Frigid (27 page)

“I hope so.” Then I rolled my eyes. “No. That’s probably not the first time.”

“And I know it bothered you before—I’m not saying that it didn’t—but you still cared deeply for him.” Her eyes met mine. “I guess what I’m getting at is that he really needs to make it up to you for putting you in that position, but I don’t see any of this as being insurmountable.”

A tiny flare of hope kindled in my stomach, and I smashed it. “Okay. Let’s say that he didn’t sleep with Sasha a couple of days ago, and I can get over the fact that he didn’t tell the truth about his past with her, and the shit with Zach, but I don’t think it meant that much to him. That’s the problem.”

“I don’t know if I agree. Look, it’s been obvious to everyone that you’ve been madly in love with him. And it’s the same for him.”

“Really,” I said dryly. “It was so obvious with the bus terminal that is his pants?”

Andrea snorted. “Guys are totally stupid when it comes to unrequited love. We females pine away and keep our thighs closed for the most part when we love someone we can’t have. Guys swing their shit around at anything that has a hole, trying to forget the one they want.”

“Wow.” I laughed. “So eloquently put.”

She flashed a quick grin. “It’s true. Sort of like the laws of physics. It’s just the way it is, which brings me to a very important question. Do you still love him?”

My heart tumbled through my chest. “I never said that I loved him.”

Her eyes rolled. “Okay. Stop the bullshit. Like I said, it’s been obvious since I’ve known you that you were in love with him. Listening to you tell me about what happened, I can hear it in your voice. Answer the question.”

I was pinned by her steady stare. Andrea really needed to look into law enforcement or something. She’d never do that with her past—I get that—but damn if she didn’t have the detective hardness in her voice. I had a choice right then. I could tell her what I wanted to say, or I could tell the truth. Sometimes lying was the easiest thing to do, especially when I was lying to myself. And saying the truth out loud meant I could never take it back.

“Okay,” I said. “I still love him.” Once those words came out, I expected balloons and glitter to fall from the ceiling or something. Of course, that didn’t happen. “I’m
in
love with him.”

Andrea nodded slowly. “Then what do you want, Sydney?”

I dumped the half-eaten bread on my plate. “I don’t know. Like, I guess I thought he’d try to repair the friendship or something.”

“But you don’t want just a friendship.”

“No.”

Her brow rose. “But you don’t want a relationship?”

I opened my mouth.

Andrea leaned forward. “I get that you’re mad, and trust me, you have every right. Kyler has spent how long being the universal bicycle that had no training wheels? And he has a lot to make up for, because his actions
hurt
you. And I’m not saying you even have to forgive him. Honestly, I’d totally understand if you didn’t. Guys suck, Kyler among them, but…” She tapped her fingers. “But if you
are
in love with him, and
not
forgiving him hurts more than forgiving him does, Syd, and he wants to make it up to you, you’d be a fool to walk away from that.”

Knots formed in my belly as I stared at my friend. Not forgiving Kyler would hurt worse in the end, even if we only remained friends. Holding on to the anger would create nothing but bitterness. But I also didn’t want to be the person who gave so much of herself to someone who didn’t deserve it and ended up never being whole again.

I sighed, unsure of what to do or say. “I don’t know, Andrea. Maybe after some time passes, things will go back to normal.” I felt stronger for saying that. Hopeful. Maybe we could move past this, eventually. That seemed more likely than Kyler professing his undying love for me. “I guess we’ll just see.”

“You’re right. We will see.”

I raised a brow at her.

Andrea leaned back, dropping her hands on her legs. “All right, well, don’t hate me.”

Suspicion blossomed and spread like a weed through my mind. “Why would I hate you?”

A sheepish look crept into her expression.

“Andrea.”

She bit down on her lip and cringed. “I sort of invited guests to our dinner.”

My stomach roiled. “What?”

“Well, I sort of told Tanner that we were going out to dinner, and he made the suggestion that it would be a good idea to invite Kyler, so it’s really Tanner’s fault, not mine.”

All I could do for several seconds was stare at her while part of me started doing squealing jumping jacks and the other part wanted to get up and run for the door. “You didn’t.”

“Ah…”

“Andrea!” I whispered.

