Authors: Michael Lewis
“I do I was
just hoping you would too.”
“Well good
then it’s settled.”
I was happy
that he brought up the topic because I had been thinking about it but didn’t
want to seem needy. Things happened fast but it felt right. Happiness has
always proven to be a fleeting emotion with me. I had no reason to expect this
time to be any different. It had been too perfect and I expected something bad
to happen, but nothing did. Fate threw a curveball the day after we had made
our relationship official. I received a call on my cell phone and the voice on
the other end caught me by surprise since I hadn’t spoken to her in months.
“Hello?”
“Hey Nadiah
do you know who this is?”
“Yes of
course I know. How have you been?”
“Miserable
without you.”
“Oh really? I
couldn’t tell since I haven’t heard from you in forever.”
“Because you
said you never wanted to talk to me again and I was trying to respect that but
I couldn’t take it any longer.”
“Well I’ve
moved on to someone else. You missed your chance.”
“Since when
has that stopped you? You know what we had is once in a lifetime. Did I mean anything
at all to you?”
“Did I mean
anything to you Ingrid? Other than a meal ticket, that is? You thought you were
going to really have a windfall by being with me after I left Alton. That’s why
you fought so hard to get me to leave him. That makes me feel like you only
wanted me for the money.”
“That’s not
true and you know it.”
“Ingrid I am
less of a fool than you think I am. You can keep doing what you have been doing
for the past 6 months without me. Lose my number too. Keep doing you. You had
dollar signs in your eyes. I was nothing but a cash cow to you. Well no one
uses me, especially not a dyke, so step off.”
“I’m not
Alton, you better watch how you talk to me.”
“Or what? You
certainly won’t whip my ass.”
“You sure this
is how you want to leave things?”
“Yep.”
“I can show
you better than I can tell you.”
“Whatever
bitch. Goodbye!”
“You’ll be
sorry Nadiah I promise you!”
“I’m sorry
already!” I yelled as I quickly pressed my end key and turned my phone off.
Fifteen
Ezekiel Nelson
Six months
after Jazz walked out of my life I was still just as depressed as I was when he
left. I felt guilty about talking Alton’s ear off because he was in a new
relationship with Rachel. I handled my grief the best I could by myself. I was
so upset with Randall I told him that I hated him and never wanted to see him
again. Randall didn’t take my words to heart and I was so glad he didn’t
because he became my rock.
After seeing
how heartbroken I was he really understood that I honestly loved Jazz. It was
even harder to get over because a lot of Jazz’s things were still there. Many
nights I would grab a shirt he’d worn, place it to my face, and inhale his
scent as I cried myself to sleep longing for him. As time went on the wound
didn’t heal it just went numb as I grew accustomed to the pain. I’d vowed to
never allow a man to get to me like Jamal had. I knew I needed to deal with my
feelings before trying to move on to another relationship. Randall respected
that I needed time and didn’t try to move me along faster than I could go. At
least with Jamal I had a reason to be angry and I left him. Jazz left me and it
left me more confused than angry.
I’d held on
to the dream of Jazz coming back long enough. It was time to reacquaint myself
with the world. I’d made the decision to pull out of my self-imposed rut, when
I was smacked in the face by reality. Randall was in town and on his way to my
house from the airport. I tightened up my fade, shaved, and hopped in the
shower to be ready when he got there. We had plans to go to dinner when he got
to my house.
As I stood in
my mirror going over my goatee and checking my appearance one last time, my
doorbell rang. At the very moment I opened the door I heard Jazz’s voice loud
and clear on the radio, totally catching me off guard. When the hook of the
song came I thought I would just die. As the words of the hook played through
my stereo speakers my eyes filled with tears.
“You are my
everything, my everything is you. This love I have will always be true.” The
voice sang.
Those words
took me back to a place I was fighting so hard to move past.
“What’s wrong
Zeke?” Randall asked.
I couldn’t
respond. I just looked at him and shook my head.
Randall
listened to the song closely and when the hook came the second time, he looked
at me.
“That’s you
isn’t it? On the radio?”
“Yes, I did
the hook for Jazz. I remember singing the lyrics with my all because I really
felt them.”
Just as I
answered Randall’s question the DJ said the name of the artist as the song came
to an end.
