Ghost Detectors Volume 1 (13 page)

“And we were just getting started,” Dandy said.

Malcolm fidgeted with his specter detector, flipping it off and on. Spooky flicked off and on, too. He faded then returned, over and over, as the specter detector detected him.

“We won't let it end. Ghost hunting is what we do,” Malcolm said, trying to sound encouraging. “We'll devote every weekend to searching out ghosts.”

“Right,” Dandy agreed.

“Nothing will stand in our way.”

Dandy straightened, chin high. “Yep. Nothing.”

Malcolm was starting to cheer up. “On weekends, ghost hunting comes first!”

“Right,” Dandy said. “Ghost hunting comes first. Right after I do my homework . . . mow the lawn . . . clean my room . . . and bathe the dog.” He counted out each item on his fingers.

Malcolm's cheerful mood quickly drooped. “We'll find time.”

It was then that the basement door burst
open. A voice much like a bullhorn blared, “Mom says it's time for dinner, snothead!”

Malcolm's sister, Cocoa, stood at the top of the stairs. She wore Irish green eye shadow and clown red lip gloss. Malcolm thought she looked like a traffic light.

Spooky was scared by Cocoa's demanding presence. He dashed straight through Malcolm and hid behind him.

“Tell Mom I'll be there in a minute,” Malcolm said.

Cocoa glared, hands on hips. “I'm not your messenger. Now come eat. And tell your goofy friend he has to go home.” Her lips curled into a devilish grin. “It's a school night.”

He couldn't think of anything clever to say, so Malcolm simply stuck out his tongue.

“Nerd!” Cocoa yelled, stomping away.

Malcolm turned to Dandy. “There is one good thing about going back to school tomorrow.”

“What's that?” Dandy wondered.

“Seven full hours away from her!”

E
eg . . . eeg . . . eeg . . .

The only sound worse than Cocoa's annoying screech was that of the alarm clock. The sound made Malcolm want to shed his skin. He slapped the off button and tumbled out of bed.

His plan to visit the bathroom failed when he discovered his sister had made camp in there.

“You're not the only person in this house, you know!” Malcolm loudly reminded her.

“It's the first day of school!” she called back through the closed door. “I have to look perfect!”

“If that's what you're waiting for, you'll be in there for eternity,” Malcolm muttered as he walked away.

He tried his parents' bathroom, but Grandma Eunice occupied it. She'd obviously finished her morning prunes.

Malcolm gave up and headed to the kitchen for breakfast. He dropped two pieces of bread into the toaster. While he waited, he remembered the time he'd tried converting that very toaster into an alien heat ray.

When the toast was ready, he poured a glass of orange juice. His mom had already put the peanut butter and bananas on the table.

Malcolm plopped into his chair. It scraped as he scooted closer. His parents were still eating, and they glanced up at all the noise he was making.

“I can't believe my babies are growing up so fast,” Malcolm's mom said. Her voice was as sweet as the apple-mint jelly she smeared on her muffin.

His dad just grunted. Malcolm guessed he hadn't had a chance at the bathroom either.

“And it's already the first day of school,” Mom continued.

“Please, don't remind me,” Malcolm said, sipping some juice.

Mom sniffed the air. “It even smells like the first day. I can smell the newly sharpened pencils, chalk dust, and Big Chief tablets.”

“What are Big Chief tablets?”

“That's what we used when your dad and I were little. Right, dear?” she said to Dad.

Dad grunted again. He never looked up from staring at his coffee.

The bathroom door flew open, rattling the entire house. “MOM!” Cocoa shrieked.

She stood in the doorway, wearing a violet shirt, purple skirt, plum-colored hoop earrings, and lavender tie-dyed sneakers. The indigo tint of her nail polish, eye shadow, and lip gloss looked like something from the “undead” cosmetic line.

Cocoa reminded Malcolm of an enormous grape. If she stood there for about 40 years, she could pass for a California raisin.

“Mom!” she whined this time. “Look!” She held out her shirt and pointed near the hem.

“What is it, sweetie?” Mom asked.

