Friendship on Fire (37 page)

‘I'm James.'

James introduced himself, holding out his hand to Shana and shaking me out of my trance. Seeing that her hands were already full with slippery books, James quickly moved his hand to skim it through his mousy brown hair. The cool act made me giggle. So did Shana.

‘Sorry, can't reach. Next time,' she smiled sweetly and they grinned at each other until I grabbed her arm and we moved off to first period.

‘Who was that girl before? The platinum blonde,' Shana whispered during note-taking in history.

‘Ahh, yes. Skye. My arch nemesis. Well, any normal girl's enemy. She makes it her business to be,' I said, raising my eyebrows for emphasis.

Shana looked uneasy. She seemed to scare easily, so I backtracked and tried to encourage her.

‘She's also easy to ignore. I'm getting real good at it,' I lied, remembering all my run-ins with her since the start of the year. Thinking back, most times she baited me I gave in and bit back.

‘I hope so. I don't like trouble. I'm not good with confrontations.'

‘Stick with me. I'll protect you. And it looks like James will, too,' I teased, nudging her in the ribs.

She grinned despite herself. ‘So who is he? Is he nice? Or just wanting to flirt with me?' She doodled idly on her lecture pad while she waited for my response.

‘He's my best friend's best friend. If he is his best friend, then he must be pretty nice.' There, that wasn't a lie.

‘Wow that's not half confusing,' she giggled. ‘Don't you know him? If he's your best friend's best friend?'

‘Good question,' I nodded. ‘You'd think so, but not really. I see Roman more alone than with groups of people.'

Shana's eyes lit up. ‘Oh, is that the guy you told me about on the beach?'

‘Uh, sorta. It's … complicated,' I stammered, opening my textbook to fake busyness.

She was not fazed. ‘Fair enough. I'd like to get to know this James a bit better. Maybe I should drop my books more often.'

‘Only one way to find out,' I grinned, wondering if James would be interested in her. What a happy family that would be, James and Shana, Roman and I. Not funny.

‘One month until exams,' Miss Shaw told us on the way out. ‘Keep revising every night or they will come to bite you in the you know what.' She smiled at me as I passed her and I smiled back.

Rach passed me in the corridor moving to our next class. I hadn't seen her all holidays, which was rare for us. With sadness I made eye contact with her and for an instant her eyes softened with familiarity. My eyes widened as I noticed her hair. It wasn't completely bleached white blonde, but it was close. A whole head of blonde foils as well as a dirty blonde semi-permanent made her, in theory, a new member of the Blonde Brigade.

With a sinking heart, I promised myself I would think of ways to bring her back; to find out what's happened to ‘us' and try to salvage some of our friendship.

At lunch, Shana sat with me under the veranda, watching the boys playing basketball.

‘Shana, I've been meaning to ask you, why are you here only with your dad?' Honesty was a good way to get curiosities out in the open.

‘My mum left us. Long story short, she ran off to Spain with this guy she met on the internet. Dad and I decided we needed a change of scenery.'

‘Right. Are you coping?' I asked to be polite, and because she seemed fine about it.

She nodded with a mouthful of juice. ‘It's been happening for a while; I've had a chance to get used to it. So tell me one of your secrets then, mm?'

I laughed. I should have seen this coming. ‘Try this. Sometimes I feel like I'm torn between the idea of opposite types of guys. It's doing my head in.'

‘And you have a boyfriend? Wow.'

‘Tell me about it. I wouldn't admit it to anyone else, but I figure you're safe.'

I exhaled and ran my hands through my hair.

‘Yeah, you win hands down. At least I know the truth about my mum and my life. Sounds like you need to keep seeking your truth.'

‘You got that right. I'll let you know when I find it.'

She patted my leg and smirked, shaking her head.

ife as I knew it had changed. I didn't mind change. For the most part, I embraced it. I didn't know how to deal with
this
sort of change.

Roman took a leaf out of Rachael's book and distanced himself from me, as he had threatened when I didn't promise to end things with Nate. Whenever I tried to contact him to hang out he was ‘busy'. If he was telling the truth then he needed to take a break from his life and chill out. If he wasn't telling the truth, and he was avoiding me, then we had more of a problem than he was willing to admit.

Had I hurt him that much by being with Nate? A small part of me played devil's advocate inside my head. It accused me of wanting my cake and eating it too. To have Roman as the ‘safe' option to flirt with when Nate wasn't behaving as well as he should be, or wasn't turning out to be all he was cracked up to be, was, in my silly little brain's opinion, being spoilt.

