From This Day Forward (34 page)

Although Nathan had an idea this was the case, that his father was not James Stuart, knowing it for a fact left a numbness in his chest. He had loved the man he called Papa. He had loved his grandfather. Now he knew the “truth” of why Grandfather turned his back on all those years of love—all because of his hatred of anything English. It should have made it easier to understand. It did not. For thirty-five years Nathan had thought of him as his grandfather, and now he was supposed to forget all those years.

“I was asked to leave Pinecrest. Jamie’s father could not tolerate me there once he knew the truth about his son’s marriage and your birth. I only agreed if he would include you equally in his will. We made a deal. I would return to England and not have anything to do with my children. He would make sure my children, especially you, were provided for. From your letter, I learn he has broken his word.”

Anger surged through Nathan, flowing through his bloodstream to all parts of his body. He bolted to his feet and crushed the letter in his hand. The least his mother could have done was tell him the truth when he had first written her. Then he would not have spent the past five years trying to figure out what he had done wrong to change his grandfather’s feelings toward him. Yes, they had fought over Eliza, but they should have been able to mend that rift.

Tossing the letter to the ground, he strode to the barn to saddle his horse. It was time he and his grandfather had the talk they should have had years ago.

Rachel watched Nathan storm inside the barn.
Should I go talk to him? Something is wrong.
She stared at the discarded letter under the elm tree. The breeze rolled it over the dirt toward a puddle of rainwater. She headed out the door to rescue the note. Nathan might want it later.

As she stepped outside, Nathan emerged from the barn, mounted his horse, and set his steed into a gallop down the road. Rachel opened her mouth to call out, but the fierce expression on Nathan’s face underscored his fury. At the person who wrote the letter? Or someone else?

Sarah came up behind her. “Where is Nathan going?”

“I don’t know. I gave him a letter. He went outside to read it and then left.” Rachel gestured to the balled-up paper on the ground. “That is it.”

Sarah marched to the letter and snatched it up before it rolled into the puddle. She unfolded the paper and read it. A frown descended over her features, reminding Rachel of how Nathan had looked when he read it.

She hurried to her friend. “Who is it from? What is wrong?”

“ ’Tis from our mama.” Sarah lifted tear-filled eyes. “Telling Nathan that our father is not really his. That his father is Edward Worthington, who recently died in England and has left Nathan a large fortune. It appears that Mama went back to Edward when she was in England.”

“Where do you think Nathan is going?”

“To Pinecrest. Grandfather knew about Edward and did not tell Nathan.”

That explained so much to Rachel—the anger and anguish she had seen on Nathan’s face as he read the letter. His pain reached across the expanse and gripped her. “I need to be there. He will need someone to talk to after seeing his grand—your grandfather.”

“With how Grandfather feels about you?”

“I don’t care. Nathan has always been here for me. I
need
to do this for him.”

“I don’t think it is a good idea.”

Rachel pivoted away from Sarah and rushed back into the house. “John, may I borrow one of your horses? Using the cart with the ox would take too long. I need to get to Pinecrest.”

John peered over Rachel’s shoulder at Sarah coming into the house, a question in his eyes.

“I believe Nathan left to have words with Grandfather.” Sarah walked to her husband and gave him the letter.

After John read it, he glanced up at Rachel. “I will go with you.” Then he turned to Sarah and said, “Will you wait here or do you want Moses to drive you and the children to Charleston? I will come when this is over.”

Sarah folded her arms over her chest. “I’m staying. This concerns my family.”

“Let’s go.” Rachel strode out the door and toward the barn.

The images of Mr. Stuart paraded across her mind—all angry, as though he had felt betrayed. Now she knew why. But Nathan had nothing to do with it.

Nathan ignored Patrick as he charged into the house at Pinecrest. His grandfather at this time of day was always in the library. He headed for that room, but when he swung the door open, no one was inside.

“Where is he?” Nathan demanded, curling and uncurling his hands.

“What’s going on? Grandfather received a letter and has not said a word since. He is out in Mama’s garden, sitting on the bench.”

“A letter? From whom?”

“He did not say. He took it with him.”

As Nathan strode toward the garden, he ignored his younger brother’s pleas to tell him what was going on. He was not even sure himself. But he intended to find out, once and for all. He found his grandfather—he could not think of the man in any other terms. Suddenly, as he closed the space between them, scene after scene flitted through his mind—his grandfather teaching him to ride, to shoot a musket, to fish. The long discussions they had about the Democrats and Federalists trying to run the country, the escalating troubles between America and England.

Nathan slowed his pace. He had learned so much from his grandfather. What must it have been like for him to discover suddenly that Nathan was not really his grandson? That must have turned his world upside down.
As it has mine
.

