Authors: Eleanor Wood
The rest of the week at school is pretty weird, after what happened to Amie, but I keep my head down and will it to go quickly. I’ve been waiting for this weekend for so long, I just keep my face buried in a book and my eyes on the prize.
On Saturday night, I rock up at the Arts Centre bang on time, in shiny new American Apparel leggings and my old Trouble Every Day T-shirt. And, of course, I’m the only one here. Typical. It’s my birthday, and I’m the one hanging around waiting. Still, I’m not going to get stressed about it because I have hit the birthday jackpot this year – not only is my birthday on a Saturday, but this weekend heralds the start of half term. Then there’s the added stroke of rare luck that has meant Trouble Every Day are playing here on my actual birthday. Best present imaginable, frankly.
I’ve already had a pretty good day – my mum let me sleep in undisturbed until a relatively civilised hour; we had pancakes for breakfast, and pizza and birthday cake for lunch; and, as well as the new leggings and other bits from my mum, Pete bought me the Alfred Hitchcock DVD boxed set – enough to keep me going for months – and Daisy gave me a really cool headband from Topshop.
Now, outside the Arts Centre, I hang about until finally Shimmi appears. She couldn’t look any more out of place if she tried. She’s done up as serious jailbait in her knee-high boots and tiny dress; her parents are usually so strict that, whenever she gets out of the house, she goes crazy and rebels in every possible way she can. As she picks her way over to me, Shimmi doesn’t even appear to have noticed that she’s drowning in a sea of ripped plaid and dirty denim on all sides. My own Converse might be the same as everyone else’s in the vicinity, but there’s a reason for that – my friend is not going to be much good in the mosh pit.
‘Some of the guys here would be quite hot if they had a wash!’ she exclaims loudly, giving me a kiss on the cheek. ‘Happy birthday, babe.’
The only thing that sucks about the otherwise perfect timing of my birthday is that it means Nathalie isn’t here. She’s been shipped off to Dubai with her mum for half term – no arguments. Excited as I am, it’s a shame Nathalie isn’t here tonight.
Anyway, more to the point: Trouble Every Day. They’re my favourite band in the world and, better yet, they’re sort of local. They’ve had a couple of singles played on 6 Music and have had a few write-ups in the
NME
, so people all over the place have heard of them, but they’re only a few years older than us and from a couple of towns away. Their song
Everything and Nothing
is my favourite song of all time, and I am officially In Love with their singer, Vincent August. He is, basically, the ideal man, in my humble, and admittedly limited, opinion. He writes all of the band’s lyrics, so is clearly amazingly sensitive and intelligent, is brilliant on vocals
and
guitar, and has the most beautiful face in the known galaxy.
Everyone at school knows exactly how much I love Trouble Every Day and, more specifically, Vincent August. So much so that I’m not even pretending to be cool tonight. I am so excited my stomach’s fizzing like I’ve ingested a whole tube of Berocca.
‘Oh my God, I can’t believe we haven’t seen them live since last year. Do you even realise, they hadn’t released
Promises Written on Water
then? It was brand new on their website last month. So, if they play it tonight, it’ll be the first time we’ve heard it live!’
‘Big wow. Hysterical much?’ Shimmi mutters.
We’ve had our hands stamped and are about to go into the venue when Shimmi stops statue-still. ‘OK, don’t look now – but right behind us, five o’clock…’
Of course, I automatically swivel around to look, but Shimmi grabs me. ‘I
said
don’t look, you moron! Look at me, read my lips: right behind us, weirdo twins, hockey massacre alert!’
‘No way!’Sure enough, the twins are sitting on a bench across from us, peering intently into the depths of Elyse’s bag.
‘Dare me to go and talk to them?’
‘Shimmi, come on, we’ll miss the —’ There’s little to no point in me finishing my sentence.
‘Hey,’ Shimmi greets them. ‘Mucho impressed by your moves on the hockey pitch this week – serve that snotty cow Amie Bellend right.’
‘Didn’t you hear, it was an “accident”,’ Elyse drawls. ‘She
is
a snotty cow, though.’
