FUSE (12 page)

"You can't do it this week?"

"I have plans almost every night this week," he says quietly as he stands. "I need to get back to my studio. Good luck with the application."

I don't turn as he walks away. It's happened. Bridget was right. Beck met someone else and I've been kicked to the curb.

B
eck

It should be better like this. The only problem is that it isn't. When I saw her at the coffee shop last week, I saw the woman I want to make love to. I saw the only woman who has made me want to be an honest and good man. I saw the woman who holds my heart within the palm of her hand. Zoe can break me. She can make me fall to my knees.

She's oblivious to it all. When she looks at me she sees a friend.  She doesn't want me the same way I want her and if I don't walk away from her now, one day she's going to come to my studio and tell me she's fallen in love with someone who isn't worthy of her and I'll have to watch her plan a life with him. I'm smart enough to know that what I feel for her transcends anything I've ever felt in my life before. I would sacrifice everything to erase her past for her. I would give up every worldly possession I own if it would wipe her memory clean of that day on the bridge.

I can't fall in love with her. I won't do it. If I walk away now, I'll save myself the pain.

"Brighton," Jerry bellows my name into the empty space as he walks through the studio door. "What the fuck is going on? I read online that you're headed to London to organize a museum showing."

"Shit," I whisper under my breath. I thought the news wouldn't break until I was an ocean away from Jerry. "I'm not leaving tomorrow. It's next month."

"You're not going anywhere." He brushes past me. "Every piece you've got here is going into our gallery show. You're not doing the museum. It's not happening."

I appreciate everything Jerry does for me, but I'm still the one cutting his check. "I'm doing both."

"You can't do both."

"Why the fuck not?" I spit the question at him. "It's my work. I say what we do."

"Show me all the paintings that you've got done for the museum." He waves his chubby hand around the barren space. "I don’t see them. Do you?"

He's a bastard sometimes and he knows it. If I didn't trust him as much as I do, I'd fire him and find a new manager but at this point in my career, the thought of bringing someone else on board is too stressful. I can't do it. I need the asshole just as much as he needs me.

"I'll get them done."

"Show me what you've done this week." His hand grips the edge of the blank canvas I've been staring at for days. "Nothing has changed since I was here a week ago."

He's right. I've been here all day, virtually every single day, and I haven't painted a single stroke. All I've done is think about Zoe and how dejected she looked when I walked out of the café and left her sitting there.

"You have to get it together, Brighton." He picks up a brush. "You're on the cusp of a comeback, don't fuck this up. You mess up again and it's going to be over."

It's dramatic. I doubt like hell that my work will stop selling if I don't follow through on the contract we signed two weeks ago for the gallery space.

"I'm not messing up." I eye him with a pleading look. "I'm going to get it done."

"You're going to take off to London with these paintings and bail on me, aren't you?"

I'd thought about it. Going to London next month is based partially on my desire to do the museum show there and it's also the perfect escape from my life here. The undeniable urge to flee my responsibilities is taking over again and it's all because I can’t get Zoe out of my mind.

***

"W
hat are you doing here?"

Zoe turns towards me at the sound of my voice. Her gaze is empty. "Albert had the check ready for the non-profit. I came to pick it up."

"I didn't know you'd be here." I move around her to walk into the room from the doorway.

"He said you haven't been showing up until late afternoon so I thought I'd have time before you got here." Her eyes don't settle on me at all. They are glued to where Albert is sitting behind his desk. "I can leave and have him mail it."

"You're here now." I rest my jacket on the coffee table. "I need to get to work."

Albert's head pops up from where it's been buried within some documents on his desk. He's been bullshitting her. I haven't left the studio most nights. The couch isn't the most comfortable but I've been able to drift off to sleep for at least a few hours before he's shown up every day at ten to start work. Today, when he waltzed in here two hours ago, I had brushed past him to say I was going home to shower and change clothes. He knew I'd be right back. He asked her to come down here so I'd have to face her.

