From Fake to Forever (20 page)

“Only if you’re saying the shoes are serious.” She fluttered her lashes. “Otherwise, I’m just angling for sex. No distraction involved.”

Something about her cavalier attitude or the shoes or the swirling mass of uncertainty in the pit of his stomach over the state of their marriage triggered his temper. “Maybe we should have a conversation once in a while.”

She hummed happily in her throat. “Mmm. That’s my favorite. Talking
and
sex at the same time.”

Her hands slipped from his grip and snaked back under his shirt.

He groaned. “That’s not what I meant. The merger is at a critical stage. You’ve got Avery’s job offer to consider. We’re both at the cusp of our plans coming to fruition and we can’t afford to make any missteps.”

Saucily, she cocked her head and smiled. “Sounds like a reason to celebrate naked to me.”

Then she wiggled expertly against his groin, and nuzzled his neck, working her way up to his lips, where she sucked him into a hot kiss.

He almost lost his train of thought as her tongue found his and deepened the kiss. This couldn’t go on. He wrenched away, while his body screamed to dive back in.

“Is sex all you think about?” Frustrated, he pulled her hands out of his clothes again. He couldn’t think when he got wrapped up in her seductive web.

Clueing in finally, she drew back to scowl at him. “No, sugar. Sometimes I do quadratic equations in my head when you’re inside me. What would you like me to be thinking about when you’re kissing me?”

“I’m sorry.” He blew out a breath and tilted his head to touch his forehead to hers. “I’m on edge.”

“It’s okay.” She threaded her fingers through his hair, but instead of turning him volcanic instantly, she caressed him with unveiled tenderness and it split something open inside him. “I’m here for whatever you’ve got in mind. It doesn’t have to be sex.”

He shrugged and spit out the first thing he could think of to divert attention from the affectionate moment. “Seems to be the only thing we’re good at. Which I guess is appropriate for a relationship based on sex.”

Her fingers found his chin and lifted his gaze to hers. Her expression blazed with denial and anger and something else he couldn’t begin to understand.

“That’s a crock and you know it. We’re not just screwing each other. We have an amazing connection and don’t you dare devalue what’s going on here.”

Taken aback at her forcefulness, he stared at her for a moment. “What’s going on here?”

She thumped him lightly on the head. “I’m in love with you, you big dolt. Why else would I put up with your horrible sister and your bad attitude and obvious lack of reverence for Jimmy Choos?”

“You’re in love with me?” His pulse kicked up, rushing blood from his head. “You can’t be.”

Shaking her head, she frowned. “Don’t tell me how to feel. And I guess that answers my question about whether you feel the same.”

No, it didn’t. Not at
all
. Because she hadn’t asked that and thank God she hadn’t because then he’d have to tell her the truth, which was that he didn’t know, didn’t want to think about it. “Our marriage is advantageous. Period.”

True statement. Or at least it used to be. Somewhere along the way, things had changed. And he didn’t like that, either. She’d mixed up his plans with her unwanted declarations and sweet personality and amazing insight into...everything.

“Jason.” She paused, her chest heaving. “Being in love has far more advantages than your ‘marriage is a tool’ spiel.”

“Not for me,” he countered. “Love destroyed everything I’ve ever worked for. I don’t believe in it. Don’t believe it can last, don’t believe someone can make a lifelong decision so quickly about whether a person will stick with you forever.”

That went for both of them—how could she possibly trust him with her heart after all of this? He wasn’t a good bet for a relationship.

Disappointment pulled at her mouth. “Nothing that’s happened in the last couple of weeks challenges that?”

Everything
that had happened in the past couple of weeks challenged him. He’d tried avoiding it, tried keeping things on an even keel, bargained, flung out off-the-cuff counteroffers. None of it had worked to keep this woman out of his arms or out of his heart.

And it kind of made him wonder whether that had actually been his goal. “I’ve never made a secret out of what I hoped to achieve from this marriage.”

“Well, guess what? Sometimes you don’t get what you pay for. And sometimes you do,” she countered cryptically. “Do you want to know what I wanted to get out of this marriage?”

