Authors: Eleanor Wood
‘Just because you’ve got mates as weird as you now,’ she goes on, ‘and Josh Green comes round to your house with his mum occasionally. Yeah, well done. You’ve really made it.’
‘Come on, let’s just leave it,’ Amie Bellairs speaks up suddenly. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
Amie is usually the ringleader, but she is hanging back and almost looks nervous. Lexy is on a roll and for once pays her no attention.
‘I could go out with Josh if I wanted. We could have been friends with those freaky twins if we wanted. So I don’t know why you think that you’re so superior all of a sudden. You’re still a loser.’
‘Look, Lexy, I really don’t think I’m
anything
– OK? I’m just minding my own business and I wish you’d do the same. Excuse me, please.’
My heart is pounding in my ears, but Lexy looks taken aback. For a second, I think I’ve won. All I had to do all along was stand up to them and they’d leave me alone – why has it taken me so long to figure it out?
I almost make it past her. Then she pushes me, hard. Caught off guard, I lose my balance and fall backwards to the floor. In what feels like slow motion, I look up and see Lexy’s face looming over me, with all of her friends backing her up from behind.
The deadlock is broken as the door slams and everyone jumps. Elyse looks perfectly calm as she walks into the common room.
‘Really, Lexy – you could have Josh if you wanted him? That’s not what you told me – you said that you were madly in love with him but he never called you back after that party, remember? I suppose that’s better than your last boyfriend – Alice told me she had sex with him while you were away skiing last winter. But don’t worry, you’ve all got one over on Amie – she’s still a virgin.’
I have no idea how Elyse found out so much during her short occupation of the inner circle, but the quickest glance at Amie’s distraught face could confirm that she isn’t lying.
‘Come on, Sorana – let’s get out of here.’
After our showdown with the A Group, things quieten right down for us. It’s such a relief. I feel like Elyse has put a stop to them once and for all, and I don’t have to worry about it for the first time in forever. It’s a great feeling and, as usual, it’s all thanks to her.
The most important thing about this new peaceful state is that we can concentrate in private on what really matters at the moment: our astrological charts.
Like everyone, I’ve always read my horoscope in magazines and kept my fingers crossed that the good bits will come true. My mum’s always claimed that I’m a typical Gemini, and I quite like the tag. But the twins’ astrological charts have taken it to a whole new level.
I don’t know if it’s science or magic or hocus-pocus, but it’s unquestionably addictive. Our charts are just as Elyse predicted. Shimmi’s includes just enough details for her to get excited over, although I suspect that some of it is due to her own interpretation.
As for my chart, Elyse and I spend hours and whole days concentrating on nothing else – comparing it to hers, the echoes and portents all there in black and white. Crystal clear, written in the stars.
I have to admit, there is something in all this that really resonates with me. It’s not only that I’m interested in what the stars allegedly have to say about me, and what that might tell me about my future, it’s the solid weight that it feels like it gives us. Just like we’re all constantly trying to define ourselves by wearing Trouble Every Day T-shirts or going to The Crown every Friday night or making playlists for our friends –
this is me; this is what I like; this is who I am
– this is proof. Proof I really exist and proof I am unique.
Some of it we’ve worked on together; some of it, Elyse has been doing in private and won’t let me see until it’s all ready. Finally, she invites me round to her house on my own one Saturday afternoon, to go through it together. She says I’m not even allowed to tell Mel or Shimmi, as this is special between me and her.
When I arrive, I’m not sure where Mel and her dad are, but there is nobody else around. Elyse has everything set up in her room, books and papers all over the floor, but the really important stuff is all bound up for me in a folder on the bed. It’s just an ordinary school folder, but Elyse has drawn pictures all over the cover that seem to elevate it to something way better and more exciting.
‘Shall I leave you alone to read it?’ she asks.
‘Yeah, OK – I guess there’s quite a lot here to look at.’
‘I’m going to sit in my dad’s study and go on his computer, OK? I’ll come back in a bit.’
She closes the door softly behind her and it feels briefly strange to be alone in Elyse’s room. I take a good look around before I settle down cross-legged on the bed. I take it all in, as if through her eyes when she’s on her own in here – the clouds of fabric draped over everything, the little row of astrology books on a shelf, the Trouble Every Day pictures that are mostly the same as mine, the astrological charts and occult signs that are very different.
Suddenly I sit up straight for a moment, ears pricking up, as I hear the noise of a door slamming shut. It sounds as though Elyse has gone out through the front door. Everything goes quiet again and I tell myself that it’s just me hearing things; I’m not used to these creaky old houses. A moment later, as a reflex action just because I’ve heard all about his creepiness, my eyes dart to the window and look over to Gareth’s bedroom – his curtains are closed. What a weirdo – lights blazing at night and curtains closed in the middle of a sunny afternoon. I’d thought that Elyse was somehow exaggerating about his freakiness, but obviously she wasn’t.
