of
it… or trying to keep me from getting upset… my delicate
brain….
I wasn’t sure how to answer. But if it
helped, if there was a way to unbind me, free my brain, get the
magic back…
I settled on a, “M-hm?”
He nearly smiled. “Well, if you were able to…
move about…” It seemed to make him uncomfortable, searching for the
words. “… then perhaps you could find a way around it.”
I was biting my lip. He
reached up and gently pulled it loose, his hand lingered on my
face, his thumb on my bottom lip.
Definitely
not
imagining this
. I flushed and he
dropped the hand to my shoulder.
“
Please, Freya,
try
.”
All I could do was nod.
And then he stood and walked
away. I sat unmoving for a moment, and then finally glanced at the
group. They were deeply involved in their conversations. I took a
deep breath and attempted to “move about” in my mind. It was
completely frustrating. Fuzzy,
wrong
. It didn’t take long before I
had a buzzing headache.
I sighed and threw myself on my blankets away
from the group. It was still daylight and I tossed and turned,
unable to rest. I decided to go back to my favorite
distraction.
The time came sooner than any of us expected.
Looking back, I suppose it was fortunate. I can’t imagine what
might have happened if a full birth ceremony had been prepared; if
so many had been present. It makes me cringe to merely think of
it.
The elders were there, though. My father and
the others waited in the throne room, arranging a celebration. I
had read everything I could obtain on the process during my
pregnancy and imprisonment in the castle, even finding a few books
and scrolls on humans. But nothing prepared me for what happened. I
had been walking when the pain struck, pacing my room with worry if
I were truthful. It hit suddenly, a stabbing, ripping, horrible
thing. My screams called everyone to order, but then it subsided.
However, it was only long enough to catch my breath and then it was
back, tenfold. I writhed in agony, nothing they did would help. I
could not control my magic; it shattered most of the things on the
nearby table and twice caught the bedding afire. The elders were
frantic, which only frightened me more. I had never seen them
agitated much. This carried on for hours, my hair and clothing was
drenched in sweat and I was near surrender. And then, with no more
warning than when the first pains came, it was over. A small, sweet
child was in my arms.
I drew in ragged breaths as I cleaned her
face. I wiped her eyes and they came open, an unbelievable shade of
dark green, sparkling like emeralds. She was a beauty. I wasn't
aware the room had grown silent until I wiped her ears and heard my
own gasp. They were slightly rounded at the tip… almost… blunt.
I realized I had stopped breathing as I read,
so engrossed in the story. I reached up absentmindedly and stroked
the top of my ears.
I looked up then, at the elders who
surrounded me. Their faces were astonished. “She is… human,” they
said in foreboding, tandem voices.
I took a steadying breath and spat out in a
harsh voice, “No.” They stared at me, incredulous. I spoke
deliberately, “She is elf. I name her… Elfreda.”
My heart… had stopped. And
then it surged as blood rushed to my face, my neck… my ears rang. I
must have been speaking… cursing… something. I could hear the sound
but could not make sense of it.
Nothing
made sense. I was standing
before I knew I was surrounded. Fury and fire were swimming in my
head, my chest, my hands.
I heard them through the buzz, “Frey, what’s
wrong... what is it... Frey… Frey.” And then, clearer, “Elfreda!”
My jaws tightened, my teeth ground together.
Comprehension crossed Chevelle’s face as he
saw the book on the ground between us. He reached for it.
“
Touch that book and
you
die
,” I
hissed.
He stopped and stared me straight in the
eyes. I was fighting for control, struggling to find my thoughts,
force myself to think.
And then I saw it. He
flicked a glance at Ruby and I knew.
They
knew
. And it was all true.
Suddenly, I couldn’t catch my breath.
“
Please, Freya, stay calm,”
Ruby pleaded. They were all circling me, their arms outstretched as
if to catch me… or cage me.
Black spots were floating in my vision. My
head screamed. The sound of metal bands snapping echoed through a
scraping, screeching, horrible noise inside my head. I reached up
and pressed the base of my palms against my temples. I didn’t know
I was going down until my knees hit the hard rock. I held myself
there, refusing to give in.
I heard them arguing frantically. “Knock her
out… do something… she’s going to crack.”
Yes, crack. That was a good
word for it. I felt as if I were breaking in half. No, being
torn
. I sensed someone
close to me, Ruby no doubt. She would drug me again. I didn’t want
that. I slid from the pain, reaching out. I found nothing but the
horses, but I would take it. I left my body completely.
My entry was so furious it
startled the horse. I held him there but when he raised his head
from grazing, he was facing
them
. They were standing, kneeling,
surrounding my limp body. I watched them, the horror on their
faces, for an immeasurable moment. It was too much. It was
all
too much.
I took a mental sigh and
then melted back into my mind. It was quiet there and I wondered if
I
had
cracked. But
then it occurred to me that maybe I had been the cause of it. I was
resigned now, the fury gone, and so was the screeching, the pain.
