Read Gilbert and Louis Rule the Universe: First Impressions Online
Authors: Rebecca Heller
Riley comes from a big family—I think they are Catholic or Mormon or something, and always has family obligations, so the fact that she is at the dance is kind of a miracle.
She has four brothers and sisters and they are all pretty close in age.
She has one brother a year older (not cute, in case you were wondering) and a little sister who is still in elementary school.
Her other brother and sister are in high school.
They are pretty cool but usually ignore us or roll their eyes at us whenever we are over there.
We are always hanging out at her house on the weekends if she isn’t at church or a family reunion or something, because she has a huge trampoline.
Riley has blue eyes and frizzy reddish-brownish hair that she is always trying to straighten.
It will work for about an hour in the morning but by lunchtime it always goes back to its natural state.
Tonight she has straightened it again but you can already see the ends curling.
Rowan moved to Piermont in the sixth grade and we took her under our wing.
Her dad is like an expert on global warming so they sent him from New Zealand, which has a lot of sheep, to our neck of the woods, which has a lot of people, cars, and pollution.
Rowan is always making sure we recycle and don’t waste water.
Because of her I make sure my mom keeps a separate bin for plastics and glass, but Rowan still hasn’t convinced me to take a shorter shower at 6:30 in the
morning.
How else am I going to wake up?
Rowan has a funny accent, and clearly can’t dress, but we forgive her because she is super sweet.
We hang by the wall and survey the room.
The “Fabulous Five” are all in attendance: Chloe, Emma, Hannah, Sophie, and Olivia.
They are a group of the prettiest, richest girls in school.
They live and die by the fashion in
Teen Vogue
and at least once a month
ostracize
a member of their group for no particular reason.
I guess you could say they are the most popular girls in school, but if starving yourself and wearing heels is what it takes to hang out with them, I am happy to remain second tier.
Just last week one of them read that sugar was fattening so they cut fruit from their diet.
In the cafeteria line I saw Sophie getting an extra scoop of
mac
and cheese instead of an apple.
Geniuses.
One of the girls, Hannah, is wearing some leggings with a mini-skirt and the cashmere sweater I wanted.
What makes it even more annoying is that the sweater looks really cute on her.
Further away, flailing around to the music with some of the debate nerds, is Melinda. She is wearing a t-shirt with a picture of a cat on it.
I check out the male population.
They are in groups around the sides of the room and sitting on the bleachers.
None of the boys who are here are the least bit interesting.
They are all either sticking their dirty hands into the chip bowls (note to self: don’t eat the chips), slurping down sodas, or pushing one another and placing each other in headlocks.
So lame.
Gilbert taps me on the shoulder and points to the gym door.
It swings open like a slow-motion movie sequence.
In
saunter
Jason and Dylan.
Dylan is in our grade but Jason is in eighth.
They are the kind of boys who are always in detention for some reason or another.
You know, the kind of boys you want to hang out with.
Behind them is another kid.
This boy is blonde, and I don’t recognize him immediately.
As I strain to catch a peek, this geeky kid, Jimmy, walks up right in front of me and asks me to dance.
Jimmy is a total dork.
He is in like all my classes and he is always bugging me to check answers on homework.
I almost always ignore him.
One, because usually I haven’t done the homework, or two, if I have, I usually have the answer wrong and then Jimmy takes like a million hours trying to explain it to me.
Right now he is totally blocking my view.
“Not now,” I say a little too loud about dancing together and push him out of the way.
I have to get a better look at the mystery boy.
I grab Gilbert’s hand.
My heart starts pounding and I feel my face go bright red.
“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.”
I am totally freaking out.
All the girls pounce on me as though I am having an
epileptic
seizure
.
I am fanning my face and totally
spazzing
.
“That.
Is.
The.
Hottie
.”
I say between puffs of breath.
I think I might pass out.
Rowan runs to get me a drink.
Gilb
ert turns, looks and spots him.
