Read Gilbert and Louis Rule the Universe: First Impressions Online
Authors: Rebecca Heller
Damn.
Damn, damn.
No Craig certainly means no Winston.
This party is turning into a real downer.
I walk back into the living room.
Gilbert is still on the dance floor. Ralph is standing near the snack table alone. I pause a moment and consider my options.
I don’t feel much like dancing and I don’t have anyone else to talk to so I walk over to him.
He is eating
Cheetos
and his lips are stained orange. I think better of it and just grab another Coke.
“So how long are you home for?”
I ask him.
“Until the Monday after New Year’s.
Then I have to go back to school,” he says.
“Yeah, us too.”
I am watching Jason and Gilbert on the dance floor, Jason is whispering something in Gilbert’s ear.
She looks a little shocked but continues dancing.
Starting every conversation with Ralph is getting old and there isn’t really anyone else at the party I can talk to. After another long, awkward pause I turn back to Ralph, “Now it's your turn to ask me something.”
Ralph looks surprised.
I am not sure if he is going to walk away, but instead he laughs.
“Alright, what do you want to talk about?”
“No, that is not the way it works.
You have to think of something on your own.”
“Hmmm.”
He pauses.
He has a mischievous look in his eye.
Why is this guy so cute?
He finally asks, “So how did two seventh graders end up at an eighth grade party?”
I think for a moment before responding.
“Well, Jason invited us and there was someone I was hoping would be here.”
Ralph looks suddenly pleased with himself.
Wait, does he think that someone is him?
No way.
I can’t let him think that.
“I think you know him, in fact.” I can’t stop myself. “He was the guy on Lakeshore that day.”
Ralph’s smile disappears from his face.
Before he has a chance to say anything, Gilbert runs over to me.
Even in the dim light, I can see the beginning of tears in her eyes.
“What?” I ask.
She grabs my hand and we run into the bathroom.
I guess this is where I am going to spend most of my time.
Ralph looks after us with his lips parted like he was about to speak.
I shut the bathroom door behind us.
“What’s wrong?”
I ask.
She breaks down.
Between sobs she gets some of it out, “I asked Jason if he thought Dylan was having fun up in Tahoe.”
More sniffling. I hand her some tissues. “And then…”
she breaks down again.
How am I going to get anything out of her?
I rub her back.
“What’d he say?”
She chokes back the tears, “He said, (sniff, sniff) he is sure he is.
There are some real hot girls up there.”
She breaks down again.
“Gilbert, please.
He is only thinking of you.
I promise.”
Her sniffling subsides a little bit.
“Are you sure?” she asks me desperately.
“Of course I am.”
“Will you kill me if we just go home?”
Gilbert asks.
“Totally, Winston isn’t even here.
This party is so lame.”
I call my mom and ask her to come and meet us on the corner.
She is annoyed that she dropped us off less than an hour ago, but agrees anyway.
We clean Gilbert up and reapply our gloss.
Even if this party is totally bogus, we have to leave them wanting more.
I read somewhere that when you get to a party you should always say hello to everyone and thank the host for having you, but when it’s time to leave just slip out quietly.
That way no one will know how long you were there.
We head straight to the door so we don’t even notice Ralph watching us go.
* *
*
As soon as we ge
t outside, I call Winston.
I get his voicemail.
“Hey Winston, it’s Leah.
Where were you tonight?
We just left Ashley’s party.
It was totally lame without you.”
I never hear back.
Today’s horoscope:
Presents don’t just come in boxes.
Christmas day is just about my mom and me.
We spend the morning eating breakfast in bed while watching the Macy’s Christmas Day Parade.
In the afternoon we go to the movies.
It’s tradition.
This year Gilbert and her mom are meeting us at the movie theater.
I hope that
Gilb’s
brother will come too but the idea of seeing a movie, even on Christmas day, with all women is just too much for him.
He and
Gilb’s
dad decide to stay home and eat pizza and watch old football games on ESPN. I can’t wait to see Gilbert and tell her about my presents.
The night before, we drove over to my aunt’s house to spend Christmas
Eve
with my grandma, aunt and uncle.
Even my Dad and Bonnie came.
It was right before Christmas when my parents got divorced.
I actually was okay with the fact that they were splitting up.
When they were together all they did was yell at one another.
But when I found out that my dad wouldn’t be coming to Christmas Eve dinner, I lost it.
We’re not really a sit-down-to-Sunday-dinner kind of family, so that was like our big night.
I cried so hard that
begrudgingly
my mom called my dad and asked him to come.
Even at ten, I could tell it was really awkward for the two of them, but they were both on their best behavior.
Anyway, now Christmas
Eve
is the only night my whole family gets together.
This was the first year that Bonnie came.
I don’t think she appreciated the sweet potatoes with marshmallow (I get them twice a year at Thanksgiving and Christmas) and string bean casserole.
She picked at the salad and had some ham.
She didn’t even want her pie
a la mode
.
She is so lame.
This year I score on the presents.
I got a totally new and
exie
cell phone from my dad, an outfit I will need to exchange from my grandma, an iTunes card from my aunt and uncle, a sweet new skateboard from my mom, and a gift certificate to The Bean from Santa.
Christmas morning, after watching the parade with my mom, I went to try out my new skate in the driveway.
I had wanted a skateboard ever since I saw
Lords of
Dogtown
a few years back (I wasn’t supposed to see it because it is rated PG-13 but Gilbert’s brother was watching it one night and let us watch it with him).
My parents were skeptical about getting one for me because they'd heard too many horror stories of kids hitting their heads on the sidewalk, but I guess I finally convinced them.
The skateboard did come with a pink helmet and about 20 different protective pads.
I strap my helmet on, but don’t put on any of the padding (I don’t want to look stupid) and besides, I am just going to roll back and forth.
As soon as I step on the skateboard, it slips out from under my feet and sends me right onto my butt.
I should have worn the pads.
Luckily the only ones on the street are a dad and kid trying out a new tricycle.
I stand up and rub my sore backside.
I decide my career of dropping into
vert
ramps can wait another day and go inside to get ready for the movies.
* *
*
We are standing in the lobby waiting for my mom who is using the ladies room after the movie let out.
The movie was cute but I had to keep shifting in my seat because my butt hurt from where I landed on it.
My mom had to ask me to settle down.
Gilbert is wearing the new earrings her mom had gotten her.
I keep pulling out my new phone to see if I had any messages.
Not that I thought anyone will call me on Christmas day, but I want to show it off. I nudge Gilbert. Ralph, Kate, and Mr. and Mrs.
Deutchman
are on line to buy tickets.
Apparently everyone in the suburbs celebrates Christmas day at the movie theater.
Ralph sees us and heads over.
“Merry Christmas,” he says.
“Merry Christmas,” we all answer back.
“Mom, this is Ralph.
Ralph, this is my mom,” Gilbert says.
They say hello.
Kate walks over at the same time as my mom comes back from the bathroom.
“Mom, this is Ralph and Kate.
They are the ones who moved in up the street from us.”
“Oh, hi!
” My mom has her annoying high-pitched telephone voice going. “
I am so glad to meet you.
I just love your house.
I can’t wait to meet your parents at the New Year’s Eve party.”
I wish my mom would just shut up.
The
Deutchmans
invited the whole block to their New Year’s Eve party.
My mom is so excited.
She loves a reason to dress up and embarrass me.
“Oh, yeah, it should be fun.
My parents are over there.”
Kate says and points at her parents.
Mr. and Mrs.
Deutchman
wave to us from the ticket line.
“What movie did you just see?”
Kate asks us.
“We saw
Save the Date
.
It was cute.” I say.