From Ashes (33 page)

“Gage,” Dad said gruffly, and I looked up through tear-filled eyes to see flashing lights. He hit the brakes, put on the emergency lights, and started flashing his brights at them.

They’d just started to pass us when they slammed on their brakes. Thank God for that dispatcher. I was already out of the car and running to the other side when an EMT came out of the back of the ambulance, and another came from the passenger side. I didn’t wait for them to ask, I just started saying everything I could think of that had happened in the last two hours as I opened the passenger side of the Tahoe and unbuckled Cassidy. They put her on a stretcher, and once again I didn’t wait for them to ask; I got into the ambulance with them. No way in hell they were taking my girl without me.

I held her hand and silently pleaded with her to breathe. Once in there, the EMTs started an IV, shot her with something else, and when they started spouting off words, all I heard was
anaphylactic shock
. My heart stopped; there was no way. No way, she’d never been stung before; that couldn’t happen from just one sting, right? I gripped her hand tighter and begged God not to take her from me after just giving me her. Twenty minutes later, just as we were pulling up to the emergency room driveway, Cassidy’s eyes opened halfway as she took the deepest breath she’d taken in who knows how long and locked on mine for a split second before the EMTs moved the stretcher out of the ambulance.

I jumped out with them and kept her hand in mine as they wheeled her in. We’d just gotten to the double doors inside the waiting room when a large male nurse stepped in front of me, stopping me from going farther.

“No, I have to go with her!”

“You can wait out here; if you’re family, a doctor will be out to talk to you.”

“She’s my wife, I need to be in there with her!” I tried to sidestep him, and when he put a hand to my chest, I just threw it to the side and kept marching forward. She’d
just
opened her eyes again. I needed to be there for her.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask that you calmly sit down, or I’m going to have you removed.”

“If
that
was
your
world, would you let some nurse with a complex—”

“Gage.” I turned to see my dad behind me. As I opened my mouth to tell him how ridiculous this guy was being, he spoke again. “Son, sit down. They’ll talk to us when they can. In the meantime, you’re not doing Cassidy any good if you get kicked out of the hospital.”

He didn’t wait for me to respond; he put a hand on my shoulder and led me over to the chairs.

Other than filling out the paperwork for Cass, I didn’t move, and I didn’t speak. I just stood there staring at the doors, willing them to open with Cassidy’s doctor behind them.

C
ASSIDY

I
WOKE UP
and blinked quickly at the bright lights. What on earth? I went to shield my eyes from the light and something tugged on the inside of my arm. I looked down and saw an IV coming out and let my head hit the pillow. What was I doing in the hospital?! Looking to the other side, I saw Gage asleep on a chair, one hand lightly holding mine, the other wrapped around his broad chest.

“Gage.” My voice came out barely above a whisper, but his eyes shot open. “What’s going on?”

“Oh thank God.” He stood and bent over the bed to cup my cheeks, and his hands trailed down my throat and chest in an awkward pattern before separating and grabbing my wrists. “How are you?”

“What are you doing, and why am I in a hospital?”

“Cassidy,” he breathed, and the name sounded so happy on his lips, it almost came out as a laugh. “Darlin’, you’ve got to stop scaring the shit outta me like this. We’ve had enough trips to the ER this year, all right?”

I nodded; I’d forgotten about getting pneumonia. “But why am I here?”

“You had a severe allergic reaction to the scorpion sting. Scared the hell out of me. You passed out in the bathroom, your eyes were rolled back, and you were barely breathing. You only came to for a second before we met up with the ambulance, and then again when we got here, but other than that you wouldn’t wake up and your heart rate was so slow—” He stopped and had to force down a swallow. “Cass, it was like it wasn’t there at all. Your chest wasn’t even moving.”

I gasped softly as I watched the nightmare play out over his face again.

“When we were in the ambulance, they kept saying ‘anaphylactic shock,’ and a part of me knew that couldn’t be it since you hadn’t seen a scorpion before then, but with how you’d been over those last twenty or thirty minutes, baby, I thought I was going to lose you if they didn’t do something soon.”