“A divorce. You’ve been very clear.”

And he’d done everything in his power to stop that from happening. He didn’t want to let her go and he pretended it was about the merger, when in reality, it was about avoiding what was happening between them so he didn’t have to face his shortcomings. If this marriage morphed into a love affair, he’d have to be a better, different man than his father. What if he couldn’t do it?

“No. I hoped to find out who I’m going to be when I grow up.”

The memory blazed through him instantly—that first night together, in his hotel room. After she’d turned his world into a wicked den of hedonistic pleasure, they’d lain draped across his bed. The scent of her perfume had emanated from his sheets and lingered on his skin. She’d pillowed her head on his stomach, gloriously, unashamedly naked, and told him being a grown-up scared her because she didn’t know who she was going to be.

But that had been two years ago.

Puzzled at her deliberate reference to Las Vegas, he asked, “That was what the Grown-Up Pact was about. Don’t you already know?”

“I didn’t. Not for a long time. But I finally figured it out.” She contemplated him for a long moment. “I’m curious about something. You cooked up this plan to fix the broken company in Vegas, right?” When he nodded, she continued. “Say you become the CEO like you’ve envisioned and you start your merger plans. Voilà! Lynhurst Enterprises is reunited. Then what?”

What did this have to do with what she wanted to be when she grew up? “What do you mean, then what? Everything will be like it was.”

“What’s so great about that? Did the two halves complement each other? Have they struggled apart? What are you going to do with the reunited halves to prove to everyone that you had the right idea all along?”

Speechless, he stared at her. Because he had no answer. He and Avery had talked about launching a new line, but the intent was to drum up buzz and goodwill for the newly formed company. Past that, he’d done nothing to strategize or determine the best path forward.

Because he’d been too busy strategizing how to best use his marriage to keep Meredith in his arms. She’d messed him up more than he’d realized.

Her smile softened his shock. “See? You haven’t figured it out, either. These are the same kinds of questions you asked me about why wedding dresses and it helped me think through what I’m doing with my life. We need each other. I love you, but I have no idea how to be married. No idea what it means for either of us or the dreams we’ve talked about. Let’s figure out what being a grown-up means. Together. Don’t walk away this time.”

There was that word again.
Love.
It was no longer a nebulous concept he’d grown to hate because it had been Paul’s excuse for all his selfish moves two years ago. But what was it, if not that?

Confusion kicked up his temper, burning at the base of his throat. Everything had come to a head in an instant. There was no more leverage, no more excuses, just a woman freely offering her love. What if he accepted it? Would he be like his father, eventually sacrificing the good of Lynhurst Enterprises for his wife?

But how did he know what would be good for Lynhurst Enterprises? He couldn’t even answer a simple question about his post-merger plans, and his track record for earning a promotion to CEO started and ended with accidentally marrying a woman his mother approved of.

Which he’d then turned around and used as leverage to keep Meredith around. It was far worse than anything Avery had done in the pursuit of winning. A sick sense of dread heated his chest.

He couldn’t think with Meredith in his lap. Carefully, he set her on the couch and turned away, unable to look at her for fear she’d read something in his expression he didn’t want to reveal.

“I can’t—” He swallowed. He couldn’t even say it.

He didn’t deserve her. She didn’t deserve to be married to him, a manipulative SOB who’d suddenly realized he didn’t want to be handed anything because of how he’d spun the situation. They weren’t even married because he’d earned Meredith’s love. It was an accident.

She was right. He hadn’t figured out how to grow up in Vegas.

“Why can’t we go back to the way things were?” he asked, desperation pulling things out of his mouth without his consent. “Why does love have to be a part of this?”

But it was too late to go back. He knew that. Two years too late.

“Because that’s what I want,” she suggested quietly. “I won’t settle for less than everything. I spent two years trying to forget you and it didn’t work. Because I fell in love with you in Vegas and was too stupid to realize it. I want what we started back then.”

“Vegas wasn’t real.”