It was probably right. It was probably better this way. Then Roman wasn't bound to me by any obligations and I could stop enjoying my newfound flirting interest in him.

A couple of weeks into the term, Josh broke up with Pam. I can't say I was surprised. What I was more surprised over was that he stayed with her so long in the first place. The poor girl came into my room crying her eyes out at the time, begging me to tell her he would come round and they would be back together again in no time. I hated lying to her. How does a sister tell a girl her brother is a dick a lot of the time? How could I tell her the truth? I'll never forget the pained look in her tear stained eyes as she left my room with the words, ‘Don't make the same mistake as me, Daisy. Don't trust a guy with everything you have.'

At the time I almost felt arrogant. Like my relationship with Nate was so much more superior to anyone else's. The fact is, any relationship can turn into hers and Josh's if people give themselves permission to behave like that. Everyone starts out with a clean slate to soil. I wondered if her words would come back to haunt me one day, to punish me for my lack of sympathy.

The night before my first external exam, I received a phone call from a very distressed Nate. I hadn't nearly studied enough for maths and was feeling very anxious about my ability to pass it, at minimum. I wasn't in the right headspace for conversations with anyone.

‘Babe, I need to talk to you. I feel like crap,' he started, anxiety clear in his voice. I shut my maths book and moved to the bed, reaching for my headset. It was 9 pm, and my brain was dying fast.

‘What's up?' I asked, absent minded.

‘My parents.'

An alert sounded in my head. ‘What's happened?'

‘They've got the papers for a divorce. That's why I haven't been able to see you lately. It's over, Dais,' his voice broke and he took a deep breath to steady himself.

I couldn't begin to imagine what he was going through. ‘Gosh Nate, I'm so sorry. Do you know why?'

‘Not really. They're calling it ‘irreconcilable differences', whatever that bullshit means.'

‘Hmm. Well. Maybe it's for the best. They have been fighting for a while. They might be happier without each other.'

‘Can you come over? I need you. We can sit in my car and hang out. It'll make me feel better.' His voice pleaded against my better judgment. I had an exam first thing, but how could I deny my boyfriend the sympathy he so needed?

I met him outside his house. His head hung low. It was all I could do to just hold him while we sat on the kerb on his front lawn and let him vent his frustrations of life.

‘It's harder on Amelie. She's so young. She doesn't understand adult issues and why people can't live together,' he whispered, clutching my waist with one arm.

‘I've been watching out for her, you know, like I promised. She seems happy at our school and she's hanging out with a group of friends. I think she'll be fine after a while. She's lucky to have you as a big brother.'

‘Thanks. I knew you would. See why I love being with you? You've got such a good heart and you're a positive influence on everyone you are around.'

‘Oh shush. I'm not that awesome.'

‘You are. Look at me.'

I obeyed, my eyes straining to empathise with the hurt displayed in his.

‘Losing my parents as a couple has made me realise how important you are to me. I know I was really busy after our weekend trip and I'm sorry for that. I'll try to make it up to you. The thought of losing you tears me apart. I want us to get closer and stronger. If you know what I mean.'

I did. It wasn't the right time for me to hear it in my current frame of mind, but my spine tingled. I wanted nothing more than to be with him completely. My attraction to him grew every day. I was totally in love with him.

He continued, ‘It's hard for me to talk like this. I'm a guy. I'm trying. If you're willing to be patient with me and help teach me, I'll get there one day.'

‘I guess we both have a lot to teach each other, huh,' I said, chuckling quietly at the unlikely irony.

‘We sure do. We can do it at the same time, if you like,' he teased.

I pushed his shoulder but gave him a kiss. ‘Nate I need to be getting home. It's late.'

‘Please stay a little longer. I'm not ready to go back inside and face Dad. He's shattered.'

I couldn't say no. I stayed until after midnight and my mind was so over stimulated that I had a crap sleep.

My disaster of an exam was perpetuated throughout the week as I bombed out for each subject, except history. Nate required my company and support for hours at a time, so I helped him as much as I could, no matter how much it taxed me emotionally, physically and academically.

I squashed a niggling debate in my head; was it worth it that I flunked my exams to make sure Nate was OK each night before I went to bed? What did commitment really mean?

To me, it was all or nothing. I thought that was normal.