“That’s the
hot new jam by new hip hop sensation, Slade featuring Zeke Nelson. Slade is in
the studio with us to talk about the new song and take some questions. The
lines are open, so give us a call at …” The DJ said.
“So Slade
what’s up man? This new song is fire! It seemed to just blow up overnight. Did
you think it would catch on this fast?”
“I thought it
was hot and I just prayed that the people would think so too. I am definitely
shocked and happy the song is doing so well. I wanna also say thanks for having
me on the show today man.”
“A lot of
people can relate to this song, which talks about how you sometimes have to
leave the person you love. Is there a personal basis for the song?”
“There is. It
was the inspiration for the song. I had to let my baby go and I regret it but
felt I had no choice. It hurts everyday too.”
“Well
sometimes heartbreak can lead to some of the best songs. I’m sure some of our
listeners wanna know if this means you are back on the market?”
“Well right
now I am single but I am just concentrating on my music and giving myself a
break from the love thing. That’s not to say if I meet the right person I’ll
just pass em by.”
“You heard it
from the man himself ladies. So if you want to get at this brother then call in
and let him know. So Slade if that special someone who inspired the song is
listening what would you say?”
“Oh wow there
is so much I would say. I can’t just pour my heart out right now but I’d
definitely say I love you baby, I miss you, and I’m going crazy without you.”
“Aww, you
heard him ladies he even has a sensitive side. It sounds like there is some
unfinished business there though.”
“You’re still
in love with him huh?” Randall asked me.
I tried to
answer Randall’s question but only tears came out. He placed his arms around me
and tried to comfort me. The truth was, no one could comfort me. The void Jazz
left was not just in my heart, it was in my soul. Jazz and I knew each other so
well. I felt like he somehow knew I was listening. It’s weird the way we were
so connected, but we were. Whenever something happened to one of us, the other
could feel it instantly.
After hearing
the song and the interview I wasn’t in the mood to go out but I forced myself
to go anyway. I was due to be in California in 2 days. I thought how blessed I
was and that I should have been on cloud 9, but instead I was depressed over
something I obviously couldn’t change.
“Randall I
haven’t told anyone but Alton, but you know the movie I’m going to be in?”
“Yeah, what’s
new with that?”
“I am going
to Cali on Saturday. I have some promotional events to attend and then shooting
starts next Wednesday.”
“That’s
great. Are you excited?”
“I am not as
excited as I should be.”
“It’s Jazz
isn’t it?”
“I can’t get
over him Randall.”
Randall
didn’t respond he just held me tighter. I ended up crying myself to sleep in
his arms.
Jazz
With a hit
song in heavy rotation on the radio, I should have been the happiest man on the
planet. I finally managed to get thoughts of Zeke down to about 100 times a day
instead of the 1000 times I thought about him at first. Since Marlena’s label
was making money from my single, I thought I was in the clear until she flipped
back into Cougar mode. She requested me to be at her house at 7 P.M. on a
Friday night. Although I resented it with every fiber of my being, I went to
Marlena’s house. The closer I got the angrier I got, but figured if I just gave
her what she wanted she would fall back. As I stood at the door waiting for her
to answer, the thought of what I was about to do replayed over and over in my
mind. I had second thoughts and started to walk away when she opened the door.
“Well Hello!
I know you weren’t about to leave? Come on in.”
My body
tensed as I followed her into the house.
“Would you
like a drink?”
“No thanks.”
“Relax will
you?”
“Don’t tell
me to relax. You are despicable.”
“And what am
I doing?”
“Holding my
career hostage and requiring sex as the ransom.”
“Oh grow up.”
She flippantly replied.
“You know
Marlena I could have dealt with you threatening me. Zeke didn’t deserve for you
drag him into this. I’m only trying to protect him.”
“What does he
have that makes people so crazy about him? I swear if I hear his name again I’m
gonna go crazy!”
“Let’s get it
over with already.”
“I wish you
would loosen up a little.” She said.
“I’m not down
with this. I hate ever meeting you. Now, let’s get this over with.”
“Follow me.”
She took me
by the hand to lead me to her bedroom. I snatched my hand away.
“I can walk
you don’t have to lead me.”
When we got
to the bedroom I didn’t waste any time. I undressed unceremoniously. As she
undressed, I looked away and stroked myself to get hard, betraying my true
feelings. Her attempts at seduction were a waste of time. She walked up to me
and started to kiss my neck, still determined.