‘She’s the worst of the lot. Good thing you’re not friends with her any more…’
‘Yeah, it turned out we didn’t really have a whole lot in common. You’re Shimmi, right?’ Elyse grins. ‘Hey, Sorana – nice T-shirt.’
‘Um, thanks?’
I can’t work out if Elyse is making fun of me or not – probably because my gut instinct is that everybody is, all of the time – until she opens up her old army jacket to display the fact that she’s wearing the exact same one.
And that’s it. We’re off – all about how Elyse loves Trouble Every Day as much as I do, and so does Melanie. As we babble excitedly, it feels for a second like someone gets it. Then Shimmi starts to join in and I nearly burst out laughing, because I have never heard her so
jazzed
about Trouble Every Day in my whole life. I mean, Shimmi listens to Mariah’s greatest hits.
‘Oh, yeah, me too. Totally, deffo. My favourite one’s… What’s it called, again, Sorana? Something about “dead leaves in the winter” or some shit like that.’
‘
Dead Flowers in the Fireplace
!’ Elyse and I chant in chorus.
Then we all do burst out laughing. On the door, Shimmi and I show our hand stamps while the twins hand over their tickets, but instead of going straight ahead into the venue, Elyse immediately veers left and up the stairs.
‘Where are we going?’ I ask Elyse. ‘The gig’s downstairs.’
‘Yeah, I know – but the bar’s upstairs. Trouble Every Day won’t be on until nine, nine-thirty at the earliest. I’m not really up for seeing some crappy local support band called…’ she consults her ticket ‘…Mission to Mars, thanks very much.’
Tonight’s gig is an all-ages night, but the Arts Centre hosts all sorts of different events and the bar is still over-eighteens only – I know, from having come here to see a Polly Stenham play with my mum last year, that the upstairs bar is a candle-lit cavern with a small balcony overlooking the stage. When we walk in now, it’s a different proposition altogether. It’s still dark, lit only by candles and fairy lights – but it’s noisy and full of cool people, mostly a bit older than us as all the younger kids are downstairs.
This is where, left to my own devices, I would hover in the doorway for a moment before turning back down the stairs, defeated. Elyse pushes her way through the crowd and straight up to the bar. I follow her without question.
‘A bottle of house red and four glasses, please.’
‘Thanks,’ I say as she hands me a brimming glass – as much for saving me from having to order, as for the drink itself.
‘Cheers,’ Elyse replies, holding up her glass in a toast and grinning around the group.
‘Cheers,’ we all echo.
‘And happy birthday, Sorana!’ Shimmi adds.
As soon as Shimmi says this, Elyse appears to be suspended, mid-motion, in mid-air. Then, gradually, her face comes back to life and she looks over to Melanie, then at me. Once her eyes have locked on me, they don’t move away again. It’s like being trapped in oncoming headlights on the motorway.
‘It’s your birthday? Today?’
I nod.
‘And you’re seventeen?’
‘Yes,’ I say, wondering if I’m missing the point somewhere along the line here.
‘So you’re a Gemini?’
‘Yeah…’
‘Well, why didn’t you say so?’ Elyse suddenly begins cackling with manic laughter and envelops me in a huge hug. ‘Trouble Every Day are playing tonight and it’s your birthday
and
we all bumped into each other – it really is a sign! Here’s to your birthday, Sorana! Here’s to
you
!’
Just as Elyse predicted, we can hear from here that Mission to Mars are pretty dire. We chat and drink our wine and don’t pay too much attention. But as soon as the support set has finished, I’m starting to get antsy. I finish my drink and watch helplessly as other gangs of girls stake out their places at the front, sitting down cross-legged on the floor to bag the space.
‘Elyse…’
Elyse smiles into my eyes and holds up a hand to stop Shimmi halfway through an anecdote about the time her brother grew marijuana plants in their dad’s greenhouse without him noticing.
‘Come on. It’s time for Trouble Every Day!’
We’re spinning and jumping and whirling and dancing and screaming along with every word. I can feel the bass going all the way through me, from the soles of my feet, and it’s the best feeling because it’s all my favourite songs; it’s the music I love and it’s my birthday and I’m unexpectedly surrounded by friends. Vincent August is hotter than a thousand suns and the band seem to be playing harder than I have ever seen before.