Then, as soon as I concentrate again and open the folder that’s sitting on my lap, I forget everything. I forget where I am and that there is even a world outside Elyse’s bedroom window. I am instantly mesmerised and I don’t look up or think about anything else until I have got to the end.
When I do, I have to take a deep breath. I stare at the final blank page for a long time, absorbing what I have just read into my being. Because it’s me. It is unquestionably, wholly, uniquely me. There are things in there I have never told Elyse. There are things in there I have never told anyone. Stuff about me, my life, my family, everything. If I had any doubts about Elyse and her abilities, to be honest, I probably wouldn’t have said anything anyway – but now that doesn’t matter because there is not the tiniest shred of doubt. Every word rings perfectly true; there is stuff in there that couldn’t possibly be faked.
What’s more: I love it. I actually love it. Even the parts of myself that before I was unsure about, or even flat-out disliked in myself – my fickleness, my selfishness, my lack of bravery in some areas and my stupidity and stubbornness in others – now all seem OK. Nothing has been glossed over, it’s as honest as anything I could imagine – but, with all the details laid out there in front of me, I can suddenly see that it all adds up to one perfectly imperfect human being. A person who is…really OK.
Elyse is so amazing, she has not only captured me exactly, she has put it all so beautifully that for once it makes me feel awesome about myself. Suddenly I can see exactly why she cares about this stuff so much – in the last few minutes, my interest has gone from polite fun to stratospheric obsession. I am hooked.
It’s not only the astrology – up until right now, I would have thought it impossible for me to idolise Elyse more than I already did. But now I can see the full extent of what she meant when she talked before about our special connection – I believe her; this isn’t just an ordinary friendship. It is written in the stars. It is special.
As all this new information sinks in fully, I flip once more through the folder, rereading the highlights and committing it to memory. I am so thrilled I almost laugh out loud.
Instead, I grab the folder and leap off the bed, prepared to find Elyse and give her the world’s biggest hug. I feel filled with joy and I want to thank her – and talk about this absolutely to death because it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life and she’s done it for me.
When I get out into the hallway, I come to a halt and realise that I don’t know my way around this house at all. It’s so much bigger and more sprawling than my own – practically labyrinthine by comparison. The hallway is dark, and the doors are all closed and look somehow forbidden; I don’t want to open any of them. Instead, I just stand there in the hallway, a tiny bit of my grand excitement ebbing away with each second.
‘Elyse?’ I call out falteringly.
There is no response from behind any of the doors; the entire house is silent and feels weirdly empty. I suddenly have this crazy idea that Elyse only seemed so perfect because I had made her up; any minute I would wake up in my old crappy life and none of this would have happened.
‘Elyse?’ I call again, more loudly this time. ‘Elyse!’
‘Yeah, hang on a minute – calm down!’
Elyse’s voice comes, out of breath, from downstairs. She jogs up the stairs and we meet in the hallway.
‘Where’ve you been?’ I ask, sounding way more accusatory than I meant to.
That’s another of my personality defects, one that Elyse actually touched on in my chart, of course: I get so desperate for things to be perfect that, when they’re not, I wreck them even more. I don’t know why I feel unsettled suddenly – I have to remind myself that only a minute ago I was brimming with gratitude and adoration for Elyse.
‘Don’t panic,’ she says smoothly. ‘I just had to nip out for a minute. How did you get on, anyway?’
By this point, I don’t even know how to put it into words – but I can tell that my reaction is written all over my face. As soon as Elyse mentions the chart, I can’t help a wide grin creeping out. The glow of belonging, for the first time ever, of being comfortable with myself, seeps back into my bones.
‘So, you like it?’ Elyse smiles back. ‘I thought you would.’
‘I love it,’ I correct her.
‘So, now you see what I mean? I knew you’d get it. You can see exactly what’s going on, just like I can – you and me, sisters. It’s written in the stars.’
‘Yeah,’ I reply, dazzled all over again. ‘Exactly.’
‘So, let’s celebrate. Mel’s away for the night with my dad – I said I couldn’t go, because I wanted to hang out with you. Can you stay the night?’
‘Yeah, as long as I’m back for lunch tomorrow. Shall I text Shimmi and Nathalie?’
‘No – not this time. Let’s keep this between us, just this once – OK?’
‘OK. Yeah, actually – you’re right. Just us.’
I really don’t mind. In fact, I’m more than pleased to get to spend time with Elyse by myself.
Shimmi I’m not even worried about – she can fend for herself and I don’t feel at all bad about leaving her out just this once, not after all the times she’s done the same to me. I know she would do exactly that, given the chance.