They had said the binding was dangerous…
There was a collective gasp
as they realized I was back. I heard someone beside me and a flash
of anger swept through me, lighting a flame at whoever it
was.
Okay, maybe the fury wasn’t
completely
gone
. I suddenly remembered the pages
I had burnt in the briar patch, so long ago.
Burnt before I’d read them
. My eyes
flashed open. I sat up, ignoring my spinning head, but the book was
already gone. I glared at Chevelle. It must have been dreadful, he
nodded and backed away, his mouth tight.
“
Oh, Frey.” Ruby’s voice was
low and soothing.
I grimaced as I turned to her. “Go ahead.” I
closed my eyes as her jaw shifted.
Chapter Sixteen
Lessons
The dreams I had then were the most dreadful,
garish, repelling I’d ever had. I jolted awake and shuddered for
several minutes at the images I could not beat down.
Ruby was there, waiting for me.
“
Where are the others?” I
asked, hoarse.
“
They’ve set up a
perimeter.”
It was all I had to say for the moment. It
was dark; I must not have slept through the night. I sat up,
curling my legs against my chest, and wrapped my arms around them,
pulling tightly.
Though I didn’t speak, I occasionally
glanced, or glared, at Ruby. She sat, immobile, watching me
faithfully.
It was morning before she broke. “You have
your fire back.”
It hadn’t occurred to me. I
held my hand out and flicked a flame above my palm, then promptly
extinguished it. I tried moving a stone from the ground to no
avail.
Just fire
. I
sighed.
But Ruby looked hopeful.
The group approached warily, keeping their
eyes on me. Chevelle hung farther back, avoiding my gaze. Steed led
my horse to me. I didn’t think I blamed him, he seemed to be
involved by chance, but I hadn’t fully decided yet.
As we rode wordlessly, my
thoughts twisted and writhed as if a pit of vipers. In the end, I’d
decided I wasn’t really that shocked about being a defect. It
explained so much about myself, almost an excuse. Clumsiness, lack
of skill, never quite fitting in. Wasn’t I always aware of that?
What took me by surprise was the betrayal I felt. All the years I’d
lived in the village, I’d never really counted on anyone the way I
had unwittingly done with this group, Chevelle especially. The
feeling in my chest was so thick and heavy. And it
practically
burned
.
Struggling with my reactions kept me
distracted from the ride. It was steep now, rocky, and the haze was
thick. When we stopped for the evening, the men quietly set up a
perimeter. Except for Chevelle. He was watching me as I glared back
at him. The betrayal stung, it was almost irrational how bad. My
face must have been filled with hate.
Ruby stepped in front of him. “I’ll stay with
her.”
He didn’t reply, he merely turned and walked
into the haze.
I was still fuming when she faced me, wearing
a self-satisfied smile. She practically danced forward to plop down
in front of me. “I have something for you, Frey.” I simply stared
at her. She was harder to stay mad at. I expected her to be a pain,
it wasn’t as difficult to accept she’d kept it from me.
She extracted a small package from beneath
her cloak and passed it to me. I pulled the material aside and saw
the V etched into the cover. Ah, Ruby… mischievous as always. I
wondered what Chevelle would do if he knew she’d given it to
me.
She answered my curious
gaze. “It’s
yours
,
and I think you should be able to read it.”
I could do nothing but nod. It didn’t matter,
her expression made it clear she considered herself forgiven. She
turned, facing the direction Chevelle had gone, and left me to my
discoveries.
I expected fury from my father. He never
failed to disappoint me. He saw the child, as he called her, as an
opportunity. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. After all,
had he not stolen my mother for precisely the same purpose,
experimenting with power? He did, however, concern himself with
where I’d found a human. I refused to tell. It was the only gift I
could give Noble, his safety. I laughed as I remembered that was
how I’d convinced him to stay, promising him protection. A false
promise. Eventually, one of the servants slipped, revealing they
had seen me following my sister. And just like that, she was to
blame for the entire ordeal, even though she’d never known. She’d
been still searching the empty camp. At least I was off the
hook.
I surprised myself by being
so slow. Of course, her sister would have been Aunt Fannie. For a
flash, I felt sympathy for Fannie… but it passed. Just because life
gave her sour grapes didn't mean she had to stomp them into wine
and get drunk.
Had Fannie known all
along?
I couldn’t answer that. But she had
been bound, as I was.
The elders were a different
story altogether. My father had given them orders to protect me and
the child, and even though they followed through with them, they
persisted in chattering about their concerns. The humans frightened
them unreasonably. They constantly fretted, wanting to keep her,
and me, from “contaminating” anyone else. I attempted to reason
with them but they turned on me. “You don’t understand, you never
will! They will
consume
you. The humans will
consume
us all.” Their hands shook as they spoke in a
horrid tone, almost spitting out the words. I didn’t argue after
that. I wouldn’t have been allowed to leave the castle anyway.
Besides, it kept her from being paraded in front of so many
visitors.