I’m dancing with Elyse, both of us singing along and utterly unself-conscious, when I feel eyes on me, the distinct sensation out of nowhere that I am being watched. I look up, and see a boy staring at me. I come to a total standstill for a moment as the music fades away and rings like silence in my ears.
It takes me a moment to register that he’s the most beautiful boy I have ever seen – like a Kurt Cobain or a Robert Pattinson – you have to look through a thin layer of grunge before you notice the perfect bones underneath. The sort of heartbreaking face you could hang on a charm bracelet or keep in your box of special things under your bed. He’s leaning against the wall, standing apart from the crowd. His hair is flopping in his eyes and he is looking through it and right at me.
‘Earth to Sorana!’ Elyse yells in the direction of my ear and seizes my arm. ‘You all right?’
‘Yeah…’
My heart sinks – I am standing next to the most beautiful blonde the Arts Centre, if not the world, has ever seen. I couldn’t help but feel like we had a moment back there, but he was probably looking at Elyse. When I look back, he is gone.
I try to forget it, and just keep dancing. Way too soon, before I know it, it’s all over.
‘Listen,’ Elyse says to Shimmi and me as soon as the music stops, she and Mel hugging both of us. ‘We’ve got to run and get our lift. See you soon, yeah?’
Now that the lights have come up and the crowd is rapidly dispersing, the room looks a bit sad. Suddenly, it’s just Shimmi and me, alone again and a bit tired and sweaty. Shimmi’s make-up is all over the place; I can feel that my face is shiny and my hair lanker than ever, without even having to look in a mirror. The spell is definitely broken.
As we trail outside to wait for Pete, it’s just in time for me to see Elyse and Melanie across the road, climbing into the back of a car. That’s when I realise it’s him – the beautiful boy from earlier, with the floppy hair and the face made of unattainable dreams – sitting in the front passenger seat. Elyse didn’t speak to him all night or give any indication that she knew him; now she is getting into a car with him – and, cringingly I realise, I had been stupid enough to think that he might be looking at me.
Shimmi is oblivious as I watch another unknown, shadowy boy climb into the driver’s seat, before they speed away. Fortunately, then Pete pulls up in my mum’s Volvo and beeps jauntily.
‘How was your night, ladies?’
For a minute I had almost forgotten, but the magic still hasn’t worn off yet and suddenly it all comes flooding back. Shimmi and I grin at each other in the rear-view mirror.
‘It was brilliant,’ we say in perfect unison.
When Elyse rings me on Sunday night – less than twenty-four hours after the gig – I am beyond thrilled, but apprehensive.
‘Hey, I was thinking – do you want to come over to ours tomorrow?’ she asks.
‘Um. I’d love to – but I can’t, really. I’m supposed to have an exciting half-term schedule of revising and keeping an eye on my little sister while my mum’s at work…’
‘So, you and your sister are home alone? Cool. We’ll come over to you. Text me your address.’
The phone goes dead before I can say another word. I don’t have time to argue, even if I want to – luckily I don’t. Elyse has just decided that this is happening and there is no room for discussion. I’m too thrilled to worry much about the logistics.
I’m not entirely sure how I am going to clear it with my mum but, for once, I know I’m prepared to fight for this one if I have to. I corner her on her own in the bathroom before she goes to bed.
‘Mum, I was wondering… Tomorrow, is it OK if my friends Elyse and Melanie come over for a bit?’
‘The new girls you met up with at the concert? I don’t see why not. How about Shimmi and Nathalie?’ she says through a mouthful of toothpaste.
‘Nathalie’s gone away for half term, but I’ll see if Shim’s around. Thanks, Mum.’
I’d been working myself up so much about it, I kind of can’t believe it’s this easy.
‘Hey, I trust you not to burn the joint down, and I really do appreciate you keeping an eye on Daisy during the day this week.’
‘It’s cool; I don’t mind.’ I shrug. ‘If I can have friends over in the day, it’ll be really great.’
‘No problem. I’m just glad you seem a bit perkier since you had such a good birthday and met these girls.’
‘Yeah. They’re really cool.’