She smiled tentatively. “I sort of texted them where we were, and they should be here any minute.”

“This is probably the worst idea you’ve had in a long time.” I killed the engine and sat back, clenching the keys in my hand until the jagged edges cut into my palm. “Seriously.”

Tanner snorted. “I can come up with an entire list of worse ideas, but hey, you’re sober for the first time in two days. And just in time for the holidays.”

Leaning my head back against the headrest, I groaned. “It still feels like someone is slamming an ice pick into my temples.”

“You
were
pretty drunk,” Tanner commented, reaching for the door. “Which is why I think this dinner is the best idea ever.”

I rubbed my palm along my chin, frowning at the growth of stumble there. I hadn’t shaved since the first night at Snowshoe. “Yeah, you’d think that, since Syd doesn’t hate your guts.”

Tanner rolled his eyes. “She doesn’t hate your guts. I don’t think that would ever be possible.”

“Oh, it’s possible. Trust me.”

“Look, I don’t know what really went down between you two, but something did. It’s not the end of the world.” Tanner opened the passenger door and a wealth of frigid air streamed into the SUV. “So stop being a pussy and get out of the car.”

I shot him a dirty look, but I climbed out. As I joined him on the other side, I asked the question I’d already asked a dozen times. “She’s knows I’m going to be here, right?”

“Yep.” Tanner opened the door and motioned me in. Once we got past the hostess, he glanced at me. “Okay. I lied. I don’t think Syd knows.”

“What?” I stopped in the middle of the aisle, nearly causing a waiter to slam into me. I glared at Tanner. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Tanner clamped his hand on my shoulder, steering me away from the packed round table in my path. “Nope. Chill out. I’m sure she knows by now.”

Easy for him to say “chill out,” but I felt like I was walking in front of a firing squad. So many times since Syd left Snowshoe, I’d fought the urge to call her. I wanted nothing more than to hear her voice and to see her. And yeah, my fucking stupid-ass heart was bouncing all over the place, but Syd had made herself pretty damn clear.

“You’re a bastard,” I grumbled, running a hand through my hair. Man, I wished I’d shaved. While I had showered, I was sure I still smelled like whiskey. That shit would be bleeding out of my pores for days to come.

I saw Andrea before I saw Syd, and my heart pounded like I’d run up and down the quad, and I was sweating like a whore in church on Sunday. Tanner got in front of me somehow, proving that I was dragging my feet like a mofo.

The bastard took the seat next to Andrea, who had the biggest, fakest smile known to man on her face. Of course, I
wanted
to sit next to Sydney. I also wanted to touch her, hold her close, and kiss her. There were other things that I wanted to do to her, things that kept me up late at night in a drunken stupor with my hand between my legs.

But I was also sure she might punch me in the balls.

Needing to pull it together, I told myself that the best thing to do was to act normal. With that in mind, I stepped beside the table and looked at Syd.

A heartbeat passed and she looked up, large blue eyes fixed right on me, and it was like seeing Jesus. Okay. Maybe not seeing Jesus, but it was definitely like being socked in the chest and hearing angels harking.

God. Damn. She was beautiful. Wasn’t that I had forgotten that, but after things ending so fucked-up between us, it felt like years instead of days since I’d seen her. Those eyes…they were astonishingly blue and clear. Stunning. There were dark smudges under them, a shade darker than her skin. I wanted to smooth them away, but managed to keep my hands to myself. But then my gaze dropped to her lips, and they parted on a sharp inhale. A faint flush spread across her cheeks and I wanted to chase it with my fingers, my mouth, my tongue…

Everyone was staring at me.

Clearing my throat, I forced myself to sit down and placed my hands on the table. I glanced at Syd. “Hey.”

Her face was blood-red. No one blushed like she did. “Hey.”

Across from me, Tanner raised a brow. Andrea started playing with a piece of bread like she was two. No one spoke, and Syd was so stiff I thought she’d break in half.

Wow, this was awkward as hell. I needed to leave.

“So, is everyone excited about Christmas?” Andrea chirped.

Tanner looked at her and said in a deadpan voice, “I am so excited.”

Her eyes narrowed shrewdly. “You don’t sound excited.”