Fat tears were falling from Gage’s eyes, and I let my fingers brush them away from one cheek before curling them around his neck.

“You weren’t going into anaphylactic shock, you just had a really bad allergic reaction. Your doctor said with already being weak and having a shot immune system from having the flu, it just made your allergic reaction that much worse for you and your body shut down to protect itself from the reaction.”

“I don’t remember anything after you put me back in bed after getting stung.”

Gage nodded and planted his forehead into the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply. “You haven’t woken up long enough to say anything; I figured you wouldn’t.”

“How long ago did this happen?”

He looked over at the clock for a few seconds before turning his face back toward my neck. “Almost seventeen hours ago.”

Oh my God.
I tried to swallow but my throat was really dry, and just as I was about to say I needed a drink, I felt Gage’s body shudder. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m okay.”

“You weren’t, Cassidy. You weren’t. I’ve—I’ve never been more scared in my life.” He admitted softly, “Your chest wasn’t moving; you don’t know what that was like. And half the time I thought I was making myself believe I was feeling a heartbeat.” As he spoke, one of his hands came back up to my throat, then trailed down to my chest and ended at my wrist. All of it was soft as a feather, and very practiced, and now made sense. “I’ve thought you left me before . . . but not like this, never like this. I thought you were—” He choked out a shaky breath and didn’t speak again.

“I’m never leaving you again, I told you.” I tried to laugh, but it sounded wrong. I couldn’t imagine what he’d gone through, but I knew it would kill me to see him the same way. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Sorry? Cass, I almost lost you! Why the hell are you sorry? You had nothing to do with it, and I—I just laughed about the damn thing. I had no idea; none of us have ever had reactions to a sting. God, Cass, I didn’t know. All of this is my fault.”

“Gage—” I tried to pull his head back so I could look at him, but he just kept talking softly, almost as if to himself.

“I never take care of you. With the pneumonia, I should have called an ambulance as soon as I opened my door and found you like that. Last night I should have been there when you woke up the first time so you wouldn’t have gotten stung, and I shouldn’t have fallen back asleep after you did. I should have been watching you.”

“Stop, please—”

“I’ve hated Tyler for almost letting you die, but, Cassidy, I could’ve killed you by being careless.”

“Gage, stop!” I finally moved his head back and stared into his dark green eyes, tears still falling steadily from them. “None of what has ever happened is on you; all you’ve ever done is take care of me. Even when you hardly knew me, Gage, that’s all you’ve done. When I would sleep on the couch, you’d move me to your bed, and you didn’t even know me then. You woke up early to drive me to work every morning so I wouldn’t have to walk. I would have gotten pneumonia either way, and that’s not on you or Tyler, it’s on me. I’m the one who walked to your place, but you? You threw me in a shower and made sure I warmed up, bought a new thermometer just for me, and took me to the hospital the next day.”

He started shaking his head, so I kept talking before he could.

“And tonight—last night, is
not
your fault. How you’re even able to twist it around so that it
is
is just beyond me. But obviously it was some freak accident, and from what you’re saying, I’m alive because of you.”

“Cassidy, you don’t know what you mean to me. I can’t—I can’t lose you.” He tried to clench his jaw shut, but his lips and jaw were still quivering. “I can’t.”

“I know,” I whispered softly, and kissed his trembling lips. “Losing you would kill me too.”

Gage exhaled deeply and laid his head on my chest, his fingertips on my throat, not saying anything else. I scooted over and after a minute he awkwardly climbed onto the hospital bed with me; his fingertips went right back to my throat, but this time his head rested on the mattress next to mine and we just stared at each other. His hand wasn’t uncomfortable—in fact I barely felt it—but for some reason having it there was a new lifeline for Gage, and he was clinging to it. Hard.