“Oh,” she says, “he is hot.”
We need to do
reconnaissance
.
We need a plan.
We need… oh good, Rowan is back with a soda.
I down it and send her for more.
We all sit down on the bleachers.
We need to find out who this boy is, pronto.
Maddy
is the ballsy one in our group so we sent her out to find information.
She hangs out around the edges of the three boys.
They have made their way inside and were talking with a boy in our class, Nick.
Nick and The
Hottie
are giving each other the nod of introduction.
Maddy
sticks around until the boys walk away and then she pounces on Nick and drags him across the gym floor.
We wait with bated breath.
“Who is he?” I blurt out, totally
uncool
, as soon as he gets close enough to hear.
“Who?”
Nick isn’t the sharpest tool in the drawer.
“That guy.
The one Dylan and Jason just introduced you to.”
I am
exasperated
.
“Oh, he said his name was Ralph.
Ha, ha.
Funny name.”
Gilbert and I looked at each other and our jaws drop.
“That is a Ralph?” I say.
“Well, I’ll be.”
We run to the bathroom like a heard of wildebeests and jockey in the mirror for a spot.
I replace my lip gloss and brush my hair. Whew, my bangs still look good.
We walk back i
nto the gym, totally
nonchalant
.
Jason, Dylan and Ralph are standing on the far side leaning against the wall.
What better way to get attention than to dance?
So the group of us go out on the dance floor and shake what our mamas gave us.
I keep glancing over.
At one point, I catch Ralph looking over at us.
We dance for the next hour, although I am sure not to show off so hard that I look like that sweaty kid, Maria, who acts like she actually is in gym class.
Eventually, it is the last song.
It is a slow song.
We all walk over to the wall.
Dylan breaks from the group of boys and walks over to us.
We are totally silent in
anticipation
.
What is he going to tell us?
Is he going to give me a message from The
Hottie
?
He walks right up to Gilbert.
“
Wanna
dance?”
he asks.
Gilbert’s eyes shine a little and she looks suddenly bashful.
Is there something going on here?
But back to me.
I breathe a sigh of disappointment and keep my eye on the other two boys hoping they will take a cue from Dylan, but Jason and Ralph stayed planted firmly against the wall.
Everyone else is partnering up.
Jimmy is back and asking me to dance again.
“
Rowen
will dance with you.” I hand him off to a surprised Rowan.
First of all, there is no way I am dancing with Jimmy, second of all, what if Jason or Ralph decide to choose partners?
But they don’t.
The slow song comes and goes, and they don’t do a thing.
The lights come up and it is time to go.
We are herded out the doors.
I strategically place myself right behind the boys as we walk out.
I push my way up so that I can hear what they were saying.
Ralph leans over to Jason.
“I thought you told me there were cute girls at this school.”
“Dude, sorry, I thought there were,” is Jason’s reply.
I feel like I have been punched in the gut. Is this guy kidding?
I break away.
“Can you believe what he just said?”
I tell the girls what I overheard.
Could this be true?
Does he think we are all dogs?
We all agree he must be totally stuck up and conceited.
Gilbert asks quietly if I had heard anything Dylan said.
“No, but that Ralph, what a jerk, right?”
Today’s horoscope: Someone you might not suspect is taking notice.
“I might like Dylan.”
Gilbert confesses to me the next day.
We are on our way to the jazz class we take every other Saturday at Grand School of Dance.
I am only half paying attention to her, when I answer.
“You should.
You guys totally looked cute dancing together.” I am still thinking about what Ralph said to Jason.
“Really?”
Gilbert perks up.
“Yeah, totally.
What about that Ralph guy?
What a jerk. And can we talk about his name?
Hello, gross.”
I can’t stop thinking about it.
Somehow it felt like instead of
dissing
all the girls in the school he was just
dissing
me.
I mean, he was my mystery guy.
Oh, right, I haven’t told you about the first time that I saw him.