There is a pause as my mum looks at me intently.
‘We’ve been a bit worried about you, to be honest. You haven’t seemed very happy recently, so I’m pleased things are looking up.’
‘Yeah. I think they are. Don’t worry, Mum.’
Daisy and I are only lazing about the house, watching TV and eating snacks, but on Monday morning – despite the immense relief of not being at school – I find myself feeling a bit nervous. I’m wearing eyeliner, just in case, and checking my phone approximately every three seconds.
See, this is what a normal school holiday day is like round at my house – just me and Daisy, bickering over the computer, maybe walking into town later, maybe Shimmi or one of Daisy’s friends coming over. Try as I might, I simply cannot imagine how Elyse and Melanie will slot in.
At the gig, with a bottle of wine, it was different. Here, surely they’ll be bored out of their minds or else they’ll want to raid my mum’s drinks cabinet, invite boys over and smoke fags in the sitting room, while I quietly panic and my mum kills me. They might not even turn up. I texted my address to Elyse last night and haven’t heard from her since.
Then the doorbell rings and the book I was reading clatters to the floor.
‘God, what is
wrong
with you?’ Daisy mutters as she goes to answer it. ‘It’s only Shimmi.’
‘Yo, ladies,’ she announces herself, strolling in with a box of Krispy Kreme and a stack of DVDs.
‘You two are weird,’ says Daisy, grabbing a doughnut and disappearing upstairs.
It’s the first time Shimmi and I have seen each other since the gig, and we haven’t really had the chance to talk yet. We look at each other in excitement, about to explode with girly gossip and hysteria, but before we can open our mouths the doorbell rings again and they are here.
Elyse, Melanie and Shimmi come over every day for half term. We watch loads of films, listen to Trouble Every Day on repeat, eat junk food, walk into town to try on clothes and go to Nandos, read magazines, and chat about anything and everything. Even these ordinary activities have been elevated by having a cool gang around who, for the first time in my life, actually seem to ‘get’ me.
We have loads of stuff in common, especially Elyse and me. As well as Trouble Every Day, we basically like all the same music. Brand-new stuff that no one else I know has heard of, like Tied To The Mast, Terminal Gods and Jack Lucan; but we’re even into all the same weird old bands, from Sonic Youth to The Velvet Underground to Mudhoney and Bikini Kill. I don’t know anyone else my age in this town who has ever heard of a single one of these.
They don’t completely share my love of Nabokov and Murakami, but they are a million miles from most of the semi-literate girls in my class who only read
Heat
. Mel’s been looking through all of Pete’s art books, and Elyse found an old book I had on star signs and got really excited – she said she’s really into reading about astrology and all sorts of ‘alternative’ stuff that I’m pretty interested in, but would be laughed at for admitting at school. We’ve been poring through our horoscopes in all of Shimmi’s magazines and it’s been great.
This is pretty revelatory – I was starting to think I could go my whole life without meeting any real soulmate-type friends, people with whom I had anything in common other than proximity.
Elyse and I have been talking non-stop, looking up band websites together and swapping clothes, in a way that I’ve never done with anyone else before. Melanie’s much quieter than Elyse, but so sweet and nice to have around. Even Shimmi is different with the twins here – retaining all of the cool and funny elements that make her Shimmi, but a bit less silly and eager to impress than she is around some of the other girls at school.
It’s just a shame that Nathalie’s not here. I feel a bit bad that she has had to be left out of all this – I know I would be absolutely gutted if the situation were reversed. Although I feel bad she’s missing out, I can’t wait for her to come back so I can tell her the good news – like, ‘Hey, guess what? While you were away, we suddenly became cool!’
However, it’s amazing how quickly it starts to feel normal. In fact, there’s only one incident all week that
doesn’t
feel normal.
We all trek into town one afternoon, and, while the others are messing about at the Boots make-up counters, Elyse suddenly grabs my arm and pulls me away.
‘Come on, there’s something I want to show you,’ she says, breaking off from the others and propelling me down the street at a jog before any of them have even noticed what’s happening.