"Thank you again for the check." Her voice is soft and warm.

I know it's a bad idea but I look at her. I look at her beautiful face because I want to see it one last time. After today, I'm going to get my shit together and go to London. I can't wait until next month. Knowing she's in the same city as I am is suffocating me from the inside out.

The pain on her face is devastating. It almost brings me to my knees because this time when I look into her eyes, it's not someone else who pulled her apart. This time I'm the asshole who has made her feel that.

"You need to go, Albert," I say the words loudly before I even register what I'm doing. "You're done for the day."

"What?"

"Get out." I motion towards the door behind Zoe. "Leave now. Right now."

He doesn't wait more than a beat before he's on his feet. I can see him moving quickly through the corner of my eye.

"I'll be back tomorrow, sir." 

"Fine," I whisper the word against my lips as I hear the door shut, leaving me, and the woman I know now I'm falling in love with, standing in silence.

Z
oe

When Albert called me to tell me to come down to Beck's office I'd taken more than an hour to choose something to wear. It was as if I was planning one of those big reveals that you see on morning television shows when they give someone a makeover. I'd put on every single dress I own and finally decided on the simple grey wool shift dress that I'd worn when I first came to his studio weeks ago. I'd put on makeup today, hoping that by some odd chance, he'd show up here while I was here.

My heart had literally stopped a full beat when I heard the heavy door behind me opening. It could have been Jerry, or a courier, but I knew it was Beck. I felt him as the door opened. That sense that I get when he's near me was heightened.

"Beck?" I say his name knowing that once I walk out of here today, I'll likely never say it to his face again.

"What is it, Zoe?"

"Is she good to you?" I can't look at him when he answers that. I don't really want to know but I have to know. I've been thinking about what the woman he's met must be like. Judging by what I've read online about who he's dated in the past, she's going to be nothing like I am.

He takes a step towards me. "Who?"

"I don't know her name." I shrug my shoulders slightly. "I mean there's nothing online written about her yet."

His brow furrows slightly. "About who?"

"About the woman you're seeing." I push my boot against the exposed concrete of the floor. "I don't need to know her name. I'd rather not know. I just want to know that she's not going to hurt you."

He swallows hard as he sucks in a deep breath. He pulls his hand through his messy hair. "I'm not seeing anyone, Zoe. There's no one."

"Not seeing," I clarify. "Sleeping with? I know that it's not my business but I know you've been hurt before and I hope that she's good to you."

"Zoe." He steps even closer and I lean my back into the door. "I haven't met anyone. I'm not seeing anyone or involved with anyone. There is no one in my life."

My eyes travel a slow path over his heavy brows, past his vibrant blue eyes and chiseled features before they settle on his lips. "You're not seeing anyone?"

"I spend all of my time here." He's almost touching me now he's so close. "I stay here all day and almost every night."

I can't absorb the words. I'd been under the assumption, since I saw him at the coffee shop the day I handed in my application for law school that he pulled back so abruptly because he met someone else. It was the silent explanation I needed to justify how cold he had become to me. Even this past week, when I'd sent him two text messages asking if he was having a good day, he'd never replied.

"What did I do?" I whisper the question quietly into the narrow space between us even though I know every article in the magazines I read would tell me to keep a firm upper lip and play hard to get. Advice like that only works when the man in question actually wants you in a way that doesn't involve being best friends.

He retreats almost immediately both physically and emotionally. A haze takes over his expression as he turns to walk towards Albert's desk. "I need some water. Do you want something?"

"I want the truth, Beck."

He exhales slowly as he bends to pull two water bottles out of the fridge. "I've always been honest with you, Zoe."

"No, you haven't been," I challenge.

His back is still facing me as he opens a bottle and downs more than half of its contents in a single swallow. "I don't want to lie to you."

"Answer one question for me." I can feel my heart thudding. My mind is racing back to my conversation with Bridget about friendship and risk. "Just one question, Beck and then I'll leave you alone."