Chapter Twenty

C
ASSIDY

I
T’D BEEN ALMOST
a month since the scorpion sting, and thank God things were back to normal—well, mostly. I’d had to spend the rest of that weekend in the hospital, and when I’d gone back to the ranch, Gage had two different exterminators that specialize in scorpions come out to give bids. He didn’t care about the money; he cared about which one he thought “wasn’t full of shit.” Apparently scorpions were hard to get rid of, but he and the exterminator were confident they’d done all they could. After I was informed how wrong I’d been about scorpions in Texas, I realized they were going overboard, but I let him do what he needed, same as with his pulse checks.

I don’t know if Gage knew he was still doing it, if it was just second nature now, or if he thought I didn’t realize what he was doing, but every time he came up to me, his fingers ended up on my throat or wrists somehow. He’d actually gotten really good at it, to the point where if I didn’t know what he was doing, I would think he was holding me sweetly. When he would pull me toward him, it was almost always done by my wrist; sometimes when he kissed me he would pin my arms behind my back and hold my hands there, but his index finger would always be on a pulse point. Others, he would go to cup my cheeks, but would cup behind my neck instead, which I loved, and I loved the way he trailed his thumb down my throat even more, but like I said, I knew what he was doing.

And although it’d been a month, and I thought he should be able to see me without having to reassure himself that I was breathing, I wasn’t about to say a word to him. After all, I wasn’t the one who’d seen his chest not moving. I wasn’t the one who’d had to search for his pulse.

We were starting to get ready for Thanksgiving, which was a little over a week away, and I was kind of excited and nervous about it. I’d made parts of Thanksgiving for the guys the last two years, but I would be cooking with Tessa and Amanda this year, and from what I’d been told, this meal was their specialty. I’d asked why we were doing a Thanksgiving lunch instead of a Thanksgiving dinner, and Gage had just shrugged while saying, “It’s Texas,” like that should be the only explanation I needed. I’d just raised an eyebrow at him and waited until he sighed and gave his version of an explanation.

“Everyone spends
the day
with their family, but it’s the UT–A & M game, darlin’, that takes up the night for us.”

My response when I saw his mom and dad look at me like I should understand this by now? “Ah.”

If cooking a Thanksgiving meal with Tessa wasn’t enough to be nervous about, it didn’t help that I’d been having some issues the last week that had my nerves skyrocketing. I called my doctor, and he’d said especially after the shock of the sting and the allergic reaction, I shouldn’t worry about it. But I
was
worried about it; in fact it was all I was thinking about. So I told Gage I had to run in to town to grab some things for his mom and would be back before dinner—all true, just not the whole truth. He was already dealing with enough as it was; I didn’t need to worry him with how I’d been feeling off . . . and other random things.

With another look at the doctor’s office door, then the clock on the dashboard, I grabbed my purse and hopped out of my SUV. It was time to find out exactly what this scorpion sting had done to me.

A
N HOUR LATER
I was back in my car and just staring at nothing. I tried figuring out how to tell Gage, but I could barely convince myself that it was happening, so how could I tell him? I didn’t even know how I felt about it—no . . . that’s not true. I did. I knew exactly how I felt. I was terrified, and all I could see was my mom and Jeff. Memories so burned into me, I swear I could still feel Jeff slamming the large vase over my back until it shattered. Could feel my mom taking one of the larger chunks and digging it into the small of my back and making a large, bloody X. Could hear her moans as Jeff screwed her brains out after they let me up to go to my room.

I shivered and actually shook myself as I reached for my purse and the letter from Mom. After reading it three times, taking another few minutes to just clear my mind and find the beauty from their ashes all over again, I took a deep breath and pulled out my cell.

“How’s my favorite SMB?”

“Fine.” I laughed and ran a hand through my long, wavy hair. I wasn’t fine yet, but I would be. “How long did it take for my jersey to come in last time, Jake?”

“Ha! You liked it, huh? Want another one?”

“Love my SMB jersey, and I do, but I need it before Thanksgiving morning. Do you think that will be possible?”

“Oh, hell yeah, Cass. It’ll be there in a week, tops. Another one that says ‘SMB’?”

“Uh, no.” My hands were shaking and I had to put the one that wasn’t holding the phone tightly around the steering wheel.