“Please
don’t.” I said, pushing her away.
Just having
her so close to me made my erection die.
“Let me make
this clear. I am only a dick to you. That’s what you want and that’s all you
get. I got it hard it’s up to you to keep it that way.” I said.
She straddled
my body and lowered herself down. As much as I hated to admit it she did have a
nice body. Once I was able to view her as a body without a head then I was
cool. I lay there motionless as she used me like a workhorse. Her moans and
cries were like grinding salt in an open wound. I hated that she got so much
pleasure from it.
“Damn will
she finish already?” I thought to myself. As the minutes ticked by, it dawned
on me that she was in control of her own pleasure. I was just lying there doing
nothing.
“She can keep
this going forever. I’m gonna get this over with.” I thought to myself.
Without
warning, I grabbed her around the waist and flipped her over. She wanted it so
I decided to give it to her and put my all into it. I knew she would try to
play it off when I hit the spot, but I brought my A game. After a few deep,
circular thrusts, her body tightened up. I grabbed her right leg and pushed it
up onto my shoulder and went for the gold. I tapped that ass with no mercy. My
frustration over the situation fueled my strokes. She moaned loudly as sweat
poured from my body onto hers. Finally she latched onto me and locked her body
around mine.
“Jazz, I’m
coming! Oh Jazz!” She screamed.
She held me
so tightly I couldn’t move. I was ready to disengage and get away from her,
kinda like a dog waiting to unknot. It was bad enough that I’d brought her to
orgasm, which I had not intended to do. I just laid there waiting for her to
finish so she could let me go and I could get up. When she finally let me go,
she rolled over and grabbed a silver case from the nightstand. She took a
cigarette from the case and handed me her lighter. I reluctantly lit her
cigarette. She took a long deep draw from the small white cylinder. The gray
smoke tumbled from her lips and unfurled slowly as she exhaled in satisfaction.
“That’s just
what I needed!” She said before slapping my ass hard.“Okay your work is done.
You can leave now.” She added.
“Cool, I’m
out!”
If she
thought dismissing me after getting what she wanted was demeaning to me, it
wasn’t. It was a relief because I didn’t want to talk to her beyond what we’d
just done. When I got to my truck, I sat behind the wheel for a moment to get
my composure. As I sat there thinking about what I had just done, I was
disgusted with the person I’d become. A year before, I would have kicked
anybody’s ass for threatening me. I wouldn’t have even thought about giving in
to them. “Hell no! I can’t go out like this!” I said to myself. I jumped out
and went back to the door to tell Marlena exactly what was on my mind. She
opened the door quickly while I was still pounding on it.
“Well, it was
that good huh? You don’t have to beat the door down. I’ll give you some more.
Come on in, sexy.” She said with an annoying smirk on her face.
“You’re a
ruthless bitch and I hate the day I ever met your evil ass.”
“I don’t have
time to listen to this shit again.” She said as she tried to shut the door in
my face. Something in me snapped. I put my foot in the doorway and pushed my
way inside.
“You’re gonna
listen! I allowed you to mess over me for the sake of my career. Fuck you, this
company, and all of your bullshit. My dignity is worth more. I should have
beaten the hell out of you when you threatened Zeke.”
“You need to
come by the office tomorrow and we can talk then. I’ve decided to drop you and
terminate your contract anyway. I had planned on getting a few more rides on
‘Jazz The Wonder Horse’ though, but it’s O.K. Your kind comes a dime a dozen.”
“Is this the
part where I am supposed to react? Bitch you don’t pull no strings with me, not
anymore.”
“Well, I
already got what I wanted, so frankly I’m finished with you. As a matter of
fact, do you mind wrapping up your little temper tantrum? I have some fresh
dick on the way.”
“You should
be ashamed you old washed up whore!”
After saying
my peace, I wasn’t interested in a back and forth verbal tussle with her. I got
up and began walking to the bedroom.
“Where are
you going? Who the hell do you think you are?” She protested.
Ignoring her,
I picked up the envelope containing the blackmail pictures of Zeke and I, which
I’d noticed earlier on her dresser. It felt unusually heavy. I walked out of
the bedroom with her following closely behind.