“Well, I’m not twelve.” Tanner cocked his head to the side. “Christmas ain’t that interesting once you grow up.”

“What?” she gasped, eyes wide. “Christmas
ain’t
that interesting once you grow up?”

He shrugged.

“You’re un-American,” she accused.

Syd’s lips pursed.

Tanner looked unaffected. “Man, I just like the time off from school, and the food. That’s it.”

“But it means more than that.” Andrea shook her head and curls flew everywhere. “What about the presents?”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s what Christmas is about,” he commented.

Andrea huffed. “That
is
what Christmas is about. Anyone who says differently is trying to make themselves look all spiritual and shit. I keep it real.”

My gaze slid over to Syd and she looked at me, brows raised. Our eyes locked and for a moment, a sweet fucking moment, it was like it used to be. Us sitting back, listening to Andrea and Tanner annoy the living shit out of each other. We should have popcorn when those two went at it.

But then Syd cast her eyes at her glass and started fiddling with her straw, and that was a cold reminder that things weren’t normal. Syd was never this quiet, and things were never strained between us.

I couldn’t say I regretted the time with her though, because I didn’t. Hated how it ended. Looking back, there were a lot of females I’d wished I’d kept my dick in my pants with, but Syd would never be one of them.

The waiter showed up and got our drink and food order. Small talk was made, mostly on Tanner and Andrea’s end. They kept it going so there wasn’t an awkward lull in conversation, but sitting here, not talking to Syd, was wrong on so many levels.

Leaning back, I looked over at her. She tipped her chin up at the same moment and our gazes collided for another second. I sort of felt like an inept schoolboy. It was that bad. “So, your lip looks a lot better.”

She blinked. I was a dumbass.

“It healed up pretty quickly,” she said, training her gaze on her glass. “Just a little mark.”

That was good to hear. “Your jaw?”

“It doesn’t hurt at all.”

It seriously was a relief to hear that. Even drunk off my rocker, I’d been going out of my mind with worry for her.

“Your knuckles still look a little raw,” she said, causing me to look up.

Our eyes locked and held this time. “What?”

“Your knuckles,” she said in a quiet voice as she reached over to the hand I had on the table. I held my breath as she ran her fingertips over my knuckles. It was a feather-light touch, but it traveled straight through me and I jerked. She pulled her hand back, casting her gaze to the table. “Do they hurt?”

“No.” My voice sounded thick. “They don’t hurt at all, baby.”

Her lashes swept up, and her eyes darted across my face like she was looking for something, but then she looked across the table.

Andrea cleared her throat. “Did you guys hear that they’re calling for another snowstorm next week, on New Year’s Eve?”

And so that’s how the conversation went for a while. Andrea or Tanner would smooth over the tense silence with some random statement, Syd and I barely said more than an entire sentence to one another, and then the food came.

Syd had ordered a steak, but she just seemed to cut it up into tiny pieces and push it around her plate with her fork. “You’re not hungry?”

She glanced up, tucking back her hair with her free hand. “I guess I ate too much bread.”

My gaze went to the half loaf that remained and I arched a brow. “Doesn’t look like you ate that much.”

Her fingers tightened around the handle of her knife, and I wondered if she was fantasizing about stabbing me with it. “How do you know that’s not our second or third loaf?”

“It’s our first,” Andrea announced, stopping a deep conversation about the differences between the zombies from
The Walking Dead
and
28 Days Later
.

Syd shot her friend a look, and I hid a grin. Andrea shrugged and turned back to Tanner. “The infected are not the same as the zombies in
The Walking Dead.”

Tanner shook his head. “Is there really a difference?”

I shook my head as she went into a deep description of the differences. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Syd grin as she speared a piece of steak with her fork. She glanced at me. “The infected
are
different,” she whispered.

A smile pulled at my lips and tugged at my heart. “I believe you.”

She met my stare for a moment, and then attacked another piece of steak, dipping it into her mashed potatoes.

“Are you going to your grandparents for Christmas?” It was a stupid question to ask. She always did, but I wanted to say something.

Syd nodded. “My parents want to leave Christmas Eve and stay the night with them. How about you?”