“You gonna tell me what you want or should I surprise you?”

I laughed nervously and took a deep breath before speaking. “No, I know what I want, but, Jake, you can’t . . . let me repeat.
Can’t
. Tell. Anyone.” When he agreed, I told him exactly what I wanted and he stayed quiet for a whole minute when I was done.

“You’re serious, Cass?” he asked, for once completely serious.

“Yeah, I just found out, so could you do that and I’ll send you a check in the mail today?”

“All right, I’ll get it done, and I won’t tell anyone. But no way am I letting you pay me back for this, no way, baby girl.”

I smiled to myself. “Thanks, Jake.”

T
HE LAST WEEK
and a half had been absolute torture. I’d almost told Gage about a thousand times, but thankfully I’d stopped myself every time. I’d needed this time before I told him, needed the time to get used to the idea and actually be happy about it. And I was; God, I was thrilled now. I’d hardly slept at all last night, knowing that this morning he’d finally know.

After getting his morning hug, he left to do what he always does in the mornings, and I hopped into the shower. I blew my hair dry and straightened it but held off on my makeup because I was sure this morning was bound to be an emotional one. I threw on my jeans, a pair of gray Uggs, and my new burnt-orange jersey that had arrived just two mornings ago. I stared at myself for a long time in the mirror, looked at the back of the jersey, and smiled before I headed out to the kitchen.

I started on an omelet to split for when Gage came back. Usually I’d make us one each, but we were going to be eating all day; I figured splitting this wouldn’t kill him. Just as I was sliding the omelet onto a plate, I heard the front door open and my face broke out into a wide smile.

“That’s my girl.”

I turned to look at him and saw him smiling at the jersey, then a confused look passed over his face.

“Wait, is this new?”

Holding my arms out to the sides, I couldn’t help the smile that so easily came back. “Yeah, Jake just ordered it for me last week.”

Gage’s head fell back, and he groaned. “Darlin’, I’m all for your Cowboys jersey, and now your Longhorns one . . . but
another
SMB jersey? It’s not that funny.”

“Well, it
was
that funny, but I only have one of those.” I turned so my back was facing him and took my time getting the silverware from the drawer.

“Cassidy, I love that you want to be my wife and makin’ this our home is what you wanna do. But I would never stop you if you wanted to do something, like with your photography. So even though I love that this is what you’ve chosen, I think that SMB shit is degrading.”

Okay, well apparently he wasn’t going to bite on the name I’d had put on it; I grabbed the plate and two forks and walked over to the kitchen table, rolling my eyes at him when he was watching. “Babe. It’s Jake. From anyone else it
would
probably be degrading, but no one takes him seriously anyway.”

He grumbled and sat down next to me, digging into the omelet and groaning his appreciation as soon as the first bite hit his tongue.

We ate mostly in silence, eating off the same plate and occasionally feeding each other bites. It was gushy, yes, but we were still newlyweds; we were allowed to be that way. When the omelet was gone, he sat back in his chair and pulled me onto his lap. His hand went to brush away some hair that had fallen forward, and his fingertips did their trusty pause over the pulse point on my throat.

“What do you need me to help you with today?” he asked softly as his eyes watched my chest rise and fall.

“Nothing, already finished all the prep work that I can do before we head over.”

Watching my chest must have stirred up another emotion in him, because his lips were now kissing my neck and his hands were undoing the knot I’d made at the bottom of the jersey so I wouldn’t have to tuck it in and I wouldn’t drown in it. As soon as the knot was loosened his hands were under my shirt and on my bare skin. I quickly got off his lap, collected the plate, and headed into the kitchen.

He frowned but followed me to the sink and took it from me to wash it. It’s not that I didn’t want him touching me, I was just too wound up with my news to think about that just yet. I leaned my hip against the counter to watch him silently. When he was done he turned and smiled. “Amanda’s gonna be pissed when she sees that jersey.”

“Safe to say she’ll be wearing an Aggie one?”

Gage nodded. “So what did Jake do for you this time anyway?”