He turns toward me again now. His features have softened. He's more in control. "I'll answer anything you want me to, Zoe."

"Have you ever thought about kissing me?" I pull my hand towards my neck. I feel so exposed. I'm putting it all out there because this is it. If I don't do this now, I may never get another chance again. "Did you ever think of me as more than just a friend?"

The bottle of water that's in his hand falls with a dull thud to the floor as he lunges forward. Before I can register what's happening, he grabs my face with both his hands and finally pushes his beautiful, full lips into mine.

B
eck

Her kiss tastes like nothing I've experienced before. Her lips are soft and supple. I feel her hands tangle in my hair as she guides my mouth over hers.

"Zoe," I breathe into the kiss. There's so much that I want to say to her.

She moans in response as I press my entire body against her and into the door. I want to take her right here. I want to be inside of her and I want to give her pleasure that will erase every other man who has touched her, from her mind forever.

"You're so beautiful." I suck in a deep breath as I move my hand down her neck. I tilt her head to the side so I can run my lips along the elegant curve of her skin. "You're the most beautiful woman I know, Zoe."

I sense the smile on her lips as she lightly kisses my forehead. "You've never said that to me."

There are a million things I haven't said to her but need to. They're all sitting on my tongue, waiting to come out but I can't express any of them right now. I'm desperate for her. I feel as though I've been kept from sustenance my entire life and now, finally in this moment, I've been given the one thing I craved all along.

"I want you so much." I try to calm the words. I don't want them to sound as heated and desperate as the desire behind them does.

She pulls back slightly and I stare at her face. Her lips are plump and swollen. Her skin is flushed. Her eyes are wide and open as she locks them on mine. "I want you too, Beck."

It's all I need. I kiss her again, harder this time. I can't get enough of the taste of her breath. I drop my hand to her leg. I want to feel her core. I have to give her pleasure.

Her hands leap to my chest and she pushes softly against it. "What if Albert comes back? What if someone comes?"

I reach beside her to the lock and latch it in place before I push both of my hands into the door on either side of her. "No one can get in. It's just the two of us."

She pushes her mouth back into mine. Her tongue is soft and lush. She runs it over my bottom lip before she licks the top. Her hands are back on my face now, cradling my cheeks as she kisses me deeply and tenderly.

I drop my hand to her leg again and I'm rewarded with a deep moan. Her feet part slightly and I take the invitation she's giving to me.

She whimpers softly into the kiss as I race my hand up her leg towards her panties. The first touch of the damp silk pulls a deep ache from my already throbbing dick. I push the panties aside and dive my fingers into the silk wetness of her cleft in one slick movement. We moan in unison.

She's so wet, so soft and so ready. I grind my jean covered groin into her as I push one finger into her channel. She's so tight. I want to be inside of her. I want to pull my cock out right now and push into her balls deep. I want her legs wrapped around my waist as I empty all of my desire into her.

I circle her clit with my thumb as she lets out a low, slow and deep moan. I push against her chest with mine, securing her against the door as my lips find her chin. "Your pussy, Zoe. Your pussy is so wet."

She moans with the words as a deep blush races over her cheeks. "Beck. Please."

"You want me to taste this, don't you?" I can already tell that the sound of my voice is adding to her arousal. "I want it so much."

The sound that escapes her is soft and low. She parts her lips to say something but all that I hear is her breathing, hard and labored.

I'm on my knees in an instant.  I pull her panties to the side as I run my tongue over her folds in one long and painfully exquisite movement. I hold onto her thighs, pushing them apart.

Her hands both fall to my hair as she pulls me closer to her. She's not reluctant and I'm grateful for that. I want her to show me what she wants. I need to hear the tortured sounds she's making that are telling me that I'm giving her everything she needs.

I'm a selfish lover. I take what I can from a woman but with Zoe, it's different. I want to taste her sweetness as she comes for me. I want to touch her deeply until she's quivering on my hand. I want to slide my cock slowly in out and out of her until she can't stand it a moment longer.