Ghost Detectors Volume 1 (7 page)

M
alcolm had a night full of weird dreams where he was chased by ghosts, his sister, and a large moose. He could barely tell one from the other. But the sun, shining on his face, told him it was time to get up and start the day.

He sat down to his usual bowl of cereal. Everything seemed unusually white and transparent this morning. Malcolm figured it was just a trick of the light.

Mom stood at the stove, making eggs for Dad. Dad sat at the end of the table, reading the newspaper. And Grandma Eunice sat eating her prunes. It appeared to be a normal summer morning.

Grandma looked shriveled and small staring at the back of the newspaper. Then Malcolm
noticed the light in her eyes. She wasn't staring off . . . she was reading the article! She turned to Malcolm and winked, then went back to her reading. Malcolm couldn't help but smile.

Malcolm poured his milk and dug into his breakfast. Before he got the spoon to his mouth, a bloodcurdling scream echoed down the hall from the bathroom.

Dad spilled his coffee. Mom dropped a plate. Grandma Eunice dribbled prune juice down her chin. And a moment later, Cocoa came rushing through the kitchen holding the specter detector, her wet hair slapping against her face as she ran past the table.

Malcolm couldn't see what was chasing her, but he was pretty sure it was the ghost that had followed him home last night.

Cocoa raced about, jumping and grabbing her bottom like someone was popping her with a towel.

Mom and Dad ran after her. Malcolm just sat and ate his cereal. He guessed that the specter detector would fix Cocoa's spaghetti hair problem. After this, it should be standing straight up!

Payback was fun, but there was more work to do.

Malcolm got dressed, then hurried down the street to the nearest mailbox. It was time to send off for another weird gadget.
The Ecto-Handheld-Automatic-Heat-Sensitive-Laser-Enhanced Ghost Zapper. Guaranteed to zap the peskiest of ghosts. *Batteries not included.

M
alcolm waited on his front porch steps. He craned his neck to the right, looking as far down the street as possible.

His best friend, Dandy, sat next to him. Dandy wiggled his finger in his ear like he was trying to loosen something.

“Where is she?” Malcolm said.

“What?” Dandy asked.

“I've been waiting for weeks, and today is finally the day. I can't believe she's late.” Malcolm got up and started to pace in front of the porch.

“What?” Dandy repeated.

Malcolm sighed and then removed Dandy's finger from his ear. “She's never this late.”

Dandy shrugged. “Oh. Well, maybe she had an emergency.”

Malcolm thought about that. “What kind of emergency would a mail carrier have?”

“Maybe she had to deliver a baby.” Dandy put his finger back into his ear and jiggled it some more.

“She's a mail carrier, Dandy, not a stork!”

Malcolm sat back down and tapped his foot impatiently. He had already used his Ecto-Handheld-Automatic-Heat-Sensitive-Laser-Enhanced Specter Detector. It worked well. Too well!

Malcolm cringed. He still had nightmares about the major wedgie that prankster ghost, Herbert McBleaky, had given him.

After that experience, Malcolm had decided that it was no use detecting a ghost if you couldn't get rid of it. So Malcolm had ordered an Ecto-Handheld-Automatic-Heat-Sensitive-Laser-Enhanced Ghost Zapper. And he intended to use it!

Dandy looked at his fingers, then burrowed into his other ear. “You never told me the plan. Are we going after Herbert McBleaky?”

“Naw. I think we should detect a tamer ghost first and use the zapper on him.”

“But where are we going to find a tamer ghost?”

“There are ghosts everywhere,” Malcolm told him. “We'll just go on a ghost hunt.”

Dandy's face brightened. “Yeah! Like a treasure hunt!” Then he paused. “Except we'd find something scary instead of something fun.”

“No one said ghost detecting would be fun,” Malcolm said. “It's certainly not for the weak of heart.” Although as Malcolm said it, he wasn't so sure he was really all that brave.

Dandy gave him a blank stare. It was the same look he gave his mom when she'd ask if he'd cleaned his room. “If it isn't fun, then why are we even doing it?”

Didn't Dandy understand anything? “For the greater good,” Malcolm replied. “We'll rid the world of all the stray ghosts. I mean, think about it. They're just hanging out, making houses uninhabitable.”

Dandy gave him that blank look again.

“
Uninhabitable
means no one can live there,” Malcolm informed him.

“Oh,” Dandy said, still drilling into his ear.

Malcolm squinted his eyes, looking down
the street for Mail Carrier Nancy. He began to wonder if she really did have an emergency.

Or maybe she called in sick, and her replacement used a different route. He tapped
his foot some more. He was close to jumping up and running down the street to look for her.

Just when he thought he might actually fly out of his own skin, he saw her turn the corner. She was pulling her mail cart and zigzagging from house to house.

Dandy took his finger out of his ear, smelled it, then wiped it on his Iron Man T-shirt. Malcolm and Dandy both stood as Mail Carrier Nancy approached, a smile beaming from her face.

“I have a package for you,” she told Malcolm.

“Yes!” he cheered, meeting her halfway. She dug into the cart. Still wearing a smile, she came up with the package and a few other letters for Malcolm's family.

Her look quickly changed as she glanced behind Malcolm. She now shuddered in terror. Her eyes grew large and her mouth formed a perfect O.

Malcolm knew of only one creature that could put that look of horror on a person's face. He had a feeling that what stood behind him was the most terrifying thing on Earth.

A
hand clamped down on Malcolm's shoulder and he quickly spun around. His sister, Cocoa, stood there sneering. It was exactly as he'd feared.

“What'd you do with it?” she barked. She wore electric blue eye shadow and lip gloss so orange it reminded Malcolm of a hazard sign. Some had smeared onto her front teeth. She dug her plum purple fingernails into Malcolm's collarbone.

Malcolm grew pale. “Go away.”

“Not until you tell me what you did with it!” Cocoa leaned so close he could smell the tuna fish sandwich still lingering on her breath.

“Just tell her,” Dandy begged. He slowly backed away, like he might scream and sprint off at any moment.

“I don't even know what she's talking about,” Malcolm said.

Cocoa squinted at him. “I'm talking about my iPod, loser. I know you took it.”

True, Malcolm had snuck her iPod out of her room. He'd heard of people picking up spirit messages on walkie-talkies and in TV static. Ghosts liked communicating through electronics. He figured if Cocoa could download music on it, then maybe he could rig it to download ghost voices.

So, he'd simply converted her iPod into an apparition-receiving device. Once it was perfected, he'd planned to call it
iHaunts – Voices from Beyond.

“Give it back, dweeb!” Cocoa demanded.