His grandfather saw him and struggled to his feet, leaning on his cane. “What are you doing here?”

“I received a letter today from Mama.” Nathan waved his hand toward the paper clutched by his grandfather. “Did you too?”

He scowled. “Yes. I am surprised, though, to see you here. She told me she wrote you a letter telling you everything.”

Nathan nodded, his throat so tight he was afraid his voice wouldn’t work.

“Your real father died recently. She said she did not have to be silent any longer, because he provided for you in his will. He had no heirs, except you. Congratulations. I understand you will be a rich man.”

“The money is unimportant to me.”

His grandfather’s eyebrow rose. “What is important to you? That little Englishwoman you have been helping?”

Fury flooded Nathan. His hands squeezed into fists. He tried to inhale a deep breath but could not seem to get enough air into his lungs. “We are leaving Rachel out of this conversation.”

“There is no need for a conversation. I am sure your mother told you all the sordid details. What I don’t understand is why my son would agree to marry her when she was with child. I thought I had raised him better than that. Oh, I know he thought he was in love with your mother, but love has nothing to do with marriage. I am sure he figured that out when your mother did not return his love.”

Nathan backed away, feeling the blast of hatred emanating from the old man. The childhood memories of their times together had been based on a lie. Now that the truth was out, his grandfather did not have the capability of forgiving and letting go of the past. That would not change. Why did he think it might if only he came to see him?

“I feel sorry for you. Your hatred will eat you up. It takes up too much energy. I came to tell you I have forgiven you for the way you treated me. I should have been told the truth from the beginning. Both you and Mama did me no favors keeping it between you. For that matter, Papa too.” He would not end up like his grandfather, letting the past rule his whole life. He had for the past years, but not any longer.

“He was
not
your father. I am
not
your grandfather.”

“In my heart you are, and he will always be my father to me. Family is about ties that go beyond blood, but you cannot see that. For the past five years I have wondered what was wrong with me that you and I could not return to the relationship we once had. Now I know there was not anything wrong with me. Only you. Your life is sad. You are sad. I will pray for you.”

Nathan pivoted and strode away, probably never to return to Pinecrest until his grandfather passed away. Not having the energy to explain everything to Patrick, he made his way around to the front of the house where he had left his horse. He would let his brother get the truth from Grandfather. After the emotional upheaval of the past month, all he wanted to do was return to the farm and sleep for days.

When he rounded the side of the house he had grown up in, Nathan saw Rachel and John waiting by his horse. The sight of them threatened to break down the barriers around his heart, but all he had to remember was the coldness his grandfather had exhibited to shore up the wall he had erected to protect himself. He could not go through another five years as he just had.

He blanked any expression on his face and approached the pair. “You rode all the way over here for nothing. We had better leave. It will be getting dark soon.”

“Are you all right?” Rachel asked, covering the distance to him.

“Yes, why would I not be? I just found out I’m a rich man.”

She winced.

He skirted her and vaulted into his saddle, leaving John to help Rachel mount. Nathan clenched the reins so tightly his hands ached. He did not care. He needed the pain to ward off the grief of finally losing a grandfather he had loved—still loved in spite of what the man felt. Love was not for him. It hurt too much.

After Rachel and John were on their horses, Nathan tapped the sides of his and galloped away from Pinecrest.

For two days Rachel had endured Nathan’s silence. After supper each night he had returned to the barn, where he had his bed. The evenings after the children went to sleep were lonely nights for Rachel, sitting by the light trying to sew a gown for Mrs. Bridges. She had enjoyed Nathan’s company. Maddy was often with Mr. Baker. She wouldn’t be surprised if he asked her to marry him soon. Then what would she do, with both Maddy and Nathan gone?

After nursing and changing Faith’s nappy, Rachel swung her around, listening to her child’s laughter. She had thought by coming to the farm she could become independent, but that was not what happened. She had become dependent on Nathan for friendship and support, as well as Maddy. She could not cut herself off from the people she cared about—not like Nathan could. He even shut out his sister when he came back to the farm. All he had told Sarah was that it was over between himself and her grandfather, then he had retreated to the barn.

Rachel cuddled Faith to her. “Are you ready to help me outside? It is washing day.”

Faith scrunched up her tiny mouth as though she understood what Rachel had said about the laundry and hated it as much as she did.

“I know. Not fun. But it has to be done. Maddy is already outside getting everything set up. It will be cooler out there. Well, perhaps just a little.” Heat was building up in the house, and she walked to the door and opened it. After she stepped over the threshold, she propped up a board against the doorframe, a device Moses had made for her to help keep creatures out of the house when she left the door open for a breeze to cool the interior.