It had been a mirage, guiding him down the wrong path. Guiding him toward a goal he could never achieve. The broken company wasn’t going to magically come back together because he’d written a few documents describing the new corporate structure. Even if he and Avery pulled off the merger, it wouldn’t magically fix all the problems he had with his sister or with his father, both of whom he would be working with again.

And he’d become CEO because he’d gotten
married
. Not because he’d created a vision for the company’s future. Not because he’d earned it.

If Vegas wasn’t real, then neither was anything in his relationship with Meredith.

“Yes. It was real,” she insisted. “As real as what’s happening in our marriage. Can’t you see that what happened in Vegas wasn’t ever meant to stay there?”

“Vegas was about sex,” he said flatly. “You can’t sit there and tell me you were waxing philosophical when you were screaming my name that second time in the shower.”

Harsh. But he needed to distance her. For once. He didn’t trust himself one iota at this point.

Coolly, she blinked. “But afterward, I didn’t get dressed and leave. I’m glad I didn’t because that’s when we connected. It may have started out as two people with a mutual need for an anonymous release, but that’s not how it ended. The whole time, we were taking baby steps toward the future, but it’s a future where we’re together forever. That’s the point. It still hasn’t ended because neither of us wants it to end.”

As always, she read him easily. “You’re right. I could have ended this many times and I didn’t.”

Because he was incredibly selfish.
That
was how he was like his father, a danger he’d ignored, assuming love was the problem when all along it was something else entirely. Something he had no idea how to guard against.

He’d been turning their relationship to his advantage from second one, ensuring he alone had all the leverage and peeking under every rock to uncover her motives so she didn’t get the drop on him.

The whole time he’d been wondering what she was doing to him, it never occurred to him to pay attention to what he was doing to her. He’d been leading her to expectationville by inviting her into his home, and into his bed.

He owed it to her to give her the divorce she’d come for so she could get started on being a grown-up. Without him there to screw it up for her again.

“We can’t have a real marriage and I can’t be in love with you,” he told her dully.

Not yet. Maybe not ever, but he couldn’t ask her to stick around until he learned to be selfless. He owed her for everything she’d done for him. Letting her go was the right thing. The grown-up thing.

The stark emotion in her expression clawed at his windpipe and he shut his eyes for a beat. When he opened them, tears had gathered in her eyes and she shook her head in disbelief.

“That’s it? You’re giving up what we have?”

“I have to.” Let her interpret that in whatever way she chose. “I’ll sign the papers. It’s the least I can do.”

She stood and locked her knees. “This is your chance to have everything, to take what you want, like you did two years ago, like you do every time we’re together. Stop letting your head rule your heart.”

Mute, he stared at her, unable to conceive of anything else he could say that would make a difference. Besides, he was afraid if he started talking, the truth would pour out. That he’d like nothing better than to do exactly as she suggested and chuck it all in favor of a blistering love affair with his wife.

But he couldn’t. She deserved a grown-up husband.

Nodding, she firmed her mouth. “I’ll be out of the loft by five.”

“You’re leaving?”
What else would she do, moron?
It hadn’t quite hit him that he was letting her go forever until that moment.

“Yeah. Me and my broken heart will go somewhere you’re not, but this time, I won’t come back.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a slip of paper, then scribbled something on it. “Send the divorce papers to this address.”

He glanced at it.
Houston.
So she was going home. That was best for her. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry it had to end this way.”

She nodded and fled to the bedroom.

He got his bag and went to the office after all, without saying goodbye. There was no way he could watch her pack.

Once at his desk, he didn’t turn on his laptop. Instead, he rested his aching head on the cool cover and wondered if Meredith even realized he’d sacrificed his CEO position and put the merger in jeopardy by giving her the divorce she no longer wanted.

If she went home, Avery would lose Allo for sure, and Hurst would crumble. No one on Lyn’s executive team would approve a merger with a failing company. And Bettina would yank back her support for his promotion without a wife by his side.

And the only part he cared about was that he’d hurt Meredith, which he would never forgive himself for. Somehow, he had to find a way to make it up to her.