We come to a stop outside the window of a small hippy shop that I’ve never been in before. It’s full of crystals, dream-catchers and silver jewellery. I’d never have thought to set foot in a place like this before, but it’s really beautiful. I look over at Elyse and she is mesmerised. She eventually tears her eyes away and leads the way inside.
We are greeted by the shivering jingle of wind chimes as we open the door. The atmosphere in the shop is studiedly serene, with soft music playing and lights flickering; the woman behind the counter smiles at us benignly. Elyse seems to know where she is going, as she immediately gravitates towards a small table strewn with jewellery displays – a little bowl full of silver rings, chains and crystals hanging from spray-painted twigs in a vase.
‘Look at that,’ she whispers, pointing to a gorgeous bracelet. ‘I come in here to look at it all the time.’
‘It’s beautiful,’ I whisper back.
It’s a delicate silver chain hung with moons and crystals, but it has an edgier, darker look to it than most of the other stuff in here – just Elyse’s style. It also has a price tag on it for over fifty quid – not so much our style.
‘Do me a favour,’ she mutters conversationally, ‘just put it in your pocket while I distract her – she doesn’t know you.’
I respond with a face of utter panic but she has already turned away. I cast worried glances at her back and will her to turn around so that I can shake my head, mouth at her that I’m not doing it.
‘Hi,’ she says loudly to the lady behind the counter. ‘Do you have any books on astrology, anything on star signs – particularly Gemini?’
‘Well, let’s have a look. They’re all over here. You’re a Gemini?’
‘Actually I’m not – it’s a present for my sister.’
As they continue chatting on the other side of the shop, I am frozen with my eyes fixed on the bracelet. My head is spinning and I feel on the verge of running out of there, running away and never turning back.
I feel like I’m watching somebody else as I see my own shaky hand pick up the bracelet and tuck it into the edge of my sleeve. I curl my fingers up around it so that it doesn’t fall out and, on watery legs, walk out of the shop.
I hear Elyse’s voice fade out behind me, as I quicken my pace the second I step out through the door. As soon as I’m past the window and out of sight, I make a mad dash down the road until I’m a safe distance away, all the time braced for an accusatory hand clamping down on my shoulder.
‘Thanks very much, but I think I’ve already got all of these,’ Elyse is saying behind me as she pauses in the shop doorway. Her voice sounds like it’s coming from the bottom of the ocean. ‘I might come back. Bye.’
When I’m far enough from the shop to feel that I’ve finally got away with it, I stop and lean against a wall for a moment while I wait for Elyse. My legs feel so weak they won’t hold me up any more.
Elyse saunters out after me and catches up at a casual stroll. Then she leans up close and grins at me like I’m the best person in the entire world, like I passed the test. I don’t know whether I feel angry, brave or as if I’m going to burst into tears. It’s a weird combination of all of the above.
‘Oh my God, Elyse!’ is all I can say.
‘I know,’ she replies, prying the bracelet out of my fist and holding my hand for a minute as she does so. ‘I knew I could count on you. Thank you, Sorana!’
I realise I’m still shaking, as what I have done is starting to catch up with me.
‘Seriously, Elyse – what we just did… I would never… I mean, I can’t believe…’ I can’t get the words out and it’s only when I hear my own voice that I register I’m reacting with anger as much as anything else. ‘I can’t believe you made me do that. I have never done anything like this before in my life! I don’t even know why I went along with it. This is really not cool, Elyse.’
‘I know, I know. I’m sorry. I’ll never ask you to do anything like that again; it’s not something I’d usually do either – honestly. It just felt important for some reason, you know? I don’t know why. Let’s keep it between us and forget it, OK? Anyway…look.’
She reaches into her pocket and shows me a bracelet the same as the one I took. She fastens it around my wrist to match hers. I am literally speechless, my arm falling away limply as she lets it go, so she carries on talking.
‘Like I said, I would never usually do anything like this, but something about it felt right. I know it’s crazy, but I really feel like you get it, don’t you? Let’s never tell the others, OK?’
I realise I was being totally irrational for trying to blame this all on Elyse in my head. It might have been her idea, but it was me who did it. I’ve never stolen anything before in my life and I still feel bad about it, but now I feel weirdly euphoric. I could just laugh out loud with the relief of not being caught.