Oh my God,
finally
! I bit down on my bottom lip and tried not to smile as I let him turn me around and move my hair aside to see the name
Mama Carson
.

His hand froze before he could sweep my hair all the way to the side, and I’d bet he just saw the
Mama
part. I kept silent as I waited for it to sink in. It’d been a difficult pill for me to swallow, but then again I’d grown up never wanting kids. Since starting a relationship with Gage, I’d slowly grown comfortable with the idea and actually wanted a family with him in the future. I thought we were young, way too young, but I knew someday it was what I wanted.

My period had been late, and that’s when I’d called the Carsons’ family doctor. He was the one who told me that with stressful events, especially the allergic reaction and what had happened following, it was common to be late or miss a period or two fully. But then I’d started feeling extra tired, I’d had to stop cleaning before I even started because the smell of the cleaning supplies made me want to pass out, and one morning I started crying looking at Sky . . . it was after that round of ridiculousness that I’d called an ob-gyn and made the appointment. When they’d confirmed the pregnancy at the doctor’s, all my lifelong fears of turning into my mother had come rushing back to me, and it’d taken a lot of work to remind myself I was nothing like the woman she was when liquor ran her life.

So now I still thought we were too young, but I was happy too. Beyond happy. I hadn’t been able to stop smiling since I’d gotten home that day, and now I couldn’t wait to see what Gage and his family had to say.

Gage finally draped all of my hair over my right shoulder, and his hand passed over the lettering softly before his left hand shot out and gripped the kitchen counter at the same time as he lowered himself to the floor. Or more like fell, right on his butt.

“Gage?” I spun around and squatted down to look at him. I was afraid he was about to faint, but the color in his face was tan as ever, his green eyes were bright and huge, and his mouth was slightly open. “Babe?” I whispered when he still hadn’t said anything or moved.

He didn’t say anything, but he started to get back up, so I stood and wobbled slightly when he grasped my hips. Looking down, I saw he was on his knees and just staring up at me. I smiled and felt the tears prick at my eyes just before a few fell. I ran my hand through his naturally just-got-out-of-bed hair and about melted into a puddle on the floor when his head went forward, he lifted my jersey, and he pressed his lips gently to my lower stomach. After placing two more soft kisses there, his hands left my hips and trailed gently over my abdomen before he stood up and kissed me fiercely as he lifted me into his arms, wrapped my legs around his waist, and walked us into the bedroom.

When we were both spent, I looked into his green eyes and almost didn’t want to speak. We’d just had the most emotional experience of my life, all without words, and it felt weird to use them now. But I had to hear him say it. “Does this mean you’re happy?”

His dimples took up a good portion of his cheeks. “Yeah, darlin’, I’m happy.”

“You scared me when you wouldn’t say anything for so long, and then I thought you were going to pass out on me.”

“Yeah.” He huffed a laugh. “I, uh, would’ve hit the ground a lot harder if I hadn’t grabbed the counter first. But, Cassidy, I’m so happy; I can’t tell you how happy this makes me.”

I curled into his body and placed my lips against his bare chest. “I’m glad.”

“When we last talked about it though, you hadn’t wanted a family any time soon; I didn’t even know you stopped taking your birth control.”

“Probably because I only stopped taking it about a week and a half ago when I found out I was pregnant.” I smiled against his skin when the stillness of his body gave away his even more confused state. “I guess all the medications they had me on after the sting counteracted the effects of the pill and I got pregnant anyway.”

Gage’s hand slid up and down my back, his light touch leaving goose bumps all over. “I should have thought of that.”

“We both should have, but it’s too late now and I’m not mad that we didn’t.”

He pulled my body up until he could look into my eyes. “You’re really okay with this?”

“I am.” I shrugged and smiled brightly at him. “I wasn’t at first; it really scared me. I started slipping back into my fears, but I reread the letter from my mom, and I thought about all of our conversations since I’ve been back, and the fears just started melting away. It still took a couple days, but I’m really happy now. Seriously, I can’t wait to have your baby.”