With Nathalie, it’s a little bit different. I know that she’d feel left out if she knew, and that she’d never do the same to me – it doesn’t seem quite fair.
While Shimmi has also embraced the astrology stuff with a vengeance, Nathalie hasn’t seemed to want to get involved. I’ve been trying my best, but she can’t be persuaded and the twins don’t seem exactly devastated by this fact. She seems to be getting quieter and quieter lately, making herself more and more scarce. I’m still trying to keep her as involved as I can, but it seems to be getting harder and I can feel the little fissure there slowly widening, with me caught in the middle.
‘It’ll be nice to spend time just the two of us, yeah?’ Elyse goes on, and I agree.
We start off doing all the usual things – hanging out in Elyse’s room, listening to Trouble Every Day, chatting about school and friends and horoscopes and bands. When it gets dark, Elyse lights candles and opens a bottle of her dad’s wine.
I pour myself another glass and press ‘repeat’ on the Trouble Every Day EP we’ve got playing, an obscure favourite of both of ours. I don’t know if it’s because Elyse and I are on our own for once, or because the astrology chart she made me has given me a new confidence, but I feel relaxed and comfortable in a way that is rare for me outside my own home.
‘Do you want to do the ouija board?’ I suggest, almost surprising myself with my brand-new bravery.
Elyse’s smile tells me that, whatever the reason behind it, I’m definitely winning. We both like the new me that’s emerged from the chart.
‘Could do,’ she says. ‘But we did that before. Why don’t we try something different, as it’s just the two of us?’
‘Like what?’
‘Well, just for a laugh… I read this book about hypnosis and it sounds pretty cool.’
‘What?’ I scoff in reply. ‘Like that stuff you see on TV? God, Elyse – you have the craziest ideas.’
‘Of course not! I’m serious. It’s just about relaxing and getting in touch with your subconscious. I think it might be useful for getting to the bottom of this star-sign stuff, really testing it out and seeing if we’re right – no faking.’
‘Yeah, I see what you mean!’
I know in my heart that everything there in my chart is right, that it is all absolutely spot-on and true, but it seems important to prove it any way we can. I am so desperate for it all to be true, any concrete proof would make it even more brilliant.
Elyse grabs a book from the shelf and props up a load of her cushions on the bed. The room is already flickering with candles, which seems appropriate, and she turns the music down to a soporific hum. She says that we need something to use as a sort of pendulum, and says our bracelets should work as well as anything. She takes hers off, the little moons and crystals glittering in the dim light. We both wear our bracelets all the time and Elyse seems to like anything that draws attention to our matching symbols as much as I do. This brings me so much joy that I have almost forgotten my uneasiness at how we got them in the first place.
‘Why don’t you try it on me first?’ she suggests, settling herself into a lying down position with the cushions under her head.
Although this whole thing is so silly, I’m kind of glad she’s suggested it this way around. As instructed by Elyse, I stand over her and hold the long chain of the bracelet over her face. I swing it slowly from side to side and read out loud from the book, until Elyse is supposed to be in a super-relaxed hypnotic state and I can ask her questions of my own. I feel silly, but try to speak in a quiet, calming voice.
‘Elyse, how do you feel?’ I ask her.
‘Fine. Relaxed. Kind of sleepy.’ Her voice sounds sort of far away, not nearly as loud and strident as usual.
She’s probably putting it on, but I play along. There is a pause while I have a think. I could ask her anything, but my mind has gone blank. I should probably ask her things related to our astrological charts – that was the aim, after all – but all I can think of are fake-psychiatrist type questions that I want to try out, to find out exactly what she thinks about things I wouldn’t usually ask.
‘Do you really believe that you and I are astrological sisters?’
‘Yes, Gemini twins.’
‘Is everything you wrote in that chart true?’
‘Yes.’
‘What about Shimmi’s?’
‘Shimmi isn’t important.’
I giggle inwardly at this. Even though Elyse must be faking, I kind of like the direction this is going – so this is actually a useful exercise, just for my own selfish purposes, to ascertain that Elyse and I are in total agreement about these things, just as I suspected.
‘OK…tell me more about Gareth next door?’ After looking at his closed curtains earlier, he has randomly popped into my head, and I find I’m interested in what she has to say about him – I’ve been confused about what she really thinks of him.
‘He’s not like people think.’
‘How about…Jago?’ I can feel my pulse quicken even as I ask this.
‘He’s evil. Don’t get involved with him. He’s evil. He will trick you, like he tried to do with me.’
This is making me feel weird so I change tack, with another unrelated thought that has popped into my brain.
‘Elyse, do you really like Nathalie?’