In fact, we both laugh out loud as Elyse grabs my arm and drags me back to find the others. With a bit of luck, they won’t even notice we were gone. Although it feels to me like something huge has happened, only a few minutes have passed since we slipped out.
‘God, where did you two disappear to?’ Shimmi demands, a rainbow of kiss shapes on both of her hands. ‘More importantly, what do you think of this lipstick?’
She’s obviously been completely absorbed in a haze of cosmetics, and Mel doesn’t even look up from the eyeliner that she’s drawing dreamily with on the inside of her wrist.
‘Hideous,’ Elyse says, looking slyly over at me and just managing to hold her laughter in. ‘Good thing we’re here to save you from yourself, Shim. Sorry we lost you – I just had to show Sorana something in the five-finger discount section.’
Luckily Shimmi isn’t really listening, but Mel suddenly looks up as if she is.
‘Come on, let’s go,’ Elyse says. ‘I’m starving.’
I have to admit, it does feel kind of nice to have this secret between Elyse and me. Something daring and special between us that nobody else would ever know. Even though it’s so light and fragile it must be impossible, I’m sure I can feel the hidden weight of the bracelet around my wrist all day. Even though we keep our sleeves pulled down so that nobody else can see, I know Elyse can feel it as well, because she keeps looking over at me like she can’t really believe it either.
When we get back to my house later on, she’s being extra nice to me and I can’t explain why it makes me feel such a golden glow. Obviously I still feel bad about my introduction to a life of crime, but I’m even more shocked with myself at how easily it starts to feel worth it. I know it’s kind of a pattern with me and I can’t blame Elyse – I worry so much and feel so bad about things, yet I know I wouldn’t take this back, even if I could.
‘It’s great round at your house.’ Elyse smiles at me, as the two of us are on our own in the kitchen making tea. ‘I like coming round here; it’s really…relaxed. I bet your parents are really cool as well.’
‘It’s my mum and her boyfriend, actually. Yeah, they’re all right. Hey, why don’t you and Mel stay for dinner tonight? Mum said it’d be OK.’
‘Thanks, that sounds great – but we’d better not.’
Every day, before my mum arrives home from work, Elyse and Mel rush off without being prompted. Mum’s been asking me about it, saying they’d be welcome to stay.
‘Have you got plans tonight?’ I ask, fishing. ‘Like, seeing your boyfriend or something? You know, that guy who was in the car with you after the gig? I mean, I saw you leaving, and…’
I’ve been wracking my brains for a way of bringing up that gorgeous boy, without sounding like a total stalker. I’ve clearly failed.
‘Gareth?’ she exclaims. ‘He’s not my boyfriend – he’s gross! He’s just our next-door neighbour and he gave us a lift home. As if!’
‘Weren’t there two guys in the car?’ I press. ‘One of them was really tall and good-looking, with a leather jacket, and—‘
‘Dude, it was just creepy Gareth – and that definitely doesn’t sound like him.’
‘Gareth next door?’ Mel pipes up, and we both jump as we hadn’t realised she was listening. ‘I thought
you
were the one who didn’t think he was that bad. I mean, you’re always—‘
‘Calm down, girls – God!’ Elyse exclaims, cutting her off. ‘Let’s not get carried away. Mel, you’re being crazy as usual. Sorana, I think you’re seeing things.’
She laughs and walks off, and I realise I should really have shut up – so much for not sounding like a stalker. I guess I must be seeing things; after all, for a second, I had even thought that boy was looking at me and not Elyse – I’m clearly delusional. I try to forget it, but just for a second I wonder if Elyse was putting me off on purpose. I realise that – beyond the ephemeral kind of stuff we’ve bonded over – I don’t know much about the twins at all yet.
On another level, though, after spending the whole week with them, I feel as if we’ve really got to know each other. I don’t know what it is, but something has definitely clicked between us and this feels like the start of something new and really exciting – just what I’ve wished for. Suddenly, it’s nearly over.
It feels like the world has changed in a very short space of time. For a while, I can’t put my finger on what exactly the difference is and then, falling asleep on Sunday night before school starts again, I realise: I’m really happy.