“Look!” Cocoa said again.

Mom squinted. “Look at what?”

Cocoa moved closer. “This!”

Mom squinted more. “I don't see anything.”

“Of course not! The rhinestone heart fell off!” Cocoa drooped and sobbed like she just flunked
history or something. Tears gushed down her cheeks. Malcolm didn't see what the big deal was, but that was a girl for you.

“No one will notice,” Mom assured her soothingly.

“That's what I'm afraid of!” Cocoa stomped her foot. “No one will notice this awesome outfit.”

Malcolm didn't know about awesome. But now that Cocoa was no longer blocking the doorway, he saw his chance at the bathroom. Before he could move a muscle, Cocoa whipped around.

“Now I have to rethink the whole thing. I must look perfect for the first day!” she yelled. She clomped back to the bathroom, slamming the door.

“Hey!” Malcolm called. “Your clothes are in your bedroom!”

“But crying smeared my makeup, dufus. I have to redo it!”

For once Malcolm looked forward to his first day of school—just so he could use the boys' room!

T
he back of the school bus was indeed the bumpiest part. Malcolm wondered if the bus driver, Mr. Mullins, actually aimed for every pothole in the road. The boys were trapped in the far corner amid a crowd of chattering students.

Dandy yawned. “It's bumpy and hot back here. It's not as great as I thought it would be.”

“No kidding,” Malcolm said. He tried pulling down a window, but no amount of tugging would free it.

Malcolm gave up and slumped down in his seat. But then he remembered something important. He reached into his backpack and pulled out his digital camera.

“What's that for?” Dandy asked. Sweat beads had formed on his nose like teeny raindrops.

“Pictures,” Malcolm answered. “This year we're part of the yearbook staff, remember?”

Malcolm hadn't really wanted to be on the yearbook staff, but he was talked into it because they needed a photographer.

At first he'd resisted, but then he imagined all the cool things he could do with the photos. There was no limit to the fancy photo effects he could dream up.

He was already planning to swap the principal's head with the school mascot, a hornet. And he may even add bubbles to the noses of the student council. Malcolm was set to make this year's Waxberry Elementary yearbook the best ever.

Dandy scratched his nose, smearing the dirty sweat. “I don't know how to put together a yearbook.”

“It's not hard. Remember when we were in kindergarten, and we made those placemats for Thanksgiving?” Malcolm asked.

Dandy nodded, looking confused. His finger slipped around to the other side of his nose. “Yeah. We glued old photos to a piece of construction paper.”

“Well, it's sort of the same thing,” Malcolm explained, playing with the strap of the camera.

Dandy's finger slid from his nose to his lip. He kept scratching. “But I ended up with more paste on the top than on the bottom. Everyone on my placemat had a milk mustache.”

Milk mustaches . . .
Got Homework?
That was a great idea for the faculty picture!

“I don't think I'm going to be very good at working on the yearbook,” Dandy added.

“Don't worry, Dandy. You can be my assistant and help me take pictures.”

“That's no good. I usually end up with pictures of my fingers,” Dandy said.

That was true. Malcolm remembered several years ago when he had found a footprint so large it could only have belonged to Bigfoot. It was starting to rain, so right then was his only chance to show proof. He'd lain down next to the huge track to give it scale. Then he had Dandy snap the photo.

When they uploaded the photos, Dandy's big orangey thumb covered the entire footprint. Malcolm had looked like he was being slammed by a giant meteor.

“How about I do the picture taking,” Malcolm suggested. “You can pose the subjects.”

Dandy sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I guess I could do that.”

“Of course you can. You'll be great at it,” Malcolm encouraged his friend.

The bus bounced and jolted its way around a few more blocks, stopping every couple of minutes to cram in more kids. Then the Waxberry marquee came into view.

Welcome back to Waxberry for another great year! Go Hornets!

Some of the kids cheered. Some groaned. Dandy yawned. The first thing Malcolm did after he got off the bus was snap a picture of the marquee. He had big plans for the yearbook photos. Nothing was going to mess that up.